Neilcroft
01-02-09, 02:53
FED UP by Neilcroft
"Sorry, Lara," Derek laughed as the T-Rex chewed on the tomb raider.
Derek was not really sorry. He was an expert gamer who had played
every single TR game that had come out and cleared every single level
to the point of doing it in his sleep. However, he took perverse joy in
"killing" Lara Croft and, in fact, she had been shot, stabbed, eaten,
drowned, impaled among other things. Derek had also just gotten off a
nasty breakup with his ex-girlfriend so Lara was the perfect foil. 'It's
not like she's even real or has feelings.'
RIIIING! The telephone rang from the kitchen, interrupting Derek's
reverie.
"Guess that's the pizza," Derek mused as he shut off the XBOX and the
television set. "Night, Lara. See you tommorrow."
As he left, he did not see the television and XBOX turn back on and
a certain tomb raider walk to the edge of the screen and glare out,
extremely ****ed off. The next day, Derek got home from work and
turned on the television where GIRLS NEXT DOOR was on. Hef and
his girls, Kendra, Holly and Bridget, were planning a 1930's murder
mystery party. 'Never fails to bring a smile on my face'.
"Hello, Derek." The voice was a familiar posh-accented alto.
Derek gave a start as he turned around and saw a very familiar figure
wearing a very familiar tanktop, khaki shorts and boots. Her features
were twisted in to a mask of controlled fury, save for a seemingly
blood-dripping smile.
"Lara?!" Derek gasped. "Wha--How--What are you doing here? How
are you here and why?"
"You know what they say about characters taking on a life of their
own. As for why I'm here, I'm afraid I have a bone to pick with you."
"Concerning what?" Derek though had an inking what the bone may
have been. Lara glanced at the TV and her lip curled in to a part-
disgusted, part-amused snort.
"What is the appeal of an octogenarian pervert and a trio of empty-
headed trollops? The only thing they have going for them is their
overly-large bosoms."
Derek snorted as he gestured toward Lara's considerable assets.
"Hello, Pot? Meet Kettle."
"Right. I am here because I am getting just a bit fed up with you
always killing me. I can understand the first couple of times. Either
you were a novice or you were getting used to how the system
would work, but day after day, week after week, month after month,
year after bloody year! I am sick of it!"
"How can you be fed up? I mean, no offense, but you're a computer
game. You aren't real."
"I'm not real?" Lara suddenly pinched Derek's arm hard. "Tell me that
isn't real." Derek winced from the pain.
Lara then slapped him then pressed one of her guns against his head.
Derek suddenly felt very hot and sweaty and his pants moisten.
"Tell me THAT wasn't real! I've had to put up with this bloody ****
for over ten years! Why? Because someone has issues and he takes
it out on me."
"Look, it's nothing--" Lara cut him off with another slap.
"Don't you dare say it's nothing personal! Just because you break up
with your bird, just because you had a ****ty day at work, just
because your whole life is a bloody pig's breakfast, I have to suffer
for it! I have to be the bloody foil and I'm ****ing sick if it!"
Derek got up and hugged Lara sympathetically, shocked that a
digitally-created being could be soft and warm to the touch. Yet, he
fought to keep a smile off his lips.
"Look, Lara," Derek began reasonably, "it's not like I one day decide
'let's kill Lara'. The folks of EDIOS do that, plus the model who plays
you do the stunts while they are filming."
"That may be, but none of the other gamers deliberately try to
kill me in such a manner. They actually try to get through the
game with me in one piece."
"That's some gamers and I'm not the only one who takes pleasure in
'killing' you. One of the creators Beard enjoys it as well."
"Well, I had a chat with him, but you're the one who's playing me and
I am tired of being your foil. Either start playing me right or you WILL
suffer for it."
"How? You're only a video game."
Suddenly, Derek found himself in a tropical forest and saw a herd of
raptors heading toward him followed by a giant Tyrannosaurus Rex.
"Oh, ****! Lara! What are you doing!"
"Well," Lara grinned. "Let's see how you do against the T-Rex. Start
firing, he looks very hungry."
Derek sprinted toward the ruin with the T-Rex lumbering toward him
growling and snapping his jaws. For the second time in a half hour,
Derek ****ed himself in fear. What did not help was a certain tomb
raider laughing mockingly at his plight.
"You're supposed to shoot it, not run away."
"What the hell are you doing! I can't do this! I don't want to die!"
"Why not? It's only a game. It's not like any of this is real."
"Screw you, *****! It's nothing personal!"
"Exactly. It's nothing personal. Whether you live or Rex there has
you for dinner is nothing of great importance. I can always reset
the game."
Derek barely managed to escape getting scooped up and stomped
on as he reached the temple. He entered and stopped at a corner
and breathed heavily while catching his breath.
"Okay. Perhaps I was wrong."
"What's that?" Lara smiled.
"I said I'm sorry for "killing" you all these years. I'll try to play the
game right and let you finish."
Suddenly, Derek found himself back in his living room. He dropped to
his knees and kissed the floor as an amused Lara Croft watched. As
he got up, Lara placed a gentle hand on his cheek.
"Now you know how I feel. If I die, I die. It happens, but give me a
chance to finish a level. I do not want to die simply because some
bloke or bird had a bad day and needed to take it out on me."
"Fine. Point taken."
Lara kissed his cheek and left. Derek stared at the door, wondering
if he really did see Lara Croft standing in his living room. Suddenly,
feeling tired, he shut off the television and lay on the couch for
a pre-dinner nap.
