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View Full Version : I Think Santa is a Woman!


tazmine
10-12-04, 23:24
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think
about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social
deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all
off. For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting
gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to
find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the
shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.

Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas
morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the
bag. Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there.

First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead,
gutted, and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed,
desperate claims that buck season had been extended.

Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the
male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems
because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and
then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man: Men can't pack a bag.
Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
Men would feel their masculinity is threatened - having to be seen with all
those elves.

Men don't answer their mail.
Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as
anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly."
Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.

Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to
pick up women.
Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men:
Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite
guy.
Cupid flies around carrying weapons.
Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.
Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone-screening test.
But
not St. Nick. Not a chance.

:D http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif

Red_Rain
10-12-04, 23:26
Hahahahaah Taz I love it http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/jumper.gif http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/jumper.gif http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/jumper.gif http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/thumb.gif

nerdalicious
10-12-04, 23:26
http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/wave.gif

Taz did you see my post for you below!

I actually got a chia pet once as a gift, because when the commercial was on I said it was cute :rolleyes:

SMSL
10-12-04, 23:47
Well, at least, being a women, if being fired from the present delivering industry, she can always join a circus as the abominable white bearder woman. http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/whistle.gif