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in these arms
16-01-09, 17:37
Today, in school I was one of loads to be nominated to go Snowdonia for a few days, a science trip.
Thing is, there was loads of us and there are only 30 places, and to get a place we all need to write a 500 word essay on why me specifically should attend this trip. It has got to be in my next friday.

Now, i'm not one with essays, so I'll need some tips to make it as successful as possible.

Thanks :D

Gabi
16-01-09, 17:40
Thinking of good reasons why you should be one of the privileged might be a good starting point.
Why don't you post your version here and then the members can make suggestions for (possible) improvements?

laralover_07
16-01-09, 17:44
-Make it as polite as possible, you'll have a better chance.

-Think about the meaning of the trip and how it affects/interests you.

-Don't repeat yourself, it makes you sound like you have nothing to say.

-Try to show that you want to go for what you will be doing , and not just because it's a trip.

-Mind your P's and Q's; speeling, Grammar, And Punctuation,

-Don't repeat yourself, it makes you sound like you have nothing to say.

Hope you get in. :D

xMiSsCrOfTx
16-01-09, 17:44
All good essays have an interesting hook; a beginning that grabs the readers' attention. Try to make it unique so it stands out. Obviously you should express your interest for going on this trip throughout the essay, also write about how you'd benefit from going.

Good luck! :tmb:

lararoxs
16-01-09, 17:46
I have been to Snowdonia, doing all the peak walks on last year expedition. Beautiful place!:tmb:

Try to highlight your quality's and strengths, show how you better the rest in specific tasks and thinking. Highlight how you are interested to learn and show interest towards the lesson.

Things like that will make the essay sound personal and positive. Don't make it full of the negatives and weaknesses.

spikejones
16-01-09, 17:50
start with a thesis statement

end with a conclusion that sums up your thesis

fill the rest in with details. Im assuming you are supposed to do a generic 5 paragraph essay.

Paragraph one: Introduction of what you will be talking about and three points to support why it should be you.

Paragraph two: Discuss point A - give supporting argument (about three additional sentences to support point A. Conclude discussion of point A by summing up. - try to lead into/transition to point B

Paragraph three: "" but do it with point B

Paragraph four: "" but do it with point C

Paragraph five: Conclude your argument by pointing out how it is clear to see that you should be the one to go because of the arguments presented in paragraphs 2-4 (points A-B).

Start out with an outline (I know it may sound cheesy... but believe me it works.

I. Thesis Statement
A. topic A
B. topic B
C. topic C
II. topic A
A. supporting argument
B. Supporting argument
C. supporting argument


etc.....
Just start with the rought outline and it will be a heck of a lot easier to write it out in essay form. youll only need at that point to fill it out. not sure how well in depth they want you to go into the essay format, but we always had to introduce and conclude discussion on everything (within the paragraphs, as well as the essay as a whole) and use trasitional phrases between paragraphs.

"In conclusion.." "Summing up..."
"Furthermore..." "Additionally"

for additional info, you can see here:
http://members.tripod.com/~lklivingston/essay/

they may be approaching in a different method than I do, but whatever works best for you.

Mr.Burns
16-01-09, 17:53
Standard essays are made up of three parts: Thesis (intro) body, conclusion. think of reasons why you want to go on this trip. Your intro should be catchy, something that grabs the reader's attention but at the same time clearly states the purpose of the essay. Your body should be used to elaborate on your points that exemplify your thesis. The conclusion should just quickly sum up the point of the essay. Personally, I'd try and sell yourself. Make the essay about how this trip could benefit your educational and career goals.

Spike beat me :p

Lara Croft!
16-01-09, 17:55
Thinking of good reasons why you should be one of the privileged might be a good starting point.
Why don't you post your version here and then the members can make suggestions for (possible) improvements?


Yes, once you have it ready, post it here and we will be glad to tell you what we think!

Tyrannosaurus
16-01-09, 19:55
Screw the formula! That format teaches you how to write like everyone else, and not like yourself. And furthermore, it teaches you how to hate to write.

I once took a college course in writing about literature in which the professor took off points if you developed your thesis statement in four paragraphs instead of three. How ridiculous is that? You must start of with a thesis that says, "I should go on this trip," and end with "And that's why I should go on this trip?" How boring is that? No one wants to read a term paper.

Write clearly, directly, confidently, and completely honestly. Do not boast, but do mention your achievements and what you've learned from them. Write something that you would want to read, that would be worth reading for itself, not what you think they want to hear. Get yourself out there on the page and forget about the stilted formulas you think everyone wants to hear. Tell them a story that only you can tell, which connects to the point of your piece. Do address their main concerns, of course, but remember that you are writing this to showcase yourself, so allow yourself to shine as a peacock in full display.

spikejones
16-01-09, 22:11
^yeah... i can understand where you are coming from actually. we had a special award given out at my High School graduation for best paper written. It was about how much the person hated writing. Never read it myself, but it probably had something to do along the lines of what you are talking about. BUT... if your teacher wants it done a certain way and there is something important being held over your head if you do not do it that way.... better to do it the way the teacher wants. Would hate to not graduate for failure to adhere to policies. makes life tought to not graduate. just get it done and move on with your life. sometimes its better to just go with the flow of how society says things should be done. You can bring your own flair to the game when your lively hood doesnt ride on doing it the "right" way. Besides... following the format doesnt necissarily make it boring. Its only boring if you YOU are boring about it. If you are an eloquent linguistic, you can create a masterpiece in any format presented you.

in these arms
22-01-09, 15:26
This is stressing, I cant think of good ideas to support my points.

God Horus
22-01-09, 15:33
Well, you should add lots of details, maybe even try using figurative language (e.g. personification, similes, metaphors...)

And like some other people said, don't follow a specific guideline on how to right essays, do it on your own and be creative, but make sure you include all the main points (intro, body paragraphs, conclusion) and make sure you add lots of details and examples.

Always remember to have a strong thesis statement which pulls the reader into the essay, and repeat the thesis statement once again in the conclusion but in slightly different words.

If you post what you have so far here, we can try to help you out ;)

in these arms
22-01-09, 15:34
So far,

"My name is Lewis Brereton and I am 14. I feel that I should be allowed a position in the Snowdonia visit because Iím interested in the environment and the activities taking place at the location such as abseiling, mountain biking and walking. I also like to explore new landscapes and take in the beautiful wildlife across the UK. I also work well in groups and can be a good listener and communicator.

Today our environment is damaged by a lot of things within our everyday world such as smoke, factories and other things that poison our Earth. The sea is taking in a lot of oil and other waste products man-made, "

Now you think about it, the thesis statement could be a bit better, what do we think?

spikejones
22-01-09, 17:19
are you lobbying as an environmentalist there, or are you lobbying for a position on the field trip?

im just not seeing how being concerned about smoke will tie in with how you should go on the trip.

also, as a heads up - essay means "I say" therefore it is not necessary to use "i feel" since the fact that it is an essay means that everything in that writing is of your own opinion and not necessarily fact;)

much bolder to come out and say it as fact:

I am going to Snowdonia because I am interested in the environment.
^that sentence can be your thesis. and you can write your essay around that by describing how going to this trip will be good for your interest in the environment.

Quasimodo
22-01-09, 17:33
There's a big jump between your first and second paragraphs. They don't feel like they belong in the same paper. One says 'I love the environment', the next reads like an article on the destruction of the environment. Perhaps you could write about how people enjoy vacationing in exotic locales, but they don't realize the impact they have on the environment that produces those beautiful white-sand beaches, mountain vistas, and that you'd like to go on this trip so you'd be better informed about that impact.

It'd be a lot easier to help you if we knew more about the purpose of this trip. You've said it's got something to do with science, but we don't know exactly what you'd be studying there. Environment? Endangered species? Land reclamation? :confused:

Lavinder
22-01-09, 18:14
So far,

"My name is Lewis Brereton and I am 14 Wont they already know this? It seems like a filler. I feel that I should be allowed a position in the Snowdonia visit. I feel this because Iím interested in the environment and the activities I would be taking place at the location such as abseiling, mountain biking and walking.Now go on to explain why these new skills would benefit you. I also like to explore new landscapes (because?) and take in the beautiful wildlife across the UK (because)?. I also work well in groups and can be a good listener and communicator. How will you do this?

Today our environment is damaged by a lot of things within our everyday world such as smoke, factories and other things that poison our Earth. The sea is taking in a lot of oil and other waste products man-made, " - Scrap this



Really rough, but in essays when you state things you should always expand on them by giving an example or an explanation. :)