THE END
we like?:D all comments are welcome. there are more where this
came from.:cool:
"Sorry, Lara," Derek laughed as the T-Rex chewed on the tomb raider.
Derek was not really sorry. He was an expert gamer who had played
every single TR game that had come out and cleared every single level
to the point of doing it in his sleep. However, he took perverse joy in
"killing" Lara Croft and, in fact, she had been shot, stabbed, eaten,
drowned, impaled among other things. Derek had also just gotten off a
nasty breakup with his ex-girlfriend so Lara was the perfect foil. 'It's
not like she's even real or has feelings.'
RIIIING! The telephone rang from the kitchen, interrupting Derek's
reverie.
"Guess that's the pizza," Derek mused as he shut off the XBOX and the
television set. "Night, Lara. See you tommorrow."
As he left, he did not see the television and XBOX turn back on and
a certain tomb raider walk to the edge of the screen and glare out,
extremely ****ed off. The next day, Derek got home from work and
turned on the television where GIRLS NEXT DOOR was on. Hef and
his girls, Kendra, Holly and Bridget, were planning a 1930's murder
mystery party. 'Never fails to bring a smile on my face'.
"Hello, Derek." The voice was a familiar posh-accented alto.
Derek gave a start as he turned around and saw a very familiar figure
wearing a very familiar tanktop, khaki shorts and boots. Her features
were twisted in to a mask of controlled fury, save for a seemingly
blood-dripping smile.
"Lara?!" Derek gasped. "Wha--How--What are you doing here? How
are you here and why?"
"You know what they say about characters taking on a life of their
own. As for why I'm here, I'm afraid I have a bone to pick with you."
"Concerning what?" Derek though had an inking what the bone may
have been. Lara glanced at the TV and her lip curled in to a part-
disgusted, part-amused snort.
"What is the appeal of an octogenarian pervert and a trio of empty-
headed trollops? The only thing they have going for them is their
overly-large bosoms."
Derek snorted as he gestured toward Lara's considerable assets.
"Hello, Pot? Meet Kettle."
"Right. I am here because I am getting just a bit fed up with you
always killing me. I can understand the first couple of times. Either
you were a novice or you were getting used to how the system
would work, but day after day, week after week, month after month,
year after bloody year! I am sick of it!"
"How can you be fed up? I mean, no offense, but you're a computer
game. You aren't real."
"I'm not real?" Lara suddenly pinched Derek's arm hard. "Tell me that
isn't real." Derek winced from the pain.
Lara then slapped him then pressed one of her guns against his head.
Derek suddenly felt very hot and sweaty and his pants moisten.
"Tell me THAT wasn't real! I've had to put up with this bloody ****
for over ten years! Why? Because someone has issues and he takes
it out on me."
"Look, it's nothing--" Lara cut him off with another slap.
"Don't you dare say it's nothing personal! Just because you break up
with your bird, just because you had a ****ty day at work, just
because your whole life is a bloody pig's breakfast, I have to suffer
for it! I have to be the bloody foil and I'm ****ing sick if it!"
Derek got up and hugged Lara sympathetically, shocked that a
digitally-created being could be soft and warm to the touch. Yet, he
fought to keep a smile off his lips.
"Look, Lara," Derek began reasonably, "it's not like I one day decide
'let's kill Lara'. The folks of EDIOS do that, plus the model who plays
you do the stunts while they are filming."
"That may be, but none of the other gamers deliberately try to
kill me in such a manner. They actually try to get through the
game with me in one piece."
"That's some gamers and I'm not the only one who takes pleasure in
'killing' you. One of the creators Beard enjoys it as well."
"Well, I had a chat with him, but you're the one who's playing me and
I am tired of being your foil. Either start playing me right or you WILL
suffer for it."
"How? You're only a video game."
Suddenly, Derek found himself in a tropical forest and saw a herd of
raptors heading toward him followed by a giant Tyrannosaurus Rex.
"Oh, ****! Lara! What are you doing!"
"Well," Lara grinned. "Let's see how you do against the T-Rex. Start
firing, he looks very hungry."
Derek sprinted toward the ruin with the T-Rex lumbering toward him
growling and snapping his jaws. For the second time in a half hour,
Derek ****ed himself in fear. What did not help was a certain tomb
raider laughing mockingly at his plight.
"You're supposed to shoot it, not run away."
"What the hell are you doing! I can't do this! I don't want to die!"
"Why not? It's only a game. It's not like any of this is real."
"Screw you, *****! It's nothing personal!"
"Exactly. It's nothing personal. Whether you live or Rex there has
you for dinner is nothing of great importance. I can always reset
the game."
Derek barely managed to escape getting scooped up and stomped
on as he reached the temple. He entered and stopped at a corner
and breathed heavily while catching his breath.
"Okay. Perhaps I was wrong."
"What's that?" Lara smiled.
"I said I'm sorry for "killing" you all these years. I'll try to play the
game right and let you finish."
Suddenly, Derek found himself back in his living room. He dropped to
his knees and kissed the floor as an amused Lara Croft watched. As
he got up, Lara placed a gentle hand on his cheek.
"Now you know how I feel. If I die, I die. It happens, but give me a
chance to finish a level. I do not want to die simply because some
bloke or bird had a bad day and needed to take it out on me."
"Fine. Point taken."
Lara kissed his cheek and left. Derek stared at the door, wondering
if he really did see Lara Croft standing in his living room. Suddenly,
feeling tired, he shut off the television and lay on the couch for
a pre-dinner nap.
THE END
we like?:D all comments are welcome. there are more where this
came from.:cool: