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Soma Holiday
13-12-07, 22:13
This question seriously bothers me. I DO NOT believe in Love at first site, because it's literally impossible. I mean, love at first site only applies to site. You can't fall in love with someone without having known anything about them.

I guess it depends on your definition of love. To me, love means that your entire universe revolves around that person, that you keep time by the minutes and seconds until you see them again. They are always in your thoughts, and you do everything based on how they will feel about it, and about you in the end.

So...you can imagine my feeling of disgust when I see my friend tell his girlfriend that he loves her when the 2 have ONLY been dating for 2 months. Because of that I've pondered the question, how long does it really take to fall in love? I think its insane to tell someone you love them when you barely know them. The people around here, well I should say kids, since they are all in college, are constantly throwing the word around like its nothing...not just in month long relationships, but weeks...it makes no sense to me.

I have been in love before, and it took years to realize, not weeks, not months. Even though I didn't get that love back, it was like a realization. One day it just came to me that I loved that person, and that I would do anything for them. It's been several months since that realization, and even though I know I'll never get that love back, and I've tried hard to get rid of the feeling, I know I'll never be fully rid of it. Everytime I see him, think about him, I can't help it. My only solution is to leave it. I see these stupid kids around me though, get over someone in a week, and move on to the next "love of their life."

So I guess the real question is this...Am I insane to see love as something more than an aqcuainance you get to sleep with and call your girlfriend/boyfriend? Because everyday I think so more and more...

:confused:

Sara Croft
13-12-07, 22:17
Do you believe in love in sight, or should I walk by again? :p

Well.. I would say it depends on who. :p
I would also say that no teenager knows what love really is. The other person turns him/her on, and is nice. At least thats how I see it. I mean, of course some really fall in love, but saying "I love you" are 70-80% of the time, empty words. (At least to me.) :p

Drone
13-12-07, 22:23
There are no concrete time. It can be first look or it can take years it depends on people who are in love. I disagree with you because I've fallen in love from the first look (it's already 3 years passed) and I love and will always love her. I didn't know her then but she was my dream b4 we met so I can even say that I loved her b4 I knew about her.

xcrushterx
13-12-07, 22:33
24 Hours, to 24 days to 24 years, even.

There's no fixed number of days.

MiCkiZ88
13-12-07, 22:38
24 Hours, to 24 days to 24 years, even.

There's no fixed number of days.Agreed.. kinda. I dunno. Meh..
I've fallen in love in just matter of minutes. And it has lasted for long.

Last Angel
13-12-07, 22:48
love to me isnt real and im not just saying that cause its never happened to me but you see couples together, they think their life long partners, get married have kids and end up getting divorced..mostly happens in young couples but still i just ask myself if 'Love' really exists :\
its just my opinion so im not looking for a fight about it

Gregori
13-12-07, 22:48
As long as you stop counting!

Seriously, when you fall in love, you just fall!

Soma Holiday
13-12-07, 22:53
love to me isnt real and im not just saying that cause its never happened to me but you see couples together, they think their life long partners, get married have kids and end up getting divorced..mostly happens in young couples but still i just ask myself if 'Love' really exists :\
its just my opinion so im not looking for a fight about it

I'm starting to think this way...Because even if love is real...it hardly ever lasts. Maybe you people are just luckier than I am...I think love sucks.

Gregori
13-12-07, 22:53
love to me isnt real and im not just saying that cause its never happened to me but you see couples together, they think their life ling partners, get married have kids and end up getting divorced.. :( so i just ask myself if 'Love' really exists :\
its just my opinion so im not looking for a fight about it

Whether people come together or fall apart, what they have for those tiny little moments counts as Love and thats all that matters. There's no law of nature that says two people have to stick together eternally to be in love. Its a complex and occasionally fleeting thing. Relationships change, circumstances change but thats just life. It doesn't make those moments together worth less or inconsequential. I've have loved many people who I don't even talk to anymore. I don't feel bad about it. It don't think it was any more or less real.

Joe_16
13-12-07, 22:56
Varies from person to person.

silver_wolf
13-12-07, 22:58
well, the "official" number is 2 years. But I wouldn't know.

Indiana Croft
13-12-07, 23:08
Not to sound too poetic, but love doesn't heed the laws of space and time. Love can be felt in years, months, days, and even within one heartbeat. It only takes two hearts reaching out to each other, and a solid grip. :)

Soma Holiday
13-12-07, 23:17
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that these kids aren't really "in love." I just can't get how easily they get over relationships and fall into new ones. I think everyone can agree that you don't just forget about love in an instant...

i dunno, maybe I'm just jealous. :(

tr_mitch
13-12-07, 23:20
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that these kids aren't really "in love." I just can't get how easily they get over relationships and fall into new ones. I think everyone can agree that you don't just forget about love in an instant...

i dunno, maybe I'm just jealous. :(

I know what you mean... It's like when they've just started going out and its all 'Love you forever and always' and then the next week it ends and theres somebody else... i think the word love is just thrown around too much nowadays.

To answer the question though, couldn't really say... never been in love as of yet, but i'd imagine it would take quite a while, you don't just bump into someone and 10 seconds later can't imagine life without them. Takes time i think.

Indiana Croft
13-12-07, 23:38
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that these kids aren't really "in love." I just can't get how easily they get over relationships and fall into new ones. I think everyone can agree that you don't just forget about love in an instant...

i dunno, maybe I'm just jealous. :(

Oh my god, I hear ya! It drives me nuts when like 13 year olds tell their girlfriends/boyfriends they love them when they've only been going out for like a week. It's like, "do you even know what love is?"

I think that love at first sight applies more towards 18-up year olds. They've already experienced relationships, and probably actually want to find that special someone, thus my whole hearts reaching out thing;)

Melonie Tomb Raider
13-12-07, 23:40
It depends on the people. It didn't take me that long to start falling in love with my boyfriend. It's been over a year since I've met him, and I'm now I'm definitely head over heels in loooove. <3

Benguitar
13-12-07, 23:42
Love at first sight... That has happened to me SO many times.

Soma Holiday
13-12-07, 23:42
Oh my god, I hear ya! It drives me nuts when like 13 year olds tell their girlfriends/boyfriends they love them when they've only been going out for like a week. It's like, "do you even know what love is?"

I think that love at first sight applies more towards 18-up year olds. They've already experienced relationships, and probably actually want to find that special someone, thus my whole hearts reaching out thing;)

I'm 19...the kids I'm talking about are 18-21. lol. I guess they're just imature for their ages lolol.

But I think the real issue is that the boy I fell in love with is the one I get to see go through these relationships and "I love yous." SO deep down I'm angry at him because he's so stupid. But hey, if he's that careless with love, I guess its a good thing that he never "loved" me back. lol.

MiCkiZ88
13-12-07, 23:48
Love at first sight... That has happened to me SO many times.
Is that really love in the end though? Just an love interest? I've made the mistake before and I sure as hell didn't love that guy in the end. Was just lust I guess. Meh.. :o

But it can turn in to love pretty quickly. Especially if the other one fools you.

Quasimodo
13-12-07, 23:52
I guess you have to be open to the idea of love to be able to fall in love.

Indiana Croft
13-12-07, 23:53
It depends on the people. It didn't take me that long to start falling in love with my boyfriend. It's been over a year since I've met him, and I'm now I'm definitely head over heels in loooove. <3

Awww!:D I wish I could find some one who made me do that:)

Archetype
14-12-07, 00:05
It definitely takes time. I don't think people can fall in love really quick.. its more of a progression thing.

viper456
14-12-07, 00:09
To answer the question though, couldn't really say... never been in love as of yet, but i'd imagine it would take quite a while, you don't just bump into someone and 10 seconds later can't imagine life without them. Takes time i think.

Hardly a huge surprise going by the freaks that have followed you around in the past :p

Melonie Tomb Raider
14-12-07, 00:15
You're definitely right though, Kat, I completely agree. Kids throw out the word love like it's nothing, when in fact it's nothing more than infatuation for them. It's disgusting...

My boyfriend and I fell in love after talking CONSTANTLY. We definitely knew each other extremely well, and of course, we still do. We're getting to know each other more and more everyday. :)

Melonie Tomb Raider
14-12-07, 00:17
I'm 19...the kids I'm talking about are 18-21. lol. I guess they're just imature for their ages lolol.

But I think the real issue is that the boy I fell in love with is the one I get to see go through these relationships and "I love yous." SO deep down I'm angry at him because he's so stupid. But hey, if he's that careless with love, I guess its a good thing that he never "loved" me back. lol.

That's exactly true. Love is something that should be taken very, very, VERY seriously. It's best to be with someone who doesn't throw the word around constantly with any and every guy/ girl they've been around. Then you don't know how serious to take them when they say that about you.

Soma Holiday
14-12-07, 00:44
That's exactly true. Love is something that should be taken very, very, VERY seriously. It's best to be with someone who doesn't throw the word around constantly with any and every guy/ girl they've been around. Then you don't know how serious to take them when they say that about you.

I'll keep that in mind...and giggle convientiently to myself everytime I hear him say it to some poor little girl he sets his eyes on. :p

hehehe

Apofiss
14-12-07, 01:11
I'll keep that in mind...and giggle convientiently to myself everytime I hear him say it to some poor little girl he sets his eyes on. :p

hehehe

lol :D ...that would be only natural to happen, Mel :cln: ...as technicly love is more like a pleasant habit not body attraction or a bit of both in this case.

Capt. Murphy
14-12-07, 02:03
One day I seen a picture, and it was a very pretty picture indeed. At first I could only see a little bit of it up close. But as time went on I was able to study more and more of this picture. Then I really really began to like this picture. After having studied it I could then begin to see more of it. I was beginning to see the Big picture. But it didn't dawn on me yet - just how much I liked this picture. Until one day I realized, it was the most beautiful picture I had ever seen.

thecentaur
14-12-07, 02:11
This seems like a melodramatic-sentimental thread. I've never had any "relationship." But i'm only 14 so what do i know? I feel that love is a strong emotion that two people should express for each other. I don't know what to say...

Benguitar
14-12-07, 02:52
EDIT... It can be love at first sight BUT it can be depression soon after... I will not go in to details on that again but lets just say I had a crappy day...

erosan
14-12-07, 06:22
I don't think anyone should judge love. People sometimes see different than what is actually going on between 2 people.

biohazard1379
14-12-07, 06:37
It can be love at first sight BUT it can be depression soon after...

Indeed..

Necromanser
14-12-07, 06:58
Love or as CEline Dion calls it Luurve is a complex emotion.(no offence fans)

You can fall in love in a random amount of time,at first you wont think that youre in love but then when you get home you might start thinking a lot about the person and doing other thing that people that are in love do(I havent been in love myself)

JamesFKirk
14-12-07, 09:42
Sometimes an instant, sometimes an eternity...

ace_85
14-12-07, 10:00
Whether people come together or fall apart, what they have for those tiny little moments counts as Love and thats all that matters. There's no law of nature that says two people have to stick together eternally to be in love. Its a complex and occasionally fleeting thing. Relationships change, circumstances change but thats just life. It doesn't make those moments together worth less or inconsequential. I've have loved many people who I don't even talk to anymore. I don't feel bad about it. It don't think it was any more or less real.

Best response in the thread. I think a lot of people's confusion with love stems from the fact that too many of them see it as a fixed entity whereas, in reality, it's a very fluid concept. Like time, circumstance and people, love (as we feel it) is always changing. That's not to say that you won't recognise it when it's arrived though. Some people claim that this can happen the moment that you first see someone, which I personally class as a bit naive. Attraction to someone can happen that quickly, but I've found that the most enduring kind of love sneaks up on you unannounced; it usually occurs in one of those epiphany moments when you're thinking about that certain someone, and then realise how much they have come to mean to you. The best kind of love is like that, I think - not movie-glamourous, perhaps, but far more personal. And, to my mind, if it takes one day or even 50 years, it's always worth waiting around for that feeling

Jin Uzuki
14-12-07, 10:12
Hmm... I think all I have to say on this matter is that you have VERY valid points, Soma. Goodness, how you've made me sentimental. :cln: :hug:

Veronica Ma
14-12-07, 12:30
With me it's always been a totally reciprocal thing. Seems I can only fall in love with someone if I feel they are in love with me. When I feel him falling out of love, then I fall out of love too... it's that simple. Weird, eh? :D

Mona Sax
14-12-07, 12:47
Longer than it takes to fall out of it. ;)

No, seriously, I believe in love at first sight, I've experienced it myself. Of course it's not the same as loving somebody you know inside out, but it's love nonetheless.

EgyptianSoul
14-12-07, 12:56
I fell in love at first sight with my current boyfriend. We've been together for over 4 years now. :) I guess it depends on the person how quickly you fall. Of course my feelings have grown to extreme heights during these years together with him, so I'd say it started as a crush and now I know I'll always love him. He's got a home in my heart.

kryptonite23
14-12-07, 12:57
It depends on how close you are to the person you are falling in love to :D

Necromanser
14-12-07, 13:04
It depends on how close you are to the person you are falling in love to :D
Dont agree with you ther,you can fall in love even with a stranger at first sight.

kryptonite23
14-12-07, 13:05
Dont agree with you ther,you can fall in love even with a stranger at first sight.
Yes,it happened to me already :p

CerebralAssassin
14-12-07, 13:08
..in a heartbeat! ;)

pEhouse
14-12-07, 13:18
I have to say that I don't believe in love at first sight, I guess it's more of a lust thing, imagination, like having a crush on a celebrity. You can only imagine what they would be like and if you ever really get to meet them, turns out they are the complete opposite.

But I can genuinely say that I've been in love at least once, and it took me "only" about 2 months to realize. It was like, I was driving in my car, my best friend in the passenger seat next to me, and all of a sudden i said "I think I'm in love." It was a very good, warm feeling inside, it made me really happy. This was almost three years ago now, and I haven seen this person in about 2 1/2 years, but there really is almost no day that goes by without at least a tiny thought about him. So I have to say I don't think that it takes much time to fall in love, it depends on the circumstances and how those two people interact with each other. I don't believe in fate, but this one guy made me feel like this was just meant to be.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that these kids aren't really "in love." I just can't get how easily they get over relationships and fall into new ones. I think everyone can agree that you don't just forget about love in an instant...


Oh yea, I agree. Thinking about it, maybe those kids just wanna be in love so bad, that even the tiniest crush is misunderstood as love.
But as soon as one finds true love, they will understand that what they felt before wasn't even close to it. But it takes time and experience. I told 2 men that I loved them before, one was real, the other one wasn't, but I thought so at the time. And because afterwards I found out that I was wrong, I don't throw the word just out like that anymore. It really is a big word and I don't think it should be said unless your intentions are nothing but real and you are definitely sure. As much as it can make another person happy, it can also be the most hurtful thing when not really meant.

Kerrigan
14-12-07, 13:28
But I think the real issue is that the boy I fell in love with is the one I get to see go through these relationships and "I love yous." SO deep down I'm angry at him because he's so stupid. But hey, if he's that careless with love, I guess its a good thing that he never "loved" me back. lol.
It also bugs me how people use the owrd so easily, devoiding it of its significance.
I don't claim to understand it, but I am in a similar situation to yours and I think I am in love.That person means very much to me and I value his friendship over any other (besides my parents, but you can't really compare, it's so different).He is my best friend and I think I love him in so many ways, it confuses me.I hate my mood depending on how much I speak to him or things of that kind, but It's still in a positive way.It only takes few minutes of talking to him to cheer me up.I know him for years and there are many things that bound us, common tastes, common preferences, things we discoverd together, jokes that others may not understand and so on.
Needless to say, he now asks me for advice about a girl he doesn't even know and I'm not comfortable with it.I wonder if he realizes.But still, no matter how things will evolve, I'd be happy if we could just remain life-long friends and I think that's how I would define love.

Ikas90
14-12-07, 13:44
It took me a few weeks to fall in love. :wve:

Andariel
14-12-07, 13:49
It takes me at least a couple weeks or until I truly know the person to be in love.

Drone
14-12-07, 14:05
Scientists say "Love is a chemical reaction which lasts 5 years"

Soma Holiday
14-12-07, 14:20
It also bugs me how people use the owrd so easily, devoiding it of its significance.
I don't claim to understand it, but I am in a similar situation to yours and I think I am in love.That person means very much to me and I value his friendship over any other (besides my parents, but you can't really compare, it's so different).He is my best friend and I think I love him in so many ways, it confuses me.I hate my mood depending on how much I speak to him or things of that kind, but It's still in a positive way.It only takes few minutes of talking to him to cheer me up.I know him for years and there are many things that bound us, common tastes, common preferences, things we discoverd together, jokes that others may not understand and so on.
Needless to say, he now asks me for advice about a girl he doesn't even know and I'm not comfortable with it.I wonder if he realizes.But still, no matter how things will evolve, I'd be happy if we could just remain life-long friends and I think that's how I would define love.


This is basically the same situation that I'm in. I've known this guy for 2 years. We are best friends at the moment, in a relationship that started out as a crush I had on him. I didn't fall "in love" with him until early this year, I just realized it one day. I've since been through a living hell as he comes to me for advice and talks about "girls" and how stupid they are, right in front of me. He even said once that he needed "to find a girl like me." I just wanted to scream and say How Stupid can You Be! I'm right here! lol.

Because of this grief, I've tried so hard to bury these feelings, and while they aren't as strong and I come up with reasons everyday as to why he isn't good enough for me, I know he'll always be with me. If he says something hurtful, I'll be depressed for weeks. I want him around all the time, just to hang out with me because it makes me happy. Because he controls my mood so much, I just wanna tell him to leave me alone. I'll never get over him if he's still around. Because he's my best friend, I can never muster the courage to tell him to just get out of my life, because I know it would hurt his feelings, and I could never explain...

Maybe one day we'll go our seperate ways, then I can stop giving a crap altogether...:o

pEhouse
14-12-07, 14:24
He even said once that he needed "to find a girl like me." I just wanted to scream and say How Stupid can You Be! I'm right here! lol.


This might be a stupid idea, but why don't you just tell him how you feel? I mean, is it that impossible that he might actually have feelings for you too?

Benguitar
14-12-07, 14:25
Longer than it takes to fall out of it. ;).

HA... That is so me right now.:(

Indeed..

Yes indeed and it sucks doesn't.

jjbennett
14-12-07, 14:29
How long does it take to fall in love?

9 days, 14 hours, 27 minutes and 52 seconds ;)

Soma Holiday
14-12-07, 14:29
This might be a stupid idea, but why don't you just tell him how you feel? I mean, is it that impossible that he might actually have feelings for you too?

I used to think maybe, but I was completely wrong. He's the type of guy who goes after what he wants, and if he wanted me he'd have done it a long time ago. Plus he's had a girlfriend almost the entire time I've known him...

but to be honest, I know that he's bad for me. I know that one day I'll find someone better, so I really don't want him to like me anymore. I'm slowly getting better. It just sucks having him around all the time, reminding me that I was never good enough for him for some reason. I know that I'll find someone better one day...I just wish that day would hurry the hell up. lol.

Veronica Ma
14-12-07, 15:07
I know that one day I'll find someone better, so I really don't want him to like me anymore. I'm slowly getting better. It just sucks having him around all the time...You have more control over that than you think. The hardest part is convincing yourself that it is the right thing to do.

pEhouse
14-12-07, 15:29
It just sucks having him around all the time, reminding me that I was never good enough for him for some reason.

But you can put an easy stop to it. I know it might be hard since you two seem to be such good friends, but if it hurts so much you have to stop being around him all the time. That's what I would do, but of course it's your own decision to make and how you want to deal with it.
But another thing, have you ever thought about that he might not be good enough for you? ;)

Catapharact
14-12-07, 18:14
they think their life long partners, get married have kids and end up getting divorced..mostly happens in young couples but still i just ask myself if 'Love' really exists :\

False.

Don't let MTV and Celeb breakups fool you in anyway; Nor your typical daytime stereotypical soap operas or Teen shows. Statistics have proven that a young couple have the same statistical breakup rate as an older couple; Only that a younger couple seem to identify with each other's dreams and aspirations a bit more and are willing to make compromises to make things work.

As for love and time-frame... Well lets just say I was the skeptical type; Didn't think I would fid the person who I would share my life with. Heck, I thank God again and again that I found her since I look around me and I really don't see the qualities she has in anyone else. Some kinda take that the wrong way... Well, sorry but that is how I feel. End of. For the time-frame itself, we have been friends since Middle School. Yeah... It took that long for me to finally say "I love you." Knowing that such a feeling exsists and accepting it are two different things.

domina
14-12-07, 18:22
There really isn't a set time. I agree that you can't look at a person and be in love; be in lust, sure, but love requires something more than just physically seeing.

That said, it's really no one else's place to tell a person when they are allowed to be in love. My boyfriend and I knew each other for about two months when I told him I loved him, but during those two months, I was practically with him every day of the week: we got to know each other exceedingly well in those two months. And having made a huge mistake of telling someone that I loved them when it took me almost four years to realize that I didn't love him, saying "I love you" was not something that would come lightly. I even resisted for about a week.

It's possible that you can see when two people aren't in love (although even then you may not see that whole picture), but it's not possible to see when two people are ready to say they love each other. That's a personal decision with no set time.

Lavinder
14-12-07, 18:38
I don't believe love has a set time, or a rough estimate of time to fall in to. It just builds up without you knowing, then it hits you that you "love" this person - for me it's a scary feeling cause I know how much it would hurt if they left me, but it's also an amazing feeling (when requited) because for me, I feel whole when I've found someone I can care for no matter what.

illuminati30
14-12-07, 18:42
Depends how good you are at picking up and reading the personality of another person, and how much you feel it matches what you are looking for. It can happen quickly yeah, totally, and if it does not, they are perhaps not the right person, but you can also meet someone as a friend, and love them right away, their personality, and spending time with them. If you love spending time with someone, then you love them, that's what i think.

PoetOfTheLife
14-12-07, 18:45
24 Hours, to 24 days to 24 years, even.

There's no fixed number of days.

I agree you:tmb:

Jacob x5
14-12-07, 18:45
It definitely depends on your definition of love. I must admit, Soma, that I respectfully disagree with you. There are many ways of interpreting 'love', I think. There's a girl at school who I've known for over 4 years, and though I don't talk to her a huge amount, I've recently started to suspect that I might love her somewhat. :p Though she is a very attractive person, this 'love' feeling seems to be nothing to do with physical attraction and I'm not necessarily 'in love' with her as I have no overwhelming desire to get into bed with her. In fact, I'm not entirely fussed about taking it any further with her we're on good terms and things are great the way they are. She's just a really great person, and I love her for that.

Lavinder
14-12-07, 18:53
It definitely depends on your definition of love. I must admit, Soma, that I respectfully disagree with you. There are many ways of interpreting 'love', I think. There's a girl at school who I've known for over 4 years, and though I don't talk to her a huge amount, I've recently started to suspect that I might love her somewhat. :p Though she is a very attractive person, this 'love' feeling seems to be nothing to do with physical attraction and I'm not necessarily 'in love' with her as I have no overwhelming desire to get into bed with her. In fact, I'm not entirely fussed about taking it any further with her we're on good terms and things are great the way they are. She's just a really great person, and I love her for that.

Are you confusing love with lust m'dear ? Love has nothing to do with sex, depending on how you look at it :p. Obviously sex is a form of showing love, but you can still be in love by doing other things with her.

Jacob x5
14-12-07, 19:01
The term I'm looking for might be platonic love in its modern sense, but I still don't think that quite covers it and it's very difficult to describe what I'm on about. I guess you could say that if the phrase "I love you" were to be used in this instance it would be coupled with the 'XD' smilie. :p

Chiki Mina
14-12-07, 19:02
Hm, how long does it take to fall in love? Simple...

Until you fall in love.

There's no time. No specific time - months, 24 hours, in 72 hours.

Just happens.

Jacob x5
14-12-07, 19:03
Hm, how long does it take to fall in love? Simple...

Until you fall in love.

There's no time. No specific time - months, 24 hours, in 72 hours.

Just happens.

Very well put. What's the speed of time? :p

Lavinder
14-12-07, 19:04
The term I'm looking for might be platonic love in its modern sense, but I still don't think that quite covers it and it's very difficult to describe what I'm on about. I guess you could say that if the phrase "I love you" were to be used in this instance it would be coupled with the 'XD' smilie. :p

I know what you mean, but you worded it completely wrong :p. You were doing so well until you added "XD" in to the equation..

rowanlim
15-12-07, 06:19
Love = work + affection + compassion + attraction + understanding + acceptance + tolerance + commitment + faithfulness + humor + surrender

how long does it take to fall in love? it depends on each of the components above & how long each of them fall in place with you & your other half & the combined effects :tmb:

Bowie
15-12-07, 06:33
How long does it take to fall in love?
About as long as it takes to stop loving yourself!

"Love" is synonymous with "need". "I love you" means "I need you -- please don't leave me". Try come up with a different definition. And why would one need someone else? If someone was totally self-sufficient and totally happy with themselves and had a very very high self-esteem, they would never fall in love.

But how many people do you know are always like that? You may find when you are incredibly confident in yourself you may go through an "I'm enjoying being single" phase, but soon the ego questions itself and doubts start to creep in (society has a funny way of doing that to you) and sure enough you start having a crushing feeling towards someone.

You start to put all your wishes and hopes into that person, that they can come and make you whole again, i.e. complete you. But in the long run, only you can complete yourself.

And when you are complete -- if you are ever complete, say at 60-80 years of age -- the love of your life is probably more of a partner with whom you are just so used to living, the idea of them dying or leaving you is terrifying on that front moreso than because you have an aching attraction to them.

Bottom line -- love is a sign of personal insecurity, but being human, it's inevitable, especially when it just feels so good to feel secure with someone.

But if you have bad love experiences, TRY, just TRY fulfilling your desires and building yourself up to be who you really want to be, rather than relying on someone else to temporarily fill your inner void and quell your inner demons.

Veronica Ma
15-12-07, 10:47
About as long as it takes to stop loving yourself!

...But if you have bad love experiences, TRY, just TRY fulfilling your desires and building yourself up to be who you really want to be, rather than relying on someone else to temporarily fill your inner void and quell your inner demons.These two comments contradict themselves me thinks... I believe you cannot love another until you love and accept yourself first ... only then will you have love inside to give to another.

Kerrigan
15-12-07, 13:16
About as long as it takes to stop loving yourself!

"Love" is synonymous with "need". "I love you" means "I need you -- please don't leave me". Try come up with a different definition. And why would one need someone else? If someone was totally self-sufficient and totally happy with themselves and had a very very high self-esteem, they would never fall in love.

You start to put all your wishes and hopes into that person, that they can come and make you whole again, i.e. complete you. But in the long run, only you can complete yourself.

And when you are complete -- if you are ever complete, say at 60-80 years of age -- the love of your life is probably more of a partner with whom you are just so used to living, the idea of them dying or leaving you is terrifying on that front moreso than because you have an aching attraction to them.

Bottom line -- love is a sign of personal insecurity, but being human, it's inevitable, especially when it just feels so good to feel secure with someone.

But if you have bad love experiences, TRY, just TRY fulfilling your desires and building yourself up to be who you really want to be, rather than relying on someone else to temporarily fill your inner void and quell your inner demons.
I agree with that, your explanation seems to take into account the Androgynous Myth, which, for the most part, defines my outlook on love.I like to think I am only capable to truly love a single person, the lost half that completes the androgynous entity.But on the other hand, I also like to think I can be completely independent.Ok, I'm contradicting myself here...It may take years to realize who it is, or, even more probably, you may never find that person.But that though is incredibly disillusional.In the end, I see love as fulfilling an aspiration to perfect onelself.

petujaymz
15-12-07, 15:50
Anything between ten minutes and forty seven weeks apparently.

:wve: