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View Full Version : Independence vs. Settling Down


LaraLuvrrr
23-05-10, 04:21
This topic arose in my head from the way Lara is depicted in the films. The way she would run into old lovers and they'd come close to making out or doing more but she'd end up leaving them and not "indulging" I suppose.
And it got me thinking about those who travel alot as part of their job and never settle down to be in long term relationships.

I'm wondering what would it be like to just never settle down with someone. To spend your entire life in independence. I guess you could use Lara as an example. I know she's not real of course but I'm sure there are men and possibly women who do the same and dedicate their lives to their careers and goals and never consider being in a relationship.

What do you think that would be like? Should it be viewed as something positive because of how independent the person is or should it be viewed as sad because the person never finds "love" I guess. Is it possible to go your entire life without falling in love and still be perfectly content with it?

I know it's so many questions it's just this has got me thinking alot.

AmericanAssassin
23-05-10, 04:22
I can't speak generally. I just know that I'd love to settle down some day. I want to get married, have kids, buy a house...all that stuff. :D

I wouldn't think badly of a person who chose not to live that way, though. I guess it's just a personal choice. Do whatever makes you happy. :)

Glašon
23-05-10, 04:57
Just because you find love doesn't mean you have to "settle-down".

aurora89
23-05-10, 05:01
This is pretty much what I plan on doing. But I would like a long term partner/s (preferably a guy and a girl at the same time!) to travel with me when I travel and live in my fancy house with me when I'm at my fancy house. ;) I don't ever plan on getting married though, as long as gay and poly marriage is illegal.

larson n natla
23-05-10, 09:25
No plans to settle down at all, maybe in 40 years time but until then I am free. Not shackled or worrying about having to provide for everyone.

xXhayleyroxXx
23-05-10, 10:35
I'm all for settling down. I'd love it :)

Kelly Craftman
23-05-10, 10:38
Im going to live my life as much as i can, then when the time is right i'll start settling down, Im a wild girl at heart ;) We're hard to tame.

Quasimodo
23-05-10, 11:09
I could see myself settling down around 30. I could also picture the opposite, but it makes me kinda sad to think about it.

It's an awkward feeling getting to know people around my age who are already married and/or have kids and I've been single all my life :p

lunavixen
23-05-10, 11:11
i'll probably not get married, but definately no kids, i don't have the patience or tolerance for them. so i'll most likely end up independant my whole life

TippingWater
23-05-10, 11:11
This is pretty much what I plan on doing. But I would like a long term partner/s (preferably a guy and a girl at the same time!) to travel with me when I travel and live in my fancy house with me when I'm at my fancy house. ;) I don't ever plan on getting married though, as long as gay and poly marriage is illegal.

i'll probably not get married, but definately no kids, i don't have the patience or tolerance for them. so i'll most likely end up independant my whole life
:tmb::hug:

Glašon
23-05-10, 11:27
It's an awkward feeling getting to know people around my age who are already married and/or have kids and I've been single all my life :p

I know exactly how you feel :p

spikejones
23-05-10, 13:49
i don't know about "settling down", but I know for a fact that a life without a soul mate is a lonely existence.

Lemmie
23-05-10, 13:52
Maybe I would settle down in a fixed place at thirty-five, maybe in my early forties; but I have nothing planned out at this moment in time. :)

Encore
23-05-10, 13:58
Nah, I'm totally gonna die alone. :)

Drone
23-05-10, 14:05
Independence vs. Settling Down ..... yeah ....


I don't think true love is going to take away the freedom anyway. Love rather helps to be free like never before. And love replaces fear of death. I will never be afraid because I know when I die my life will still have a meaning for someone.

digitizedboy
23-05-10, 14:45
I kinda hate that misconception that once one turns 30+ they're ready to settle down.

HappyShannon
23-05-10, 15:10
I definitely want to marry someone and have kids someday, but I don't see it happening for me :p

Of course, there's always adoption if I don't find the right guy :D

Twilight
23-05-10, 21:11
Independence! Independence! Independence!

I don't wanna deal with that bull.
Who needs "true love" when u have true friends. People that you honestly care about and they care about you. And you'll always be there for eachother and help eachother out and have fun. Friendship is the only real human bond. And you know its real care and not just a bunch of superficial hormones your brain releases (vasopressin, dopamine, etc) to keep the human race alive. You're not selfish with eachother, never have to worry if they cheating, never have to answer to anyone, never have to be jealous, never have them clouding your mind or taking over your thoughts, and none of that stupid cutesy retarted romantic crap.

spikejones
23-05-10, 21:22
Independence! Independence! Independence!

I don't wanna deal with that bull.
Who needs "true love" when u have true friends. People that you honestly care about and they care about you. And you'll always be there for eachother and help eachother out and have fun. Friendship is the only real human bond. And you know its real care and not just a bunch of superficial hormones your brain releases (vasopressin, dopamine, etc) to keep the human race alive. You're not selfish with eachother, never have to worry if they cheating, never have to answer to anyone, never have to be jealous, never have them clouding your mind or taking over your thoughts, and none of that stupid cutesy retarted romantic crap.

that in itself sounds very romantic in a way. i personally don't feel like I have any true friends. I have the capacity to care for others in the manner you mention, but I've never truly felt the same in return from anyone.

ShadyCroft
23-05-10, 21:24
I'm not one who likes to be alone. Maybe not marriage or settling down, but I'd love to have a partner, someone who supports me as much as I support him and lean on him, someone who could call me and check up on me, someone who joins me in anything.
I'm actually bummed that I don't have a boyfriend or someone closer than a friend, and am 21. :p
but that's how I am.

Has anyone seen the movie "Up in the air" ? Most people around me didn't like it, but I did and specifically for this reason.
It talks about George Clooney working in a company and his job is to travel around and fire people in companies where the bosses are too scared to do it themselves, as well as give pep talk to those he fires.
He spends the whole film traveling and you get to see how he enjoys this life as well as the luxuries.
So he meets with some lady who works sort of the same as he does and travels a lot. At first its all hookups that go on between them, but when GC settles down in his city for a while to attend his sister's wedding, he sees how nice it is to actually have someone in your life.
So he goes and tries to find the lady to tell her he loves her, only to find that she's married and has kids and she only used him as a toy of pleasure during her hectic travels. Poor GC! I really didn't understand the ending though, whether he continued doing his job or sth.

awww! good movie ! Dunno why people didn't like it. :)

Nerd For Life
23-05-10, 21:29
Nah, I'm totally gonna die alone. :)

:smk:

I like the idea of settling down. The idea of spending my life with someone I love and loves me back is very appealing to me.

I don't mean marriage per se, btw.

Twilight
23-05-10, 21:35
that in itself sounds very romantic in a way. i personally don't feel like I have any true friends. I have the capacity to care for others in the manner you mention, but I've never truly felt the same in return from anyone.

I used to think I only had one friend until I took down my "mental walls" and started being honest with myself and others. I opened up a lot without being dependent on them. This opened up my eyes to other people and I realized I have many friends and made aquaintances into close friends just with honesty.
Your family may be related physically but they're still individuals, so they can be friends or not. U can't just expect them to be perfect or terrible. Treat them as you would anyone else. In doing this I became friends with my sister and we stopped arguing. I also became closer to my mother and father. I became less close to some of my aunts and cousin, because they're dishonest and condescending. At the same time became closer to other aunts and uncles because they actually care.

Friendship is the only real "love" and bond. if its true, it lasts forever, never causes pain (not extreme pain, at least), and keeps your sanity.

Lust is a physical longing, kinda like having to use the bathroom lol. So once its been satisfied for the time being and is over, what do you truely have left when the hormones have gone away..

Lara's independent, does what she wants, and she has friends all over the world; that's why she so content with her life.

Atlantean-Squid
23-05-10, 21:38
Friendship is the only real "love" and bond. if its true, it lasts forever, never causes pain (not extreme pain, at least), and keeps your sanity.

Lust is a physical longing, kinda like having to use the bathroom lol. So once its been satisfied for the time being and is over, what do you truely have left when the hormones have gone away..

Lara's independent, does what she wants, and she has friends all over the world; that's why she so content with her life.

I think you need to start using the phrase "in my opinion" more often.

xXhayleyroxXx
23-05-10, 21:44
I used to think I only had one friend until I took down my "mental walls" and started being honest with myself and others. I opened up a lot without being dependent on them. This opened up my eyes to other people and I realized I have many friends and made aquaintances into close friends just with honesty.
Your family may be related physically but they're still individuals, so they can be friends or not. U can't just expect them to be perfect or terrible. Treat them as you would anyone else. In doing this I became friends with my sister and we stopped arguing. I also became closer to my mother and father. I became less close to some of my aunts and cousin, because they're dishonest and condescending. At the same time became closer to other aunts and uncles because they actually care.

Friendship is the only real "love" and bond. if its true, it lasts forever, never causes pain (not extreme pain, at least), and keeps your sanity.

Lust is a physical longing, kinda like having to use the bathroom lol. So once its been satisfied for the time being and is over, what do you truely have left when the hormones have gone away..

Lara's independent, does what she wants, and she has friends all over the world; that's why she so content with her life.

I agree. Most definately :)

spikejones
23-05-10, 21:58
see, whenever I open up and let my feelings known - **** always goes downhill from there.

Fallen.Angel
23-05-10, 22:37
I've been settled down for a while now. I have only been with one guy and one guy only. I happen to have two kids with him as well... I may only be 21, but personally I've never felt the need to party, drink, or have extreme independence. I don't need that stuff, I find happiness elsewhere - in love, in my children (they are my absolute everything), in my hobbies (games, swimming, bowling).

I love the idea of being in love, only being attracted to one person, and growing old together with him. The idea of this has appealed to ever since I was 16 or so.

I'm probably the rare type but that's the way I like it. I'm not here to 'fit in' with the 'norm'. I've been taught not to care what others think about my lifestyle. I'm living my life to the fullest, my way.

Alpharaider47
23-05-10, 22:38
see, whenever I open up and let my feelings known - **** always goes downhill from there.

I hear ya.
I used to hate the idea of settling down, then I came around and decided maybe it wouldn't be so bad, and now I'm caught in between. I just haven't met the right person yet I guess. But idk, I don't think I've been around long enough to make the decision.

xXhayleyroxXx
23-05-10, 22:49
I've been settled down for a while now. I have only been with one guy and one guy only. I happen to have two kids with him as well... I may only be 21, but personally I've never felt the need to party, drink, or have extreme independence. I don't need that stuff, I find happiness elsewhere - in love, in my children (they are my absolute everything), in my hobbies (games, swimming, bowling).

I love the idea of being in love, only being attracted to one person, and growing old together with him. The idea of this has appealed to ever since I was 16 or so.

I'm probably the rare type but that's the way I like it. I'm not here to 'fit in' with the 'norm'. I've been taught not to care what others think about my lifestyle. I'm living my life to the fullest, my way.

Wow, you sound exactly like me:p Except im still waiting for Mr.Right

Chocola teapot
23-05-10, 22:50
Independance.

Twilight
23-05-10, 23:12
I think you need to start using the phrase "in my opinion" more often.

I wrote it, who else's opinion is it going to be? Should I write "in my opinion" before every sentence so you don't mistake my perspective as a fact?

Atlantean-Squid
23-05-10, 23:15
Should I write "in my opinion" before every sentence so you don't mistake my perspective as a fact?

Actually, yes. That'd be amusing.

Little-Lara
23-05-10, 23:26
Ohh what a time to see this thread. I met a guy last week and everything was fine, he was hot, built body, tall, sexy, we were talking. But then suddenly he decides he wants to freely sleep around and not settle down yet. :cen:

CiaKonwerski
23-05-10, 23:43
Independence all the way for me. I am never settling down, getting married, or having kids.

Punaxe
23-05-10, 23:48
Why should settling down necessarily be done with someone else? I am very much looking forward to settling down, but to me this merely means getting a steady job and a house of my own.
Currently, I plan on doing this with me and only me in mind: I do not want, for example, someone else's agenda limiting my job search to a certain area, or someone else's taste influencing the kind of place I will live in.
I want to do as much as I can to make myself happy without having to rely on others, partly because I consider others to be the most variable factor in happiness. When that is taken care of, I consider myself settled down. After that, I can see if someone else would like to share with me the life I have created. If not, they're probably not my type anyway. :p

CiaKonwerski
23-05-10, 23:58
^True. Settling down can also be by yourself. I do not really have any plans to settle down on my own either. I want to constantly be on the move.

Carbonek_0051
24-05-10, 00:04
I'm already ready to settle down and have a husband and kids. But that's impossible financial wise atm, and the fact where I live doesn't support gay marriage. It'll happen one day though, and I am ready for when it does. :)

LaraLuvrrr
24-05-10, 00:47
I'm already ready to settle down and have a husband and kids. But that's impossible financial wise atm, and the fact where I live doesn't support gay marriage. It'll happen one day though, and I am ready for when it does. :)

*cough* *CouKeithgghhh*

Encore
24-05-10, 00:59
Why should settling down necessarily be done with someone else? I am very much looking forward to settling down, but to me this merely means getting a steady job and a house of my own.
Currently, I plan on doing this with me and only me in mind: I do not want, for example, someone else's agenda limiting my job search to a certain area, or someone else's taste influencing the kind of place I will live in.
I want to do as much as I can to make myself happy without having to rely on others, partly because I consider others to be the most variable factor in happiness. When that is taken care of, I consider myself settled down. After that, I can see if someone else would like to share with me the life I have created. If not, they're probably not my type anyway. :p

That's exactly what I think about the subject. *high fives*

AmericanAssassin
24-05-10, 01:02
I'm already ready to settle down and have a husband and kids. But that's impossible financial wise atm, and the fact where I live doesn't support gay marriage. It'll happen one day though, and I am ready for when it does. :)

We are on the exact same page when it comes to marriage and children. If only more people were. :/

Rai
24-05-10, 01:25
see, whenever I open up and let my feelings known - **** always goes downhill from there.

Your exes and my exes should get together, they'd have a ball - or a fight or something. Perhaps they'd all spontaneously combust over all that holding in their emotions :eek:.
I in know way mean that in a nasty way of course.

I'm very settled in my life really - in fact maybe a little too much so. I could use some fun now and again - but with someone with me to share it.

For all you younguns, trust me, life doesn't get any less confusing the older you get. Sorry. :p

I love how the thread title suggests that being settled means 'losing' your independance. You can have both.

spikejones
24-05-10, 01:52
cant call them ex's if they never let themself become a .... well... partner? It seems like every time I try, they slip farther and farther away. No matter how much I try to reel them back in, they wont bite. for ****s sake, if you tell me you enjoy being in my presence, and I feel the same way about you... why are you pulling away? Are you afraid that you may find yourself falling head over heels, and that for some reason I would hold you back from living your life? Thats the last thing I would want to do. Heck.. I may even go along for the ride. Because as far as I'm concerned, my life isn't going anywhere at all right now. I'm open to change, change is good, but change wont happen if you don't give it a chance. For what logical reason should I change when I see that my efforts thus far amount to nothing? I'm not going to wear a disguise and try to make myself up to what I think your dream lover would be, I'm not going to live a lie to try to win you over, I would much rather you accept and love me for who I am.

**** I'm rambling again

Ikas90
24-05-10, 07:47
At the moment, I'm living life. I'm not going to worry about settling down until I am satisfied with what I have achieved. My main goal in life is to travel the world. That comes first for now. I've dedicated my life to it.

When it comes to relationships, I'm all open, but not looking. I'll gladly accept someone into my life who I can share my dreams with.

As for a profession, I'm currently qualified to have a full-time job in which I can support a family with, but I have no plans of using it as of yet. I have to live life first.

We only live once. I'm going to make the most I can out of my life. After we are gone, we are never going to be on this earth again. Life is a gift, and it should be valued.

It's hard keeping an equal balance between a career, a relationship and a life goal. If I can maintain all three, then that will be superb. I'll find my way around it if I need to. I believe one can do anything they set their mind to. If obstacles present themselves, then given thought, they can be overcome.

aurora89
24-05-10, 08:01
Just like you don't have to settle down with anyone, you don't have to not-settle-down alone. :) I'd really like a lover or two to travel the world with me. I'm not sure what 'settling down' means, anyways... I'm planning on having a ginormous house, probably in England (modeled after Lara's, probably), that I'll share with my brother. I'd like to use that as my base, a place to stay while I'm working domestically, but I intend to travel as much as my schedule allows (weekend trips to Jamaica, holidays in Thailand...). Does settling down mean buying a house? Getting a job? Because if so, I think EVERYONE has to settle down to some extent before too long in the adult world. :p