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Gianni Bartoli
30-08-08, 16:58
Okay, I was talking to my friends today, and the topic of children casually came up. One of my friends wants 3 kids, the other wants 4+. I said I didn't want any kids. They replied by saying the following:

"What on Earth would you do all your life?"
"Your life would basically meaningless."
"You'll never truely be happy".
"If your partner dies prematurely, you'll die alone and miserable."

Obviously, I have no problems shaking these comments off; they are obviously false. One of my friends is a gay male, the other is a straight female, and they both have the idea that you're not truley worth anything unless you've had kids. All of the gay couples I know have adopted, and some have even married lesbians and had kids. EVERY person I know, gay or straight, wants and plans to have kids when they're older, so me not seeing any appeal in having/ raising children is disheartening.

How much happiness do you think children bring to your life, and can this happiness be replacted without children? If the answer is 'lots' and 'no' respectively, then that is depressing indeed. :(

P.S. One girl even said, "So you want to live in like a basement alone your whole life?" I explained to her that I will have a career and (hopefully) a partner. She says, "What's the point of having a career if you don't spend your money on children?" and "What's the point of having a partner if you're not going to raise children together?" Crazy.

remote91
30-08-08, 17:01
The people that want the white picket fence life style really do out number the people that don't.

It doesnt make you any less of a person for not wanting children and your friends should be open to what you want to do with your life. You never know, you might want them in the future, but if you have strong feelings that you don't then they should respect that.

thecentaur
30-08-08, 17:02
wellz isn't all organism's goal in life to reproduce? just a thought...

...

CuteKittenlol
30-08-08, 17:03
I don't see anything wrong in not wanting children, because for the longest time I was bleating about how I didn't want any, and one of my friends said "You'll die lonely then", and that made me mad, not having children wouldn't mean you'd die lonely at all. Well, I think I've changed my mind about having them (not because of that comment btw), but that's just me. If you don't want to raise a child, then I think that's fine and perfectly normal :)

Gianni Bartoli
30-08-08, 17:04
wellz isn't all organism's goal in life to reproduce? just a thought...

...

We human beings are a goal unto ourselves, haven't you noticed?

P.S. ^ Deadly serious.

Mad Tony
30-08-08, 17:05
I don't see anything wrong in not wanting children, because for the longest time I was bleating about how I didn't want any, and one of my friends said "You'll die lonely then", and that made me mad, not having children wouldn't mean you'd die lonely at all. Well, I think I've changed my mind about having them, but that's just me. If you don't want to raise a child, then I think that's fine and perfectly normal :)Lol, I guess your friend never heard of boyfriends/girlfriends. :p
It just doesn't make any sense though, because even if you do have kids, they'll probably have moved out by the time you die anyway. :confused:

CuteKittenlol
30-08-08, 17:06
Lol, I guess your friend never heard of boyfriends/girlfriends. :p
It just doesn't make any sense though, because even if you do have kids, they'll probably have moved out by the time you die anyway. :confused:

Yeah, that's what confused me, your partner would (if all went well) stay with you longer than a kid would anyways XD

pEhouse
30-08-08, 17:06
I don't want kids neither. But it seems like since recreating is (was?) our purpose, people can't understand it. I just don't think I'll ever be ready to be a mother. And honestly, when little babies scream it gives me headaches.
What does not having children got to do with living in a basement? lol, I think if you don't have kids you have a lot more chances to have a career, especially as a woman. Don't worry people, I have enough ideas what to do with my partner and spend my money on :mis:

thanatos
30-08-08, 17:07
Growing up I've never wanted children myself, the world is a cruel place and caring about something so much in a world where such bad things can happen to them would be a constant nightmare, plus the idea of raising a child has never really appealled to me. However as I get older and my friends have children of their own I have fallen in love with them (quieten down you at the back!) and I honestlly think it would be a wonderfull experience. I don't feel my life is stable enough at the moment but not too long in the future I do hope to be a father.

I don't think you need children in your life for it to have meaning, nor do I think anyone should ever to try and fit into any sort of preordained order that society has laid out just because we believe that's what we need to lead a happy, normal life. Instead lead you life one day at a time, make big descions when needed but don't try and plan out you entire life yet, you don't know how you'll feel tomorrow.

Angelus
30-08-08, 17:14
There's nothing wrong with not wanting to have children, but I personally want 2 or 3 kids. I've always loved children, and I honestly think I'd be a good father.

Not As We
30-08-08, 17:14
I don't want kids,
I don't want to ever get married either,

the feeling of being tied down really freaks me out,
sure I want a long meaningful relationship,
someone who I can grow old with

but I dont want marriage, or kids,
the 'white picket fence' lifestyle really isn't for me.

Ikas90
30-08-08, 17:14
I actually agree with all four of those quotes:

"What on Earth would you do all your life?"
"Your life would basically meaningless."
"You'll never truely be happy".
"If your partner dies prematurely, you'll die alone and miserable."

On one hand, kids bring happiness to your life. On the other hand, you could worry sick about them. If I had kids, I would probably love them too much that I wouldn't let them go out, as they might get hit by a bus or something. I was once paranoid like this about my girlfriend; I couldn't stop worrying about her. You'll always love your kids more than anything else in the world. If they died, then you would die of a broken heart. That's the one reason I don't want kids at the moment, because now I'm too young and don't want to have such responsibilities now. I want to enjoy life with my wife first, then have kids, who we will fall in love with.

Now I'm not going to mean this in any bad way, but if your wife did die prematurely, at least you'll have your kids. Think about it; if you are alone, then depression will kick in.

Endow
30-08-08, 17:15
Growing up I've never wanted children myself, the world is a cruel place and caring about something so much in a world where such bad things can happen to them would be a constant nightmare, plus the idea of raising a child has never really appealled to me. However as I get older and my friends have children of their own I have fallen in love with them (quieten down you at the back!) and I honestlly think it would be a wonderfull experience. I don't feel my life is stable enough at the moment but not too long in the future I do hope to be a father.

I don't think you need children in your life for it to have meaning, nor do I think anyone should ever to try and fit into any sort of preordained order that society has laid out just because we believe that's what we need to lead a happy, normal life. Instead lead you life one day at a time, make big descions when needed but don't try and plan out you entire life yet, you don't know how you'll feel tomorrow.

Agreed. Sometimes I do think "if someone would happen to them, something tragic, would I be able to be happy?" but on the other hand children have the power to completely change a person's life for the better.

I'm still too young and don't give it much thought...I know I wouldn't consider having a child if I wasn't in a stable and long-lasting relationship so until that comes true it's not even an issue....

rickybazire
30-08-08, 17:16
In life, kids are optional. Some people choose to have them, some choose not to have them. It's entirely up to them.

I personally would like kids, a couple probably. But only once I've got my career sorted so that I can spend more time with my kids.

Mad Tony
30-08-08, 17:17
I actually agree with all four of those quotes:

"What on Earth would you do all your life?"
"Your life would basically meaningless."
"You'll never truely be happy".
"If your partner dies prematurely, you'll die alone and miserable."

On one hand, kids bring happiness to your life. On the other hand, you could worry sick about them. If I had kids, I would probably love them too much that I wouldn't let them go out, as they might get hit by a bus or something. I was once paranoid like this about my girlfriend; I couldn't stop worrying about her. You'll always love your kids more than anything else in the world. If they died, then you would die of a broken heart. That's the one reason I don't want kids at the moment, because now I'm too young and don't want to have such responsibilities now. I want to enjoy life with my wife first, then have kids, who we will fall in love with.

Now I'm not going to mean this in any bad way, but if your wife did die prematurely, at least you'll have your kids. Think about it; if you are alone, then depression will kick in.Yeah, but how does not having kids make your life meaningless? Look at all the great people in history who have achieved great things yet never had kids.

Also, different things make different people happy. Where as one person would be happy with kids, others may not and may want to live all by themselves. That's the beauty of us humans, we're all unique.

Angelus
30-08-08, 17:20
Watching a child grow up is so rewarding, because they do and say things that you would do. I really can't explain it, but it's something that everyone should experience at least once.

remote91
30-08-08, 17:26
Watching a child grow up is so rewarding, because they do and say things that you would do. I really can't explain it, but it's something that everyone should experience at least once.
*Takes breath* Awwwwwwww, so Joe does have a soul :hug:

jackles
30-08-08, 17:27
hmmmm these statements make a basic assumption that just anyone can have a kid...not so.

MY brother and his wife would love to have kids and can't. What if you get with someone who doesn't want kids? What if you can't find a partner at the right time? Maybe you get ill and can't have them?

soooooooooo some people want to have kids but that doesn't mean that it will happen. So you have to make a life for 'you' and be happy and if kids come then you rejoice ...if they don't well you accept fate. (or of course adopt...endure ivf etc)

Priscilla
30-08-08, 17:27
I am childfree also, i always knew i never wanted to have kids, like some people just know they want them, i dont.

Angelus
30-08-08, 17:28
*Takes breath* Awwwwwwww, so Joe does have a soul :hug:

It makes a rare appearance on the right occasion. :p

Not As We
30-08-08, 17:30
Watching a child grow up is so rewarding, because they do and say things that you would do. I really can't explain it, but it's something that everyone should experience at least once.

I know what you mean,

My nephew has lived with us since he was born
and watching him grow and learn about the world around him is an amazing experience,
hearing his first word and watching him take his first steps were some of the best moments of my life,

but it's also showed me, that kids aren't for me,
I love him to pieces,
but i love him handing him back to his mother even more

:D

Minty Mouth
30-08-08, 17:30
There is nothing wrong in not wanting to have chilldren. But still, to reproduce is the meaning of life (maybe not the only meaning of life, but if you think about it, what reason is there to live other than to stay alive and not die out?) Of course i dont think that we should be robots, we should enjoy our lives and live happily, but after long thought i have come to this conclusion :)

I couldnt dream of a life without having children. I would feel so empty and pointless.

Gianni Bartoli
30-08-08, 17:31
Now I'm not going to mean this in any bad way, but if your wife did die prematurely, at least you'll have your kids. Think about it; if you are alone, then depression will kick in.

I NEVER want to be one of those parents who keep their kids around because they're lonely. That's digsusting. :mad: Kids need to grow up and get a life of their own.

thecentaur
30-08-08, 17:32
I don't want kids,
I don't want to ever get married either,

the feeling of being tied down really freaks me out,


same. i have the outgrowing fear of commitment. maaah.

...

Angelus
30-08-08, 17:34
I know what you mean,

My nephew has lived with us since he was born
and watching him grow and learn about the world around him is an amazing experience,
hearing his first word and watching him take his first steps were some of the best moments of my life,

but it's also showed me, that kids aren't for me,
I love him to pieces,
but i love him handing him back to his mother even more

:D

My sister is only 17 months old, and she's just developing her own personality and I can see bits of her in me, and it's amazing. If she hurts herself she'll come to me, and just knowing that she will come to me if she needs help just makes me feel so great. :)

Priscilla
30-08-08, 17:35
I NEVER want to be one of those parents who keep their kids around because they're lonely. That's digsusting. :mad: Kids need to grow up and get a life of their own.

I totally agree with you!

When is say i dont want kids to people, they say: oh, but when youre old, nobody will visit you! then you are alone!
That is just a stupid thing to say, like youre only having kids so you wont be alone when youre old!!!:hea:

Gianni Bartoli
30-08-08, 17:36
I know what you mean,
but it's also showed me, that kids aren't for me,
I love him to pieces,
but i love him handing him back to his mother even more

:D

LMAO! :D It's great having a sister who wants lots of kids; I'll be the rich gay uncle who spoils them - I'll get all the benefits of children without the heavygoing stuff.:tea:

Ikas90
30-08-08, 17:43
Yeah, but how does not having kids make your life meaningless? Look at all the great people in history who have achieved great things yet never had kids.

Also, different things make different people happy. Where as one person would be happy with kids, others may not and may want to live all by themselves. That's the beauty of us humans, we're all unique.

I was referring to a different perspective. These people have achieved great things, yes, but no one knows if they would of been happier with or without a spouse and kids. I wasn't stating my point as fact. I know different things make different people happy. The thing I mostly want money and a career for, is to get to see the world and its amazing places. But sure, to do it with someone you love will be much better.

