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Tthe Spirit
25-07-07, 10:12
Hello everyone...

I do like my father so much...
But it is just that he never likes some things i do...
Yet i never quarell with him or shout or say something.. i just don't reply and try to remain as calm and peaceful as i can.

First, i draw 9using water and oil colors) and i draw very well...
Yet father never likes to see me drawing so he gets irritated and upset...
he just tells me, "why don't you put that aside and try to be like any of your relative boys... i have never seen any of them drawing."

Second thing, i like writing so much and so far i have about seven stroies (two of them are totally complete with decent script and theme; the others are still under development because they were written when i was younger and now i am editing them), and i have a dream and think that i will be able to publish them one day...
Yert my father always hates to see me writing as well and whenever i am printing some editted pages, he says, "Oh Lord. Look at what i have wasted my money on. i bought ink cartridges for him to waste them on his stupid imagination." then he told me, "i will turn these papers into toilet paper one day..."

Third thing, i have to have my own Driving License, but my dad still doesnt agree... i know how to drive, yet as i drive i just get a bit fret fearing that if i ever damage the car or have an accident, even if it wouldnt be my fault then i will be to blame beucase i dont yet have the driving license.
My dad said, "what do you need it for?"

I am so upset and i am always supressing my sorow and feel about to burst. i get over it in the end, but just all of this makes me feel i am not wanted...

what do you think guys...
i always look onto your advices and they help me a lot...

MUN33B
25-07-07, 10:22
I know exactly how you feel there :(

Except for my dads more 'religious' so even listening to songs is like murdering someone <_<. I barely have a life of my own. I have to do boring stuff everyday when hes around. Its annoying, but I've learned to live with it.

Usually , I find that saying stuff in my head helps when hes telling me something, or just completely ignoring him. When hes not around I do whatever I please (within reason of course).

I know its sounds a bit rude just blatantly ignoring someone but its the only thing that works for me.

I cant wait till I'm older. I'll finally be free.

Sara Croft
25-07-07, 10:25
I do everything my father dosent want me to do. Its some sick pleasure in doing that, and I feel good upsetting him.. :mis:
Tried telling your father that this is YOUR life and not his and if he is so annoyed on the things you do, why bother telling and hurting you?

MrBear
25-07-07, 10:57
I really feel sorry for you, Spirit.. but I'm glad you're not considering giving up your dreams despite the pressure from your father... never give up drawing or writing as long as you know that's what you want to do..

I've never had issues with my dad (he died when I was 4), so I don't really know what to suggest.. if it's pointless trying to make him understand how you feel, then I guess you're doing the right thing... and also, his comment about you not being like your relatives is a bit mean.. why should you? why can't he just appreciate that you're different?

have you tried explaining him that this is where your passions lie? perhaps he doesn't realize how much this means to you, and you should try making him understand.. and in the same breath tell him that he just have to accept that you're not like your relatives and you won't be just because he wants you to.. but if you think it's futile you probably should continue doing what you're doing.. best of luck :)

Zac Medley
25-07-07, 11:10
Something must be making him pretty stressed out to be that way. You are not his problem, but he is probably so preoccupied with his stress that he is always irritated by everything. I am a dad, and I have a son, and he wants to tell me all about all of the stuff that, to him, is so important and exciting, and I have to really make myself stop and listen and pay attention and become engaged with him, instead of just telling him to shut up and go play a video game.

It takes a lot of active effort and will to be able to be kind and patient and be able to encourage children. Your dad maybe never experienced that, so he doesn't know any other way???

He may have some serious issues that are far beyond anything you can help him with. Something has to happen for him to realize that he is missing out on participating in your growth and development. One day you will be grown, and he may look back and wonder where all the time went.

It sounds like a tough situation.

Could you get him to play some Tomb Raider with you? or is that like, "never in a million years."

Mad Tony
25-07-07, 11:14
No offense Tthe Spirirt, but I think your father is acting like a jerk. Have you tried talking to him and telling him how you feel?

My father can be a bit of a jerk sometimes, but he's really not that bad and on the whole we get on well together. :) Of course, I don't see him often (him living in Australia and me living in England and all), and that is probably why we sometimes don't get on well.

Tthe Spirit
25-07-07, 11:19
Something must be making him pretty stressed out to be that way. You are not his problem, but he is probably so preoccupied with his stress that he is always irritated by everything. I am a dad, and I have a son, and he wants to tell me all about all of the stuff that, to him, is so important and exciting, and I have to really make myself stop and listen and pay attention and become engaged with him, instead of just telling him to shut up and go play a video game.

It takes a lot of active effort and will to be able to be kind and patient and be able to encourage children. Your dad maybe never experienced that, so he doesn't know any other way???

He may have some serious issues that are far beyond anything you can help him with. Something has to happen for him to realize that he is missing out on participating in your growth and development. One day you will be grown, and he may look back and wonder where all the time went.

It sounds like a tough situation.

Could you get him to play some Tomb Raider with you? or is that like, "never in a million years."

You seem to be one good daddy...

well i am 23 years old so i have the same theories as yours...

I know my dad isnt so experienced in life so much and that's why i remain very calm all the time...

i respect him muchbecause he does hard job just to let us live, eat, learn and get educated... whatever...
it isn't like that he is of a stoned heart.. he is good, but maybe he thinks that a boy must have other issues (be strong, have muscles, kick ass...)...
whatever...

but all this just gives me the intensive to acheive what i want one day and this will just be enough for me...

As to let him play TR...
well once i was playing TR2 and i was climbing that huge lader in the dungeon and you know that as lara climbs she makes a sound...
so dad heard the sound and he dropped into the room and he saw her..
so he said, "Who's that *******..." :vlol: :vlol: :vlol:...

i know he wasjoking as well... but the way he said it was so funny...

Zac Medley
25-07-07, 11:26
You seem to be one good daddy...

...

Hmmm, sometimes I don't think so. I did have a great advantage which is that I left home at 18, then left my homeland at 19, now I am 38 and have spent half my life living on a different continent from all my blood relatives. I appreciate them much more because of it.

I got the feeling that your dad might be the type to only take you seriously if you're running around with a rifle in your hands...

It's a tricky one.

KurtisLonely
25-07-07, 11:46
I have problems with my dad too, Spirit.
My parents are devorced, and when I'm at my dads place I just can't be myself.
he allways says like: put that computer off and go outside.
but he knows that I'm on the computer for the project, not even really my own pleasure... I want to go further with school, with 3d modelling, and I'm allready learning it on the project...
He just doesn't understand that I like that!

I really don't like it at his place, becouse everytime I get there we allways have fights...
I ignore him most of the times, or I say that he has to shut up or I will call my mom to get me, and I won't come there for a long time...
^It is that bad, I really don't want to go to him anymore...

He drinks much too, that's the main reason I'm allways at the computer... you just can't talk normal to him, or he is allways asleep...
(when you drink much, you get tired, and you fall asleep)

like 8pm he is allready sleeping on the coutch...
and then he wakes up and tells me to go off the pc....
But 5 minutes later is he asleep again...

I've allready told him so many times that I don't want to go off the pc becouse he allways sleeps...
and he said that he won't drink so much anymore then...
No diffrence yet... he was at the hospital, and a doctor asked if he drunk,
my dad said: "yes"
the doctor said: "how much do you drink"?
my dad: "a bottle wine per day"
and he told my grandma (his mother) that he drunk only 2 glasses a day.. >_>

ooh well, he is free from hospital, and I will not let him drink anymore... nor smoke... >_>

if I see a botle wine I will open it, and put it in the sink... and cigarettes? I will throw them away... siriously...

BtoFu
25-07-07, 11:47
Has he ever questioned your sexual-orientation? The way he reacts to your creative outlets reminds me of how my friend's Dad used to react towards him - if it wasn't something like basketball or weightlifting and more heady like writing or playing piano he'd blow his top because those are not He Man hobbies. I'm sure lots of fathers have ideas from the get-go on how they want their sons to turn out...thankfully we're not all put on the planet just to satisfy their logic on what and how to be. :cool:

EscondeR
25-07-07, 11:55
All three point are strange:
Beginning with he wants to see you more "masculine" and independent in his acception of these terms, but agrees with having a driving license not :confused:

I can advise you to talk to him about that problem - he wants to develop your personality according his wishes and point of view. And pays no attention that every person is unique and it's great actually (the fact we are all unique).

Try to convince him there is no harm in your imagination. People without imagination can have more matherial welth, but are they really happy?

Has he ever questioned your sexual-orientation? The way he reacts to your creative outlets reminds me of how my friend's Dad used to react towards him - if it wasn't something like basketball or weightlifting and more heady like writing or playing piano he'd blow his top because those are not He Man hobbies. I'm sure lots of fathers have ideas from the get-go on how they want their sons to turn out...thankfully we're not all put on the planet just to satisfy their logic on what and how to be. :cool:

BTW, you can state your orientation as a fact for him not to worry or live with it somehow.