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View Full Version : relationships vs. materialism - important?


spikejones
10-03-09, 03:14
According to the two surveys taken:
http://i383.photobucket.com/albums/oo279/stryderjones/trf/datingpsyche.jpg
http://i383.photobucket.com/albums/oo279/stryderjones/trf/moneypsyche.jpg



23% of survey takers (gender negated) appear to have a go getter attitude when it comes to dating/relationships as they prefer to ask people out, rather than to be asked out.
100% of survey takers have appear to have a go getter attitude when it comes to earning money as they prefer to take the opportunity for free money when it is presented, than to wait for different circumstances to arise where money will be given to them.


It is my belief according to these findings that we as a society place more importance on money and other materialistic ventures than we do on relationships.

Sure people have their reasons for not wanting to go out and ask someone on a date, but to be of the mindset that you would prefer to be asked out implies that you are the type to wait. You may wait and wait and wait all you want and things may never come to you. Therefore it seems to me that if we held relationships to be of equal or more importance as compared to money, we would have more of a go getter attitude about seeking out a relationship. Lets look at some of the reasons why someone may have a preference to wait on being asked out. One example is a fear of rejection, a very well founded fear for many people who have tried and faild on numerous occassions. It can cause severe emotional damage to a person in a number of ways. Another example is of an upbringing where society teaches young girls that it should be the man who asks them out. However, lets look at things from the other perspective. Say a person goes out looking for a job because he needs money, but is constantly rejected despite his best efforts. This draws a very close parallel to being rejected by the object of your affection as mentioned aforehand, and can also cause emotional damage. Yet... the person does not quit searching for a job or other means of getting money. The reason for this is because money is important. Money is what the world runs on. Without money, we cannot live - or so society tells us. People can certainly live off the land in the mountains or on an island just as we have done since the dawn of time, with no need of money or other type of trading currency. But the majority of us do not think in this manner. No.. the majority of us are inclined to seek out materialistic comforts and will constantly strive to get those things. It seems to be much the opposite with relationships though. Sure a relationship is nice and can make a person happy, but is it important? Not so important as having money it would seem.

Just to throw in a couple more scenarios to show the overwhelming importance we place on money above relationships. Lets say for instance that a person gets beaten for his money. On the one hand, the person doing the robbing was doing whatever it took to have that money so that they could in turn buy whatever it was they needed to be comfortable or happy. On the other hand, the guy who got robbed because he had money - is not going to swear off of money forever. Quite the opposite will happen in fact. That man is going to work his butt off to earn more money to replace that which he lost so that he can pay his bills and rent and buy whatever things he wants to make himself comfortable and/or happy. I don't see that happening with relationships. When a person has had a bad relationship, it may take a very long time for them to get into another relationship again and in some cases they may never get into another one. Even knowing that having a healthy relationship could make that person comfortable and happy is just not enough to make it worth their while to try again it seems.

Had I come right out and asked the question "do you think relationships are more important than money?" I likely would have been told that relationships are more important. And I still may. I may be told that for any number of reasons ranging from someone not wanting to appear shallow all the way to denial of ones true feelings. However, when you look at the overall statistics of what our mindsets are in regards to getting money and having a relationship, it most certainly looks like we hold more importance on money. I have shown how dedicated people are to getting money despite bad experiences, and in alignment with societal standards - however when you look at things on the relationship aspect, it appears as though bad experiences as well as irrational societal standards will place a person in the mindset that they don't want to go out asking for a relationship.
If you ask me and you want an honest logical answer, I'll tell you that right now in my life I think having money is more important than having a relationship. This is for a few reasons.
A) I need money to do many things that I enjoy doing (as well as obtaining things that I apparently need, like shelter) - which will in turn make me comfortable and happy
B) even though I can be comfortable and happy in a relationship, it is not necessary to have one in order to be comfortable and happy
C) a relationship doesn't guarantee me the necessities of life

Note however that I said "right now in my life". This attitude can most certainly be changed if I were to break free of the mindset that I need money to survive and be happy.

rebuttal/discussion?







one side note though...
the data sets are unbalanced because it appears as though more people are interested in talking about relationships than they are about money... why could that be?

P.S don't get it twisted... I'd love to be in a relationship :hug:
I just wanna see some alternate POV's here. I promise to be nice. :hug:

Nefertiti_89
10-03-09, 03:25
I think you're onto something, and I totally agree that in actual fact money is more important that relationships. Women are forgoing getting married and etc early like they used to to have a career, to make some money. Many marriages end because one party was too into their job and as a result neglected the other.

For me though I am equally as happy with or without both. At the moment I'm dirt poor, and I'm starving, but the silver lining is, I'm gettin thinner! At the moment I have no money, or relationship and I'm quite content. Dont get me wrong I'd love to have enough money to buy a pie for lunch or have a bloke around but like at the moment I'm happy enough just to go with the flow, I get paid tomorrow, I can live till then :).

spikejones
10-03-09, 03:47
yup :D
you can say that I am happy to an extent right now. I wouldn't say that I am truly content with the way things are though. I know that I could be happier if I were doing more stuff that I enjoy doing. Fortunately enough, one of my favorite activities (surfing) requires practically no money aside from buying a board. But then again, I could go old school and build my own. :cln: (but I already have one :D)

I was pondering last night about the possibility of running a grease trap emptying business. Sounds disgusting, but its got benefits. I can live out of a diesel van going anywhere I want to go, being fueled by the filtered preheated vegetable oil (aka bio diesel). The money I'd charge for that would be minimal and really only enough to buy food and water. I could basically go wherever I wanted to whenever I wanted to (as long as I uphold my end of the business deal). I'd basically be much freer doing this than many people are. It would afford me opportunity to see places I'd not been able to before, meet new people, and do things I love to do - not having to worry about a daily work schedule, rent, or bills. I think it would be a very satisfying and fulfilliing way of life, putting less emphasis on money because I wouldn't really need it as much as everyone else does. Now I just need money to start that venture out - and look out Cali, here I come.

rowanlim
10-03-09, 03:56
Sure people have their reasons for not wanting to go out and ask someone on a date, but to be of the mindset that you would prefer to be asked out implies that you are the type to wait. You may wait and wait and wait all you want and things may never come to you. Therefore it seems to me that if we held relationships to be of equal or more importance as compared to money, we would have more of a go getter attitude about seeking out a relationship. Lets look at some of the reasons why someone may have a preference to wait on being asked out. One example is a fear of rejection, a very well founded fear for many people who have tried and failed on numerous occasions. It can cause severe emotional damage to a person in a number of ways. Another example is of an upbringing where society teaches young girls that it should be the man who asks them out. However, lets look at things from the other perspective. Say a person goes out looking for a job because he needs money, but is constantly rejected despite his best efforts. This draws a very close parallel to being rejected by the object of your affection as mentioned aforehand, and can also cause emotional damage. Yet... the person does not quit searching for a job or other means of getting money. The reason for this is because money is important. Money is what the world runs on. Without money, we cannot live - or so society tells us. People can certainly live off the land in the mountains or on an island just as we have done since the dawn of time, with no need of money or other type of trading currency. But the majority of us do not think in this manner. No.. the majority of us are inclined to seek out materialistic comforts and will constantly strive to get those things. It seems to be much the opposite with relationships though. Sure a relationship is nice and can make a person happy, but is it important? Not so important as having money it would seem.

Yeah people are more materialistic these days, you're right because it's more important to get money than to be in a relationship. I know many guys who won't get into a relationship until they're able to afford it, even though the girl WANTS to be with him. I guess people have more practical issues to think about than love.

Just to throw in a couple more scenarios to show the overwhelming importance we place on money above relationships. Lets say for instance that a person gets beaten for his money. On the one hand, the person doing the robbing was doing whatever it took to have that money so that they could in turn buy whatever it was they needed to be comfortable or happy. On the other hand, the guy who got robbed because he had money - is not going to swear off of money forever. Quite the opposite will happen in fact. That man is going to work his butt off to earn more money to replace that which he lost so that he can pay his bills and rent and buy whatever things he wants to make himself comfortable and/or happy. I don't see that happening with relationships. When a person has had a bad relationship, it may take a very long time for them to get into another relationship again and in some cases they may never get into another one. Even knowing that having a healthy relationship could make that person comfortable and happy is just not enough to make it worth their while to try again it seems.

There's a distinction: money is material, love is emotion. You may be able to fight hard to get a job, but you may not be strong/brave enough to open your heart for another chance at happiness. Seeking for love isn't a soft quest, one must be strong to think with/without his/her heart.

If you ask me and you want an honest logical answer, I'll tell you that right now in my life I think having money is more important than having a relationship. This is for a few reasons.
A) I need money to do many things that I enjoy doing (as well as obtaining things that I apparently need, like shelter) - which will in turn make me comfortable and happy
B) even though I can be comfortable and happy in a relationship, it is not necessary to have one in order to be comfortable and happy
C) a relationship doesn't guarantee me the necessities of life

Note however that I said "right now in my life". This attitude can most certainly be changed if I were to break free of the mindset that I need money to survive and be happy.

It's all about prioritizing, right? What comes first at the moment? It's better to hold off relationships you know you're not capable of holding than to enter it thinking it'll work out somehow. It's good to be practical, me thinks :)

one side note though...
the data sets are unbalanced because it appears as though more people are interested in talking about relationships than they are about money... why could that be?

That could be because the majority of our members are still asleep ATM :D

LaraLuvrrr
10-03-09, 03:58
Very interesting. I've been thinking about this lately too. I find many here in the U.S. go after money money money but then they feel lacking in close interpersonal relationships. Where as there are people in other countries who do not have such a high standard of living but yet they can all smile and feel loved because they have close relationships with one another. I think having relationships is so important. When humans were in tribal societies socialization was an important part of maintaining the tribe together. I would say that money is more important then relationships for one's survival. But relationships is more important then money for one's feeling of happiness and "fitting in." Everyone loves to feel like they're a part of something and to be liked. I've been feeling isolated lately... which sux :( but I would have to leave my comfort and material things if I really wana go experience the world like a gypsy and travel from place to place like your idea of the van. I would say do it if it will make you feel satisfied, free, and happy. That is the ultimate key to life. Freedom, happiness, and a feeling of satisfaction with one's life. :)

spikejones
10-03-09, 04:04
There's a distinction: money is material, love is emotion. You may be able to fight hard to get a job, but you may not be strong/brave enough to open your heart for another chance at happiness. Seeking for love isn't a soft quest, one must be strong to think with/without his/her heart.

you do have a valid point there - and to which I agree in regards (even mom told me this same thing basically). however, for me when it comes to my money earning quest - it is in the form of job hunting. And 90% (rough estimation) of job applications have a question on them that are pretty personal to me --- do you have a criminal record? Yes .. I do. And the norm has been for over a year now, that when someone sees that - I get rejected. Its an emotional train wreck for me when that happens. Yes, I did wrong in the past but I'm not the same any more. Nonetheless it is a part of who I am. I'm constantly having to go out and face that same rejection day after day after day hoping that eventually someone will be able to look beyond that little hairline fracture.



That could be because the majority of our members are still asleep ATM :D
they weren't yesterday when I posted it... been twenty four hours at least in fact. (if I'm not mistaken that is - I've been known to be wrong in the past).

Quasimodo
10-03-09, 04:17
I don't think this has anything to do with materialism or valuing money more than relationships. I think it has everything to do with dignity. Some feel the need to preserve their dignity by avoiding rejection (so they preferred to be asked on a date). It is also more dignified to say you'd get out there and earn money than have it handed to you for free.

Punaxe
10-03-09, 13:17
While I think it's probably true what you say, I wouldn't say that it necessarily follows from your surveys. Rowanlim already pointed out a difference that make one's attitude towards these things incomparable. Other differences are that money is earned, relationships are not; money is possessed, partners are not; the only requirement for a relationship is that two people like each other, while everyone believes money needs to be worked for; many institutions and people have something to do with one's monetary situation, while relationships are private, et cetera. Reasons people would (not) go and get money are totally different from reasons (not) to actively seek relationships.

For me, money is more important. Both the working itself and the things I can do with the money earned make me happy. If all goes well, there are no downsides. My relationships have always had pretty heavy negative aspects. I feel I can be very happy on my own, as long as I can do what I want to - and that requires money. I do not feel I can be happy solely as a result of having a relationship.

irjudd
10-03-09, 13:23
I can definitely see your logic in this, but I do consider it to be a matter of interpretation. On the one hand, I can absolutely see that materialism in this world has devalued human relations in some circumstances, even caused some to forget the moral obligation to take care of his own family on a higher level than just monetarily.

On the other hand, they are really two widely different questions that I don't think correlate in the way you're using here, because the context between the two can never be a perfect parallel.

In this world, relationships mean getting your emotions involved, and for what? You can live alone just fine. Some prefer it.

Whereas money, now that is required for survival in the current civilization we're living in.

spikejones
10-03-09, 14:06
I appreciate everyone's input and I can definitely see where you are coming from. those views are no less logical. However I still feel that the importance that we place on something (and its derived positive aspects), be it materialistic or emotion based would - if held important enough (or enjoyed enough where in the case of a relationship that is healthy) - trump the negative aspects associated with said thing/relationship.

For instance, I enjoy skating and biking - lord knows I've fallen many times and broken bones. But I know its fun, so I don't let the negative aspects associated with it deter me from further pursuing it. Those activities aren't necessary - but I enjoy them enough to be able to overcome the negative aspects. Other people may fall a few times and decide that its just not for them.

violentblossom
10-03-09, 14:18
Very intelligent and thought provoking thread, Spike. You seem to be on one hell of a roll with thread lately.

Your theory holds alot of water. I hadn't really thought abot that stuff much before, but it IS true, for the most part in society... think about this theory applied to addiction.

An addict will do absolutely anything to get their fix.. they'll lie, cheat, steal, and basically sell their souls to satiate their physical cravings. Now, if you throw in a relative or a spouse or basically someone who cares for the said individual who is not addicted, they have a tendency to want to pull that person away from the harmful addiction, whether it be a chemical or otherwise. Who is the addict going to choose? It'll be the harmful addiction, 9 times out of 10. Why? Because its much easier that way. Giving stuff up hurts.

rmecpirate
10-03-09, 14:35
It's kinda weird that this thread pops up when I'm going through this very same situation. I've been searching for a job for over a year now, and nothing has come my way. And about 4 months ago, I met this guy and I'm head over heels for him even now. He initiated things, and long story short, I want to be with him, but I think that because he doesn't have a really good job (a waiter at a bar), he's apprehensive about a relationship.

I'm not a materialistic person, and everyone who knows me knows I'm not. However, the need for money to get out on my own is a very dire one. So I split my time trying to find a job and trying to be in this relationship. It's rough, and at times very depressing, but I keep trying...I don't know, I'm weird like that :tea:

spikejones
10-03-09, 21:41
Very intelligent and thought provoking thread, Spike. You seem to be on one hell of a roll with thread lately.

Your theory holds alot of water. I hadn't really thought abot that stuff much before, but it IS true, for the most part in society... think about this theory applied to addiction.

An addict will do absolutely anything to get their fix.. they'll lie, cheat, steal, and basically sell their souls to satiate their physical cravings. Now, if you throw in a relative or a spouse or basically someone who cares for the said individual who is not addicted, they have a tendency to want to pull that person away from the harmful addiction, whether it be a chemical or otherwise. Who is the addict going to choose? It'll be the harmful addiction, 9 times out of 10. Why? Because its much easier that way. Giving stuff up hurts.
very true indeed. I've been on the addiction side of that. And even now with the internet addiction I know I have, my parents constantly try to get me to spend less time on the internet and more time with them, but I find them to be boring a lot. I'm planning on going out tonight to break the routine, go see some "underground" bands play at the Brewery. Hopefully there isnt an admission fee because I have no money.

patriots88888
10-03-09, 22:15
Money will NEVER replace the happiness and joy I get from a genuine, loving relationship with someone I deeply care about who feels the same way for me!

