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MyRaider4Life
19-12-08, 21:21
Well Hello peoples,
After seeing this thread (http://www.tombraiderforums.com/showthread.php?t=142507) I thought I would post my Beginning i have posted it before but It dissapeared.

Here we are.

The game starts with a little flashback moment when Alister dies and then it fades to his Funeral.
Lara, Zip, Winston and Alisters family are all there. Then it zooms to his coffin and Lara puts a little collection of roses on his coffin where his name is engraved.
Then you see a tear hit the coffin, and Lara steps away. Then the priest starts praying, and it zooms away his voice gets lower. The Funeral comes to an end, It starts raining and they get into the limousine and drive past the manor where he died which is still under construcion, Lara gets out of the car, it slowly stops raining, Lara, Zip and Winston walk to the house and see all the workers building away, then they clock off.
Zip goes to where his Tech room was and starts going on about how much equipment he lost and Lara looks at him with a grin.
Then as they leave the side door to the outside area with the fountain Lara see's a crack and without thinking she picks up the nearest hammer and uses the flat end and rips away all the bricks, stone and wood and it reveals a large map of some kind of house (not hers). Then they leave and go to Laras temporary manor and so some research of the house. She then finds out that the house is an old Monastery that her father used to go to.
After asking Zip to get a background check on the Monastery/Church she finds that is is near her fathers old home in the country areas of Abbingdon.
Lara asks if Zip could please get supply transport to the house, He says no becuase it was just after Alisters funeral but Lara insists as like when he died.
It cuts to the house in the country and it a very old house which looks like it was burnt down years ago. After some snooping she finds more information which leads to her trying to find the mysterious Phoenix which resembles the Ashes.

What did you think?
Constructive Criticism.

~*~Chloe~*~
19-12-08, 22:35
I loved it! And I also love that you gave Lara emotion, some people may hate that though. But ah well, I think it was pretty good.

larasbestm8
19-12-08, 22:49
I like it, but like Chloe said, some won't like Lara crying...

God Horus
19-12-08, 23:00
I like it! I wrote a Beneath the Ashes and Lara's Shadow fan fic too :p But yours is really interesting :)

MyRaider4Life
20-12-08, 07:27
Thanks. :hug:

rowanlim
20-12-08, 08:08
Nice work, I agree that it's good but I think Lara crying isn't typical of her ;) :tmb:

MyRaider4Life
20-12-08, 08:11
Changed It

Then as they leave the side door to the outside area with the fountain Lara see's a crack and without thinking she picks up the nearest hammer and uses the flat end and rips away all the bricks, stone and wood and it reveals a large map of some kind of house (not hers). Then they leave and go to Laras temporary manor and so some research of the house. She then finds out that the house is an old Monastery that her father used to go to.

AshesBorn
20-12-08, 10:53
I like it a lot... )) And I think I would like to see Lara crying. She's a human after all and she can let herself cry at her friend's funeral.

just croft
20-12-08, 14:34
I love it! the last part, after they snoop arround the manor that blew up in TRU, seems somewhat rushed, the main idea is there and it's a great one, but try to rewrite it more carefully and it may turn easier to read ;)

MyRaider4Life
20-12-08, 22:59
I love it! the last part, after they snoop arround the manor that blew up in TRU, seems somewhat rushed, the main idea is there and it's a great one, but try to rewrite it more carefully and it may turn easier to read ;)

Actually she does some Raiding or Snooping which we play in her fathers old house.

MattTR
18-01-09, 06:05
Hmm, great ideas, all is pretty good except the part for Lara crying, well it is Legend Lara so yeah, it could happen.. ;)

But yeah I'd love to explore the grounds of the Manor as well, awesome suggestions. :hug:

MyRaider4Life
18-01-09, 06:27
Thanks Matt. :)

dox online
18-01-09, 07:17
Here is some criticism, why doesn't zip get shot in this?
O_o :mis:
(I am just joking, I liked it.)