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RAID
18-09-07, 21:15
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding me?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Geck-o-Lizard
18-09-07, 21:18
Loved it. :vlol: :vlol:

jarhead
18-09-07, 21:58
Loved the last one, oh the back-handed comment to the attorny. anyway great humour :tmb:

Dakaruch
18-09-07, 21:58
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.




this was my fav part, though the whole text is hilarious :vlol::vlol:

xcrushterx
18-09-07, 22:03
:vlol: Amazing :D

Dingaling
18-09-07, 22:04
No matter how many times I read these I always LMAO :D.

Crystal girl
18-09-07, 22:05
Awesome :vlol::vlol:

Hyper_Crazy
18-09-07, 22:07
:vlol: Thanks for the laugh.

Rivendell
18-09-07, 23:31
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?

-

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

-

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!


:vlol:

Little-Lara
18-09-07, 23:49
:vlol: :vlol: :vlol: That last one LMFAO :vlol: :vlol: :vlol: :vlol: :vlol:

DREWY
19-09-07, 00:04
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Never a truer word spoken :vlol:

2kool4u
19-09-07, 00:32
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

LOL was this during a mal practice suit? ROFL thanks for the laugh.

Natey168
19-09-07, 00:36
:vlol: I love the last one!

vespertea
19-09-07, 02:26
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

That made me burst out laughing. Great. :D

nicola1986
19-09-07, 09:21
OMG! :vlol:

Alex Fly
19-09-07, 09:35
Lol they are great ! :vlol:

Here's my favorite :

"ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral."

:D

Necromanser
19-09-07, 11:39
Hilarious:vlol:

Laurencarter
19-09-07, 18:19
Lmao

Greenkey2
19-09-07, 19:02
I came across these a couple of days ago - love them :D

Legend 4ever
19-09-07, 19:07
Love them!

Ada the Mental
19-09-07, 19:14
:vlol: :vlol: :vlol:

Loved them all. Especially these ones, which made actually me laugh out loud!
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
The last one's the best!

Inkheart
19-09-07, 19:22
Haha! That last one was fantastic! A perfect joke - the build up, the delivery . . . perfect.