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View Full Version : I need someone's advice... Child Abuse!!!


ChingKong
15-05-09, 22:47
Sophmore girl on my track team came to school with half of her face swolen and bruises around her lip area. She told me her mother threw a hair brush at her because she forgot to wash some pots. This girl gets home and cleans her whole house and forgets to do sumthing and gets beaten by her mother. I told her that she needs to say something but she doesnt want her little brother and sister to get taken away. She says she's the only child getting physically abused by her mother. Her mother doesn't hit her little brother and sister because their father is present in the household. Her stepfather sexually abuses the little sister. Her little sister is 11 years old. I'm not sure how old her little brother is but he's the youngest. I want to say something so bad but dnt want to make the situation worse. Basically my friends getting abused and i know about it and feel that if i dont say something i'm letting this continue to happen.....

LaraRules81
15-05-09, 22:51
Thats horrible! How could they do such a thing? You should do what you think is best, I would tell someone, or at least persuade her to, but that's my preference. Again, do what you think is best :o

Not much help am I :o

Spong
15-05-09, 22:56
If I were in your place I'd tell your friend that I know what's going on and if she didn't tell someone then I would on her behalf. I'd speak to one of her teachers, if they're doing their job properly they should already suspect that something's up.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

violentblossom
15-05-09, 22:57
Sophmore girl on my track team came to school with half of her face swolen and bruises around her lip area. She told me her mother threw a hair brush at her because she forgot to wash some pots. This girl gets home and cleans her whole house and forgets to do sumthing and gets beaten by her mother. I told her that she needs to say something but she doesnt want her little brother and sister to get taken away. She says she's the only child getting physically abused by her mother. Her mother doesn't hit her little brother and sister because their father is present in the household. Her stepfather sexually abuses the little sister. Her little sister is 11 years old. I'm not sure how old her little brother is but he's the youngest. I want to say something so bad but dnt want to make the situation worse. Basically my friends getting abused and i know about it and feel that if i dont say something i'm letting this continue to happen.....

Okay, something definately needs to be said. If nothing is done about it, then nothing is going to change, and who's to say that the poor girl won't have broken bones next time, or worse?

I know she doesn't want the other children to be taken away because they aren't physically hit, but being witness to abuse is pretty traumatizing emotionally in itself, and that's hogwash anyway because the little girl is being sexually abused. Oh dear.. what an ungodly situation we have on our hands.

Saying something is not going to make things worse.. not if you go to the right people.

I fully suggest asking your parents advice on who to tell, although my bets are on the police.

You can't sit idly by.. you should support your friend the best you can and at least try to get her some help.

I know its not the easiest thing to bring these types of issues to the attention of others when you're not involved, but it definately cannot hurt, at the very least.

Nannonxyay
15-05-09, 22:57
You need to contact the authorities immediately. There is no excuse for a parent to treat their child that way. And the stepfather sexually abusing the girl is terrible, so of course you should inform the police. It's better for them to be as far away from their abusive parents as possible.

ChingKong
15-05-09, 23:14
thank you everyone...im considering talking to my teacher thanks again

violentblossom
15-05-09, 23:18
thank you everyone...im considering talking to my teacher thanks again

i don't know what all your teacher can do, but you might try telling a few people, just to make sure something's done.

Spong
15-05-09, 23:24
i don't know what all your teacher can do

They're obliged to report everything of this nature to the appropriate authorities. As the first step to telling someone, a teacher is a person ChingKong may feel more comfortable talking to perhaps?

SamuelCroft
15-05-09, 23:25
A teacher at least. I've had a similar experience with a friend of mine. Go with your friend to tell someone your teacher involved with pastoral care, of you have one, wither that or a competent teacher who won't over react. If you are close enough, make sure you give your friend hugs and be close to her. She needs to know people still care for her. The authorities might be a big step just yet. It may however be something that will come into play later on.

Whatever happens, make sure you don't take this too hard on yourself. Make sure you are still happy and in control. :)

All the best. :hug:

Fdx Croft
15-05-09, 23:25
I'm not very good at giving advices... I've never been through this... but I can tell you have to comunicate this to other people... maybe some adults you trust or authorities...

Hope everything will be ok :(

Admles
16-05-09, 03:38
The best thing you can do is tell someone in authority, don't make any accusations, just say what you have heard, and then keep far away from it and don't get mixed up in it. You don't KNOW what's going on, and the last thing you want to do is make wild accusations and be wrong.

Tell someone in authority, and let them handle it.

Sir Croft
16-05-09, 03:42
Tell her she needs to call the big guys, otherwise this will go on and on and may even get worse. Talking to your teacher could be a good idea.

elizard_9594
16-05-09, 03:57
you need to talk to this girl, not just go tell on her. she doesnt need to be told on, she needs a friend at the time she's going through. just talk to her and see if there's anything you can do. tell her that she is hurting her little siblings by not saying anything, and that isnt the way she can go. maybe she can go live with a grandparent or something. but if you go and tell someone behind that girl's back, she is goint to HATE you. this is her decision to make about telling someone, and she decided to confide on you. if you go and tell on her, she is goig to hate you because you went behind her back and she felt like she could trust you, but you went and gossiped about her just like any other person would. it may not actually be that way, but it would seem so to her at the time. its her decision, you just need to give her a little nudge in the right direction.

violentblossom
16-05-09, 04:06
you need to talk to this girl, not just go tell on her. she doesnt need to be told on, she needs a friend at the time she's going through. just talk to her and see if there's anything you can do. tell her that she is hurting her little siblings by not saying anything, and that isnt the way she can go. maybe she can go live with a grandparent or something. but if you go and tell someone behind that girl's back, she is goint to HATE you. this is her decision to make about telling someone, and she decided to confide on you. if you go and tell on her, she is goig to hate you because you went behind her back and she felt like she could trust you, but you went and gossiped about her just like any other person would. it may not actually be that way, but it would seem so to her at the time. its her decision, you just need to give her a little nudge in the right direction.

He wouldn't be telling on her because she didn't do anything wrong. :confused:

She obviously needs help, and when someone's being abused, its extremely difficult for them to seek help for themselves, whether that be due to shame or something else.

If i were in Changeling's position, i'd much rather have her be mad and me than her be unsafe.

In bad cases like this one, if affirmative actions is not taken quickly, then there can be very dire consequences.

Going to a responsible and helpful adult isn't gossiping.. it might just save her life.

I was abused as a child and i waited years beofre i told anyone, and by that time is was too late, the guy who did it walked away, and because i didn't say anything, someone else may have been abused as a result. That's hard to live with.

Tjw croft
16-05-09, 04:08
Seeing as I unfortunately have been in a slightly similar situation, I have advice:

Talk to a teacher, and do what you must to keep your friend and her siblings away from the parents. I know it sounds extreme, but it works. Make sure that she's there when you talk to whatever teacher you do talk to. If possible with her brother and sister.
If, and when you are asked by the authorities what you know, tell them all you do know, and make sure that these people are sent to jail.
Also, talk to your parents about the possibility of adopting your friend and her siblings.
But remember that it's key that this be done with the consent of your friend, and when there is evidence of these happenings that can be photographed, and used in a court of law.

Talk to your friend all you can, ok?

That's all I can say on the web. I'd give you better, but it may not conform with most moral codes. I hope that what I have given you can work.

Draco
16-05-09, 04:49
Do what you would want someone else to do for you if you were in the same situation.

ChingKong
16-05-09, 05:47
thank you for the thoughtful replies everyone...i'm still not entirely sure of what to do but i've talked to my mother about it....

spikejones
16-05-09, 05:55
here's my take on it. she wants something to be done about it, but is to scared to do so herself. you need to do what she is too scared to do. sure.. she may hate you for it now, for some obscure reason. But, in the long run - if things get taken care of - she will be grateful that you did so. Here's the thing, women in abusive relationships wish like hell that their husbands would stop beating them every night, yet they stick around in the relationship for some stupid reason or other. Be it fear, be it "all my stuff is here", be it whatever. Victims of domestic violence rarely if ever do the smart thing and A) leave / B) report it to the authorities (or both). Its sad, but thats the way it goes. People end up sticking around in the relationships because "he's a nice guy when he's not beating me" or they even get so sick and twisted after awhile of stewing in that filth that they start saying "well I deserved it because [insert stupid reason here]" Eventually, someone gets arrested after a neighbor reports it - or someone gets killed.

So which do you want to see more?
Your friend temporarily mad at you, but alive - or your friend continuing to get beat and possibly getting killed. Something also needs to be done about the little sister being molested as well. What you are describing is a totally disfunctional family and some sorting out is in order. So yeah, I'd recommend going to the authorities regarding the issue.

rowanlim
16-05-09, 05:55
Sophmore girl on my track team came to school with half of her face swolen and bruises around her lip area. She told me her mother threw a hair brush at her because she forgot to wash some pots. This girl gets home and cleans her whole house and forgets to do sumthing and gets beaten by her mother. I told her that she needs to say something but she doesnt want her little brother and sister to get taken away. She says she's the only child getting physically abused by her mother. Her mother doesn't hit her little brother and sister because their father is present in the household. Her stepfather sexually abuses the little sister. Her little sister is 11 years old. I'm not sure how old her little brother is but he's the youngest. I want to say something so bad but dnt want to make the situation worse. Basically my friends getting abused and i know about it and feel that if i dont say something i'm letting this continue to happen.....

Tell her to tell the police/welfare dept. The abuse will be worse if the adults aren't stopped. It's good that you spoke to your mom, better to get her opinion of it.

ShadyCroft
16-05-09, 07:11
This is ABUSE. Period. It needs to be reported. I know your friend is scared for her brother and sister, but even if they're not abused, they're living in an environment that is not any better.
She says she's afraid they may take her brother and sister away, but surely they don't take them away to quarantine or something...she makes it sound bad.
No, the welfare will simply take care of you all, and your friend can still be with them during this hard period.
Also, you as a good friend can be of vital support. You can stand by her and support her and ease her pain.
Standing back with crossed arms will do nothing but make things worse.

Hope things turn out better. :)

Edit: I see you've told your mom. Having another adult in on this is good. Your mum could be of good asset in this situation as well.

Voni
16-05-09, 08:41
I think maybe you and your mom could go and speakl to a teacher about this. Teachers are a good place to go because as it's already been mentioned, they have to report anything like this by law, and if it comes from them I feel maybe the authorities will take it more seriously.

Maybe another idea is to try and keep a log of everything this girl tells you? Then you have a timeline and some form of proof if this ever escalates.

Rai
16-05-09, 11:50
You've made a good start by telling your mum. Hopefully she may now go to Social Services or the police and they can investigate further.

Is there a Child-line number that can be called? Its a free number that anyone who suspects child abuse can phone. It's completely free and confidential. I don't know where you live, so I don't know what services are available. UK Childline: 0800 1111

You say your friend is worried her brother and sister will be taken away? I'm pretty sure that Social Services will do all they can to keep all children together as much as possible. But all three of them need to be taken away from their parents. Your friend is being hit, her sister abused sexually, that should be more than enough for the authorities to do something. I just hope they don't wait too long or the parents aren't just given parenting lessons or something :(.

I wish all the best for these children, they need protecting.

Johnnay
16-05-09, 11:55
You've made a good start by telling your mum. Hopefully she may now go to Social Services or the police and they can investigate further.

Is there a Child-line number that can be called? Its a free number that anyone who suspects child abuse can phone. It's completely free and confidential. I don't know where you live, so I don't know what services are available.

You say your friend is worried her brother and sister will be taken away? I'm pretty sure that Social Services will do all they can to keep all children together as much as possible. But all three of them need to be taken away from their parents. Your friend is being hit, her sister abused sexually, that should be more than enough for the authorities to do something. I just hope they don't wait too long or the parents aren't just given parenting lessons or something :(.

I wish all the best for these children, they need protecting.

agreed

about the child line thingy i think it has to be an anyomyous thing as well( or something like that)

i dont know stuff like this but chingkong its also better to listen to other ppl in the same situation as those other ppl you are talking about for help as well as mums in this forum:D

hope that helps:D

jackles
16-05-09, 12:24
I work in a school and you should always express any concerns to teaching staff, there are procedures in place to report such things. Plus you don't say which country you are in (unless I missed it) but in the uk she can ring childline. Are there such things in other countries? Also the NSPCC in the uk may help for anyone in the uk who may also be having these issues. Try googling child protection for your country and see what help you can get.

madderakka
17-05-09, 22:16
I wouldn't wait for her to want you to report it. Victims of abuse often feel that they deserve it on some level. If you're in the US, you can call your local department of children and family or child protective services line. Just google your state and you should be able to find it. If you want, you can pm me and I'll help you find it. My mom works for them in her state, so I'm familiar with the process. In the US it is completely confidential and they cannot tell the family who reported them.