What I said might not be logical, but it is honest and heart felt! And that's all that matters to me!

spikejones
10-03-09, 22:21
fair enough... now I invite you to look at this scenario.

You are homeless and without a penny to your name. It is the dead of winter and all you have is the clothes on your back. In front of you is enough money to start a new life as well as a member of the gender to which you are attracted. There is a connection between the two of you that you know would blossom into a healthy relationship. But... this person is also homeless and without money. Would you go for the relationship or the money? You can only choose one. As soon as you decide, the other one vanishes without any guarantee of returning. They are both there for you and no one else, but you can only choose one. Which would you choose?

patriots88888
10-03-09, 22:29
See my previous post for the answer!

Money comes, money goes! Finding someone you are deeply attracted to on all levels is a rarity and something not to be taken for granted! You may never find it again!

spikejones
10-03-09, 22:52
okay... but that relationship wont feed you food, it wont provide water, it wont keep you warm at night. money doesn't always just come - just like relationships don't always just come. But I guess its hard for a person who has their feet on solid ground and living comfortably to see through the eyes of the less fortunate. I'll tell you right now that I would take the money because it has its uses. It guarantees me the ability to survive because I can use it to buy food shelter and clothing, I can't do that with a relationship. Besides - there's plenty of fish in the sea. Just because I'm letting the one go, doesn't mean there will never be another.

patriots88888
10-03-09, 23:11
While, money doesn't always just come is true, there are means and ways to get by if one is willing to put forth the effort into it! It seems to me that you are bitter and angry by the way life's been treating you lately. I have read enough of your posts to know that you are having financial difficulties in your life. I realize these are seriously difficult times and finding work or any suitable supplement is extremely difficult for many.

I can only base my answer to your question on my own life's experiences, as only anyone can! I wouldn't say what I said if I in fact didn't mean it or sincerely feel that way! If there's "plenty of fish in the sea" as you put it, then why not apply that same reasoning to your current work/financial situation?

spikejones
10-03-09, 23:22
Have you ever driven 30 miles in one direction in one day on a moped that goes 35 miles per hour - looking for work at every likely location? I have. Have you ever driven that same moped in rain, snow, and sleet looking for work? I have. Have you ever scoured countless web resources looking for work - putting in applications and sending resumes to every likely location? I have. Have you ever gone to job fairs and talked to every likely employer? I have. Have you ever signed on with 5 different temp agencies and called them more often than they want you to? I have. Have you ever walked in my shoes? I have. And its not like I'm setting my standards too high, I'm looking at all the same stuff that I've been doing since I was 14 years old. I'm quite certainly not hanging my head in defeat. I've been at this for over a year now. I've been looking not only in one city, but across multiple cities.

Nausinous
10-03-09, 23:28
I actually couldn't care less about money and would rather have love. Research is rather fickle this way, it doesn't apply to everyone because there will and always has been that one irregular number, such as myself.

patriots88888
10-03-09, 23:32
Obviously, you're a fighter, and that's a good thing in this regard! :)

I can only say that I know, because I've seen it first hand, that many people aren't this way. They spend much of their time wasting away in self pity and sorrow instead of channeling those feelings in a more positive way.

Have you considered networking as a possibility? Are there friends who can possibly help and see what they can do to get you into where they are currently working? Hope this doesn't come across as condescending, but it's not so much, "what you know", it's more "who you know", especially nowadays!

spikejones
10-03-09, 23:51
actually... I have family members that are in good position to help me out - if it there were jobs to be had, or if my past wasn't an issue. we can all stand together and fight as one for something to happen, but if rules are rules - there's nothing to be done. My mom is a project team leader and system administrator for Business Objects working with Progress Energy, my Brother in Law is a manager with Kinko's (now known as FedEx Office), my sister works for the Apple Gold home office (which owns Applebee's and Burger King), my step dad is a manager with the state department of emergency management, my cousin owns her own grading business (and even she is out of work and relies on temp jobs now), my old high school friend is now the General Manager of the theater he's been working at for the last 10 years or so, an old buddy of mine works at a restaurant I was applying at etc.. I've done lots of networking towards getting a job, none of it has panned out yet. Sure everyone keeps me posted of job openings at places I may not know about yet - and I follow up. I'm not really flying blind here by any means. I've got people to help me out by putting in good words with their respective companies. Its just tough economic times for one, plus I've got a less than desireable history that makes a lot of people decide to choose someone that may be less qualified over me because either its outright against their policy, or they just feel scared or whatever about hiring me. Like its gonna make me want to steal from them. But whatevs.. Like I said.. I've been at this for over a year and I'm not out stealing stuff even though I have practically no money to my name.

LaraLuvrrr
11-03-09, 18:16
Have you ever driven 30 miles in one direction in one day on a moped that goes 35 miles per hour - looking for work at every likely location? I have. Have you ever driven that same moped in rain, snow, and sleet looking for work? I have. Have you ever scoured countless web resources looking for work - putting in applications and sending resumes to every likely location? I have. Have you ever gone to job fairs and talked to every likely employer? I have. Have you ever signed on with 5 different temp agencies and called them more often than they want you to? I have. Have you ever walked in my shoes? I have. And its not like I'm setting my standards too high, I'm looking at all the same stuff that I've been doing since I was 14 years old. I'm quite certainly not hanging my head in defeat. I've been at this for over a year now. I've been looking not only in one city, but across multiple cities.

Wow dude. That's inspirational. I feel more inspired now to go out and get a higher education. I tend to be lazy :o but your story motivates me to get off my ass and go be the best I can be :).

viper456
11-03-09, 18:30
I personally wouldn't trade my relationship for all the money in the world.

EDIT: I may trade a friend or two....but thats different! :p LMAO

EgyptianSoul
11-03-09, 18:37
I choose love over money. I hate money and the way it's used to control us. :cool:

MiCkiZ88
11-03-09, 18:40
Money doesn't bring happiness to me. It's usefull to have it, but I would rather sleep on the streets with my love than have my own luxury house and live alone. Hell I moved country just to be with my boyfriend I've only known via internet. I value love.

Materialism is pointless. Sure it's great to have a great place to live, but what else? Does that guarantee a life time of happiness? What about after (for those who believe in such things) your life? Or near the end of yours? Look back at what you have achieved and will you be happy?

Oh well, there are different kinds of people who value different things, but to me love and caring is far more important. I do want a job so that I could live on my own with Mitch, but I'm alright with living with his father. Just sometimes you wish for a bit of privacy..

Sometimes I actually wish we would go back to trading instead of working for money..

spikejones
11-03-09, 19:14
good points guys.. it is good to see people who value love more than money :tmb: I was looking from a practical POV and what society as a whole has become in terms of how money is so much more important to survival than love is. I mean sure a relationship can help drag you through the rough times in life when you have no money and are down on luck, but it seems almost as if the "evolution" of society towards having fancy living places and fine dining etc.. has dummed society down as far as really living. Were no longer like a tribe anymore where people used to hunt, gather, etc.. all for the good of the people without expecting to be paid in gold. No. Nowadays its an attitude of "I have something you want, but I'll only give it to you if you pay me for it - other wise you'll just have to go without."

Lara Croft!
11-03-09, 19:32
Money is not important in young ages, even in older ones, as long as you don't have many needs. But if you want to go to the cinema often, eat out, take a taxi etc and your partner can't do all that because he/she has no money, then for some it may be putting off. Personally, I earn my money, so I expect my partner to do the same. I don't care for an extravagant life, but I want me and my partner to lead decent lives financially and be able to spoil ourselves with a journey or an expensive gift once in a while.

Larapink
12-03-09, 00:02
A relationship is more important, no one is ever happy with just money.

silver_wolf
12-03-09, 00:03
as unfortunate as it is, I do believe that more importance is placed on things today than on people.