View Full Version : Any advice for a person whos parents are splitting up?

27-01-09, 14:10
Just got a rather big shock today...

It's my mums birthday and I came down this morning after waking up and said Happy Birthday. She was crying and really upset then I suddenly get told that she's leaving my dad because she doesn't love him anymore...

I'm so confused and shocked... I don't really know what to do...

I must say I thought everything was fine in my family :( And for this to happen on her birthday as well! :(

27-01-09, 14:12
I'm sorry to hear about that :(

Well are you sure that she's determined to leave him? Could it be a disagreement she can resolve with him?

My advice is never blame yourself for what happened. A divorce is (usually) an issue between the parents, not the child's fault. Never blame yourself.

27-01-09, 14:14
Well she's about to move into her friends house today already...

Logie 12 =]
27-01-09, 14:24
i remember that happening too my parents too. >_<

they should probably try too talk something out, anyway, im sorry too hear about that :(

27-01-09, 14:24
I'm sorry to hear, Phys. My parents divorced last year and it was pretty messy. I'm sure you've heard "it's never the kid's fault" before, and this is true, you have to keep that in mind. Sometimes, two people just grow apart. Your mom just wants to be happy and I can say with confidence she's probably keeping your best interest at heart as well. Who knows? Maybe they'll work things out eventually, but even if they don't, sometimes it's just better for two parents to be apart. That was definitely the case with my parents.

Just don't blame yourself, and don't feel like you can't talk to your mom about it. But ultimately, the problem needs to be handled between your mom and dad and things will be worked out eventually. Keep your head up. :hug:

27-01-09, 14:25
Again, I'm sorry to hear about that :(

Never blame yourself. Support your family; your siblings, your parents as they work through this turmoil. Be strong :hug:

27-01-09, 14:26
My parents have separated but still live in the same house.

Don't worry about it at all. Best advice I can give.

27-01-09, 14:26
well,I don't really know what to say,only that i know how you feel.My parents didn't split up(thank God),but they always argue,since I was a little girl,and I know how much that hurts.

27-01-09, 15:00
Wow, I'm sorry mate. I'd just like to point out that no matter what happens, this is between your parents and has nothing to do with you. My parents split up 3 years ago when I was 20, and because I was older I was dumped with a load of their emotional baggage that I just did NOT need.

Whatever you do, try and distance yourself from their split. It'll hurt like hell but there's nothing you can do about it, it's up to them to sort it out. Like I said it's their issue, not yours.

:hug: I'm sorry mate, I really am. It sucks so hard when this happens. We're all here for you.

27-01-09, 15:04
I'm so sorry to hear that. You have our support here. :hug:

27-01-09, 15:06
Wow, sorry to hear about that. :(

My parents split up when I was around 5 or 6, so I know how you feel. But like everyone else is saying, DON'T BLAME YOURSELF. :D It's just like if a boyfriend and girlfriend feel that the relationship isn't working out; it's only to do with them, it's not anyone else's fault. I would say that it isn't that bad, because since it happened when I was so young, I grew up with it and learned to accept it faster. But seen as you're older, I don't know if it'll be the same. Just be strong, and we're all here for you :hug:

27-01-09, 15:08
Maybe it's nothing real, butin case it is I give you an advice I used when I was littler to try to keep my parents from separating

Beg them not to.. I know it's not a good solution but pretend to cry in front of them, or be angry and try to talk to them.

27-01-09, 16:30
Thanks all for your kind comments :hug:

I accept my mums decision to leave for the time being. I just want her to be happy. Ill try not to get involved too much either. :hug:

27-01-09, 16:36
Sorry to hear it Phys. As rowanlim said a bit earlier, don't blame yourself.

Just be supportive to the both of them, and don't get involved in any arguments, it'll make you feel worse and one of them or both may dislike you a bit later.

27-01-09, 16:47
sometimes, ppl just fall out of love.

27-01-09, 17:18

Yeah that's what I was thinking. I wanna help them both but I know I can't make a difference.. Also that if I start getting involved, one of them might think im taking sides etc.


Thanks for all your comments. I'm glad i decided to post on here now. You've all been very helpful :hug:

27-01-09, 21:54
well,I don't really know what to say,only that i know how you feel.My parents didn't split up(thank God),but they always argue,since I was a little girl,and I know how much that hurts.

Mine were/are like that as well.

I feel your pain. :(

Sir Croft
27-01-09, 22:30
Oh well, I don't have any advice for you, my parents split up when I was 3, too young to understand anything like that.
All I have to say is that I feel sorry for you, it might be hard to see it happening. :hug:

27-01-09, 22:56
well... my parents divorced when I was 5 years old and it sucked for most of my life. it was a hard thing to get over. but at least I got to have 2 christmases every year. ;)

da tomb raider!
27-01-09, 23:02
I'm very sorry to hear that, and I know how you feel. My parents never split up, but they argued every other month, which was tough for me...

28-01-09, 00:20
The past 6 months all they've done is argue but i never expected this to happen... :(

Lara's Backpack
28-01-09, 00:56
I hate how people get so worked up about things like this. Just take on a "**** it" attitude let it happen :D

Maybe I am a little too Nihilistic.

28-01-09, 15:38
By the time the children hear about it, it is usually too late to do anything about it.

Mine split when I was 5. Well split might be the wrong word, my dad changed the locks on the house and threw all her stuff on the front yard.

28-01-09, 16:00
Sorry to hear about this. :hug:

My parents split up after 24 years of marriage when I was 18. Granted, that's almost 20 years ago.... I remember at the time how betrayed I felt, like I had no say and that they were abandoning my sister and I. I know that at 18 I was adult enough to go my own way, but it is hard to see the one thing that is supposed to always be stable in your life dissolve. What ever you do, don't bury your emotions and become bitter. My sister did and it was only 10 years later that she started to heal.

Surprisingly, now that I am on the far end of this divorce, I have come to appreciate the decision my parents made. They were miserable...they did n't speak to each other...they weren't even friends anymore. now, they are REAL people with REAL lives. They have active social lives. My father is remarried (15 years now) and my parents actually speak to each other. They have become the people they were always meant to be. It took a long time, but they are better off.

Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk. It's the beginning of a long journey, but you will all be fine in the end. :hug:

28-01-09, 16:03
The best advice is to support your parents, no matter what they say about each other. It's your opinion that counts.

28-01-09, 23:17
Luckily the split isn't abusive. They are putting me and my sister first and my mum said she'll come over for tea now and again. I guess it will kinda be like it has always been, except she wont be living here. Ill just see how it goes.

Thanks for more comments :hug:

28-01-09, 23:23
Thanks all for your kind comments :hug:

I accept my mums decision to leave for the time being. I just want her to be happy. Ill try not to get involved too much either. :hug:

wtf? even if you didnt accept it your mum wouldnt change her mind for you.

sorry to hear it though.

29-01-09, 00:02
wtf? even if you didnt accept it your mum wouldnt change her mind for you.

sorry to hear it though.

Well i know how that sounds but there's more to it than that. My mum had no family or anywhere to go... my dad still has 2 brothers and a dad... yet he's the one staying and my mums having to leave.

29-01-09, 00:16
Its not nice when your parents split up, but alot of people have been through it so I'm sure you'll have someone to talk to who understands. You mustn't blame yourself though. If your parents are happier apart, then you should feel glad for them and support them both. (My parents spilt up when I was 9, and the events that followed were horrific, but I love them both and they are better individuals when they aren't in the same room as each other)

It'll be okay. :hug:

29-01-09, 00:30
So sorry to hear that. :(

29-01-09, 00:42
Sorry to hear that, as well as others said.

All I can say is that it's probably for the best, really it is.

My parents split up over 10 years ago, and I still love them both the same, and they love you the same as well. :)

Stay positive. :hug: