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Another Lara
14-01-08, 20:54
I've been planning to post about my porblem for quite a while, but always thought it was too little to worry about and it would all blow over eventually. Now it's got to the point that it is now and I just can't see any way out!

It's a long story, but I'll try and shorten it as much as possible...

I was unemployed for a year after graduating from uni, and no matter how hard I tried, I could not even get an interview. All of a sudden a job popped up where my sister used to work and I was offered the job after a quick chat with the manager.
This was my first permanent job and it was scary at first, but I got on with everyone that worked there. One guy in particular, who I got on with very well... we bonded over Doctor Who and movies and became instant friends... we then started spnding as much time as possible together as we got on so well, but I never saw him as anything other than a friend.
I couldn't see him as anything else for the time being, as I really liked this other guy in my office, who was everything I could ever ask for in a guy...we had the same loves and hates, and we was bloody gorgeous in my eyes aswell! Only problem was: he had a girlfriend!:hea:
Not only that, I found out from someone that he had cheated on his girlfriend, with one of the bimbos that worked in the building!
I thought after hearing that I would stay away from him... he did try it on with me a few times but I said no.
Anyway, he caught me off guard one day (:pi:) and we ended up sleeping together!!!
I swore to myself I wouldn't get attached and that I wouldn't go anywhere near him unless he split up with his girlfriend.
Unfortunately things didn't work out that way, and while he stayed away from me, I found myself falling in love with him... this is where my new best friend at work came in and was my shoulder to cry on and to talk to and to confide in!
Couple of months went by, and we got closer and closer and I found myself thinking of him occassionally as something more than just a friend... Everyone at work had kept on saying he obviously loves me to spend so much time together an to do so much for me, that I started to think about it as a possibility! But then I had my sister at me saying it was a bad idea, as my feelings were probably confused because of the other guy! This kept me from saying anything...
Then one night in late November, we went to see the band Foo Fighters play and we had seats, while the guy I was mad over had standing tickets. He kept on ringing my best friend asking if we wanted to meet up for a drink, but my mate kept saying no.
We started acting very couply at the gig...he had his arm around me and massaging my neck and stroking my leg and stuff, and even though it was odd, it did feel right! When we went back to his, we held hands the whole way there.
When we got back to his, he wouldn't take no for an answer, and wanted me to share his bed; ever since we've been mates he always asked me to share his bed, but I always said no. That night though I said yes.
We hugged in bed and talked for hours and then eventually fell asleep...
We woke up at one point though and went a bit too far. We didn't sleep together, but crossed the line when it comes to still being friends.
I knew when I woke up the next morning, my feelings for him were genuine and we could actually think about having a relationship.
When we start talking he goes on about how it was just a fumble between friends and that as I was "so madly in love" with the other guy still, nothing could happen between us.

It's practically gone down hill from there... I know he is a busy guy and a very popular guy outside of work... practically has a different girl in his bed every weekend and loves the single life! He's only ever fell in love once, that he's told me about: a girl who was his best friend till they ended up in bed together, then as he realised he was in love with her, she went back to Australia and barely speaks to him now! He was willing to follow her, if he knew she felt the same, but she didn't!

It started ok and we were talking and hanging out (we had agreed to stay friends and I didn't mind that, I would rather that than nothing at all), but now it's got to a point where he barely talks to me, he hangs around with another girl in the office (who has always been a mate of his, but abandoned when we became mates) and they are always whispering and tlaking about things and I feel like such a cast off!

It's got to a point with me that I've lost all hope in us being friends again (even though he says we are) and it hurts me so much to see him everyday and to see how he is with me now compared to how we used to be... I don't even care about a relationship; I just want my friend back! But that doesn't seem possible!

I think the only way for me to get over this and to move on would be for me to get another job, as it means at least then I won't have to see him every day and he'd be alot better with me...apparently he has the rule of not getting involved with people he woks with...

But is it really worth changing jobs for? Or am I just over reacting about this?

Sorry that this story is so long and boring... but it's making me lose sleep and my appetite...have lost quite a bit of weight i the last few months!

Please help...or at least offer an opinion?!:(

Gregori
14-01-08, 21:07
Wow, thats complicated.

If it makes you more comfortable to change jobs, then do so but make sure you have another job(s) to go to first.

I don't think that'll solve much though.

Small Question: Do you still fancy the other guy?

Drone
14-01-08, 21:10
you can't be friends anymore for sure. Search for another job b4 leaving that one

Tomb Raider Master
14-01-08, 21:20
Before I post my opinion on this, I'll have to ask you did I get everything right. After you had sex with that guy who apparently slept with half of the building, you got very close to your friend, and when you two crossed the line of friendship, he suddenly became cold and started to flirt with other girls in the building for some reason?

Another Lara
14-01-08, 21:25
Before I post my opinion on this, I'll have to ask you did I get everything right. After you had sex with that guy who apparently slept with half of the building, you got very close to your friend, and when you two crossed the line of friendship, he suddenly became cold and started to flirt with other girls in the building for some reason?

He had slept with one girl...he's not a serial cheater apparently!:pi:

And my friend and I have always been close it was only he could see how upset I was with the other guy that he took me out to cheer me up.
And he doesn't flirt with other girls in the office, he doesn't like any of the girls in the office... the only girls he likes are me and his other girl best friend who he has been spending alot of time with, but he would never see her in that way.
I have a feeling that he's been tlking to the girl that left him lately and that's why they go out for lunch together nearly everyday now as it was only me and her that knew anything abut this other girl.

Tomb Raider Master
14-01-08, 21:34
Okay. :)

I was in your situation some time before. Usually when two people cross the line of good taste in friendship and go to take a step forward, it's very hard to go back on what you were before, as when you look at him you see, among the rest, that thing what you two have done that has led to that one step ahead. I think I know how desperately you want the old situation to return, and that may be possible, but it will surely take time. People change, especially after what you two have done.

Take my example. I was a good friend with this one girl I know, and one night we went too far. Although things may seem perfectly normal between us even now, we both know what happened, and we surely won't forget that soon. I'm not telling you to give up. If you're both ready to go over that and continue on the old way, then you both have my full support. And that girl he hangs out with, there's nothing really strange with it. I also caught myself often being with some people that appeared I was a good friend with, when on the other hand I knew it was just a, let's say, break from old friendship, and finding a lame replacement. Best friends are always best friends, don't forget that.

What about that Casanova? Are you still crazy about him? I know how it feels when you see someone and he/she catches your eye. No matter what are you doing at that moment, nothing seems more important than him/her. That's perfectly normal if you ask me, until we learn how to deal with that situation.

Another Lara
14-01-08, 21:46
That was some great piece of advice, thankyou!:hug:

I do feel that he does want to be friends, it's just hard to reassure myself of this when he barely speaks to me.

There's also the fact that since it happened he has been very VERY flirty in texts and emails... very leading and some to the point of being very x-rated... whenever I joke about them though he always goes on about how we could never sleep together, even though he really wants to, he doesn't want to complicate things further... this sort of thing hasn't gone on though since Christmas. It all suddenly stopped, which is probaby why I'm taking his lack of attention so badly!

ha ha! Casanova! I'm sure he would like that! He found out about me and my best friend (something he never thought would happen) and about a week later, he dumped his girlfriend... at the time it threw me off guard as I was succeeding in getting over him as I knew there was never a chance for us... I did have a rant right infront of him to say I didn;t know what he was playing at and that he wouldn't have a chance as I was interested in someone else...
He's back with his girlfriend now.:cen:
But I'm okay with that;I just see him as something nice to look at around the office whenever I'm bored. My best friend has filled my thoughts so much that it's pushed "Casanova" out of my head, mostly!

Tomb Raider Master
14-01-08, 21:54
You're welcome. :)

Well, to start off, I really can't understand that weird behavior of his, yet that it stopped so suddenly. Maybe that's just the result reflected by the situation that happened between you? Could be, but we can't be sure.

If you're not into Casanova anymore, that's good. I know many people like him, and believe me, they won't change that easily. You probably wouldn't find any happiness with him except fulfilling your sexual urges (which, I know, can make us go crazy). You should on the other hand turn to your friend and try to make things right again, especially if you're not in love with him, and feel nothing but friend love for him. Who knows, maybe he changes his behavior soon. I'm sure you are both "kicked off the regular path" with all this; it's now time to go back (if possible, which it could be).

Another Lara
14-01-08, 22:02
I do feel his sudden quietness has something to do with the fact that one of his old friends from uni actually asked me out last week. He has never said anything about it to me, well has barely spoken to me since finding out!
He has a thing though of going hot and cold... he goes away soon with work, and he might start the flirty texts again, I can't be sure.:confused:

And I'm not sure if I'm not in love with him... I just know I'm willing to accept just being friends, as he means alot to me as a friend.:(

Tomb Raider Master
14-01-08, 22:08
If you both want to be friends (and by this I see you both believe in friendship between persons of opposite sex), then no boyfriends, girlfriends or potential dates for both you and him should stand in your way. If you have found a guy you're happy with and want to date with, he should accept that and be happy for you; be there to give you support, but also still be there as your friend, as you see him and that potential boyfriend of yours totally different. And vice versa.

I know you're both a bit down now, but if you want to be great friends again, you should both agree on what I've just written up there (IMO at least). There's no really place for jealousy. Unfortunately, it can appear in situations like this. If you both want the old situation to come back, then it should be a lot easier.

rowanlim
15-01-08, 06:24
I'm a bit confused...are you still crazy over Casanova or you have feelings that are not platonic for your best friend? :p

Another Lara
15-01-08, 09:19
I'm a bit confused...are you still crazy over Casanova or you have feelings that are not platonic for your best friend? :p

No longer crazy for Casanova, and have more than platonic feelings for my best friend! :o
I appreciate the fact that he has helped me get over Casanova, but it's meant being in a more difficult situation with my best friend!:hea:

If I can get back to being best friends with him like we were (even though people thought we were actually dating coz we were so close!) then I'd be happy, if somewhat heartbroken!:(

And I should say thanks to all you guys that have posted... really do appreciate all the advice being given!

Came into work this morning and he was smiling and talking to me like usual and making an effort like he used to (might have something to do with the fact that Casanova is back from his holiday!). Still haven't told him though that I'm going to be looking for another job, though!

rowanlim
15-01-08, 14:31
No longer crazy for Casanova, and have more than platonic feelings for my best friend! :o
I appreciate the fact that he has helped me get over Casanova, but it's meant being in a more difficult situation with my best friend!:hea:

If I can get back to being best friends with him like we were (even though people thought we were actually dating coz we were so close!) then I'd be happy, if somewhat heartbroken!:(

And I should say thanks to all you guys that have posted... really do appreciate all the advice being given!

Came into work this morning and he was smiling and talking to me like usual and making an effort like he used to (might have something to do with the fact that Casanova is back from his holiday!). Still haven't told him though that I'm going to be looking for another job, though!

Well since you're no longer hooked on Casanova, you're a free woman, you can hook on to anyone else you like...I guess you have to be clear on your feelings for your pal; do you want to have a romantic relationship with him or a purely platonic one?

Nevermind the fact that you guys nearly went over the line, it only shows that he may have oh-not-so-platonic feelings for you.

I suggest you decide & confirm your feelings for him before you move on to the next step. I wonder if quitting your job will help any of you...he's probably bound to feel guilty or left in the dark as to WHY you quit (unless you want to explain everything to him), it may/may not help you get over him...

Settle your emotions first, then move on to the next step :tmb: :)

Tomb Raider Master
15-01-08, 14:33
I agree with rowanlim. Quitting your job will only make you appear as a person who can't handle this situation, and I know you're not like that. Thing should eventually work out between you and your friend, and since you can easily forget Casanova, you can focus on your friend only and let the things go their way.

Good luck. :)

Another Lara
15-01-08, 16:08
Well since you're no longer hooked on Casanova, you're a free woman, you can hook on to anyone else you like...I guess you have to be clear on your feelings for your pal; do you want to have a romantic relationship with him or a purely platonic one?


I would most definately want a romantic relationship with him, and I get the feeling he would with me...
The things that hold him back are 1, us being such close friends; 2, he enjoys being single too much and has so much going on outside of work, he wouldn't have the time to commit to a serious relationship; and 3, which is his main reason I think, is that we work together, he would never think of getting involved with anyone he worked with (as he keeps telling me!) because of all the gossip and the complications that can be involved!

That would be my main motivation to get a new job, if I knew there was a chance between us, if there isn't, I would rather just leave because I couldn't handle the awkwardness between us, but as you've said I have handled it okay so far! And if there isn't meant to be anything between us, I can live with that, just as long as we stay friends.

Well, again, thank you so much for some great advice! I will definately be taking it all into consideration!:hug:

Tomb Raider Master
15-01-08, 19:51
I have three questions for you. Do you think he wants a relationship with you? Does he know you want a relationship with him? When you crossed the line, who made the first move: you, him, or both of you?

Assassino
15-01-08, 20:51
No man is worth quitting your career for IMO, do what you feel is right for YOU and what makes YOU truly happy:)

rowanlim
16-01-08, 05:03
I have three questions for you. Do you think he wants a relationship with you? Does he know you want a relationship with him? When you crossed the line, who made the first move: you, him, or both of you?

Yeah Tomb Raider Master has asked some pretty good & vital questions. I think you're sure of your feelings, now the question is WHAT DOES HE FEEL FOR YOU?

The best person to answer that is HIM. I think I'd tell him the truth that I don't feel so "friendly" towards him & present your case well. Then you've done your job & he has to make the next move.

I also agree with Assassino: NO MAN IS WORTH LOSING YOUR JOB OVER.

I wouldn't think about what he said to you about him not wanting a relationship with you, or your fears that he won't be committed...tell him how you feel & see how it goes. You won't know the truth, or how he'd respond unless you try.

All the best, gurl. :tmb:

Another Lara
16-01-08, 10:06
I have three questions for you. Do you think he wants a relationship with you? Does he know you want a relationship with him? When you crossed the line, who made the first move: you, him, or both of you?

Those a very good and vital questions, and I'll try and answer them as bbest I can:

1, Maybe... Sometimes I feel he does, and sometimes I feel he doesn't... he's a very confused individual in any case and he's confusing me with it!:confused:
I've been convinced ever since we've been friends that he liked me, it seems whenever I've had friends that have been guys, most of them have had crushes on me (wow, that sounds big headed of me!), so I know when a guy I'm friends with likes me or not and most of the time I don't like them back.

2, I don't think he does... I've never said anything along those lines, whenever we bring up the subject he's the first to say "It's best to stay friends" or "I'm not looking for a relationship at the mo", so I don't feel it's my place to say anything!:(
The only time I've said anything to him was the day after stuff happened; I said I had been worried for a few weeks as I was seeing him as someone more than a friend, but I didn't know if my feelings were genuine, or if they were just my way of trying to get over Casanova, so a serious relationship would be out of the question while I still had feelings for someone else. I haven't told him since that I've worked things out and I do like him for him, rather than just as a rebound.

3, It was at the Foo's gig... and as far as I can remember, he was the one who put his arm around me and kissed my forehead (but he used to do that a lot anyway), but then I leant my head into his shoulder and held his hand... He'd be the one who'd wrap his coat round me in order to keep me warm on the cold platform at the station, but then I'd wrap my arms around him aswell and nestle into his coat... so he was the one that started it, but I encouraged him if he did try anything!:o

Thanks Rowanlim... I'm going to think very seriously about what you said abut talking to him about it. It's just finding the right time! We've always talked about chatting about things (I have suffered from a lot of depression over the last few months so he tries to be there for me when I'm feeling low), but it always gets cancelled as something gets in the way!:hea:

Will try harder this year though!:o

rowanlim
16-01-08, 14:26
I'm glad you found the advice useful :hug:

I just hope that you'll be happy, I think he sounds like a very special person :)

danitiwa
16-01-08, 14:33
Don't let some ******* ruin your carreer, first you rat him out real good, (You can either cry and or scream at him. :D) then you tell all the girls that slept with him.

Easy Peasy. :p

Tomb Raider Master
16-01-08, 15:58
Okay, so it's the on again-off again system here. Try to provoke him every now and then (nothing too harsh) to acquaint with the situation. If he accepts that, good. Then eventually there'll be something. But if he constantly keeps rejecting you, I say don't be trying so hard.

Another Lara
16-01-08, 17:14
Okay, so it's the on again-off again system here. Try to provoke him every now and then (nothing too harsh) to acquaint with the situation. If he accepts that, good. Then eventually there'll be something. But if he constantly keeps rejecting you, I say don't be trying so hard.


That's the thing, I thought the whole situation with one of his mates asking me out would be a big provocation, but it doesn't seem to have bothered him... I mean he has NEVER spoken to me about it, didn't even reply when I told him about it, so I dunno if that's evidence enough that he doesn't like the idea!:confused:

Although... there's the fact that his friend hasn't been in touch to set a date for when to meet up, makes me think that my mate has "had a word" :pi:

And I've learned the hard way not to take things too personally or to try too hard as it just scares him away! I have stopping all the texts and emails that I used to send and he seems more eager to make an effort and more happy to talk when I occassionally email him.
Still is hard though, I am a very paranoid individual, he even has started taking the mick and calls me "Little Miss Paranoia" when he doesn't call me by my other nickname in the office "Big Guns" (referring to my Tomb Raider obsession, and certain "bigger than average" assets I have!) :o

rowanlim
17-01-08, 05:30
That's the thing, I thought the whole situation with one of his mates asking me out would be a big provocation, but it doesn't seem to have bothered him... I mean he has NEVER spoken to me about it, didn't even reply when I told him about it, so I dunno if that's evidence enough that he doesn't like the idea!:confused:

Although... there's the fact that his friend hasn't been in touch to set a date for when to meet up, makes me think that my mate has "had a word" :pi:

And I've learned the hard way not to take things too personally or to try too hard as it just scares him away! I have stopping all the texts and emails that I used to send and he seems more eager to make an effort and more happy to talk when I occassionally email him.
Still is hard though, I am a very paranoid individual, he even has started taking the mick and calls me "Little Miss Paranoia" when he doesn't call me by my other nickname in the office "Big Guns" (referring to my Tomb Raider obsession, and certain "bigger than average" assets I have!) :o

Well, we can't know if your mate has "had a word" with the other guy unless you ask him...again, you should find out how he feels about before you take the next step. Until then, I suggest you play it safe. Toning down the texts & emails was a wise move, & since he's taken the initiative to communicate with you, it could only be a good sign.

You have to consider 2 situations:
1. He has feelings for you, but is not sure where he stands in your heart (aww)

2. He doesn't have feelings for you & is guilty that he let himself go "too far" that night, & is trying to keep the friendship going.

Think what you're going to do for BOTH situations. Never make rash decisions. All the best, gurl :tmb: :D

Another Lara
17-01-08, 09:31
Toning down the texts & emails was a wise move, & since he's taken the initiative to communicate with you, it could only be a good sign.

You have to consider 2 situations:
1. He has feelings for you, but is not sure where he stands in your heart (aww)

2. He doesn't have feelings for you & is guilty that he let himself go "too far" that night, & is trying to keep the friendship going.

Think what you're going to do for BOTH situations. Never make rash decisions. All the best, gurl :tmb: :D

Well his mate asked me out again last night on MSN, but I said I was busy all week... I still don't know what to do about it, some people are saying go for it, it'll make my mate jealous, and others are saying don't go any where near as it would only burn bridges between us. It just doesn't feel right to me to meet up for drinks with him, so I'm gonna have to let him know eventually, just don't know when!:(

Reason 2 is what his other female friend has said to me...as soon as I told her what happened between us, she looked disgusted and said I should just forget it and move on... she has been a tad patronising on the whole thing, hence I've given up telling her anything anymore; don't think she likes that so is kissing up to me alot at the mo!:mad:

But reason 2 has been the one that has stuck in my mind and has been the one I've been treating as the current situation... but I don;t feel it's the case, if he wants to keep the friendship, then he's been relying on me way too much to make the effort, hence me giving up on the texts and emails! Especially lately when he's been telling he's going to see such and such a film at the cinema, instead of asking me if I want to go and see it!:hea:

It's only over the last few days (I was reading back on texts) that I've been thinking it may just be Reason 1... have to think carefully about how I deal with it though.

I've also started to get increasingly scared of the fact that the girl that broke his heart is back on the scene, as she's always on facebook now... I think she is probably the reason why I felt my mate was ignoring me and him and his other female friend have been whispering and going out for lunch together every day! But then like I said, I'm little Miss Paranoia! I'm hoping it's nothing!:(

rowanlim
17-01-08, 12:09
Well his mate asked me out again last night on MSN, but I said I was busy all week... I still don't know what to do about it, some people are saying go for it, 1. it'll make my mate jealous, and others are saying don't go any where near as it would only burn bridges between us. 2. It just doesn't feel right to me to meet up for drinks with him, so I'm gonna have to let him know eventually, just don't know when!:(

Reason 2 is what his other female friend has said to me...as soon as I told her what happened between us, she looked disgusted and said I should just forget it and move on... she has been a tad patronising on the whole thing, hence I've given up telling her anything anymore; don't think she likes that so is kissing up to me alot at the mo!:mad:

But reason 2 has been the one that has stuck in my mind and has been the one I've been treating as the current situation... but I don;t feel it's the case, if he wants to keep the friendship, then he's been relying on me way too much to make the effort, hence me giving up on the texts and emails! 3. Especially lately when he's been telling he's going to see such and such a film at the cinema, instead of asking me if I want to go and see it!:hea:

It's only over the last few days (I was reading back on texts) that 4. I've been thinking it may just be Reason 1... have to think carefully about how I deal with it though.

5. I've also started to get increasingly scared of the fact that the girl that broke his heart is back on the scene, as she's always on facebook now... I think she is probably the reason why I felt my mate was ignoring me and him and his other female friend have been whispering and going out for lunch together every day! But then like I said, I'm little Miss Paranoia! I'm hoping it's nothing!:(

I think you should focus on the bigger picture.

1. Why do you feel that going out with the other guy's going to make your mate feel jealous? Do you have a strong hunch/confidence that your mate has romantic feelings for you?

2. Why doesn't it feel right for you to go out with the other guy? I think you've answered this before: you are in love/crazy with your mate, so to go out with the other guy would make you feel like you're cheating.

3. Your example of your mate going to a cinema with someone else & not inviting you along could mean that either he DOES NOT HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU, or avoiding you is his mechanism to deal with GUILT.

4. If you think it's reason 1, it should boost your confidence to ask him for the truth. But still be prepare if your assumption is wrong.

5. Don't worry about whether his old gf is in the picture. This is the now. Focus on the new player, especially that new female friend of his...

Again, this can't be resolved without knowing how he feels/thinks. So just gear yourself up to ask him/find out & get on with your life if it swings either way :)

Another Lara
17-01-08, 12:58
I think you should focus on the bigger picture.

1. Why do you feel that going out with the other guy's going to make your mate feel jealous? Do you have a strong hunch/confidence that your mate has romantic feelings for you?

2. Why doesn't it feel right for you to go out with the other guy? I think you've answered this before: you are in love/crazy with your mate, so to go out with the other guy would make you feel like you're cheating.

3. Your example of your mate going to a cinema with someone else & not inviting you along could mean that either he DOES NOT HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU, or avoiding you is his mechanism to deal with GUILT.

4. If you think it's reason 1, it should boost your confidence to ask him for the truth. But still be prepare if your assumption is wrong.

5. Don't worry about whether his old gf is in the picture. This is the now. Focus on the new player, especially that new female friend of his...

Again, this can't be resolved without knowing how he feels/thinks. So just gear yourself up to ask him/find out & get on with your life if it swings either way :)


1. I don't think it will make my mate jealous, other people do, including my parents (who have both met my mate and think there is something there, he's just a tad confused!)... but after not getting a reaction from him when I told him, I myself am not necessarily convinced. I know he has more than friendly (not sure about romantic!) feelings for me... he lets them show everytime he gets drunk!:cln:

2. It's not that I feel like I'm cheating; it's the fact that this guy is not my type at all, and to go out for drinks would make him think he has a chance... he acts cocky with me already, so to go out with him would make him worse! That and like I've said, IF my mate has feelings for me, how do I know he wouldn't take it badly!

3. I think the whole thing of not inviting me to the cinema is the fact that if he does, it means I will have to crash at his, and he doesn't like the temptation waving right infront of his nose! He always would invite me to share his bed whenever I stayed over...I've only ever said yes once, and that was what led to the mess I'm in now!:(

4. Usually when I am as confident as I have been, I usually am wrong... although I haven't been feeling confident about it today! This is one of the reasons I want to leave! I keep having good days, where I feel he couldn't possibly be able to resist me (lol!) and days like today where I feel like he can't even stand to be friends with me anymore! I don't mind the highs, I just wish I didn't have such bad lows!:(

5: The "new" female friend is no one to worry about... she's been friends with him for ages so there'd be nothing there: for one thing she has a boyfriend.

But as you said about all of this, I'm never going to know unless I ask! It's just getting the chance.... he seems to have an excuse everytime I ask him out for drinks lately!

rowanlim
17-01-08, 14:16
1. I don't think it will make my mate jealous, other people do, including my parents (who have both met my mate and think there is something there, he's just a tad confused!)... but after not getting a reaction from him when I told him, I myself am not necessarily convinced. I know he has more than friendly (not sure about romantic!) feelings for me... he lets them show everytime he gets drunk!:cln:

2. It's not that I feel like I'm cheating; it's the fact that this guy is not my type at all, and to go out for drinks would make him think he has a chance... he acts cocky with me already, so to go out with him would make him worse! That and like I've said, IF my mate has feelings for me, how do I know he wouldn't take it badly!

3. I think the whole thing of not inviting me to the cinema is the fact that if he does, it means I will have to crash at his, and he doesn't like the temptation waving right infront of his nose! He always would invite me to share his bed whenever I stayed over...I've only ever said yes once, and that was what led to the mess I'm in now!:(

4. Usually when I am as confident as I have been, I usually am wrong... although I haven't been feeling confident about it today! This is one of the reasons I want to leave! I keep having good days, where I feel he couldn't possibly be able to resist me (lol!) and days like today where I feel like he can't even stand to be friends with me anymore! I don't mind the highs, I just wish I didn't have such bad lows!:(

5: The "new" female friend is no one to worry about... she's been friends with him for ages so there'd be nothing there: for one thing she has a boyfriend.

But as you said about all of this, I'm never going to know unless I ask! It's just getting the chance.... 6. he seems to have an excuse everytime I ask him out for drinks lately!

1. He shows his more-than-friendly feelings when he's drunk? Well...isn't that the best time to interrogate him? :rolleyes:

2. Oh well guys like that aren't worth your time. Tell him that. It should help with the air in his head :p

3. He INVITES you to spend the night with him? Is he Casanova? I hope I'm not confused :(

4. Feeling excessive highs & extreme lows is part of the job description of infatuation/love/etc. :)

5. Oh that's a relief :D

6. Why be subtle? Just tell him you need to talk to him about something important...he'll probably make time for that :tmb:

Ikas90
17-01-08, 16:06
Sometimes it's better to be just friends than to take things further. In one case, I had been involved in an online long-distance relationship, and we got along very well. But as our relationship progressed, we started to have problems with eachother. There was always something interfering between us, making things worse, and at points we wished that we had just remained friends. Such problems can include the persons religious beliefs, or habits, etc. Being in a relationship can change you as a person, including things like quitting a job, or even developing an eating disorder. I suggest you stay with your job, as you should not worry about ANY man. With time and patience, your true love will come. A relationship isn't worth worrying about, and you should focus on more important things in your life. This is just something you will learn from, as I have learned myself; Being in a relationship is not the most important thing in the world. If you find a man, have a think about if you want to spend the rest of your life with them, before deciding to take things further.

Friends and lovers are very different. If you lose a friend, you will always make up the next day, but if you lose a lover, then it's gone forever. :wve:

Another Lara
17-01-08, 16:10
1. He shows his more-than-friendly feelings when he's drunk? Well...isn't that the best time to interrogate him? :rolleyes:

2. Oh well guys like that aren't worth your time. Tell him that. It should help with the air in his head :p

3. He INVITES you to spend the night with him? Is he Casanova? I hope I'm not confused :(

4. Feeling excessive highs & extreme lows is part of the job description of infatuation/love/etc. :)

5. Oh that's a relief :D

6. Why be subtle? Just tell him you need to talk to him about something important...he'll probably make time for that :tmb:

1. lol, that would be an idea...just he hasn't been getting drunk around me lately... he must have thought out this ploy before even you mentioned it... damn!:p

2. Exactly...but I'm too nice so can't turn him down just yet!:o

3. No this isn't Casanova, this IS my best friend...which is why I always said no... I knew he was a friend and it would be difficult if he tried it on and I would have to turn him down... but then I started liking him so I said yes! BIG mistake!:o

4...God Damn love!:hea:

5. Yeah but it's still rather annoying when he spends more time with her than me and she's always hovering around him!:cen:

6. I'm never subtle, lol! Well I've only ever asked him out for drinks lately... last year though, when I was very depressed HE kept on asking for us to meet up and talk...but I would eventually say I didn't want to as I was too upset! Think I'll ask him again soon...he's busy filming for a competition till February so I won't expect him to be sociable till then!:(

rowanlim
17-01-08, 17:59
1. lol, that would be an idea...just he hasn't been getting drunk around me lately... he must have thought out this ploy before even you mentioned it... damn!:p

2. Exactly...but I'm too nice so can't turn him down just yet!:o

3. No this isn't Casanova, this IS my best friend...which is why I always said no... I knew he was a friend and it would be difficult if he tried it on and I would have to turn him down... but then I started liking him so I said yes! BIG mistake!:o

4...God Damn love!:hea:

5. Yeah but it's still rather annoying when he spends more time with her than me and she's always hovering around him!:cen:

6. I'm never subtle, lol! Well I've only ever asked him out for drinks lately... last year though, when I was very depressed HE kept on asking for us to meet up and talk...but I would eventually say I didn't want to as I was too upset! Think I'll ask him again soon...he's busy filming for a competition till February so I won't expect him to be sociable till then!:(

1. If he hasn't been getting drunk, you should try to make him tipsy :vlol: kidding :p

2. Yeah well...you can't be rid of all slime :D

3. It was a mistake, no denying it...sex (or the lack of it) tends to make things sticky.

4. But hell, you like a great guy, right? :tmb:

5. Perhaps he could talk to her more because she's already attached :)

6. Be patient. Then again, don't be complacent, he might use the competition thingy as an excuse if you don't keep track. You've to be a spy hahahahah :pi:

All in all, I think you know what you have to do. Just be objective, prepared & firm in your decisions :)

USP
17-01-08, 20:15
Is he cute?

Another Lara
17-01-08, 20:25
1. If he hasn't been getting drunk, you should try to make him tipsy :vlol: kidding :p

2. Yeah well...you can't be rid of all slime :D

3. It was a mistake, no denying it...sex (or the lack of it) tends to make things sticky.

4. But hell, you like a great guy, right? :tmb:

5. Perhaps he could talk to her more because she's already attached :)

6. Be patient. Then again, don't be complacent, he might use the competition thingy as an excuse if you don't keep track. You've to be a spy hahahahah :pi:

All in all, I think you know what you have to do. Just be objective, prepared & firm in your decisions :)

4.He is a great guy! Just wish he saw me as a great girl lol!

It's weird, when I was talking about him showing more than friendly feelings for me wen he was drunk, the night we got together, we were both as sober as anything! That's gotta mean something right?!:confused:

6. Well he gives me regular updates on how it's going seeing as it's the only way we can talk...movies is how we became friends, so I'm glad that's how we stay together at the mo! He's offered me a lookat the finished product (he's filming an advert), before he sends it off...can't wait...hopefully that means drinks back at his, lmao!:cln:

To give you an idea of what I am up against!Taken the night of the fateful gig...:o
http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c25/Essex_punkette12/n505549359_181009_1482.jpg

USP
17-01-08, 20:30
A mountain man.

rowanlim
18-01-08, 02:55
Well I'd say, take your time to evaluate his feelings...find out what they are first hahaha :D

Yep he's cute...definitely looked like he was up for some "fun" on that fateful gig :)

Another Lara
18-01-08, 12:29
Well I'd say, take your time to evaluate his feelings...find out what they are first hahaha :D

Yep he's cute...definitely looked like he was up for some "fun" on that fateful gig :)

lol, I tried to bring up the situation last night, that we needed to chat, but he didn't get the hint! Too busy enjoying himself in the Isle of Wight atm to read the hints in my texts!:hea:

He is very cute... pity he shaved off the beard though! Keep on asking him to grow it back, but he refuses to!:(

lol, glad I'm not the only one who thinks he looks like a cheeky fellow in that pic! And I didn't even take it!:p

rowanlim
18-01-08, 12:57
lol, I tried to bring up the situation last night, that we needed to chat, but he didn't get the hint! Too busy enjoying himself in the Isle of Wight atm to read the hints in my texts!:hea:

He is very cute... pity he shaved off the beard though! Keep on asking him to grow it back, but he refuses to!:(

lol, glad I'm not the only one who thinks he looks like a cheeky fellow in that pic! And I didn't even take it!:p

Hahahaha I guess you've just got to be more determined to get him in order to set things straight :D

He has a mischevious look about him :mis:

Another Lara
18-01-08, 12:59
Hahahaha I guess you've just got to be more determined to get him in order to set things straight :D

He has a mischevious look about him :mis:

Like I said, he's a cheeky fellow!:whi:

Will not even repeat the sort of texts he sends me... let's just say, they are not full of content you would say to a friend!!!!:cln:

rowanlim
18-01-08, 16:11
Like I said, he's a cheeky fellow!:whi:

Will not even repeat the sort of texts he sends me... let's just say, they are not full of content you would say to a friend!!!!:cln:

Hhahahahahah that's a positive sign of not-so-platonic feelings, right? :)

Another Lara
18-01-08, 17:00
Hhahahahahah that's a positive sign of not-so-platonic feelings, right? :)

You would think that... but then when he's in that sort of mood to send me those sorts of texts (and he usually does at 1 in the morning when he knows I have to get up at 6!), he will barely talk to me the next day... or he says in the text he is intrigued to carry on the conversation on the train home, but then he'll never say anything, he wimps out! Admittedly he hasn't sent me any x-rated texts in nearly two weeks, but still, things can't have changed in that amount of time!:confused:

rowanlim
19-01-08, 05:53
You would think that... but then when he's in that sort of mood to send me those sorts of texts (and he usually does at 1 in the morning when he knows I have to get up at 6!), he will barely talk to me the next day... or he says in the text he is intrigued to carry on the conversation on the train home, but then he'll never say anything, he wimps out! Admittedly he hasn't sent me any x-rated texts in nearly two weeks, but still, things can't have changed in that amount of time!:confused:

Oh well...he's really confusing, isn't he...well just go for it when you're ready alright? :tmb:

He's yours for the taking...that sounds so optimistic! :D

rowanlim
19-01-08, 06:02
EDIT: Sorry for the double post!!! :(

Another Lara
20-01-08, 16:08
Well was so close and yet so far away! :(

Was in London last night with a friend and text him to ask if we could go for a drink near his when I was on my way home. He said it would be real nice to see me, but he didn't know if he'd have the time, so I would have to let him know when I was on my way home...turned out he didn't have the time when I text him again, so no chance of a drink and a chat...yet again!:hea:

Anyway, thanks for all your advice and support Rowanlim... has been valuable each time and gives me lots to think about. Hopefully things will work out soon, and I'll be able to tell a story on here with a happy ending lol! *crosses fingers*:o

James_Rutland
20-01-08, 16:11
My simple answer, no. Job means work. Work means money. Money means everything.

Simply that or find another job, i wish you the best of luck. :)

rowanlim
20-01-08, 16:29
Well was so close and yet so far away! :(

Was in London last night with a friend and text him to ask if we could go for a drink near his when I was on my way home. He said it would be real nice to see me, but he didn't know if he'd have the time, so I would have to let him know when I was on my way home...turned out he didn't have the time when I text him again, so no chance of a drink and a chat...yet again!:hea:

Anyway, thanks for all your advice and support Rowanlim... has been valuable each time and gives me lots to think about. Hopefully things will work out soon, and I'll be able to tell a story on here with a happy ending lol! *crosses fingers*:o

I'm only glad if my advice has helped you in any way :)

Keep trying. So in conclusion, he's not worth losing your job. But he's worth abit more persistence :D

Good luck! :) :tmb: