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sallyboy44
20-04-08, 21:34
A new collection of stories i am writing,starting off with:

Tomb Raider Adventures:The Return of Kurtis

BAM!BANG!Lara was shooting mercenaries as they were coming out of there helicopters."Door for you,Ms.Croft!"Winston yelled upstairs.Lara took of her Virtual Reality Training Combat Helmet,or V.R.T.C.H.,and yelled back,"Coming Winston".
She rushed downstairs to see who was at the door.There she saw Kurtis Trent,the man she had worked with a time ago."Kurtis?"Lara asked."Is that you?Why are you here?"
Zip and alister came out to see what was going on."Who's that?"Alister asked."This is Kurtis,"Lara answered."Who's Kurtis?"Alister asked."We worked together along time ago,"Lara answered."How long a-
"You always have a bloody question on your hand!"Winston yelled."Calm down,Winston,"Lara requested."So anyway,you still haven't answered my question.Why are you here?"

"To see you,"Kurtis answered."Oh Kurtis,"Lara said."Your so-Suddenly,Kurtis pulled a pistol out of his pocket."Kurtis?"Lara said."What are you doing?""You see Lara",Kurtis started,"I've changed over the years.And I see you have too.I've been looking for you over the years,but you haven't tried looking once.Now that I have found you,I see to it that you should die"
"I suppose you haven't forgiven me,"Lara said.Lara held up her guns."I guess I'll have to find out for myself."

To be continued....

This is only the beginning...

Continued!

Zip,Alister,and Winston run for cover in Zip's tech room as Kurtis and Lara shoot the silver bullets across Croft Manor.Kurtis threw a grenade at Lara and she flipped backwards and her bullets went flying straight for Kurtis.
He ducked and flipped and turned to dodge the speeding bullets.The grenade finally went off.They couldn't see through the thick smoke from the grenade blasting in the Mansion.The smoke cleared up and they both noticed one thing:The chandelier was on fire!

Before you knew it,Winston,Zip,and Alister were running out the door,but then Zip came in to get his headset and left again.Lara started running to the door,but then Kurtis yelled,"It's not over yet,Lara!"

Lara turned to Kurtis to see him still holding his .50 caliber pistol."It's either now or never."Lara was confused.Almost all of croft manor was being burnt to flames.Lara squinted her eyes and shot the chandelier to block his path."Come back here Lara!"Kurtis screamed.Lara still ran to the doors."Lara!"

To be continued...

xXhayleyroxXx
20-04-08, 21:42
wow thats really good :D
it makes you want to keep reading!
carry on... lol

xxxx

rowanlim
21-04-08, 04:33
Wow...nice start sallyboy!! :tmb: ;)

Keep writing, I'm waiting for the next part :D

Jedd Fletcher
21-04-08, 05:22
You may want to expound on the description of situations, characters and environments. Immerse the reader in your story, so they can feel the bullets going off, or hear Winston in their ears. Write slowly, make it as dynamic as possible, and don't hop right into the crux of the story.

sallyboy44
21-04-08, 21:29
Part two is now on there!

hope you like it:)

sallyboy44
01-05-08, 20:42
Does No One Care?

amlai
01-05-08, 23:42
Does No One Care?

Stop the spam and the bump Sallyboy...if nobody post, leave the thread die peacefully.

kryptonite23
02-05-08, 02:57
Very nice Introduction there!! :D

Jedd Fletcher
02-05-08, 03:07
I agree with Amlai. Sometimes I get a little impatient and want responses too, thus bumping my own threads. But you must understand there's a lot on the forums, and people will read your work eventually. I can only repeat my earlier advice:
You may want to expound on the description of situations, characters and environments. Immerse the reader in your story, so they can feel the bullets going off, or hear Winston in their ears. Write slowly, make it as dynamic as possible, and don't hop right into the crux of the story.