View Full Version : A Horror Movie Character's Survival Guide

16-05-08, 04:08
I was..stumbling..with StumbleUpon, and it came up with this website with 304 tips to survive a horror movie. It's really long, but pretty funny. I just couldn't read that entire thing and not share it with somebody.

26. When you happen to be one of the fortunate ones and actually make it through the film alive, never, NEVER sign on to do a sequel. If you do, expect to depart this world in the first five minutes.

95. Remember: quaint rural corn ceremonies are NEVER really about corn...

102. If you catch snatches of the theme song, you know the bad thing is close by.

145. If you value your life, stay a virgin.

164. When Granny starts frothing at the mouth it's time to send her to the retirement home.

173. If you are a woman your chances of survival are much much better if you are a good woman. To be a good woman you must

1. Be a natural blond. Blondes with visable roots are the food of choice of 9 out of 10 aliens
2. Be the daughter of a venerable and crusty scientist, preferably the world's leading expert on things with scales, Latin names or way too many legs. You can dramatically increase your chances of survival at this point by following in your father's footsteps and becoming the world's second best leading expert on things with scales, Latin names or way too many legs.
3. Refrain from wearing makeup, in particular red lipstick or nail polish. This is catnip to monsters
4. If it is too late to become a virgin, become frigid and make sure people know about it. The no makeup thing can be a big help here.
5. Be in love with the bad scientist, at least for the first part of the movie BUT at all costs switch allegiances to the good scientist the second the bad scientist begins to mutate.
6. Wear a rip away blouse and learn to faint gracefully. You will be called on to do this alot.
7. Hang around next to the bad woman a lot. It will make you look pure.

A Horror Movie Survival Guide (http://nac.tamu.edu/x075bb/survival.html)