View Full Version : Tomb Raider Legend Diaries

12-07-09, 07:00
http://img.tomshardware.com/us/2006/05/17/maxing_out_your_graphics_card_with_tomb_raider_leg end/tomb-raider-legend-packshot.jpg

Intro to my somewhat lame diary.
Yes.. this will most likely be lame. I'm not a very creative person, and after all.. there isn't much justice I can do to this game. But I will try my best.
This wont be an honorable entry, so my diary will be filled with lame pictures and rude jokes (well, rude for some people. Others might have a different sense of humor). You will be able to see where I got my inspiration from.. I have only read ]{eith's AOD diary, and I love his humor. so My diary will be basically the same, but with my own love in it :hug:.

The games "revamped" system...
So the game got a revamp after AOD did it? yes.. you can clearly see that. Although its hated by some, and loved by others. I'm most likely in the middle.. I find it enjoying to play, but I hate it for changing the Tomb Raider series. But thats enough of that. This is a diary, not a bashing thread..
Lara's controls seem to be greatly.. smoothened? simplified I would put it. She is now not a tank, and doesn't take 20 minutes to turn around. She has auto grab (ohh fancy!) and can flip over peoples heads..

The games story...
The whole story spans over 3 whole games.. Its about Lara finding her mummy, who got sucked into a portal and was supposably sent to Avalon. That is really ALL its about... except for an addition of Lara's old friend, Amanda, who she thought died in Peru. This game is seriously just about mummy and daddy issues...

I will be rating the levels as I go, with each score being a number out of 5.
So lets just say.. Bolivia. If i loved it, 5/5... if I hated it, 1/5. I will also give more detail on what I thought about the way the level was set out, and the difficulty. (this will be a very short diary...)
enjoy :wve:

Bolivia - 3/5
Peru - 4/5
Japan - 3/5

12-07-09, 07:23
Ill be sure to keep an eye on this! :tmb:

12-07-09, 10:37
Bolivia - Bloody tourists...

YAY! linear..

We start with little Lara on a plane with her mummy, drawing yeti in a notebook (the drawings are as **** as the story line). Then all of a sudden BAM! they have a cheesy one liner that causes the game itself to overload, therefor causing the plane to crash. Lara looks terrified and her mum miraculously survives a briefcase to the head. Next thing I know is that Lara is now older and she's climbing up a cliff... We then soon find out that Lara is searching for a giant rock.. I start off at the top of a cliff face (one that Lara just dived onto and then climbed up... it wasn't all that epic) She then starts babbling on about artifacts and old friends. After the text appears telling us what to do (which is lame T_T... I hate being told what to do) it appears that the idiots in the newly added ear piece are never going to shut up. Right now I feel like stabbing anyone who comes near me.
I walk up and jump over a broken down stone bridge... the water below the little bridge is probably filled with STD's, I'm not touching that ****! The obsessive music in ****ing me off. why not just let us have our peace!?!
I payed someone 90 bucks to do this on a stage last night..

I do a flippy handstand, that seems to be allot faster than I remember... a pool over to the left of me is just screaming "SWIM IN ME *****!" so I do. When I get out I have Lara telling me how lovely her swim was... she was only in there for a few seconds... when I climb up the ledge in front of me, an annoying and uncalled for cutscene appears... than the man on the ear piece, named Zip, makes a lame joke about Lara eating her PDA.. apparently every woman loves to feast upon modern electronics... I move on and see a fat ass boulder in my way. That just wont do. I get Lara to push it off the edge and then quickly hop over to the other ledge in front of me. OH LOOK! a vine! Lara's fat ass just cant contain herself, she quickly jumps onto it and climbs like a monkey up the top.

like.. ZOMG! my nails!

ANOTHER VINE! give her a banana and she'll fit right in.. when I finally finish monkeying around I see another vine.. oh boy. I quickly make Lara jump and grab it, swinging over to the other side. I go through a waterfall and down a small cave, outside I jump over to another ledge, and then an annoying cutscene shows me where to go... I'M NOT ****ING 5! I know what to do!! any fun of being able to find my way around this level, by myself, has now been diminished. I follow the route that the camera demanded me to go. It leads to the top of the waterfall that I jumped through before.
Up ahead there appears to boulders blocking my way.. any guess of what's going to happen next. Sure enough all the **** around the boulder breaks because of Lara's fat ass footsteps that make the earth shake. I run away. when it passes me, Zip blabbers on about how I nearly died.. I swear, if I could stab that ***** right now I would. I followed the river to a rock which happened to be conveniently placed beneath some tree branches that look perfect for swinging on. Lara swings around the branches like a stripper from the 80's and ends up on a ledge. just as I make her jump over to some other ledge, a cutscene follows.. showing me a man with a gun on the phone talking to someone.. he looks and sounds like a complete douche bag. I climb up and waste no time spraying lead into his chest.

take THAT! you rapist scum..

