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View Full Version : 26 ways to impress a girl - The REAL man's way


remote91
11-01-10, 12:35
Saw this and lol'd

1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs; they love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say you say "you better be". Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then, when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words @#%$ you, and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then, take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then, drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop *****ing about the cold right now you're going to be *****ing about a black eye". The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball or waterpolo.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. if you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say "no she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one to the face. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what i'm talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if she's crying. She'll say no it's just the rain. Ten minutes later, turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying you @#%$ baby. Girls like a tough man as i've already stated.

22. Titty twisters, and plenty of them.

23. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. this way she'll think you're mysterious.

24. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just
whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know
she's coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the
present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one
that much, but I think it's funny.

26. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will,
promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will
make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call that you're
going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Don't
call.

Jack Croft
11-01-10, 12:37
:vlol:

No.22 is genius.

sysryn
11-01-10, 12:39
stumbled on this a long time ago except there was less entries ... still brilliant :D

interstellardave
11-01-10, 12:39
Hmmm... I have a fairly broad sense of humor but many of those are just too harshly worded and mean-spirited for me to find funny. A few were amusing, though...

Pksstr
11-01-10, 12:40
Is this a joke?

Ward Dragon
11-01-10, 12:40
This is great if by "impress a girl" you mean "get a restraining order and possible jail time" :whi:

TombOfRaiders
11-01-10, 12:43
More like, "26 Ways to LOSE a girl".

Paddy
11-01-10, 12:45
Might be wrong but OP couldve been sarcastic with thread title :p

Rivendell
11-01-10, 12:45
#17 :vlol:

ShadyCroft
11-01-10, 12:46
haha! some of them are really mean. :p

remote91
11-01-10, 12:51
Is this a joke?
No....teehee

scoopy_loopy
11-01-10, 13:24
"Don't Call."

:vlol:

viper456
11-01-10, 13:31
#25 made me LOL

Psychos'Я'Us
11-01-10, 13:41
#3 and #22 made me LOL big time.

Chocola teapot
11-01-10, 13:43
#7

Lol.

digitizedboy
11-01-10, 13:44
15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

Now I know where I'm going wrong.

da tomb raider!
11-01-10, 13:45
Hmmm... I have a fairly broad sense of humor but many of those are just too harshly worded and mean-spirited for me to find funny. A few were amusing, though...

Same here.

x2crazyidiot
11-01-10, 13:47
I joined this :D got it from Facebook, correct?
In response to everyone, this group was a response to the THOUSANDS of "this is how you should treat girls!" groups on Facebook, which are rather pathetic, so this diamond in the ruff was comedy gold when I first read it :vlol:

RachelO394
11-01-10, 13:55
Some how it kinda reminds me of what Kurtis would be like..
off of AOD

remote91
11-01-10, 13:57
I joined this :D got it from Facebook, correct?

Haha, secret has been revealed :p

Quasimodo
11-01-10, 14:55
Hmmm... I have a fairly broad sense of humor but many of those are just too harshly worded and mean-spirited for me to find funny. A few were amusing, though...

Same here.

That makes three of us. What a tasteless list.

remote91
11-01-10, 15:04
Hmmm... I have a fairly broad sense of humor but many of those are just too harshly worded and mean-spirited for me to find funny. A few were amusing, though...

Same here.

That makes three of us. What a tasteless list.
I'm going to go number 22 on all of your serious asses

interstellardave
11-01-10, 16:43
I'm going to go number 22 on all of your serious asses

See... #22 I laughed at. It was irreverant, but funny in the concise way it was worded, I think. The alliteration helped. Most of the others didn't strike me that way, though, sorry! :p

BTW, I've been using Wii Fit a lot lately... so you won't have as much man-boob to grab onto, LOL!

Laralissa
11-01-10, 16:56
Oh for goodness sake, some of you need a sense of humour - its clearly not meant to be taken seriously, take a chill pill :p

On another note, no way in hell am I showing this to my boyfriend...

jackles
11-01-10, 16:56
Actually I think it is clever in the way it brings up all those sick stereotypes and as someone who went out with a psycho I can relate to them!
:o

I laughed though.

Laralissa
11-01-10, 16:58
as someone who went out with a psycho I can relate to them!
:o


3am phonecalls and all? :p

I shouldn't laugh...

Minty Mouth
11-01-10, 16:58
24. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

At least I was doing something right.

TRhalloween
11-01-10, 16:59
This is all men. They're mean and ruin your lives.

jackles
11-01-10, 17:00
hell yeah I had to keep my eyes on the floor in case I looked at a man...and heaven forbid one looked at me!

In my defence I was 16 and dumb.

interstellardave
11-01-10, 17:07
Oh for goodness sake, some of you need a sense of humour - its clearly not meant to be taken seriously, take a chill pill :p

On another note, no way in hell am I showing this to my boyfriend...

Of course it's not serious... but it's also (mostly) not funny, IMO. And no-one who knows me has ever accused me of not having a great sense of humor! :ton:

So we disagree on this one, that's all! ;)

Reggie
11-01-10, 17:08
26 ways to act like a right *******. :rolleyes:

x2crazyidiot
11-01-10, 18:18
26 ways to act like a right *******. :rolleyes:

..I'm pretty sure that's the whole point of it ;)

Aranara
11-01-10, 18:20
That list is really funny :vlol: And not true :p

Jack Croft
11-01-10, 18:22
Anyone who doesnt realise this isnt a joke or sarcastic needs a slap. :ohn:

Nenya awakens
11-01-10, 18:24
13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?


:vlol:

Dina_Croft
11-01-10, 18:26
Oh My God:vlol:

I wonder if this guy gets laid.

Lee croft
11-01-10, 18:27
More like, "26 Ways to LOSE a girl".

Agreed

TRhalloween
11-01-10, 18:28
13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?


:vlol:

oh nooo D: Don't kick the pet!

Reggie
11-01-10, 18:28
..I'm pretty sure that's the whole point of it ;)
I know. I did actually find it funny but in an ironic way. That obviously didn't come across in my comment though.

tombraiderluka
11-01-10, 18:29
oh nooo D: Don't kick the pet!
+1 :( This is offensive to animals :mad:

TRhalloween
11-01-10, 18:30
+1 :( This is offensive to animals :mad:

Don't agree with me! It's making Marc look evil :vlol:

Dina_Croft
11-01-10, 18:31
oh nooo D: Don't kick the pet!

If he kicks the pet I will kick him:ohn:

Autolycus
11-01-10, 18:32
Rofl, they're quite funny.

Carbonek_0051
11-01-10, 18:33
19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one to the face. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

I laughed so hard when I read this one.:vlol:

miss.haggard
11-01-10, 18:33
22. Titty twisters, and plenty of them.


Its true.

tombraiderluka
11-01-10, 18:34
Don't agree with me! It's making Marc look evil :vlol:
Alright, sorry Marc :)

Weemanply109
11-01-10, 18:36
[I]



22. Titty twisters, and plenty of them.


:vlol:

Love2Raid
11-01-10, 18:44
LMAO!

More like best way to get rid of your girlfriend without killing her! >_>

CuteKittenlol
11-01-10, 19:19
13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?


:vlol:

Thats the one that made me LOL XD

mau3genius
11-01-10, 19:31
:vlol: That's some tough love.
Thanks for posting :p

Rai
11-01-10, 20:15
Ha! funny.

I swear a couple of Ex boyfriends tried a few of those between them. Emphasis on Ex. :pi:

:p

corey01
11-01-10, 20:40
Lmao <3

AmericanAssassin
11-01-10, 20:42
What the hell? I do all of these things and I'm single. :cen:

:whi:

interstellardave
11-01-10, 21:33
What the hell? I do all of these things and I'm single. :cen:

:whi:

I think I see what you're doing wrong... :p

larafan25
11-01-10, 21:43
LMAO:p

HappyShannon
11-01-10, 22:06
Tip 4, 13, 19.

:vlol:
Love it.

Fallen.Angel
11-01-10, 22:25
They should come up with a list for ways to impress a man, a 'real woman's way' and it shouldn't be sweet and sappy either.. it should be just as cruel >=D

TRfan23
11-01-10, 22:32
This made me laugh lol.

They should come up with a list for ways to impress a man, a 'real woman's way' and it shouldn't be sweet and sappy either.. it should be just as cruel>=D

Yeh but that's what all guys love ;)

Sir Croft
11-01-10, 23:32
#25 and 26 are priceless! :vlol:
Got to use some of these! :mis:

Johnnay
11-01-10, 23:52
13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?disgrace and utter cruel

how can anyone find it funny

Paddy
12-01-10, 00:18
Obvious this is all sarcasm. Why get so worked up about it?

trXD
12-01-10, 00:18
disgrace and utter cruel

how can anyone find it funny

I have 6 pets and love them with all my heart, im not offended by that at all.

These jokes are not promoting such behaviour they are trying to show how brainless it is.

Uzi master
12-01-10, 04:18
It's like family guy, its funny as long as you don't take anything personally.

Catapharact
12-01-10, 04:41
disgrace and utter cruel

how can anyone find it funny

*Looks up with a cruel grin on his face and a blood soaked body of a puppy in his hand.*

I am sorry... were you saying something?

January_Snow*
12-01-10, 05:05
I have never acted like this, but its sad to admit that this works (not exactly this way), girls like when youre a bit colder to them, I know alot of examples when two people couldnt stand eachother and then ended up together... Compasion and being nice only works in a relationship, when meeting someone it only leads to friend zone, if you want to get a girl cooler is a way to go...

Lara Croft!
12-01-10, 11:52
This is great if by "impress a girl" you mean "get a restraining order and possible jail time" :whi:

True....



Some of them are very funny.:D

CerebralAssassin
12-01-10, 13:25
girls are into masochism...:whi:

Reggie
12-01-10, 13:33
*Looks up with a cruel grin on his face and a blood soaked body of a puppy in his hand.*

I am sorry... were you saying something?She'll find that a turn on. :mis:

Uzi master
12-01-10, 22:45
maybe if she's an emo:p or had a REALLY bad expierence with a dog that is:cln:

lara c. fan
12-01-10, 22:49
girls are into masochism...:whi:

Really now?
*becomes masochistic*

MadCroy101
12-01-10, 22:55
Lol this was so funny! :vlol:

Catapharact
13-01-10, 02:26
She'll find that a turn on. :mis:

Well actually is she is a sadist who happen to hate puppies, then definately Lol!

Hmmm... I wouldn't mind befriending a girl like that :p.

lara is mine
13-01-10, 10:10
:vlol: this is terrible, but i loved it. XP

xXhayleyroxXx
13-01-10, 16:08
More like, "26 Ways to LOSE a girl".

haha yeh :P

aileenwuornos
18-01-10, 03:32
thanks for triggering my ptsd. i don't find violence against womyn or animals that funny. at all.

Tommy123
18-01-10, 04:53
lmfao at number 22

the ancient
03-03-10, 18:51
number 22 hahahaha !!!

Kelly Craftman
03-03-10, 18:53
Oh thats where i was going wrong

TRhalloween
03-03-10, 18:53
thanks for triggering my ptsd. i don't find violence against womyn or animals that funny. at all.

Yeah, agreed.

Melonie Tomb Raider
03-03-10, 18:58
LOL @ 4. :vlol: :vlol:

Drone
03-03-10, 19:09
because I can :D


some of them are porny porn

SLAYER
03-03-10, 20:40
...because I can

i loled so hard at that :vlol:

KIKO
03-03-10, 22:08
Is this the stereotype men guide ?

MyRaider4Life
03-03-10, 22:21
I think the real mans way to impress a girl is not to use something off the internet. :pi:

cool_omar
03-03-10, 22:22
If you really want to impress a girl and make her fall in love with you, Go and buy 11 roses, 10 real and 1 fake Then tell her "Ill love you til the last rose dies" It worked for me so..

And the list made me Rofl XD

Catapharact
03-03-10, 22:26
If you really want to impress a girl and make her fall in love with you, Go and buy 11 roses, 10 real and 1 fake Then tell her "Ill love you til the last rose dies" It worked for me so...

I never thought I would get the opportunity to say this to anyone on this forum but:

You sir... Are BRILLIANT!

Minty Mouth
03-03-10, 22:28
If you really want to impress a girl and make her fall in love with you, Go and buy 11 roses, 10 real and 1 fake Then tell her "Ill love you til the last rose dies" It worked for me so..

And the list made me Rofl XD

Does she still have it? xD

cool_omar
03-03-10, 22:29
I never thought I would get the opportunity to say this to anyone on this forum but:

You sir... Are BRILLIANT!
Thanks, Finally im being recognized for what i truly am x3
Does she still have it? xD
Yeah on her desk i think :D

Minty Mouth
03-03-10, 22:30
Yeah on her desk i think :D

This is really just an inconvenience.

If you break up with her, you will have to steal it. Or at least destroy it in her presence.

cool_omar
03-03-10, 22:32
This is really just an inconvenience.

If you break up with her, you will have to steal it. Or at least destroy it in her presence.

:l Well i didn't think that far ahead :p

Minty Mouth
03-03-10, 22:43
:l Well i didn't think that far ahead :p

Hopefully it will never come to it, right? :D

cool_omar
03-03-10, 23:04
Hopefully it will never come to it, right? :D

Hope so :)

Twilight
04-03-10, 00:02
Haahaha #8 "...because I can."

TRexbait
04-03-10, 00:31
#8 my favorite. :vlol:

Vickkyyy
04-03-10, 01:57
1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say "you couldn't look bad, so stop asking!" .. girls love that.

2. Always hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of compassion.

3. Once a day sneak up on her from behind and hug her.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to tell her you love her. Repeat this once in a while, but only about once a month. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, tell her everything will be okay

6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words i love you, and ditch the other girl.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then, make it special

9. Introduce her to your friends as "your baby girl". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair.

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and by giving her your jacket.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Wait close-by, because she wants to spend the night with you, not with guys who want to have messy intercourse with her.

13. Make her laugh.

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, play with her hair and speak soft things to her.

15. Don't spit, EVER!

16. if you care about her, always tell her.

17. Every time you're in her house leave special little things, such as notes, candies and happy faces

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and order her the most expensive, delicious dish you can think of

19. Look her in the eyes and smile.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. .

21. When its raining have a "in the rain" kissing sesh ;)

22. NEVER give them purple-nerpals.. (titty-twisters) EVER!

23. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. this way she'll think you're mysterious.

24. Remember her birthday, and get her something from the heart.

25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just
whenever, take it and tell her you love it, even if you don't.

26. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will,
promise her that it wont happen again.

---
I couldn't help myself..!
..
but :vlol: @ the original one

MattTR
04-03-10, 03:29
Lovely. I'll use these for the boys as well. :mis: