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View Full Version : Grr damn it... Boyfriend/Teenage problem.


danitiwa
07-02-08, 19:33
Ok, I'll cut to the chase: I'm unconfident. I'm unconfident because I don't have a boyfriend, I see all my friends find some one they like and be with them, and I have no one, and I feel incredibly lonely. I mean, my best friend is dating too, and she doesn't even have to pluck her eyebrows, she doesn't have to do a million facescrubs at night.
Me? I do everything I can, but I get pimples all the time, I hate my broad body, and no. I don't mean I'm fat, I'm very wide shouldered, wide ribbed, wide everything, and curveless.
And yes, I sound incredibly pathetic at the mo. I have no self esteem whatsoever, and I just don't know what to do. All the guys in my class (I mean the group, A. (There's ABC.)) Are idiots, or they're taken.

Maybe this has something to do with the fact that a boy I really liked just got snatched up by another girl, and I feel so jealous it's making me feel like crap? >_> I don't know, I'm messed up at the mo'. Any suggestions? The counselor is busy. XD

PARANOIA
07-02-08, 19:36
Patience is a virtue. :) You will know perfection when you see it.

danitiwa
07-02-08, 19:37
Patience is a virtue. :) You will know perfection when you see it.

Yes, but I keep asking myself what I can improve, I never feel good enough. I feel like a dork all the time, or I feel ugly. Is this a girl thing? :o

Dark Lugia 2
07-02-08, 19:42
Yes, but I keep asking myself what I can improve, I never feel good enough. I feel like a dork all the time, or I feel ugly. Is this a girl thing? :o

Some of my girl-friends think this :p i'm sure it's a girl thing, or you feel left out because you dont have a boyfriend? and your definately not ugly ^.^ hope that helped in any way :p

CuteKittenlol
07-02-08, 19:45
Yes, but I keep asking myself what I can improve, I never feel good enough. I feel like a dork all the time, or I feel ugly. Is this a girl thing? :o

Pretty much. No girl really likes the way they look. I don't know why you're worrying, you're very pretty and boys should like you for who you are, not on that shape of your body (which doesn't sound bad or "ugly" either, infact, I'm a bit wide myself >_>). Can't really help with the pimple bit, I don't really get them, though it doesn't stop anyone from liking/talking to you :)

Ohhh, and you don't need a boyfriend to fit in, its their loss really, you'll find the right person, you're young, you have loads of time to think about stuff like that, I'm sure :p

jamieoliver22
07-02-08, 19:45
Stop being so vain, don't care what other people are like and be yourself. Don't force yourself to be with someone, you will fall in love when the time is right.

danitiwa
07-02-08, 19:45
I keep feeling something's wrong with me. And yes, I feel left out, and maybe it's just a big ugly mix of hormones. I have no idea.


Stop being so vain, don't care what other people are like and be yourself. Don't force yourself to be with someone, you will fall in love when the time is right.

That's what I keep telling myself. But I'm a seemingly bad listener! :hea:

Lavinder
07-02-08, 19:46
I has no one most of my life, I just gave up and said "good things come to those who wait" and then Jamie strolled back in to my life ;).

touchthesky
07-02-08, 19:47
Just hold on, I'm sure you're fine, looks and personality wise.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You will find your somebody. And when you do, you'll realise that all the waiting was totally worth it.

danitiwa
07-02-08, 19:48
I has no one most of my life, I just gave up and said "good things come to those who wait" and then Jamie strolled back in to my life ;).


I know, but I can't stop thinking about it, I don't know... >_>

Titanium
07-02-08, 19:50
I keep feeling something's wrong with me. And yes, I feel left out, and maybe it's just a big ugly mix of hormones. I have no idea.

Just because you havent had a boyfriend doesnt mean there's anything wrong with you. Some people feel insecure about themselves when they see all these other people with bfs/gfs. But in the end you will find that special someone, which will prove that the long wait was worth it. :)

Anajrob
07-02-08, 19:52
Yes, but I keep asking myself what I can improve, I never feel good enough. I feel like a dork all the time, or I feel ugly. Is this a girl thing? :o

I've got same problem and I'm older then you.

I'm 18. :hea:

Lavinder
07-02-08, 19:54
I know, but I can't stop thinking about it, I don't know... >_>

I know how you feel, all of my friends had boyfriends, it was so frustrating and I thought I was really ugly and that no one would love me. But you know from my pictures that I'm not ugly, (although not overly good looking) and I still was not getting anyone - so don't worry, it's not all about image, it's about who is right for you.

myrmaad
07-02-08, 20:00
Dani, you are gorgeous. You need to stop worrying about the "Wrapping" and start just relaxing and being yourself.

Guys are attracted to confidence and great humor. How can you be yourself, when you're worrying about a zit that no one can even see except you! Plus you don't want just any guy, of course. You want that special guy that sees how special you are. He's out there, he's probably wondering where the hell you are!

USP
07-02-08, 20:02
Find a hobby

danitiwa
07-02-08, 20:10
Find a hobby

I have plenty athankyo. :p

@Myrmaad+Lavinder: Thanks for the ressurance. :hug:

Jiji
07-02-08, 20:15
Just don't think about it! And DON"T worry!
Not having a bf is not the end of the world right :D
Spend your time with friends meet new people and ..what you know someone might be your guy. :)

Another Lara
07-02-08, 20:56
I've never had a proper boyfriend and I'm 22, pushing 23!!!

And I can tell you, if the 14 year old me looked into the future and saw the fact that I was still single, I would probably be even more suicidal than I was then...

I was in the exact same situation as you are when I was your age, when you're insecure there's not really anything you can do for yourself or what people can do or say that can make you feel any better.

For one thing, you should not be so obsessed with how you look, and how people think you look, you need to take a deep breath and relax and realise that you are a lovely person both inside and out and whenthe right person come along you'll know...

The last thing you want to do is to get so desperate, that as soon as someone shows an interest you cling to them when you know they aren't the one for you! I've also been there before and I can tell you, everyone involved will only get hurt!

You're only feeling this bad aswell because of your hormones, which are the bane of every teenagers life! Just try not to wallow in your misery, it will not help you at all... just try and remain positive!:hug:

findme
07-02-08, 20:58
Stop being so vain, don't care what other people are like and be yourself. Don't force yourself to be with someone, you will fall in love when the time is right.

She's not saying or hinting one bit that she wants to be someone else, she IS herself, she just feels down that she doesn't have someone, it has nothing to do with "being yourself" at all. The phrase "Be yourself" is completely overused.

tr_mitch
07-02-08, 21:46
From what I read, it seems to me like your making no real effort to get a boyfriend at all. Sure your 'plucking your eyebrows' and 'scrubbing your face'... but then what do you expect to happen once you've done that? They'd simply flock your way all of a sudden?

Have you actually tried talking to other guys and making friendships with these people?

jamieoliver22
07-02-08, 22:00
She's not saying or hinting one bit that she wants to be someone else, she IS herself, she just feels down that she doesn't have someone, it has nothing to do with "being yourself" at all. The phrase "Be yourself" is completely overused.

I was only saying that if she wants to get a boyfriend, just be herself so people will like her for who she is. I never said she was being someone she isn't, I was just saying...

Aztek463
07-02-08, 22:04
Don't worry, guys have confidence problems too. ;)


Like me :(

Voni
07-02-08, 22:06
I'm gonna let you in on a secret: having a boyfriend isn't essential.

I know it feels that way cos all your mates have them, but seriously. It's effort. I love my fella but good God, I wanna throttle him sometimes.

I say enjoy being single while you are. And stop worrying how you look, if you want a boyfriend who wants you to look perfect, you need to rethink what kind of man you want.

jackles
07-02-08, 22:07
I has no one most of my life, I just gave up and said "good things come to those who wait" and then Jamie strolled back in to my life ;).


This is true......I found that oddly once I thought to myself 'stuff it..I don't need a bloke and I am going to have a good time being me' and set about going around without a care in the world then lo and behold a chap would hove into sight!! I think its about not caring about having a chap makes a woman attractive to the opposite sex...independence and all that!
:)

Voni
07-02-08, 22:08
This is true......I found that oddly once I thought to myself 'stuff it..I don't need a bloke and I am going to have a good time being me' and set about going around without a care in the world then lo and behold a chap would hove into sight!! I think its about not caring about having a chap makes a woman attractive to the opposite sex...independence and all that!
:)

Have to admit, this happened to me too! Hmm, methinks it's a good plan...

Deamonella
07-02-08, 22:15
This happens to every girl in a while,but you don't have to worry.You're definitely not ugly,and most boys that girls of your age date are always immature.You're still young,don't rush.It's not a rule to have a boyfriend.I'm 16 and i haven't had a boyfriend at all but it doesn't bother me.

Pa šta ako sve frendice imaju dečka???Nije to toliko važno.:p

Quasimodo
07-02-08, 22:18
You might want look beyond your own school for a boyfriend if you want one that badly. Sounds like you got some slim pickin's over there!

Learn to socialise with as many different people as possible; this'll broaden you chances exponentionally compared to socialising with only one group and waiting for some guy to ask you out out of the blue. What am I doing giving you social advice, anyway? I turn 21 this year and I've never dated nor been kissed :vlol:

Single life isn't so bad. You've got one less person to fight with, you pick up lots of hobbies, and you have more time to study and get better grades in school, focus on your career, etc.

From what I've observed from friends I've known who had boyfriends, it didn't make them much happier(after the initial giddy new relationship high and the gross displays of coupledom).

I'm not going to tell you "Someday a guy will come along..." because the longer you think you're entitled to romance, the longer you'll be unhappy.

Benguitar
07-02-08, 22:27
Hmm, I have/am going through the same thing.

I am girlfriend-less, and have been girlfriend-less ever since I started liking girls, (I am the mascot for rejection). Anyway, I have very low self confidence and I feel just horrid looking.

BUT that all changed on the 28th of January 2008. I prayed to God that He would tell me who is the right one of me, He ended up telling me many times in dreams I an was ignorant and never believed Him, until that day when I felt a spirit come over me and tell me "You are going to marry that girl". He also told me to do 3 things AND He took away all desires for every other girl except the one He said I would marry. I AM dedicating myself to her and that is that.

So my advise is Pray, God will listen, and HAVE faith, It took me six months of praying to here what God told me.

So trust me try it, and the devil WILL try as hard as he can to get you to doubt God and to give up hope but DON'T I didn't and I am feeling really good now, even though am girlfriend-less I know who I am going to marry. Now when He does answer your prayers the devil is STILL going to try to make you doubt and he is still trying to get me to doubt. Sometimes I have to literally say out loud "Devil get away from me." and it works.

And if your not a Christian then you should pray anyway and ask God to come in to your heart, which means you accept that God has a plan for you and even if it isn't what you want you will accept it and do it, and accepting and believing that Jesus died on the cross for YOU.

Just give it a try, you will be surprised what God has to say. :)

thecentaur
07-02-08, 22:29
i feel exactly like you do. i'm a guy so i just skipped the caring about your appearance. most of my friends are dating, too. V_V

screw it to whoever invented valentine's day being a lovey-dovey holiday. :mad: :(

Benguitar
07-02-08, 22:31
i feel exactly like you do. i'm a guy so i just skipped the caring about your appearance. most of my friends are dating, too. V_V

screw it to whoever invented valentine's day being a lovey-dovey holiday. :mad: :(

Diddo, until I start dating my special someone, I hate Valentines Day, Although it makes me think of her more and makes me be thankful that is who God is going to put me with. But it isn't my favorite day of the year, (yet)

RAID
07-02-08, 23:00
Yes, but I keep asking myself what I can improve, I never feel good enough. I feel like a dork all the time, or I feel ugly. Is this a girl thing? :o
You could start by improving that. If you have no self esteem, and do not believe in yourself, you can't expect others to do it for you.

I went through a long phase caring too much about what others think of me, and tried so hard to fit in, that I just ended up unhappy and felt like a fish out of the water. Today it's different. What you see is what you get.

"Don't think I'm good enough? Screw you." I wouldn't wanna be in a relationship where I have to be someone else anyway.

Be yourself, and love it. That's the best advice I can give you. Someday it will happen, just make sure that you're you when it does.

Reggie
07-02-08, 23:05
Be as you are in real life as you are on here. On TRF you always come across as opinionated, lively and with a sense of humour. This is how you are at heart so if you can, go out there and show people that side to you and I'd say its already much more likely positive people will be drawn to you and most likely a boyfriend will be among them loving you for who you are and nothing more. A truly great relationship or even friendship are built on such foundations. :hug:

jamieoliver22
07-02-08, 23:05
Diddo, until I start dating my special someone, I hate Valentines Day, Although it makes me think of her more and makes me be thankful that is who God is going to put me with. But it isn't my favorite day of the year, (yet)

Who says just because 'God had told you' that you are going to be with this certain person, then you will? If you just sit there, thinking that something will happen but don't do anything about it, then nothing will happen anyway. What if she doesn't like you back? Who says she will marry you? Isn't marriage a bit fast? Just because you had a dream that said it would happen? Aren't just dreams a fragment of our sub-conscious and imagination anyway?

I don't intend to start a religious argument, just saying/asking... :p

nick-xx
07-02-08, 23:06
I keep feeling something's wrong with me. And yes, I feel left out, and maybe it's just a big ugly mix of hormones. I have no idea.
That's what I keep telling myself. But I'm a seemingly bad listener! :hea:

Its better this way, then having a forced relationship that guarantee it will just hurt you more than you think.

Rivendell
07-02-08, 23:14
All I have to say -
Dani, you're a great girl. You'll get your happiness eventually! :hug:

GodOfLight
07-02-08, 23:24
Stop focusing on what you dont want, and focus instead on what you do want.

Instead of thinking about how you don't have a boyfriend, start thinking about having one ;)

Encore
07-02-08, 23:39
Stop focusing on what you dont want, and focus instead on what you do want.

Instead of thinking about how you don't have a boyfriend, start thinking about having one ;)

that sounds like a lot of "The Secret" bull**** to me.

:vlol:

I'm in the same situation and I'm starting to realize it's best not to think AT ALL about this, and just forget it and focus your life on other things, like friendships for instance.

Little-Lara
07-02-08, 23:59
One of the weakest things you can do is let someone else take control of your life/emotions. Your still a child, don't just let any boy take control, trust me you don't need that. Cause that leaves a very wide chance of getting hurt again. Short term relief coming from someone else has nothing bad 'negative results' written all over it. Take up several hobbies: piano, music, art, crafts, paper folding, cooking, baking, and then try to perfect yourself at them/it. If you feel bad about how you look, make your traits into something special. Think in the lines of = drumming and making a song using the traits that make you you. Hope these help.

rowanlim
08-02-08, 06:29
Dani, I think you're going through a phase, it's natural to not like the way you look at a certain point of your life :)

1. Know yourself. I'd suggest you to take a piece of paper, write down your strengths & weaknesses. Focus on important things, like attitude & personality, having pimples is not to be on the list! :) You'd be surprised to know it's not easy to write them down immediately :p Once you've written it down, study it. What can you do to improve your strengths? What can you do to reduce/eliminate your weaknesses? You might want to ask your family & friends to help you with this list. Then you've a guideline on how to improve yourself as a person :tmb:

2. Who needs a bf? You should be in a relationship when you've found someone who cares for you & whom you care for, PLUS you're both willing to commit to each other. Don't feel left out or miserable that you're without a boyfriend; things like this comes best when you're not out seeking for it :)

I guess I've said all I can here. Try to get involved in activities to help you develop your maturity & hone your skills. Be happy dani! :hug: :)

deepbluesea
08-02-08, 08:43
Your self worth is more important, accept yourself as you are, not going to change and concentrate on noticing things inside more, what do you like to do, what makes you happy, what makes you tingle etc, Then work up slowly to whats on the outside, It'll change as you grow, you only get to do this once. Once you worked out who and what you are, boyfriends come and go (whether you want them to or not) but your stuck with you. And from what I can tell, theres a lot of good material to work with. :hug:

EscondeR
08-02-08, 09:06
Dani, you'll surely find your Mr. Right not because all other girls have relationships already, but when and because of you realise he is the one. Don't focus on stereotypes, you aren't to be just like the thousand girls around... Damn that phrase, but... Be yourself.

Archetype
08-02-08, 09:54
Ok, I'll cut to the chase: I'm unconfident. I'm unconfident because I don't have a boyfriend, I see all my friends find some one they like and be with them, and I have no one, and I feel incredibly lonely.

How would having a boyfriend make you confident?

Really it sounds like you just want to fit in with these people, but at the same time even if they have boyfriends.. i doubt its anything real, given that hardly anyone at your age can take a relationship seriously. I would suspect that your friends have boyfriends because they want social status, and you shouldn't worry about things like that.. focus on the important things.

Be yourself, think for yourself.

nicola1986
08-02-08, 12:00
I felt the same throughout my teen years, no matter whether I had a bf or not, I think it was just a phase because at that time my body was awkward and I didn't feel very good about myself.

Then I just got sick of being depressed about it and just thought, well I can't change myself so I'm just gonna have to make the best of what I've got.

You have to be careful with the boyfriend thing because sometimes they don't make you feel better about yourself at all, sometimes they can make you feel ten times worse if you end up with the same kind of guys that I did all through my teen years. Talk about kicking you when your down.

ben croft
08-02-08, 12:01
Patience is a virtue. :) You will know perfection when you see it.

Perfection?? Then she will wait forever!

Melonie Tomb Raider
08-02-08, 13:48
Dani, you're an absolutely goregous girl, you have no reason to feel otherwise!

Firstly, a guy will not make you confident. You have to work on that yourself, or it won't get better. Secondly, I know you envy the girls in your class that have boyfriends right now, but honestly, where do you think those relationships are going to lead? Do you think, at their age, that they are going to have long lasting, heartfelt relationships? I think not. Those will come and go so quick, and they're making themselves vulnerable to being used.

My advice to you is to chill out and wait. You're still young, and you don't need a boyfriend, especially right now. There's a wonderful guy out there for you, there really is. If you allow yourself to become desperate, you will end up settling for some loser and miss out on the great man that's out there somewhere.

What do you consider the purpose of dating, really? In all reality, dating is preperation for marriage (unless you plan on having little flings for the rest of your life). So imo, if you're not near ready for marriage, you're not ready for dating. Not to say that you have to be completely ready for marriage when you start dating, but getting there at least.

I waited until I was 20 before having a boyfriend. I got asked out, hit on, bla bla bla and all that good stuff; however, I didn't need a boyfriend in my teens, I was too young. I knew that there was a wonderful man out there for me, and I didn't want to waste my time on another guy (even though there was nothing wrong with most of these guys) because it just didn't feel right. So I waited and prayed about it, and before I knew it, my mr. wonderful came along. :D

Don't waste your time on boys who don't deserve it, hun. What you fail to realize is that you're a lot more special than you give yourself credit for, and you don't need to have a boyfriend just for the sake of it. You're worth more than that. :hug:

CerebralAssassin
08-02-08, 14:20
Some of my girl-friends think this :p i'm sure it's a girl thing, or you feel left out because you dont have a boyfriend? and your definately not ugly ^.^ hope that helped in any way :p

yeap...it's a girl thing.Even some girls that are hot as hell think they're ugly so..(not that I'm calling you ugly...I don't know what you look like).

As for your problem...a boyfriend won't help you with the confidence problem.well,actually..getting a boyfriend will make you more comfident..only temporarily though.If you "coast out"after getting a boyfriend,your confidence will go down again,you have to keep making goals and accomplishing them..

Nannonxyay
08-02-08, 15:29
Ok, I'll cut to the chase: I'm unconfident. I'm unconfident because I don't have a boyfriend, I see all my friends find some one they like and be with them, and I have no one, and I feel incredibly lonely. I mean, my best friend is dating too, and she doesn't even have to pluck her eyebrows, she doesn't have to do a million facescrubs at night.
Me? I do everything I can, but I get pimples all the time, I hate my broad body, and no. I don't mean I'm fat, I'm very wide shouldered, wide ribbed, wide everything, and curveless.
And yes, I sound incredibly pathetic at the mo. I have no self esteem whatsoever, and I just don't know what to do. All the guys in my class (I mean the group, A. (There's ABC.)) Are idiots, or they're taken.

Maybe this has something to do with the fact that a boy I really liked just got snatched up by another girl, and I feel so jealous it's making me feel like crap? >_> I don't know, I'm messed up at the mo'. Any suggestions? The counselor is busy. XD

I've had the problem with liking a boy and then him being stolen by one of my mates who knew that I had feelings for him. I felt soo depressed, but I realized that I'm only young, there's no point in crying over it. I think you're around my age (13-15?) Don't worry about your appearance. I'm quite big, (fat) and I seem to get on fine, I have friends. Looks aren't everything, and If a guy only likes girls for their looks, well then he's just a shallow ***** to be honest. And anyway, everyone's beautiful. You don't need a boyfriend at this time. I have a friend who has a new boyfriend like every week, and she's happy at first, but every time they end, she cries and gets all depressed about it.

Just try and enjoy your life, you have friends and they care for you. That's all you really need. You'll find someone in the future who you'll love and they'll love you back. :wve:

Hope I helped. :hug:

kryptonite23
08-02-08, 15:30
First,you need to focus abotu your dream but not your boyfrined :)

Drone
08-02-08, 18:00
I won't say much now Dani. Anyway it's enough here ...
Just few things. Self esteem and confidence will come. It's just maybe not a good time now but anyway everything will be fine. Don't worry about pimples it's also question of time. If you said they're all idiots and freaks then it makes more reason to not worry about it at all. You will have your time. In such situation there is not to sugest really. Just be yourself and do what your heart tells you to do. Everything more easier than you think. Good luck

Ikas90
08-02-08, 18:28
Dani, you're very young, and I would personally recommend that you don't get involved in any relationships yet. Surely, having a few male friends, just as friends is okay, but you don't have to get involved in a serious relationship. You're at an age when you're still maturing and might not want the same person in a few years. It's a difficult situation, but you don't need to feel bad because you don't have someone. Just wait for the right time and you will find someone. :wve:

danitiwa
08-02-08, 18:29
Really it sounds like you just want to fit in with these people, but at the same time even if they have boyfriends.. i doubt its anything real, given that hardly anyone at your age can take a relationship seriously. I would suspect that your friends have boyfriends because they want social status, and you shouldn't worry about things like that.. focus on the important things.

Be yourself, think for yourself.
Isn't it human to want to fit in?
And it's not cause of social status, at least not my Best Friend, she really is in love, she's been crushing on this guy (Justus) for like a year, and she finally got him.

I really want someone to be with, I couldn't care less about friggen social status. Our class barely has any lol. We just split ourselves into little cliques.
I've had the problem with liking a boy and then him being stolen by one of my mates who knew that I had feelings for him. I felt soo depressed, but I realized that I'm only young, there's no point in crying over it. I think you're around my age (13-15?) Don't worry about your appearance. I'm quite big, (fat) and I seem to get on fine, I have friends. Looks aren't everything, and If a guy only likes girls for their looks, well then he's just a shallow ***** to be honest. And anyway, everyone's beautiful. You don't need a boyfriend at this time. I have a friend who has a new boyfriend like every week, and she's happy at first, but every time they end, she cries and gets all depressed about it.

Just try and enjoy your life, you have friends and they care for you. That's all you really need. You'll find someone in the future who you'll love and they'll love you back. :wve:

Hope I helped. :hug:

Thanks for the boost Mel. :/

Apofiss
08-02-08, 18:45
Isn't it human to want to fit in?
And it's not cause of social status, at least noy my Best Friend, she really is in love, she's been crushing on this guy (Justus) for like a year, and she finally got him.

It's human to want to feel comfortable not to fit in factitious social formation; unlucky to be in such a class/school.

In other words, enjoy your youth, have a bunch of boifriends (nature calls! oh yes it does lol), but for your own sake don't take it too personal after each brakeup. ;)