View Full Version : The sheer escapism and stupidity of TR

08-04-04, 13:16
If only real life was like this. Answer these and decide for yourselves whether you would rather lead Lara's life or your own....

1) You've just been punched and thrown from the top of your house. Do you...
a)Put your hands beneath your body in an attempt to sacrifice them over more crucial parts of you.
b)Close your eyes and prey your wife hasn't remembered to cut the grass in about a decade
c)Use the 1.3 seconds you have before impact to whip a convenient health pack out from your trouser pocket, with which you then use on yourself Superman speed to patch yourself up good enough so you can hit the ground very hard yet still get up and walk around.

2) A big, burly looking up-to-no-gooder inexplicably threatens to beat you up outside a nightclub. Do you..
a)Run away
b)Plead with the ruffian
c)Quickly shoulder-barge the door to the nightclub so you "Feel stronger", thus enabling you to subject him to a nasty bit of rough and tumble he clearly wasn't expecting.

3)Your attempt to break into a forbidden area of the Great Wall of China has been thwarted by that oh-no of Tomb Raider oh-no's - a locked door. Do you....
a)Write a letter to the local Chinese council expressing your disgust
b)Give the matter up and go off for a prawn curry and rice
c)Risk life and limb swan-diving off the side of the wall, the reason being that you've just spotted a lake nearby, and you think there might be a 5,000,000,000 to 1 chance that key to the door will be hidden at the back of a small alcove down near the seabed of the lake.

4) You've just been caught trying to sneak your way onto an oil rig. Do you think you will be...
a)Thrown head first into the ocean seconds after having your hands cuffed behind your back
b)Locked in a cell
c)Locked in a cell that just so happens to have a switch on the back wall that opens the cell door.

5)You've just been caught onboard a top secret Russian submarine. Do you think you will be.....
a)Presented to the more vicious element of the crew as their 'entertainment' for the evening.
b)Ejected from the vessel strapped to the side of a torpedo programmed to hit the Croft mansion.
c)Locked inside a room
d)Locked inside a room that just so happens to have access to an air vent allowing almost total access to the entire ship, the galley, the storerooms, the diving area, even the friggin' operations room where all the baddie tactics are discussed for cryin' out loud.

6) A multi-millionaire psycopathic blonde woman (not Samantha from Sex in the City) wants you dead. She has discovered that your current location is the Sanctuary of the Scion. Do you think she will......
a)Send 50 heavily armed combat marines in there after you
b)Send 100 heavily armed combat marines in there after you, 23 of which have 6 purple stars and eat 9 shredded wheat 4 times a day.
c)Send one lone guy in after you called Larsson, a red-shirted dumb-bell who makes Nellie the elephant look like Stephen Hawkins.

7)You've just made the biggest discovery in American history, that an alien ship is being held in captivity beneath the Nevada Desert. Do you...
a)Go national about it and make enough money to be able to already have the grenade launcher in your inventory come the beginning of the next TR game.
b)Go worldwide about it and make enough money to be able to hire 50 Chris Barries instead of 1 to do the cleaning (and it would probably take that many to get it done right).
c)Ignore what you saw and instead go off moping around in the snow looking for a totally boring piece of green rock

Add your own if you see fit.

[ 08. April 2004, 14:49: Message edited by: Scottlee ]

08-04-04, 19:11
Whooa. Mate: Calm down. It's JUST a game.

08-04-04, 19:50
Scottlee, I knew you were a top-notch writer, but that's funny as (*&^. Did you write that? :D

08-04-04, 19:57
Hahahaha that's genius :D