The **** tard took a few bullets before hitting the ground. Behind me seems to be some sort of large block that I can climb onto, to push another block onto a fallen tree. This seems so simple my grandmother could do it.
When I push the block onto the tree, it flips up the other side and brings up a branch out of the STD filled water. I make Lara grab onto the branch and swing up to another ledge... the ledges sure have long life spans in this game. But they're so obvious, even Helen Keller could spot them a mile away. I make my way down the river and my path is blocked by some giant wheel thing covering an archway door thing... The text on the screen tells me to throw my rappel hook at it and pull it. Why could I not just figure this out myself? I would have gotten it sooner or later, even if I had stood there and just mashed different buttons on my controller...

**** radio active spiders. STD filled water gives me the strength I need.

Lara has no problem ripping out her grapple and pulling the large, heavy looking object. It falls into the water and crumbles away... the water is so full of STD's it burns the remains of it like acid.
A quick jog through the archway and yet again... another cutscene showing me two men that appear to be complete and total noobs. Lara sneaks out behind them (into the water!!) and the gameplay starts up again.. they still stand there and talk about burning monkeys with cigarets. I feel angry that there was no monkeys for me to burn and fill with lead. so I take my anger out on them. they die fast... no competition in this game. I ignore the annoyance of the *****es talking through the mic and move onto a fat white ledge that's screaming "CLIMB ME *****!". I do. A few pole swings later and I swing across a vine, and it appears that another douche bag is trying to kill me. I waste him, and follow the oh so very obvious path. I come to a temple, and a cutscene appears (again..) Lara is overlooking the temple and then a heap of douche bags come in jeep and helicopter. Finally, I get to slaughter some noobs.

i iz on a car

I make my way down a slope and slaughter all the rapists below (its easier to think of them as that). Once they're all dead I make my way up the steps of the temple... but I'm soon interrupted by another cutscene, showing me yet again, 2 more noobs that try and shoot at Lara... when will they ever learn. They run into the temple like crying little babies, but I can soon hear them getting smooshed to paste. NEWBS!! Lara goes inside and I quickly jump over a pit of spikes, and up a heap of chains. through a cave and down some more chains. I run down a corridor and swan dive into the water at the end, swimming around the water I find my way to land and hop out. Down a few steps and around the corner there is a jaguar. I show it my wrath and blow it away with my newly acquired assault rifle. Through a few WALLS OF DOOM! death traps and I'm in a room with a giant door and a teeter-totter, with a couple of boxes scattered around. It comes apparent to me that I have to use the teeter-totter to get the boxes that are down a ledge, up to where I am standing... pure genius T_T

Boxes arrant the only thing that Lara can make go up...

I do that and get the door open, not before disposing of the annoying jaguar below. As I step through the door, an interactive cutscene starts... I hate these. I push the responding button sequence and Lara makes it over a giant hole. Down another corridor and I'm in a room with freaky poles and another annoying jaguar. The first thing that comes to mind when I see the poles is.. imagine the gogo dancers and crack whores that filled this place... I make it across the "strategic" pole puzzle... and up a ledge. Down another small corridor and a cutscene begins as I am about to run outside. The cutscene shows Lara having a little flashback memory of her and her mommy. Lara finds a sword and pokes it (stupid *****) which starts up a portal. Lara's mother starts screaming out to Lara for some fire wood. When she sees what Lara just done she slaps that ***** to the ground (not really) and goes all delusional, talking to random voices that only she can understand... either that or Lara's mum just had a heap of coke. Then all of a sudden she goes crazy and pulls out the sword, and dies :)


Little Lara then realizes how fugly her yeti pictures are and tears them out and throws them on the floor in disgust. But we're soon interrupted by some psycho man that interrupts Lara's flashback. Lara pulls her guns on him and tells him to shut the **** up. He replied, telling her that she was a stupid bimbo. Lara got ****ed and told him to fornicate himself with his gun. He got ****ed and stormed off like a little girl, telling Lara that Amanda hates her. Lara's old age gets the best of her and she gets confused... she tells him Amanda died. Then Lara gets blown off a bridge and I have to run over to some place with giant rocks all over it. I go all Chuck Norris on some noob rapists and clear them all out. A cutscene soon follows and shows Lara feeling up the giant stone in the middle. The cutscene has to end because it gets R rated beyond that. Then the level ends.

can YOU do the cancan?

To tell you the truth. The diary entry is longer than the actual level. It was an alright start to the new "revamped" Tomb Raider... It could have been MUCH longer, and more puzzling and the enemies could have been harder to kill, and more variety to the enemies. They all looked the same. Also, allot less linear, it was way too easy to find my way through this level.

I will give it a 3/5 mostly because its Tomb Raider (not really). But it was fun.

This was my first entry :D hope you enjoyed my lame and boring writing skills... along with the endless amount of pictures and paragraphs. I like to go into detail...

Next is Peru. My favorite Level out of this entire game :hug:

(If I made any spelling mistakes or any sentences that don't make any sense. could you please tell me :))

12-07-09, 14:01
LMAO!!! I'm Gonna Love Your Diary! :vlol:

12-07-09, 15:47
I like your diary screamanie. Funny, rude, imaginative and witty. :mis:Looking forward to your next entry.

I do hate Legend and this is gonna be interesting. :D

12-07-09, 16:05
I like your diary screamanie. Funny, rude, imaginative and witty. :mis:Looking forward to your next entry.

I do hate Legend and this is gonna be interesting. :D

LMAO!!! I'm Gonna Love Your Diary! :vlol:

:hug: thank you :D

I will do the next one tomorrow. Its 2:03am here and I just feel like chilling (is that even cool?...T_T)

Its so exhausting for me.. I don't know why.. maybe because I fail and I'm lazy as hell... But oh well, I will do my best tomorrow :)

well... today really, but just in a couple of hours, after I sleep. :)

12-07-09, 18:18

Im gonna love this :D
Ill be looking forward for more entries :)

12-07-09, 20:41
I ****ing loved it! :vlol: And I'm especially thankful that you're doing Legend so that I don't have to play it again! :p

12-07-09, 23:03
I ****ing loved it! :vlol:
I'm not a big fan of Legend and you can make fun of it so easily xD
Can't wait for the rest, it's gonna be soooooooo good :jmp::cln:
btw, why do we need this smiley? :gay:

Super Badnik
12-07-09, 23:18
Ha, love the captions for each pic:vlol:

13-07-09, 05:06
I am reading halfway to your writing, gotta leave a comment before finish reading, i must say your diary is very funny:D and you are being modest about your writing skills, its definitely above average at least:) i am still giggling over the STD filled water part:P

13-07-09, 07:57
I'm just in the middle of writing the Peru one now, but I have to take my bird to the vet to be put down, so It.. might be a while... :(

13-07-09, 12:53
Take your time screamanie, sorry about your bird.

13-07-09, 15:08
Peru - This is a tomb.. I'll make them feel at home.

The level starts off with Lara walking into some dirty rundown village.. as soon as people see Lara they run away and hide (I would too if she had just been in STD filled water). Lara starts bragging about how hot she is, and then I'm told to beat the **** out of some doll. The smile on its face creeps me out a little bit.. so I roundhouse kick that ***** right in the chest. I was expecting it to fall over and I would be able to kick it to death, but it never.. it just wobbled a bit.
Which ****ed me off even more. I tried blowing it away with my pistols while screaming profanities at it. The smug little ******* just stood there smiling. Then I realized that the game was trying to teach me how to do melee... it did not succeed. I already knew how flip over the noobs heads. I got sick of it because it never died, so I moved onto some town square that I could see through an archway. Some woman was standing there next to a yellow jeep... I was hoping to fill that ***** with lead and jack her **** right there. But I couldn't... an annoying cutscene started and it showed me that her name was Anaya, and she was Lara's friend... Lara has friends now?... They were standing there talking about pot and old people, then all of a sudden some noobs in a truck came crashing through a gate.


When the cutscene ends, I blow the douche bags to smithereens by making their truck explode. I make my way down the steps and fill everyone with lead, its not that hard.. they die within a few shots. Once they're all dead a few more come out of (what seems to be) a brothel. I waste them too. Just as I waste them all, some fat ass douche bag with a shotgun shoots his way out of a door above me. It seems they're so dumb they don't know how to use door handles... I now have to climb up some random flag pole and jump onto a building then swing across to the building his on... it was too easy. I'm sick of saying how easy they are to kill... but they are, so your just gonna have to put up with it. Before I came up the pole I grabbed an assault rifle... so I emptied my magazine on his fat ass. I stole his grenades and went inside, now some other fat ass with a shotgun is trying to kill me. I threw a grenade at him and ran out the door for cover. The sound of him exploding was all too sweet. By the time I had realized that a few more douche bags were scattered around the ground just up ahead, one shot at me. That ***** died first. I threw the rest of my grenades around me like a sprinkler on hyperdrive. I went psycho for the rest of this part and sprayed my bullets on everything that moved. They seem to be coming out of nowhere. But once they were all dead I found a bike and ran towards it. Then all of a sudden a cutscene starts up and Zip is telling me that Anaya was about to get owned.. Lara's fat ass grabs the bike and races after her like a hero. I would have let that ***** die... she was annoying me anyway. After a short little drive, I come across some noobs and wasted them, I keep driving and I past more, shooting them as I go. A few more noobs later and I come across a bridge thats all blown away, Lara complains about it, but I make her fat ass fly over a part of the bridge that was shaped like a ramp.

my other gun is there... it's just invisible..

How the bike can go so high and far with Lara's fat ass siting on it is beyond me. But she makes it across. Down the road are a few more noobs that I take care of with my trusty pistol. Not long after I dealt with them, I see some trucks and a whole heap of dirt down some small road. I pull up behind them and now they're throwing boxes at me...so I shoot them. stupid noobs. When they die, they fall off the back of the truck, making a ramp for Lara to drive up onto. I drive into the back of the truck and a little cutscene starts, showing Lara getting off the bike and climbing up onto the cab. Anaya fails at driving and reverses into the truck. Lara flips off and shoots the guy driving the truck, while landing in the back of Anaya's jeep (Hollywood moment). The fat ***** speeds off down the road, and next minute they're at some run down, ****ty hole of a place. Lara starts acting like a baby and Anaya tells her to shut the **** up, Lara gets ****ed off and tells Anaya to shove it... then all of a sudden Lara has another flashback and we see a younger version of her, dressed in her classic blue singlet and khaki shorts with little leather backpack, standing there feeling up a post (Lara loves to feel things in this game) then all of a sudden some blond bimbo comes along and tells Lara to play chasey with her. Being the retard that Lara is, she follows the stupid ***** down a hole.. but because Lara's such a fat ass, the rope snaps making Lara fall. Thats when gameplay starts. As soon as I'm in control of classic Lara, I get all excited... THIS is Tomb Raider. I actually get quite angry... if they wanted a Tomb Raider game, why not make the whole game like this.. I mean, they did make this one level feel like a Tomb Raider game, so they obviously can do it.. but it seems they wanted to modernize it and they were showing us that by making us play as the Lara we used to love in this one level.. or should I say, fraction of this one level. ANYWAY.. I can hear the blond bimbo up ahead yelling at me to bring her a flare. So I have flares do I?.... why not have flares the rest of the game? what were they trying to prove to us? that this is Lara? of course its Lara... OK, I roll through a little hole thing in the wall and rip out a flare. I see I cant hold them for long.. Lara threw it at the wall and it bounced away and went down some ditch, which was good because if it hadn't of done that, I would have fell down it. (not really... remember, auto grab) but I see a pole above the ditch and I jump up to it, quickly swinging across to the other side. I drop from the pole and run down some corridor thing to the ned of this cave, just as I'm about to reach the stupid ***** that begged me to come to her, Lara's fat ass causes the walls to cave in on me. Lara starts screaming out AMANDA!..... dumb *****.

I love me some flares!

Its obvious I cant go through that way, so I turn around and throw some flares around and then I see a, very obvious, hidden path way corridor thing (seriously.. what are these called.. tunnels?) I go down that way and kick a few boxes that are annoying me. When I reach the end, I have to roll under some bars, Lara gets out and I see some random dead chick lying on the floor... sadly, I cant do anything to her. There is some giant box beside her, so I grab that and push it onto a very obvious, pressure pad on the floor beside her, which causes some lame trap to activate, making some spears stick out the wall... one looks perfect for swinging on. I get on the box and make Lara jump up and grab it, swinging around launching her off onto a ledge, she grabs it and I pull her up. The camera angle changes as I come near a very suspicious wall, Its now obvious to me that I have to grab the ledge on it and climb across. I do.. I get to the other side and roll under another trap door, once I'm through that I jump down a lodge, and there is another random dead body.. its a guy this time. Then all of a sudden I hear some guy singing out my name, Lara gets all kinky and starts screaming out "Kent".. I now notice the guy screaming at me is behind a trap door over to the right of me. I run over a pressure pad that seems have already been activated. When I get to him he gets all delusional and tells me some random monster is coming and demands that I get him out... **** you! as if I'm going to risk my life for some overweight, **** tard that looks like a baby rapist. I decide to help him.. but he keeps rushing me, I swear, I'm gonna ***** slap that mofo.

I bet Kent is enjoying every bit of this.. douche bag

Lara pushes a boulder out the way so the trap resets itself, making the spears in the wall retract. which now means I can grab a rope thats hanging from the roof, and I can swing up to the ledge above the trap door. How obvious.. I do that, and as I am just about to jump down the hole to get to "kent" he goes all jesus on me and tells me he can see the light. what a douche bag. He runs away from me and gets eaten (HAHA) by some monster made of smoke. It ends up chasing Lara and she goes all Chuck Norris on it and beats the crap out of it.. (not really.. she actually runs away like a little girl, and falls down a ledge) Now I'm stuck in this room with another dead body, some boxes, a boulder and that fat ass monster can run through walls... but It's alright, because this Lara is strong and independent and has no fear... right. I climb up a ledge and push a boulder down a slope, it lands on a pressure pad and activates some spear traps, I see where I have to go and I make my way to another ledge in front of me, as I get up, that blond bimbo, Amanda, comes running to a door and starts screaming about dead people. Just as Lara's about to faint from the fear, the ***** runs off and is soon followed by a guy screaming for his mommy... OOOKAY.... I run to the spear that I activated before and use it to swing across to another ledge, when I land on the ground I run down a tunnel in front of me, which leads to another ditch, but this one has death spikes down it... I grab the pole above it and monkey swing across, drop down and run to the exit. As I do, a cutscene starts (there are allot of these) and that bimbo Amanda is feeling up a stone in the wall.. (allot of that too) Lara tells her to **** off and then Amanda gets all grumpy, so then Amanda pulls the stone out of the wall and the whole place comes tumbling down. Lara tells that ***** to run, but her stumpy legs are too slow... rocks fall on her and water comes outta nowhere and fills that place up. Lara just leaves that ***** a bolts for it. The flashback stops and shows new Lara standing there with Anaya. She leaves that ***** now too, and jumps down the slope. I start off with Lara telling Zip that she needs to find water to get into the tomb below. I look around for a pool or hole of some sort, and sure enough.. over to the right of me is a GIANT pool... why not have a well or something hidden? I jump in and swim down a few little tunnels. I surface at what appears to be the room where Amanda died, but I have to get rid of the water before anything else can happen. I dive back under and BAM! there are these giant ass pearl things glowing, its obvious that I have to do something to them... so i swim over to them and press action. Lara can pull them out, so now I just do it to three more and the water disappears down drains.

she's gonna need more than medi-packs when she gets out of this water..

A cutscene starts and shows us that Amanda's unlaced shoe was there, but her body wasn't.. that ***** survived! Lara gets ****ed off and the cutscene ends, I now look around the room and find an obvious hole or exit. I jump through and ANOTHER cutscene begins... It seriously was not important. all it was about was Lara and the idiots on the mic talking about some washed up myth about a princess or queen dyeing.. I wasn't really listening. It ends and I make my way around the giant stone, and up a wall onto a ledge, then swing across a slop with my rappel, then into another ledge where I have to swing across another slope. I'm up the second slope and I make way to a giant room, then all of a sudden an interactive cutscene starts... :hea: the floor is collapsing and I have to make it across the other side by mashing in random buttons. It was easy, but uncalled for. When the ***** finally makes it across, it gets even worse because now the ****tards on the mic are blabbering on about my feet... I ignore them and move onto the "puzzle" ahead.. there are a few pressure pads and a boulder. I move the boulder onto one of the pressure pads, causing a giant statue thing to open up and it shows another boulder on top of that. I climb up and push it off, I make my way back down, but on the way I notice another boulder on top of a random statue to left of me. I push the boulder that I just rolled off the top of the first statue, onto another pressure pad, then make my way to the third boulder. Which obviously goes on the third pressure pad.. I have to throw my grapple hook at the statue and pull it down, Zip complains how his gay and loves to look at artwork in his spare time. Lara tells him to go **** himself. I push the boulder onto the last pad and it brings up a statue from teh floor, causing the beams from the first two statues to light it up and open up another statue... I know, it sounds complicated.. but its too simple.

the incas sure knew how to rave.

ANOTHER cutscene starts and shows Lara feeling up the statue with her eyes... I decide to skip it. I'm sick of the cutscenes already, and this is only the second level! I force Lara to go up the statue that just opened, and as I reach the top... I'm greeted by, yet again, another cutscene. This one shows some sparkly ***** with a broken sword in front of her. Right now I'm tripping out on the pretty light and I don't know what's happening. All of a sudden Anaya is telling me some wastards are coming down to rape the **** outta me? whaaa? Lara gets all witty and throws a cheesy one liner about this being a tome and she will make them feel at home.. to cut the cake short, I plow through some more noobs and make my way back up to the top, where there are more noobs, or "wastards"... I slaughter them all without blinking. A cutscene starts and shows me a kinky side of Lara... she tells that ***** Anaya to get under the jeep because she thinks someone is coming. I shoot that mofo and another cutscene starts up, and Zip is telling Lara that he arranged for her to meet a yakuza boss at a club in Tokyo.. which ends the level. But now Lara has to find something to wear because she's going clubbing in Tokyo. :D

That ends the Peru level. :)

sorry I slacked out with the captions at the end, I'm not really in the mood for laughter, but I seriously tried to laugh and make it humorous.

I will rate this level... 4/5.. ONLY! because we get a taste of what CD could have made Tomb Raider. And its oh so sweet. But the obsessive and uncalled for cutscenes **** me off.

Next is the Japan level :D I hope you enjoy it, but I start school tomorrow and it might take a while to post up, but I should have it done within.. 2-3 days, at the least. And I'm really sorry if these arrant funny any more, I'm just kinda upset because my bird just died as I was in the middle of writing this.. I had to take her to the vet and stuff, and I loved her... so I will try my absolute best to keep it the same as the last.

Super Badnik
13-07-09, 15:47
Lol "NEWBS!":p

14-07-09, 05:21
standing there feeling up a post (Lara loves to feel things in this game)

EPIC LMAO! :vlol:

Yay! Japan is next. Those Newbs better be prepared! :mis:

14-07-09, 07:09
Very cool! Will keep my eye on this one.

14-07-09, 08:15
Take your time screamanie, sorry about your bird.
thank you so much :hug: she will be missed :(

Wolf Angel
14-07-09, 14:11
I'm sorry to hear aboutyour bird :(
I love those diaries though, they were amazing!
lol, "douche bags" hehe :p

14-07-09, 15:49
Its explicit but really funny! :D

But Legend is awesome :ohn:

:hug: Sorry for your bird :o

15-07-09, 08:03
thanks guys! :hug:'s for you all :D

I currently got loads of work from school.. T_T

So I will have to do the japan level over the next week, in between school and my many loads of homework and studying. So it should be up by next week.. if its not, feel free to hate this thread and me :p

I could be doing it right now, instead of being on here.. but I tend to not stop playing my video games once I start :p

19-07-09, 22:47
As much as i like your diaries,swearing all of the time makes it less enjoyable...and also calling Lara fat ass :pi: Anyway some of the jokes are really funny :D

20-07-09, 05:27
As much as i like your diaries,swearing all of the time makes it less enjoyable...and also calling Lara fat ass :pi: Anyway some of the jokes are really funny :D

oh.. I see you like Legend Lara.. sorry, I cant please all :rolleyes:

but thanks :D :yah:

I'll work on the next soon.

EDIT* Update.

Just letting you all know, my cousin currently has my Legend game. She has had it for a while too T_T, when I finally get it back I will finish this mofo!
I just thought I would let you all know, instead of keeping it in the dark.

03-09-09, 10:27
did you get legend back from your cousin? i really cant wait for japan! :o

10-09-09, 14:31
did you get legend back from your cousin? i really cant wait for japan! :o

Yep! :D

I began to do it yesterday actually :D

But I have like a billion assignments due in a few days, and I am just doing them now. I come on here while I do them :p, so as soon as I get all of them done and I have spare time, Imma fire up Legend and finish this level :)

11-09-09, 14:00
Japan - It's not a party until something gets broken..

hmm... I wonder which man will pay the most tonight..

The level starts off with Lara entering an elevator during a cutscene. She is all glammed up in her finest party dress. With her cleavage all showing and her hair let down, she obviously has not been layed in a couple of days, and its truly showing... When the cutscene ends and I am in control of Lara, I make way towards a balcony in front of me. When Lara walks her heels clobber along the floor. I try and make a grand entrance and throw myself down the stairs, but sadly.. no one pays any attention. They're too busy dancing like retards. I find a hallway and follow it to a door, I try and enter but it says I cant. WHAT?! this problem was most likely caused by me not paying attention to Dumb & Dumber on the ear piece. But anyways, I make my way back to the crowed and I decide I want Lara to get drunk. The bar is of course the only option here. She makes her way through the sea of annoying dancers (not really, there is only small groups of about 3...) and hits the bar. The guy behind the bar tells Lara to go back to the door because he magically unlocked it... great. I make my way back to the door I tried to open before, and to my surprise, it opens. Lara steps in and a small cutscene starts up that is showing Lara talking to some fat Asian guy. He seems awesome so I decide to like him :). They talk about the party and how Lara is persuasive to old people. As it ends Lara leaves the room back out the door. I make my way back towards the crowed and another cutscene begins. All these Japanese guys are shoving all the party guests up the stairs and now the dance floor is deserted. OH NOES!
Some old guy starts yelling at Lara calling her deaf. Lara does not like this so she decides to hide behind the bar. As she jumps over it, some wanna be tough guy walks over and peeks around behind the bar, as he does he gets blown away by what sounds like a shotgun.. to my surprise, it was just Lara's pistols. She jumps out from behind the bar and gameplay starts. I start flipping around the room with Lara's newly torn dress and her hair is now up in a ponytail. Once all the rapists are dead (thought I had forgotten about that didn't you? :mis:) another small cutscene begins with Lara standing there all like a movie star, with her pistols beside her and her dress all torn. You can see her panties :eek:.

He thought he was gonna get lucky tonight.. the only thing he is getting is a bullet to the chest

The fat guy comes out and tells Lara to go to the roof. Lara loves that kinky stuff, so up she goes. When I get out the elevator I walk towards a glass wall and inside I see a shiny red motorbike.. this looks like fun :mis:.
The only problem is that the door wont open. I end up finding a way outside to some balcony and a helicopter pad. Its obvious that I have to get the roof, so I shoot a barrel that is inside a gated area where there is a pipe that I need to climb. The gates go flying when the barrel blows. Lara gets knocked over because I wanted her too... I jump on the pipe and climb up to the higher part of the roof. I have to jump up to another part just above me and pull back the skylight with my grapple then I jump down the hole and make my way down a few ramps towards the bike. I jump on that beast and it roars to life. Like a kitten :)
I go flying outside and try and drive Lara off the edge... but sadly, she just dies as soon as she hits the invisible wall. Ah well, I turn around and make my way towards a bridge that seems to be under construction. I fly across and an interactive cutscene starts. At the end of that ghastly little episode, the path in front of me is obvious... I jump over a few gaps, shoot down a window and jump across the rope, then down a zipline to the building across from me. Ya know, the usual.
Once over to the other side, I have to throw my grapple at some metal things.. I think they might be lift things that window washers use. Well, I use them to reach a balcony around the corner, as I reach sweet sweet land, a mini cutscene starts, showing me a few dogs and Yakuza coming around the corner. Thank god I get to massacre some form of animals in this level. I shoot them all, along with the rapists. I go through an obvious door where I come to a flight of stairs.. which are pretty wide... if this were a normal flight of stairs, they would be much narrower, but its obvious that CD aren't going for realism. I go up the stairs and through another door, where I am now in an office with a HUGE plasma screen and a few rapists.. I mean, Yakuza... Once I have dealt with them, I shoot down the plasma and make my way outside through the "hidden" door behind it.


Outside is a few poles and metal contraptions that I must play with and climb up. Once I reach the top, I land on a balcony and go inside the door, ahead of me is some rapists in an art room, but to the right is a pimped out fireplace and some nice sofa's. If only you could make hot cocoa and gossip about your girlfriends with the rapists. But where would the fun in that be? Instead I slaughter them all and hunt down their family's and make soup out their brains :mis:.
If only you could do that too.
Back to reality, I decide to go past the fireplace and up some little steps and take them all out on a little balcony. I shoot down the chandelier and crush them all with my wrath! Once they're all dealt with I go through another door where I come to a corridor, I'm not so stupid to go down this again like I did with my first play through.
This time I turn on the fire sprinklers and grab the giant metal ball :).
I push it down the wide corridor with the gun at the end, the vibration must feel even more amazing for Lara then it does for me... I leave it at the end and run towards another corridor. Through a door and out into a giant dining room, or meeting room.. depends which way you look at it.. A small cutscene starts with the old Asian guy telling me to go die. Lara then tells him she is angry and upset, and that she must be PMS'ing, or tripping.. it was one of them two.

Oh, so this is France... not Japan? wow.. Lara must have tripped out big time to make this mistake.

He storms off and releases the rapists upon me once again. They are not match for my superiority. I slaughter them all in a couple of seconds. Although one did give me a good shotgun wound... he died first :).
The dragon above the oh so big table is shining, so I obviously have to use my grapple on it. I stand on the table and launch my grapple hook to the base of the dragon and start pulling. Sometimes Lara scares me with her strength... as I let go of the grapple, the dragon smashes into the glass window. This also makes two more rapists come out from above and shoot the crap out of me. I threw a grenade and they both died at 5the same time. YAY more me.. NAY for them. I climb up and go into the old Asian guys office, I steal all his **** that he has on the table and run towards the lift. Once up the top a little cutscene starts and he comes out with no shirt on.. :eek: he wants to do bad things to Lara... very bad things.. She tells him she is going to stab him in the face and scratch his eyes. Not because she is racist, but just because she wants to :).
During gameplay its a boss battle... I have to shoot him while he shoots me with some glowing things.. its not that hard, but the gun turrets are annoying me so I hide behind a statue, where I can now see a pipe that leads up to the top where this old guy is.. its obvious that I need to climb up there. So I do.. its easier for me to shoot him now, so I waste a few rounds in him while dodging his little glowing things. Once I have defeated him a cutscene starts showing Lara stealing his piece of the sword. Next minute my friend.. I mean.. Lara's friend.. comes in a helicopter and throws a latter at her. Lara climbs up and gets told that she needs to go to Africa to chase down Rutland.

umm.. I don't know what to put here... diarrhea...

This level was alright.. I suppose it could have been longer and more puzzling. And layed out better. I just did not feel as though I was in Tokyo, it was just too.. simple and not complex enough. And the club could have been bigger, with more dancers, and a better track playing. It was nothing compared to the club in AOD. But I guess I should not compare.. oh well..

I will give this level a 3/5 because in my opinion, it could have been much better :)

Next level is Africa :D

Which I will do when I get time :)

11-09-09, 15:53
lol! great one scremanie! my fav is: hmm... I wonder which man will pay the most tonight..

LOL! cant wait for ghana!

11-09-09, 17:36
lol! great one scremanie! my fav is: hmm... I wonder which man will pay the most tonight..

LOL! cant wait for ghana!


thanks :D

11-09-09, 20:11
Nice entry. :tmb:

25-09-09, 23:50
I think we should add some Diary entries from Lara during her adventure in Legend!!!

*Unknown Entity jumps out*

Lara's Entry: .... Oh crap.

05-10-09, 21:25
LOL! Can't wait for Ghana! :jmp::jmp:

29-01-10, 12:45
Okay, so this was going well... I would like to think so anyways.. until I moved T__T

Sorry for leaving you all in the cold, lonely wind. I moved a while back, and for the love of me, I just can't seem to orginise all my crap, let alone get internet connection onto the computer I use to play all my games on. Its impossible for me to play on this shiet laptop. So forgive me, and I promise as soon as I get everything up and running, I will get the Ghana level up.

29-01-10, 14:01
LOL, this is an amazing I-hate-Legend Diary!!!! Well done, can't wait for more!!!! :tmb:

31-01-10, 04:56
Take your time screamanie, looking forward to your quirky inputs. :D

06-02-10, 12:50
This is crazyy!!!
Awesome diary :P