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Geck-o-Lizard
19-12-07, 00:27
Why English Teachers Retire Young

Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two
sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,like
a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without
one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the
country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at
a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog
makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way
a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another
city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m.instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one
having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other
from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences
that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,either,
but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on
a land mine or something.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was
the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap,
only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while.

22. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds
who had also never met.

23. The ballerina raised gracefully en pointe and extended one
slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard
bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to
put in any pH cleanser.

27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple
it to the wall.

Rivendell
19-12-07, 00:37
Lots there I've not seen before! :vlol: That last one is priceless!!

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog
makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.


22. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds
who had also never met.

23. The ballerina raised gracefully en pointe and extended one
slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

Love these!!

Lara's Backpack
19-12-07, 00:37
Some of those arent actually that bad, it would all depend on the context in which they are written of course...

However the rest, dear lord. :vlol:

28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple
it to the wall. ...Because we all know how that feels :p

Camera Obscura
19-12-07, 00:39
LMAO! I couldn't stop chuckling at these! I should print this for my English teacher. :vlol:

myrmaad
19-12-07, 00:40
A couple are actually pretty cool. My favorite:

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was
the East River.

Gregori
19-12-07, 00:42
I seen this five years ago, but thanks for posting it again!!

thecentaur
19-12-07, 00:58
pretty nice!

Librarian
19-12-07, 01:01
:vlol: *wipes away tear*

Tomb Raider 5194
19-12-07, 01:10
:vlol: I really liked this one:

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one
having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other
from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

Though they were all funny :D

coolezpunk
19-12-07, 01:11
:vlol: :yik: No way! Those are awesome! I can't believe they actually put those in highschool papers! Highschool teachers here wouldn't even allow you to say "pee" out loud or it's detention for you! I know, harsh...

Ward Dragon
19-12-07, 01:18
:vlol: I actually thought a few of them were good, but most of them... :eek:

Aztek463
19-12-07, 01:33
I'm gonna have to give these to my English teacher. :jmp:

Quasimodo
19-12-07, 01:49
Wouldn't these be analogies, not metaphors?
[/grammar nerd] :p

These are a hoot- thanks for posting them :vlol:

Earthcane
19-12-07, 01:54
Better than a hoot. Really hilarious, thanx! :tmb: :vlol:

spikejones
19-12-07, 03:46
Why English Teachers Retire Young


Similes use the words like/as to compare things. Metaphors do not.
Men are Pigs. - metaphor
Life is like a box of chocolates. - simile

Any ways, those were some funny similes.:vlol:

Melonie Tomb Raider
19-12-07, 03:56
7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

ROFL!!!!! :vlol:

Earthcane
19-12-07, 03:59
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.


Ewwwww!!! :D

Necromanser
19-12-07, 04:08
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two
sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.



3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,like
a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without
one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the
country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at
a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.






7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.




13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
you fry them in hot grease.



15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences
that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,either,
but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on
a land mine or something.



18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap,
only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.


20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while.

22. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds
who had also never met.

23. The ballerina raised gracefully en pointe and extended one
slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools.


28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple
it to the wall.


THese are my favourite ones though all o fthose were funny.

Earthcane
19-12-07, 04:11
22. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds
who had also never met.

:vlol:

Mustve missed that un :tmb:

Genocide
19-12-07, 04:34
:vlol: thats just made my day! i haven't laughed so much in ages
This one is my fave though

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
this plan just might work.

Little-Lara
19-12-07, 04:41
:vlol: :vlol: Tsk tsk.

These are so funny I could of been laughing all day. ;)

I totally believe you Geck; you'll also see these in English 101 through 103 :eek:

Earthcane
19-12-07, 04:41
^ Clever! :tmb:

SSJ6Wolf
19-12-07, 04:44
:vlol: I love these! That's why teachers shouldn't be so militant about analogies! :p I think #9 is my favorite.

laracroft2122
19-12-07, 07:47
They are all hilarious

abc123
19-12-07, 08:02
Lots there I've not seen before! :vlol: That last one is priceless!!



Love these!!

Yeah, me too. lol

Forwen
19-12-07, 08:10
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

Sigged!

I remember there was an urban legend round my town, that during high school-leaving exam (muchos importantos) one of the essays had a topic evolving around the question "What is bravery?", and that one of the students simply wrote "This is bravery" and returned the paper. Don't know how true it is though.

kryptonite23
19-12-07, 08:26
LMAO!! :vlol:
Those are great :tmb:

abc123
19-12-07, 08:28
Sigged!

I remember there was an urban legend round my town, that during high school-leaving exam (muchos importantos) one of the essays had a topic evolving around the question "What is bravery?", and that one of the students simply wrote "This is bravery" and returned the paper. Don't know how true it is though.

Interesting. Thanks for posting. :)

Fish.
19-12-07, 09:01
Seen these before, very funny! :vlol:

MrBear
19-12-07, 09:25
Those were great! I seldom laugh at things that are posted on TRF (not that I don't enjoy it) but this one even conjured up some tears in my eyes :D genious!

Catlantean
19-12-07, 10:00
I haven't had this much laughter in a single morning since forever :D 2, 4, 6, 9, 13, 17 and 23 are especially hilarious :vlol:

Greenkey2
19-12-07, 10:06
Wouldn't these be analogies, not metaphors?
[/grammar nerd] :p

These are a hoot- thanks for posting them :vlol:

Hmm, I was thinking similes :cln: :D

Thanks for posting Grace. I'd seen most of them before, but they always make me howl :vlol: (and commit homicide in my head, but that's another story).

Voni
19-12-07, 10:06
Sigged!

I remember there was an urban legend round my town, that during high school-leaving exam (muchos importantos) one of the essays had a topic evolving around the question "What is bravery?", and that one of the students simply wrote "This is bravery" and returned the paper. Don't know how true it is though.

Nope, that's an urban legend, look here: http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/oneword.asp

Those were so funny though, I had a good laugh!

BlackFlame
19-12-07, 11:05
One I read some time ago..

"He shivered like a dog crapping* razor blades"

Very descriptive!

*Not the original word... but you get the idea.

jarhead
19-12-07, 11:13
LMAO

Read these ages ago but you just know these kids are gonna be something special

star girl
19-12-07, 12:55
:vlol:

interstellardave
19-12-07, 13:13
Nope, that's an urban legend, look here: http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/oneword.asp

Those were so funny though, I had a good laugh!

I thought these had to be "made up" on purpose! They are too good, actually, if you think about it the right way... many are actually quite witty if you're in a mood to goof around; few sound like someone would use them in all seriousness!

Alex Fly
19-12-07, 13:40
Lol ! Some of them are really priceless ! :D

remote91
19-12-07, 17:30
HA, wow they were a great read! :D

CerebralAssassin
19-12-07, 19:11
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking allianceslike underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap,
only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

:vlol:

Angel_14
19-12-07, 19:14
:D Some of them remind me of the metaphors I've written in one of my essays:

"...and her lips are like one of those lip shaped stuffs..."

domina
19-12-07, 19:16
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools.

That is freaking awesome. :vlol:

cristina8992
19-12-07, 19:18
LOL @ Angel 14!:D

They're all hilarious. I laughed so hard, my dog looked funny at me.:p