I NEVER want to be one of those parents who keep their kids around because they're lonely. That's digsusting. :mad: Kids need to grow up and get a life of their own.

It's how I would feel. I would let my kids go out and have lives of their own, of course, but it's just that I will worry about them. I'm not going to be selfish and blinded by my own worry and fear and not let them do what they want. :confused:

What's with the disgusting?

Angelus
30-08-08, 17:44
I was referring to a different perspective. These people have achieved great things, yes, but no one knows if they would of been happier with or without a spouse and kids. I wasn't stating my point as fact. I know different things make different people happy. The thing I mostly want money and a career for, is to get to see the world and its amazing places. But sure, to do it with someone you love will be much better.



It's how I would feel. I would let my kids go out and have lives of their own, of course, but it's just that I will worry about them. I'm not going to be selfish and blinded by my own worry and fear and not let them do what they want. :confused:

What's with the disgusting? I hope that wasn't a pedo comment.

Eh!?

Ikas90
30-08-08, 17:46
Eh!?

It's just the way he said it. "Not letting your kids out because you feel lonely is disgusting". In what way is it disgusting, I didn't understand. For all I know, he could of been thinking I would do something like that to my kids... and I was like WTH.

Nevermind. Carry on.

Angelus
30-08-08, 18:11
It's just the way he said it. "Not letting your kids out because you feel lonely is disgusting". In what way is it disgusting, I didn't understand. For all I know, he could of been thinking I would do something like that to my kids... and I was like WTH.

Nevermind. Carry on.

I think that's just you reading into things too much. No-one mentioned anything like that.

EgyptianSoul
30-08-08, 18:20
There are also some people like me, who are biologically incapable to have children. :pi: To us the whole topic of having or not having children is very personal and painful because we cannot experience the miracle of creating new life.

Melonie Tomb Raider
30-08-08, 18:22
I'm not sure on the matter. To be honest, I don't want to have kids, but I'm pretty sure my boyfriend does, so maybe in the future I might give in, but if I do, it won't be until I'm about 30. Though I still would rather not have kids at all.

Gianni Bartoli
30-08-08, 18:36
I'm not sure on the matter. To be honest, I don't want to have kids, but I'm pretty sure my boyfriend does, so maybe in the future I might give in, but if I do, it won't be until I'm about 30. Though I still would rather not have kids at all.

I wonder how a child would feel knowing the reason he exists is because one of his parents 'gave in'?

On another note, if you were part of a childfree couple, what do you think your fellow Christians would think of you? I know being willingly childfree is a touchy subject with Christians, as they see the purpose of marriage as procreation. This is an honest question btw. :)

There are also some people like me, who are biologically incapable to have children. :pi: To us the whole topic of having or not having children is very personal and painful because we cannot experience the miracle of creating new life.

I'm sorry. :(

Lavinder
30-08-08, 18:42
I'm not sure on the matter. To be honest, I don't want to have kids, but I'm pretty sure my boyfriend does, so maybe in the future I might give in, but if I do, it won't be until I'm about 30. Though I still would rather not have kids at all.

I'm quite surprised, I always imagined you wanting children :).

Personally I've never really wanted children, but I cant help getting all maternal when I see a cute child/baby. Later on in my life when I've experienced everything I want to the full I may have children, also depending on my partners choice of course :p.

Melonie Tomb Raider
30-08-08, 18:48
I wonder how a child would feel knowing the reason he exists is because one of his parents 'caved in'?

Probably about the same as a child who knows they were an "accident". People get way too bent out of shape with what kids might think. I was an accident, my parents never intended on having me, and heck, they were actually disappointed when they got pregnant with my younger brother, but after getting over the "oh crap!" moments, they got excited and are more than happy they had us. The only one of my siblings that was actually "meant" to be born is my older brother.

Having that said, I can honestly say that knowing I was an accident has never affected me in a negative way, because I know that my parents love me and are happy that I came to be. I really don't see it as any different than caving in. :p It's not the end of the world, some people are waaaaaay too sensitive with these issues.

On another note, if you were part of a childfree couple, what do you think your fellow Christians would think of you? I know being willingly childfree is a touchy subject with Christians, as they see the purpose of marriage as procreation. This is an honest question btw. :)


Depends on what Christians you're referring to. You've kind of stereotyped them, because most Christians that I know wouldn't have a problem with it; in fact, again, most Christians that I know do not believe that our purpose in life is to reproduce. I know I don't believe that, and I'm a very spiritual person, as most of you know. If this were the purpose of life, then people who cannot conceive would essentially "have no life", and that is preposterous.

However, I do have a couple of friends that are a bit on the extremist side, which has nothing to do with Christianity, as it is not Biblical, it's just, like I said, extreme. They already dog on me for how I feel, but they also give me crap because I wear makeup, but I really don't give a flying hoot. There's nothing anti biblical about not having kids, OR wearing makeup, so like I said, I really don't care. Most Christians I know are not extreme, so they have no problems with my views.

Moreover, something else I thought I might add, which is something I'm curious about. Has anyone ever felt like they could not have kids, even if they wanted to? By that I mean being physically incapable. For some reason, ever since I was in my pre teens, I've always felt like I couldn't have kids. I don't know if this is true or not, I've never actually went to the doctor, nor do I have any substantial symptoms, but I just feel like I can't have kids. Of course I could be wrong, but that's just how I feel anyway. And I actually wonder if God has made it so that I do not even desire having children as a way to make it easier on me that perhaps I cannot.

I probably sound weird, but I dunno, like I said, I've always felt like that.

Gianni Bartoli
30-08-08, 18:53
^ No I meant some Christians think the purpose of marriage is to have kids; since you've said you want to marry John, I'd assume some Christians might see your marriage as not valid. Nice to know that the ones you know aren't like that though. :)

Quasimodo
30-08-08, 18:56
^ No I meant some Christians think the purpose of marriage is to have kids; since you've said you want to marry John, I'd assume some Christians might see your marriage as not valid. Nice to know that the ones you know aren't like that though. :)

Let them worry about their own marriage and their own salvation.

Melonie Tomb Raider
30-08-08, 19:03
^ No I meant some Christians think the purpose of marriage is to have kids; since you've said you want to marry John, I'd assume some Christians might see your marriage as not valid. Nice to know that the ones you know aren't like that though. :)

Some Christians believe that way, yes, but I find it a ridiculous thought. Like I said, it's not what the Bible says, therefore it's not a Christian theory, it's more extremist than anything. In my eyes, the purpose of marriage is having a life partner to love and nurture, someone that helps you to better yourself, while you do the same for them. Becoming one.

Let them worry about their own marriage and their own salvation.

:tmb:

Drone
30-08-08, 19:04
MY brother and his wife would love to have kids and can't. What if you get with someone who doesn't want kids? What if you can't find a partner at the right time? Maybe you get ill and can't have them?

soooooooooo some people want to have kids but that doesn't mean that it will happen. So you have to make a life for 'you' and be happy and if kids come then you rejoice ...if they don't well you accept fate. (or of course adopt...endure ivf etc)

I'm sorry to hear that about your brother and his wife Jackles.
You're right life can be and is brutal sometimes and anything is possible. Everything can happen.


All I want is to marry one day and have as much kids as I can (or can afford) :)

TRfan23
30-08-08, 19:10
Even though I'm only 15, I don't want to have any children in my life ever!

Since I'm a gay I'll not be having a Hetrosexual relationship. Also, I wouldn't want to adopt, since the child might be raised up and so possibly even get picked on at skl :( Just for having gay parents :(

Night Crawler
30-08-08, 19:41
I don't want kids either, I hate them!

Gianni Bartoli
30-08-08, 19:42
I don't want kids either, I hate them!

lol, I wouldn't go that far...

Indiana Croft
30-08-08, 19:49
I hate children, and I'm bad with them. And if I raised a kid, they'd either end up evil, crazy, resenting me for eternity, or even worse, exactly like me. I'd be doing the world a favor by not reproducing. And I've already made up my mind not to have kids.

Tyrannosaurus
30-08-08, 19:51
Hmm, I'm tempted to post that chapter entitled "The Goddamned Kids" from Oswald T. Pratt's self-hurt book, You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day.

My ex was sterile, which is the greatest argument I personally know for the existence of God, since I'm 99% certain that she would be an abusive parent if it were at all possible for her to conceive. But her toxic personality and evil nature aside, I would have been perfectly content to stay with a sterile woman.

I dislike kids. They're annoying, expensive, and strangely repulsive in ways I can't fully express. I have no difficulty feeling immense affection toward animals or toward my partner, but babies always make me cringe.

From an evolutionary point of view, the whole purpose of life is reproduction, but given that our species is more than thriving, we needn't worry about whether or not we contribute to the human gene pool any longer. There are too many people on this damned planet anyway.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with only contributing a non-genetic legacy to your species. This is what aging bachelors/old maids, homosexuals, euunichs, and priests do. They aren't worth any less to us because they don't reproduce. Anyway, this is the sort of legcay I'd like to leave behind. I want to write something that will outlive me, not to be survived by my children.

Of course, I don't much say in the manner. My nature, personality, and temperment have pretty much assured that I won't even be in a position to seriously worry about it or contemplate it.

Elysia
30-08-08, 20:36
All I can say is simply this: 'wait until you hit 27'... ;)

When I was younger, I always said 'I'll never have kids! I hate children! Never never never!'. And guess what? I'm now 31 and 4 and a half months pregnant with a child that I very, very much want. Thing is, nature is a manipulative, insidious thing that makes you actually physically crave a child - I know it sounds mad and you're probably sitting there saying 'it'll never happen to me!', but believe me... it will. One day, your biological clock will start ticking, and almost against your will, you'll find yourself wondering what it might be like to be pregnant and you'll begin to get broody watching Pampers adverts - when it first happened to me, I was 27 and absolutely disgusted with myself! However, it is totally natural, and nothing prepares you for it -it's like you literally wake up one morning, thinking 'want BABY!!! Want NOW!!!' and you'll half scare yourself to death! :D

TRfan23
30-08-08, 20:39
All I can say is simply this: 'wait until you hit 27'... ;)

When I was younger, I always said 'I'll never have kids! I hate children! Never never never!'. And guess what? I'm now 31 and 4 and a half months pregnant with a child that I very, very much want. Thing is, nature is a manipulative, insidious thing that makes you actually physically crave a child - I know it sounds mad and you're probably sitting there saying 'it'll never happen to me!', but believe me... it will. One day, your biological clock will start ticking, and almost against your will, you'll find yourself wondering what it might be like to be pregnant and you'll begin to get broody watching Pampers adverts - when it first happened to me, I was 27 and absolutely disgusted with myself! However, it is totally natural, and nothing prepares you for it -it's like you literally wake up one morning, thinking 'want BABY!!! Want NOW!!!' and you'll half scare yourself to death! :D

I wonder what it will be like to get pregnant? :confused:

Angelus
30-08-08, 20:42
I wonder what it will be like to get pregnant? :confused:

To get pregnant? Um... not sure what you mean.

Elysia
30-08-08, 20:42
I wonder what it will be like to get pregnant? :D Oh I just realized I'm a boy :eek:
It's hard work, the best time of your life, very, very weird, horrible and fantastic all at the same time. I felt my baby move for the first time yesterday, and it was the single most weirdest yet most wonderful thing I've ever experienced in my life.

A lot of teenagers say 'I'll never have kids!', but in truth, to quote the lovely Mrs. Doyle 'aaaaahhh, y'will...' ;)

TRfan23
30-08-08, 20:43
To get pregnant? Um... not sure what you mean.

woops to be pregnant. Oh yes I'm a boy just realised lol :D

Night Crawler
30-08-08, 20:43
it's like you literally wake up one morning, thinking 'want BABY!!! Want NOW!!!' and you'll half scare yourself to death! :D

Maybe for women, but can you say the same for men? ;)

Angelus
30-08-08, 20:43
It's hard work, the best time of your life, very, very weird, horrible and fantastic all at the same time. I felt my baby move for the first time yesterday, and it was the single most weirdest yet most wonderful thing I've ever experienced in my life.

A lot of teenagers say 'I'll never have kids!', but in truth, to quote the lovely Mrs. Doyle 'aaaaahhh, y'will...' ;)

I'm a teenager (and not a girl :p), and I'd quite happily have children. :D

Nannonxyay
30-08-08, 20:47
Everybody dies alone. When we die, we don't die and somebody dies with us as well so yeah, we do die alone. So, having kids wouldn't make you not die alone. All though, that's my bleak look at the world. Depressing as it is.

Angelus
30-08-08, 20:48
Everybody dies alone. When we die, we don't die and somebody dies with us as well so yeah, we do die alone.

That's a very negative way of thinking for a 13 year old! :eek:

thecentaur
30-08-08, 20:49
Everybody dies alone. When we die, we don't die and somebody dies with us as well so yeah, we do die alone. So, having kids wouldn't make you not die alone. All though, that's my bleak look at the world. Depressing as it is.

someone who understands me :) lol

...

Elysia
30-08-08, 20:50
Maybe for women, but can you say the same for men? ;)
Surprisingly, yes.

When my husband and I talked about having kids, it was definitely driven by my biological need for kids at firat. However, that he agreed to it meant that he did have a need as well (it was a mutual decision, not him just giving in!)... Well, you should have seen him (and you should still see him!) once I actually fell pregnant. He is *ridiculously* excited - not in an 'oooo! I'm having a baby!' point of view, but in the way he constantly goes on about what he is going to do with our child: what he is going to teach him or her, where he is going to take them, the kinds of toys he is going to buy for them etc... it is amazingly cute and wonderful to see. He is also already talking about us having a second one - our first hasn't even been born yet, and already he's on about having another one - this all from a man who never, ever showed the slightest bit of interest in kids ever! It's all down to one thing - when it's your own, it's definitely different. ;)

Nannonxyay
30-08-08, 20:51
That's a very negative way of thinking for a 13 year old! :eek:

Hey, what can I say. I haven't been bought up by religion, or wrapped in cotton wool all my life. I'm glad, because my parents didn't raise me to their beliefs or protected me, because it means I can have a mind of my own.

The only way somebody can not die alone is a double suicide pact. Because of course, two people are both dieing for the benefit of each other, so they're both going to die together.

TRfan23
30-08-08, 20:51
It's hard work, the best time of your life, very, very weird, horrible and fantastic all at the same time. I felt my baby move for the first time yesterday, and it was the single most weirdest yet most wonderful thing I've ever experienced in my life.

A lot of teenagers say 'I'll never have kids!', but in truth, to quote the lovely Mrs. Doyle 'aaaaahhh, y'will...' ;)

:( It's gonna happen to me isn't it? And I'll end up adopting a child into my gay relationship? If I ever have one!

Night Crawler
30-08-08, 20:52
Surprisingly, yes.

When my husband and I talked about having kids, it was definitely driven by my biological need for kids at firat. However, that he agreed to it meant that he did have a need as well (it was a mutual decision, not him just giving in!)... Well, you should have seen him (and you should still see him!) once I actually fell pregnant. He is *ridiculously* excited - not in an 'oooo! I'm having a baby!' point of view, but in the way he constantly goes on about what he is going to do with our child: what he is going to teach him or her, where he is going to take them, the kinds of toys he is going to buy for them etc... it is amazingly cute and wonderful to see. He is also already talking about us having a second one - our first hasn't even been born yet, and already he's on about having another one - this all from a man who never, ever showed the slightest bit of interest in kids ever! It's all down to one thing - when it's your own, it's definitely different. ;)Ok, now I'm worried. I turn 25 next week. that gives me...what...2 years of freedom. http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb24/nightcrawler47/thembarass.gif

:ton:

Seb_01225
30-08-08, 20:55
i don't want kids.
i really just wouldn't be able to handle the responsibility.

Angelus
30-08-08, 20:56
Hey, what can I say. I haven't been bought up by religion, or wrapped in cotton wool all my life. I'm glad, because my parents didn't raise me to their beliefs or protected me, because it means I can have a mind of my own.

The only way somebody can not die alone is a double suicide pact. Because of course, two people are both dieing for the benefit of each other, so they're both going to die together.

Er... okay. :confused:

Lemmie
30-08-08, 20:57
I'm not planning on having children, but if they did happen of course I would support them and be there for them. That wouldn't have to include staying with the mother of course.

I think that the idea that women should always aim to be mothers and men should basically have to support a family is extremely old fashioned. No one has to live by anyone else's rules. The idea that not having children makes your life meaningless is insane - only an individual can truly judge how meaningful their life has been, even if they want to think about life in those terms at all!

Mad Tony
30-08-08, 20:58
The idea that not having children makes your life meaningless is insane - only an individual can truly judge how meaningful their life has beenCouldn't have said it better! :tmb:

Nannonxyay
30-08-08, 20:58
Er... okay. :confused:

:vlol: Oh god. I love creeping people out.

Elysia
30-08-08, 20:59
Everybody dies alone. When we die, we don't die and somebody dies with us as well so yeah, we do die alone. So, having kids wouldn't make you not die alone. All though, that's my bleak look at the world. Depressing as it is.
Dying is the easy part - living is the hard part, and so depriving yourself of potential happiness over some emo sensibility is, well, a tad silly... Live your life! Enjoy it! It's the only one you get, so damn well get the most out of it! :D

Ok, now I'm worried. I turn 25 next week. that gives me...what...2 years of freedom. http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb24/nightcrawler47/thembarass.gif

:ton:
Oh, you are so screwed!! :ton:

I do think that, with men (and this might be completely wrong - it's just what I have seen with my friends who are fathers), a lot of it is driven by being happy with your partner. If you are with someone you love, and then they say 'I want to have kids with you...', it's the ultimate compliment. It means she trusts you, she thinks you can provide for her and that you would be a good father. I have some male friends who, a few years ago, I would never have thought would turn out to be willing and enthusiastic father material - until their kids cam along. Now, they wouldn't have it any other way... :)

Suzan
30-08-08, 20:59
"What on Earth would you do all your life?"
...lmfao. SERIOUSLY? Someone asked that?? Well lets see... I will do everything I wanna do, everything I find fun and stuff that I enjoy... and I won't have any little people running after me, screaming and fighting and yelling 'I NEED MONEYYY/FOOD/ETC'... I will not cancel my holidays or weekend luxuries because a kid needs me or anything like that. Shall I continue?

"What's the point of having a career if you don't spend your money on children?" and "What's the point of having a partner if you're not going to raise children together?" Crazy.

LMFAO! Crazy, very much. I'm sorry, but its just too funny when people don't understand simple things... things that EVERY SINGLE ONE SHOULD KNOW. For example, 'not all the people want the same stuff' or 'everyone is different'. I, for one, don't want to spend my money on someone that I have to push out of my body first (after suffering for 9months, of course) and who will live in the same house with me for AT LEAST 18 years... I need to give that person food, money, love, my precious time... WHY on earth would I want to?

Plus, there's enough (meaning too many) people here already.

So yea, as you can probably see, here's one who will never bring another idiot (=humanbeing) into world :wve:

TRfan23
30-08-08, 21:00
I'm not planning on having children, but if they did of course I would support them and be there for them. That wouldn't have to include staying with the mother of course.

I think that the idea that women should always aim to be mothers and men should basically have to support a family is extremely old fashioned. No one has to live by anyone else's rules. The idea that not having children makes your life meaningless is insane - only an individual can truly judge how meaningful their life has been, even if they want to think about life in those terms at all!

Blimey and I thought that my life was a waste, just because I'm a gay :(

Nannonxyay
30-08-08, 21:03
Dying is the easy part - living is the hard part, and so depriving yourself of potential happiness over some emo sensibility is, well, a tad silly... Live your life! Enjoy it! It's the only one you get, so damn well get the most out of it! :D


I do enjoy life. I love life. I'm not saying I don't want kids, because one day I might like to have some kids, if I meet somebody I love. And I'm not basing this on an emo sensibility. I am probably the most anti-angsty person you could meet. (I like comedy and all that jazz.) I do want to make the most of my life as well. Just thought I'd clear things up. I'm not bothered about death to be honest. I just want to enjoy my life whilst I can.

And I was joking about the whole 'Depressing as it is' thing. :p

Elysia
30-08-08, 21:03
...lmfao. SERIOUSLY? Someone asked that?? Well lets see... I will do everything I wanna do, everything I find fun and stuff that I enjoy... and I won't have any little people running after me, screaming and fighting and yelling 'I NEED MONEYYY/FOOD/ETC'... I will not cancel my holidays or weekend luxuries because a kid needs me or anything like that. Shall I continue?



LMFAO! Crazy, very much. I'm sorry, but its just too funny when people don't understand simple things... things that EVERY SINGLE ONE SHOULD KNOW. For example, 'not all the people want the same stuff' or 'everyone is different'. I, for one, don't want to spend my money on someone that I have to push out of my body first (after suffering for 9months, of course) and who will live in the same house with me for AT LEAST 18 years... I need to give that person food, money, love, my precious time... WHY on earth would I want to?

Plus, there's enough (meaning too many) people here already.

So yea, as you can probably see, here's one who will never bring another idiot (=humanbeing) into world :wve:
:D Oh, how I wish I could save this post and show it back to you in 10 years time...

(For the record, at 18, I thought exactly the same. Needless to say, I've changed my mind somewhat... ;)).

Suzan
30-08-08, 21:06
:D Oh, how I wish I could save this post and show it back to you in 10 years time...

(For the record, at 18, I thought exactly the same. Needless to say, I've changed my mind somewhat... ;)).

Oh, how I wish I could get you to meet my friends who are 26-40 and never wanted and STILL don't want kids :)

So there.

As everyone can see, people are different. Not everyone wants to bring a humanbeing into world. To some, it's about the most pointless thing you can do.

Lemmie
30-08-08, 21:06
Blimey and I thought that my life was a waste, just because I'm a gay :(

I don't understand what you mean. I certainly don't think that gay people's lives are a waste - mainly because I am one. Did you infer that from my post?

I'm worried. :(

Angelus
30-08-08, 21:06
:vlol: Oh god. I love creeping people out.

You didn't creep me out... you confused me. I didn't know what else to say, and that's a first. :ton:

Sedge
30-08-08, 21:10
Well, it's not like it's one's duty to have any - what's with people moralizing about such a matter to begin with? ď_o It's certainly up to you. :p

As for me, I don't know. I'm surely not mature/responsible enough yet for even thinking of having them any time soon.. It's not that I don't like children though, quite the opposite actually. What I'm more concerned about is the fact I need someone of the opposite sex to.. domeafavour:D, and I have these doubts of ever finding a partner due to.. well I don't know really. ˘.˘ We'll see. :whi:

Suzan
30-08-08, 21:11
I think it's one of the weirdest things in the world... you know, the fact that some people actually canNOT believe and understand that someone doesnt want kids. I don't want a motorcycle either! If Im not interested in it, why bother getting one? What am I gonna do with something I'm not even SLIGHTLY interested in? Lol seriously... my sister is 40 and she can't see anything special in kids either. Never had. kids are just small, young human beings. What do you do with one? Well, quite much, if you like them. If not... nothing. I've never seen a child in my life that I would've loved. If someone likes kids, go ahead, fill the world... just let me not be a part of it.

Elysia
30-08-08, 21:15
Oh, how I wish I could get you to meet my friends who are 26-40 and never wanted and STILL don't want kids :)

So there.

As everyone can see, people are different. Not everyone wants to bring a humanbeing into world. To some, it's about the most pointless thing anyone can do.
I know exactly one couple who, at the age of 40, have decided not to have kids (I know others who can't have kids, but that's a different matter). I have other friends who are single and around the ages of 30 - 40 who don't have kids for practical reasons (not in stable relationships). My point is not that you will have kids, but at some point, you will feel the need, because you're, errr, human? even the couple who have decided against having kids admit to still feeling broody at times - they just get their 'kids fix' from the rest of us.

Whether you decide to have kids is up to you, but whether you will ever feel broody is largely up to nature, I am afraid - being human, you are biologically hardwired to want to reproduce at some point in your life - problem is, a lot of people feel ashamed about feeling broody and hide behind a hostile 'I hate kids!' fašade (which is what a mate of mine did for ages - she only admitted the she actually did have broody feelings when she found out I was pregnant, and she confided in me. Hell, I did it for a good year or so - I had spent so long telling people I didn't want kids, it was a huge admission for me to actually say 'err, I've, umm, changed my mind...').

Suzan
30-08-08, 21:18
Well, people who don't know me (no one here does, lol) could easily say I lie... but I don't have any need to. I would admit if I wanted kids. I'm not an idiot, no way. If I like something, I admit it. If I don't, same thing. It's pointless to argue about something like this cos only I know how I feel. I can come back in 20 years and tell you all exactly how I feel about kids then. :):) I'll be very happy to do so. My sister has never had any 'i like/want kids' -feelings either. Or some people I know. Call us freaks or unhuman, but at least we/I are/am honest.

*starts waiting for her 38th bday*

Oh and btw, some people say women go crazy when it's that time of the month ye know... I've never had that either. I'm totally calm and normal during that time also. I am a humanbeing, but seems like the stuff in my brains that works for some (makes them have weird feelings, changes moods etc) doesn't work in my brains. But I don't care!

iamlaracroft
30-08-08, 21:25
Hmm, I'm tempted to post that chapter entitled "The Goddamned Kids" from Oswald T. Pratt's self-hurt book, You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day.

My ex was sterile, which is the greatest argument I personally know for the existence of God, since I'm 99% certain that she would be an abusive parent if it were at all possible for her to conceive. But her toxic personality and evil nature aside, I would have been perfectly content to stay with a sterile woman.

I dislike kids. They're annoying, expensive, and strangely repulsive in ways I can't fully express. I have no difficulty feeling immense affection toward animals or toward my partner, but babies always make me cringe.

From an evolutionary point of view, the whole purpose of life is reproduction, but given that our species is more than thriving, we needn't worry about whether or not we contribute to the human gene pool any longer. There are too many people on this damned planet anyway.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with only contributing a non-genetic legacy to your species. This is what aging bachelors/old maids, homosexuals, euunichs, and priests do. They aren't worth any less to us because they don't reproduce. Anyway, this is the sort of legcay I'd like to leave behind. I want to write something that will outlive me, not to be survived by my children.

Of course, I don't much say in the manner. My nature, personality, and temperment have pretty much assured that I won't even be in a position to seriously worry about it or contemplate it.

I share these exact sentiments.
Children are just simply not part of my plans or aspirations in life.
I enjoy my independence, my income, my lifestyle, my dreams and goals too much to make an irreversible commitment that would consume and ravage me physically, mentally and financially for the rest of my life.

Those who steadfastly protest the idea of having kids should stick to their guns because at the end of the day, some people just should not reproduce.
After all, it's all too easy to say "omg yes" and throw caution to the wind, abandoning all that you once stood for simply on a whim because you're "in love" ...but it is takes maturity and strength of conviction to refrain, to make a conscious, stern decision to stand your ground and say "no, this is something I've already decided I do not want and no person or fleeting moment of 'awwww wouldn't that be so much fun to have a baby?!' will sway or change my mind."

Once you have children, your life as you know it is over.
From then on everything you do will be for your child.
Every penny you earn will go to your child's welfare, education, happiness.
Every want or desire you have will come last after those of your child.
In an instant you become the lowest rank on your own list of priorities and simple things like jetting out of town for the weekend become enormous, insurmountable difficulties that beget only bigger and more complicated issues.

That kind of life?
no thanks.

I personally thank those who do the world a favor by not procreating.
It's a wonderful thing :tmb:

Suzan
30-08-08, 21:28
Once you have children, your life as you know it is over.
From then on everything you do will be for your child.
Every penny you earn will go to your child's welfare, education, happiness.
Every want or desire you have will come last after those of your child.
In an instant you become the lowest rank on your own list of priorities and simple things like jetting out of town for the weekend become enormous, insurmountable difficulties that beget only bigger and more complicated issues.

That kind of life?
no thanks.

I personally thank those who do the world a favor by not procreating.
It's a wonderful thing :tmb:

I've always liked you btw, but now you're my new best friend.

LOL :D

iamlaracroft
30-08-08, 21:33
I've always liked you btw, but now you're my new best friend.

LOL :D

:hug: thanks! :D

Kerrigan
30-08-08, 21:37
I can't stand kids.They annoy me to no end and I've never been able to go along with people younger than myself, even when I was a kid myself.I still prefer the company of people who are 1 or 2 years older than me.

Anyway, this is why I've always thought I'd never want to have kids.I hate being around them and I don't think I'd be able to love and raise one.And there's no turning back once you decided to have a kid.I also hate being responsible for others and having to take decisions for them.When I take a risk, I want to be the only person directly implied in it.

However, when a health problem opened up the prospect of not being able to have children, I started to doubt my decision.I guess it's just the temptation you start to experience when you know you can't have something, because I still doubt I'd be suited for a mother, although my friends are already convinced that they want children in the distant future.Still, I'd like to be able to have a choice.
Who knows, maybe I'll have a revelation.I have plenty of time to change my mind.

Aurelien52
30-08-08, 21:41
I don't want kids.
Baby's cries give me an exeplicable desire to use a knife. :D
And I want to live my life, free to take my belongings and go to another place everytime i Want to. :)

And, anyway , I can't have a child on my own. I should adopt.
And... i don't really want to adopt. :confused: (I'm Gay)

Quasimodo
30-08-08, 21:41
I share these exact sentiments.
Children are just simply not part of my plans or aspirations in life.
I enjoy my independence, my income, my lifestyle, my dreams and goals too much to make an irreversible commitment that would consume and ravage me physically, mentally and financially for the rest of my life.

Those who steadfastly protest the idea of having kids should stick to their guns because at the end of the day, some people just should not reproduce.
After all, it's all too easy to say "omg yes" and throw caution to the wind, abandoning all that you once stood for simply on a whim because you're "in love" ...but it is takes maturity and strength of conviction to refrain, to make a conscious, stern decision to stand your ground and say "no, this is something I've already decided I do not want and no person or fleeting moment of 'awwww wouldn't that be so much fun to have a baby?!' will sway or change my mind."

Once you have children, your life as you know it is over.
From then on everything you do will be for your child.
Every penny you earn will go to your child's welfare, education, happiness.
Every want or desire you have will come last after those of your child.
In an instant you become the lowest rank on your own list of priorities and simple things like jetting out of town for the weekend become enormous, insurmountable difficulties that beget only bigger and more complicated issues.

That kind of life?
no thanks.

I personally thank those who do the world a favor by not procreating.
It's a wonderful thing :tmb:
My dad still managed/s to have many (sometimes pricey) hobbies :p There's still life after children, at least from what I've observed.

I haven't given much thought to starting a family. I know my parents would like to have grandchildren, and I wouldn't mind having a child someday, but I could still see myself being content without children. I'll be a crazy lady with a herd of Boston Terriers :p

Suzan
30-08-08, 21:42
I live for myself, my precious girlfriend and my animals!:hug:

Geck-o-Lizard
30-08-08, 21:46
I don't want kids either. I'm not interested in sex, so that's not likely to burden me with unwanted offspring. :p

If I ever did choose to bring up kids, in fact, I would probably adopt because I believe adoption should be a far more popular option than it currently is. The world's already bursting with humans without me adding even more.

I think anyone who can't imagine how you could live happily without children is merely neglecting to put aside their own vision of an ideal future when they try to imagine yours. ;)

Lavinder
30-08-08, 21:47
All I can say is simply this: 'wait until you hit 27'... ;)

it's like you literally wake up one morning, thinking 'want BABY!!! Want NOW!!!' and you'll half scare yourself to death! :D

I know this exact feeling, It's so overwhelming and I actually feel sad when I have to tell myself that I'm only 16 and I have college and years ahead of me. Then the next morning I will wake up despising the thought of having children.

oocladableeblah
30-08-08, 21:47
I don't think you will be lonely just because you don't have children. I'm on the fence on whether I want children (I am actually probably too young to really be thinking about it). I have a Nephew who is 4 and a Niece who is 2. I wouldn't really want to deal with changing diapers and the crying and all that, but when I see my niece and nephew smile or laugh it just makes my day so much better.
I completely worry about them whenever they are standing on a chair or something my nerves just get shot with worry that they are going to hurt themselves. I am actually not that good with children can't really get that into with playing with them, but then again an I am only 17.

Sure kids may be annoying when they are not yours/ a part of your family, but when they are actually a part of your family and you care for them then it just completely changes and they aren't as annoying.

Draco
30-08-08, 21:49
Everyone wants a legacy...and children are the easiest one to get.

]{eith
30-08-08, 21:50
I don't want kids. I just don't have any desire for kids. I like kids, I just don't ever want any of my own.

takamotosan
30-08-08, 22:20
Kids are a big pain in the ass.

i don't plan on getting married, therefore i don't want kids either.

i'm not the "settle down and have a family" type of guy.

besides, adoption is a huge ordeal that i'd like to pass on.

marla_singer
30-08-08, 22:26
Right now I'm the kinda person who thinks/says "I never want kids," or "What if I'm a terrible parent/too selfish to be a parent?"

But when my sister was my age she felt the exact same way and now 10 years later has an incredible beautiful daughter. So I guess I'm not sure, all I know is that I don't want kids right now.

Though I love being the "cool aunt" who always has time for each of my sister's children, it's kinda uplifting, especially when they go home and I have my own time to myself :D

Lenochka
30-08-08, 22:29
No kids for me...
They would turn out to be spoiled brats lmfao, I can see myself struggling through life trying to give them EVERYTHING they have ever wanted and really corrupting there mind with the idea that this is how it always will be, Would basically give myself to my children... which is something I don't want so I'm going to try to avoid having kids, but who knows... maybe in the future I will consider it? xD

n00b raider
30-08-08, 23:05
Never ever, ever want [to have my own] kids. I mean, I'm glad my parents decided they wanted kids :D, but it's not for me.
I think the world has enough people at 6 Billion and climbing. For me, what would be the point in creating a new human being which, in the long run, will only use up the world's resorces that much faster? The closest I would get to "having" a kid was joining several programs that help help kids in Africa. I might adopt a kid as in "have them live with me", but only might.
Personally, I think I'll have enough trouble finding a career and advancing in it so I can a decent income. I don't need a kid to add to the complications. I know the problems I have/had at my own school(s), and how draining I can be to my own mother.
And I want to be labled a tourist and go all over the world, which I can't do with a kid. Or at least Australia of Hawii or California. But that's not the point.
Anyways, call me selfish, but that's the lifestyle I want to live. So, sorry, Mom, but no grandchildren from me, unless you count my dog. :p

Not As We
31-08-08, 01:07
Blimey and I thought that my life was a waste, just because I'm a gay :(

Never let me hear you say that again,
every life is precious,

no matter if you're straight, gay, bisexual, fully-abled, dis-abled

I'm not religious in any way, shape or form,
but every life is a gift,
and only when we say that our lives are useless, do they become useless,
and dont let anyone tell you any different

:)

back on topic,
I was talking to my friend tonight about kids,
and after a 3 hour talk or something,
I've decided,
I might actually want kids,

i don't know at what time in my life, but if I feel that I've found someone who I can give my heart and soul to,
then I might just consider adoption,

and for me to say that,
it's a kind of turning point in my life,
I realised how much I adore my nephew and how much of an impact he has on my life,
and If i could have that everyday,
Then a child is the way for me

<end of speech>

:D

thecentaur
31-08-08, 01:10
Never let me hear you say that again,
every life is precious,

no matter if you're straight, gay, bisexual, fully-abled, dis-abled

I'm not religious in any way, shape or form,
but every life is a gift,
and only when we say that our lives are useless, do they become useless,
and dont let anyone tell you any different

:)

back on topic,
I was talking to my friend tonight about kids,
and after a 3 hour talk or something,
I've decided,
I might actually want kids,

i don't know at what time in my life, but if I feel that I've found someone who I can give my heart and soul to,
then I might just consider adoption,

and for me to say that,
it's a kind of turning point in my life,
I realised how much I adore my nephew and how much of an impact he has on my life,
and If i could have that everyday,
Then a child is the way for me

<end of speech>

:D

:hug: times 4000
*gives round of applause for speech* :D hehe

...