View Full Version : Can someone go over this summary for me?

God Horus
24-09-07, 23:11
Hey guys. I have a summary I need to write as an example, and I need to know if this looks good to you:

Flash Fire is about five children which live on Pinch Canyon. There names are: Danna, Hall, Beau, Elizabeth and Geoffrey. None of them ever talked to each other, and when they did talk to each other, none of them liked it. They were all used to staying at home and working on their homework, or swimming in their pool; while their parents were at work. They lived in California, they were used to small brush fires. They used to sit on lawn chairs and drink lemonade as they watched the fires, enjoying them. One day they were all in their homes ,when the fires start approaching their houses. It said on the news they should evacuate their houses. When Beau told his father, his father yelled at him and told him not to worry so much. Moments later, the entire mountain was on fire. Houses burned, trees collapsed and the kids were at home, without parents (except for Beau’s father). Geoffrey’s babysitter, Elysia had ditched him at home alone and left. When she came back she saw Pinch Canyon, her home burning. They now all have to put their differences aside, and work together to get down the mountain.

The reason is, is I'm teaching Grade 8 now, and I'm used to teaching Grade 5, so I don't know if this is more grown up enough. Thanks! :)

24-09-07, 23:22
The punctuation is a bit dodgy, but it doesn't really come across as patronising, if that's what you were asking. Is this for a teaching course or for the kids themselves?

God Horus
24-09-07, 23:27
It's for the kids. I know the punctuation is off, that is going to be their homework, to correct it.

24-09-07, 23:30
*Oh wait, nevermind, I'm an idiot. :rolleyes:

I don't think it's that patronizing. Seems okay to me.

God Horus
24-09-07, 23:33
lol, I hope none of the kids in my class a member of this forum and see that! Otherwise their work for a night is done. I am planning on giving them a test off of my summary.

star girl
25-09-07, 00:11
Seems OK :)