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~*~Chloe~*~
23-05-10, 16:12
There's no way of making a short version of this story, but basically my Dad has been with his girlfriend for 12 years, they got together before my sister was born, or even conceived! Apart from this she's always been nice to us and treated us like her own kids and she actually had her own (2 girls, 4 and 5 months). But now she doesn't really want us around as she wants my dad to herself.

So a few days ago my Grandma passed away (some of you may have seen my thread about brain haemorrages, well she managed to fight it for a week, but went last tuesday :(). My dad has received the will, he's been left over £200,000 from my Grandma (she wasnt a poor woman)

The funeral isn't for another week and a half yet and my dad's girlfriend is already spending it all in her head, she's planning really expensive holiday's for just her and my dad to places like the Maldives and New York....That money's all that my dad has left of my Grandma (who I loved very much!) and she's blowing it! I'm giving him suggestions that I think my Grandma would have wanted eg buy a house, go to university etc and he agree's with me but she always wins! She's even talking about them getting married now, and I'm guessing it's because of the money.

I really wanna talk to my dad about this, there are many other reasons why this woman is a :cen: but I would be here all night talking about them. What should I do?

EDIT: Can I also add that my dad's girlfriend doesnt work? She's a bit of a sponger and a spender

Gregori
23-05-10, 16:14
Well after 12 years, I would most certainly hope they're getting married :D

~*~Chloe~*~
23-05-10, 16:16
But it's not something that either of them have even talked about. So why now? Bit of a coincidence really.

[Xmas]
23-05-10, 16:18
So you think she is a gold-digger?

trlestew
23-05-10, 16:20
^
I think so.

Gregori
23-05-10, 16:21
But she has been with him for 12 years before there was any mention of money.....
Seems like a long time to spend with someone if you're a gold digger :)

SkyPuppy
23-05-10, 16:22
did your grandma happen to have these problems while they were together? like, did this woman know way ahead of time?

Laralissa
23-05-10, 16:28
To be honest, I would say you can't do anything. At least not now, if you have any heart.

Your Dad has just lost his mother. The last thing he needs is you suggesting his girlfriend is only in it for the money. And as Gregori already said, 12 years is a long time to stick with someone if you dont actually have feelings for them - I highly doubt she's a gold-digger. Maybe she's suggesting this holiday to help get his mind off other things? Whatever you do, dont give him any more stress than he already has.

Liara
23-05-10, 16:32
I say talk to your dad and tell him how you feel. Or would you rather that woman waste all that money and delude your father? You're an important part of the family, so you have a right to speak up.

It's your father's decision in the end, but you can at least talk to him and tell him what's really going on. Spare him the trouble that may happen in a few years. That's what I'd do anyway.

~*~Chloe~*~
23-05-10, 16:33
But she's specifically said that this holiday is JUST for them 2. Surely they would invite the kids. And I know they've been together for a long time, but she's never worked and my dad gets quite a bit of money so she's got the perfect life really. I know her, she's a gold digger, and I'm not the only one who's pointed this out.

@skypuppy She was bipolar and had a stroke 6 months ago but apart from that, this came on pretty suddenly, was a bit of a shock for us :(

SkyPuppy
23-05-10, 16:39
But she's specifically said that this holiday is JUST for them 2. Surely they would invite the kids. And I know they've been together for a long time, but she's never worked and my dad gets quite a bit of money so she's got the perfect life really. I know her, she's a gold digger, and I'm not the only one who's pointed this out.

@skypuppy She was bipolar and had a stroke 6 months ago but apart from that, this came on pretty suddenly, was a bit of a shock for us :(

^ah, alright.

hun, you gotta talk to your father about how you feel and how others around you also realize what's really going on before it's too late.

CiaKonwerski
23-05-10, 16:40
Oh my gosh, I am so happy there is someone else on this forum with dad girlfriend troubles like me. I would tell him upfront why you do not like her and what you think she is doing/planning etc. And just tell him how much it hurts you. What I did was I sent my dad a very long e-mail about what I disliked his GF. Then I just told him that if he wanted to see me, he would have to see me without his GF along. Sometimes it is good to be harsh. If your dad is cat-whipped like mine is, then you need to be harsh.

BTW, I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

Minty Mouth
23-05-10, 16:41
This woman has two children of her own. Of course it is possible that she is evil and hates and resents you, but really, being realistic, she probably doesn't. Not at all.

So what if she wants to go on holiday alone with her soon-to-be-spouse? Kids are annoying, and you're a hormonal teenager. I think they both deserve a break. Most women seem to want to have their dream wedding some day, and now that your father has the money, she is hoping that she can have hers? The evil *****.

It's O.K that you're worried about your father, but take a step back and see that life isn't always a Nickelodeon show. Sometimes you just build things up in your head when they are really nothing to worry about. I think there is every possibility that your step-mother is not a gold digger.

CiaKonwerski
23-05-10, 16:43
^Trust me, if Chloe thinks this woman is evil, most likely she is. Lots of GF's are two-faced. I used to think that my dad's GF was all nice and stuff too. Once you get to know people better you see their true colors.

~*~Chloe~*~
23-05-10, 16:44
So what if she wants to go on holiday alone with her soon-to-be-spouse? Kids are annoying, and you're a hormonal teenager. I think they both deserve a break. Most women seem to want to have their dream wedding some day, and now that your father has the money, she is hoping that she can have hers? The evil *****.

But there first holiday in ages, surely they would want to invite the kids. And by the way it's not the only holiday she's planning, she's made a long list of places she wants to go to with JUST the 2 of them.

Minty Mouth
23-05-10, 16:44
It's impossible for me to make a real evaluation because all we have are your biased and loaded reports on events. I have no first hand experience, but I can offer the possibility that 12 years is a little too long for a 'ride'.^Trust me, if Chloe thinks this woman is evil, most likely she is. Lots of GF's are two-faced. I used to think that my dad's GF was all nice and stuff too. Once you get to know people better you see their true colors.

Sorry. I don't. You too are a teenager. Chloe is a teenager, you are a teenager, I am a teenager. To put it like Hayley Williams, we don't know anything.

It might also be a possibility that she is excited? flawed, like the rest of us?

CiaKonwerski
23-05-10, 16:46
But there first holiday in ages, surely they would want to invite the kids. And by the way it's not the only holiday she's planning, she's made a long list of places she wants to go to with JUST the 2 of them.

Seriously this is kind of exactly what I am going through as well. Same exact really. My dad's GF to just the two of them to Hawaii w/o me, and I am extremely mature and know that if they wanted alone time they could have had it with me still being there. Once again, tell him that you think she is a controlling ***** and that she is trying to separate you two.

Alive_and_Funky
23-05-10, 16:46
Apart from this she's always been nice to us and treated us like her own kids and she actually had her own (2 girls, 4 and 5 months).
EDIT: Can I also add that my dad's girlfriend doesnt work? She's a bit of a sponger and a spender
I know her, she's a gold digger, and I'm not the only one who's pointed this out.
You know, this sounds like a rather complicated situation, as this woman sounds as though she might be nice, but she obviously has a love of money that causes her problems. However, I don't feel that instantly telling your dad to split up with her after twelve years is the correct way to go about things. It does sound like either your dad or his girlfriend needs a talking to though.

It's impossible for me to make a real evaluation because all we have are your biased and loaded reports on events. I have no first hand experience, but I can offer the possibility that 12 years is a little too long for a 'ride'.
Agreed.

touchthesky
23-05-10, 16:47
But there first holiday in ages, surely they would want to invite the kids. And by the way it's not the only holiday she's planning, she's made a long list of places she wants to go to with JUST the 2 of them.

It's understandable, though. The kids are ALWAYS there, they're a constant thing..so of course folk want to take holidays without them.

I think you've taken offense to the fact that she doesn't want you to go and you shouldn't..plenty of couples go on holidays no matter when their last one was..together and without the kids.

Minty Mouth
23-05-10, 16:47
Seriously this is kind of exactly what I am going through as well. Same exact really. My dad's GF to just the two of them to Hawaii w/o me, and I am extremely mature and know that if they wanted alone time they could have had it with me still being there. Once again, tell him that you think she is a controlling ***** and that she is trying to separate you two.
On the information that we have been given, I couldn't think of a more inappropriate and disasterous course of action.

CiaKonwerski
23-05-10, 16:48
It's impossible for me to make a real evaluation because all we have are your biased and loaded reports on events. I have no first hand experience, but I can offer the possibility that 12 years is a little too long for a 'ride'.

Sorry. I don't. You too are a teenager. Chloe is a teenager, you are a teenager, I am a teenager. To put it like Hayley Williams, we don't know anything.

It might also be a possibility that she is excited? flawed, like the rest of us?

That woman is not even that much older than I am. She does not know what she is talking about.
EDIT: From the information given to us, that is what it sounds like. It sounds as if she is trying to separate a daughter and her father.

Alive_and_Funky
23-05-10, 16:49
That woman is not even that much older than I am. She does not know what she is talking about.
She sure is modest though. Something everybody could learn from.

Laralissa
23-05-10, 16:49
*sigh* Seriously, listen to what MintyMouth is saying, it makes complete sense.

Lots of teenagers dont like their soon-to-be stepmums, but get this, she's a human being just like the rest of us and most likely has nothing evil planned. If they want to go on a holiday together then so be it, parents need a break sometime. Seems to me that there are deeper issues going on here, like your Dad having someone else important in his life.

Minty Mouth
23-05-10, 16:51
From the information given to us, that is what it sounds like. It sounds as if she is trying to separate a daughter and her father.[/B]

Consider the source. I have no beef with Chloe, but she is being emotional and irrational, and most importantly, young.

touchthesky
23-05-10, 16:52
That woman is not even that much older than I am. She does not know what she is talking about.
EDIT: From the information given to us, that is what it sounds like. It sounds as if she is trying to separate a daughter and her father.

How?! Wanting to go on holiday without the kids is NOT something that two adults should be punished for.

LightningRider
23-05-10, 16:54
I agree with Jake. This is obviously just an over reaction. If I had kids, I wouldn't mind not having to take care of them for at least a day or two (three :whi:). So, it's probably just a vacation for them, especially after all the stress.

CiaKonwerski
23-05-10, 16:55
Touchthesky
Unless you personally know what the creator of this thread is talking about, then I think you should not be giving any sort of advice. It is not the fact that the two of them are wanting to go on vacation alone, it is the fact that Chloe is not even being considered in any of the MULTIPLE plans that her dad's GF is making. Especially since the woman just started making these plans after her grandmother passed away is a little iffy.

SkyPuppy
23-05-10, 16:56
Unless you personally know what the creator of this thread is talking about, then I think you should not be giving any sort of advice. It is not the fact that the two of them are wanting to go on vacation alone, it is the fact that Chloe is not even being considered in any of the MULTIPLE plans this her dad's GF is making.

^ agreed.

if you people haven't noticed... it's not just the "going on vacation" part that is bothering her. there is way more behind it

Minty Mouth
23-05-10, 16:56
Unless you personally know what the creator of this thread is talking about, then I think you should not be giving any sort of advice. It is not the fact that the two of them are wanting to go on vacation alone, it is the fact that Chloe is not even being considered in any of the MULTIPLE plans this her dad's GF is making.

Wedding and a holiday? Chloe didn't mention anything to do with the wedding other than the fact it might be happening.

And for what it is worth, I think if anyone, another young, naive person in the same situation is probably the worst person to give advice.

woody543
23-05-10, 16:57
Well after 12 years, I would most certainly hope they're getting married :D


Erm why...?

But there first holiday in ages, surely they would want to invite the kids. And by the way it's not the only holiday she's planning, she's made a long list of places she wants to go to with JUST the 2 of them.

To be fair the holiday isn't a big thing. My mum and her boyfriend go on holidays a lot, and that's because they have the means to. It could be possible that now they have the money, it would be nice to treat themselves. And a holiday hardly costs too much especially with the amount of money given.

I also think the fact they have been together 12 years says something.

I think what you need to worry about is whether your dad is happy or not.

I would let them have their holiday. And see where it goes from there.

If you do want to talk to your dad about it, just maybe ask him what he wants to spend it on, maybe just suggest putting a lot of it into a savings account. And then use the rest of it on fun, everyone deserves to have fun every now and again.

touchthesky
23-05-10, 17:00
Touchthesky
Unless you personally know what the creator of this thread is talking about, then I think you should not be giving any sort of advice. It is not the fact that the two of them are wanting to go on vacation alone, it is the fact that Chloe is not even being considered in any of the MULTIPLE plans that her dad's GF is making. Especially since the woman just started making these plans after her grandmother passed away is a little iffy.

She made the thread asking for advice..there is nothing on the first post that says "Touchthesky, please don't respond to this thread" was there?

And may I add, I don't think ANYONE knows personally what the creator of the thread is talking about.

So woopdeedoo her Dads girlfriend wants to get married..maybe her Dad deserves some happiness after the demise of his Mother? Ever think of it like that?

CiaKonwerski
23-05-10, 17:00
Wedding and a holiday? Chloe didn't mention anything to do with the wedding other than the fact it might be happening.

And for what it is worth, I think if anyone, another young, naive person in the same situation is probably the worst person to give advice.

Did you not read the part where Chloe mentions that the GF is making MULTIPLE PLANS!!!!!!!! Hello! Without her! She has a right to be upset.! And I am nowhere near naive. I am even older than you, so I do not want to hear it. Chloe should just sit down and talk with her dad about everything that is bothering her. She should not just LET IT GO. Why do most of the people responding in this thread only think that the wedding is what is bothering Chloe?

~*~Chloe~*~
23-05-10, 17:03
@Minty Mouth this woman actually is evil. My dad was cheating on my mum with her and then when my mum found out that she was pregnant with my sister she tried forcing my mum to have an abortion. Last year she also cheated on my dad and he took her back out of loneliness. And now she's trying to spend my beloved Grandma's money before she's even been buried :(.

@CiaKonwerski and @SkyPuppy thanks so much for understanding! :) Means a lot that somebody does.

Minty Mouth
23-05-10, 17:05
Chloe, I am not saying that your step mother is a saint. I am just saying you ought to think about this from an outside perspective. From a place where you are not emotionally prejudiced.

And, to be frank, your father played a big role in the whole adultery thing too. It takes two to tango, you can't blame your step-mother for all of that.
She made the thread asking for advice..there is nothing on the first post that says "Touchthesky, please don't respond to this thread" was there?

And may I add, I don't think ANYONE knows personally what the creator of the thread is talking about.

So woopdeedoo her Dads girlfriend wants to get married..maybe her Dad deserves some happiness after the demise of his Mother? Ever think of it like that?
I agree with this. ^^
Did you not read the part where Chloe mentions that the GF is making MULTIPLE PLANS!!!!!!!! Hello! Without her! She has a right to be upset.! And I am nowhere near naive. I am even older than you, so I do not want to hear it. Chloe should just sit down and talk with her dad about everything that is bothering her. She should not just LET IT GO.
Of course she should not just 'let it go'. If she buries this it will only harm her and her relationships more. However, coming right out and telling her father that his girlfriend is a ***** who has never loved him might put a downer of a few relationships, too.

Chloe needs to reevaluate the situation, and have a quiet talk with her father.

Gregori
23-05-10, 17:05
So she is Evil, you say?

Laralissa
23-05-10, 17:05
CiaKonwerski, in my books you lost all credibility when you wrote on Chloe's visitor messages to ignore the rest of us. She came here asking for opinions, she got them.

~*~Chloe~*~
23-05-10, 17:06
So she is Evil, you say?

Not literally, but she's no good to us.

Gregori
23-05-10, 17:07
What did she do to you?

~*~Chloe~*~
23-05-10, 17:10
Have you not been reading my posts?

patriots88888
23-05-10, 17:11
I hope this doesn't come across as harsh, but it seems to me you might be more resentful of the fact that these holidays are just for the two of them and don't include you (and I can understand why you might feel that way). I do however feel that you should at least give your father the benefit of the doubt as to be able to see how his girlfriend of 12 years might or might not be. I can certainly understand your concern, but sometimes people (especially concerning relationships) need to discover things on their own.

Gregori
23-05-10, 17:13
Have you not been reading my posts?

Yeah. You said she treats you like her own kids. That seemed nice :)

~*~Chloe~*~
23-05-10, 17:17
Not anymore though, not being funny but you dont know what I have to put up with.

Laralissa
23-05-10, 17:17
What do you have to put up with then?

Catracoth
23-05-10, 17:17
This is my humble opinion, so before you shoot me down, note that I'm not suggesting this is what Chloe does, this is what I would do.

I would first get some alone time with the woman. Perhaps when no one is home or around and have a little chat with her. Ask how her day is, things of that nature, and then ask her what her plans are with Father. My response to her would differ based on her response. Scenario One, if she responds with hostility (ergo Meredith Blake from The Parent Trap) you know for certain her intentions are not humble and caring - she wants Father and everything he's got. Scenario Two, if she responds pleasantly and seems like a mother figure, you know her intentions are golden and that she wishes the best for the family.

(Note that given her mental spending of Chloe's grandmother's £200,000, Scenario Two is quite unlikely, unless she's orchestrating a performance.)

Next, I would speak to Father. Ask him where he thinks his relationship is going with his girlfriend. Wait for his response and then lightly shake the tree: tell him what you've noticed about his girlfriend. For instance, "You know, Dad...I honestly don't like her any longer. She treated my sister and myself wonderfully for a little while, but lately she acts like she wants to get rid of us, and wants you all to herself. Not to mention that ever since she found out how much money Grandmother left you in her will, she's been planning expensive holidays for you two, which is not how Grandmother would want the money spent. I honestly think that it should be spent a great percentage on you and the rest how YOU see fit, not how your girlfriend does."

Then, see where things go from there. I do not believe, Chloe, that you are powerless here - if this woman is a danger to your wellbeing and that of your sister, you must let your father know how you feel immediately. It isn't fair to you or your sister and especially not to your father, who will only be hurt worst of all in the end, should this woman prove to be the gold-digger she's acting like.

I wish you the best, dear.
:hug:

Minty Mouth
23-05-10, 17:18
Not anymore though, not being funny but you dont know what I have to put up with.

You're right.

Talk to your father, but when you do, try to empathise with him, and try not to make any accusations that you might regret.

EDIT: Or, alternatively, print that (^^) out and write it on the inside of your arm for future reference :p

Legend 4ever
23-05-10, 17:27
This woman has two children of her own. Of course it is possible that she is evil and hates and resents you, but really, being realistic, she probably doesn't. Not at all.

So what if she wants to go on holiday alone with her soon-to-be-spouse? Kids are annoying, and you're a hormonal teenager. I think they both deserve a break. Most women seem to want to have their dream wedding some day, and now that your father has the money, she is hoping that she can have hers? The evil *****.

It's O.K that you're worried about your father, but take a step back and see that life isn't always a Nickelodeon show. Sometimes you just build things up in your head when they are really nothing to worry about. I think there is every possibility that your step-mother is not a gold digger.

This is exactly how I feel. If she didn't do anything bad, how is she evil? There are a lot of lazy people who won't work, a lot of people want to go on a holiday alone with no kids because a vacation with kids is not a vacation. Plus, a little trip to a nice destination is not that expensive.

woody543
23-05-10, 17:30
Is your dad happy or not?

~*~Chloe~*~
23-05-10, 17:43
This is exactly how I feel. If she didn't do anything bad, how is she evil? There are a lot of lazy people who won't work, a lot of people want to go on a holiday alone with no kids because a vacation with kids is not a vacation. Plus, a little trip to a nice destination is not that expensive.

I said she DOESNT work, she never has.

~*~Chloe~*~
23-05-10, 17:44
Is your dad happy or not?

No. And I know this. We talk about this a lot.

almayah
23-05-10, 17:47
Sorry for askin' this, but what happened with your real mother :o

And I think it's obvius that woman wants to marry your dad only because of money
But then we have 12 years of a relationship...

Legend 4ever
23-05-10, 17:51
I said she DOESNT work, she never has.

Right. That's what I said. Some people don't want to work and that's how it is. She found someone she can live off of and as long as he's fine with is, that's fine.

Laralissa
23-05-10, 17:55
No. And I know this. We talk about this a lot.

So what exactly is your dad saying?

SkyPuppy
23-05-10, 17:57
Right. That's what I said. Some people don't want to work and that's how it is. She found someone she can live off of and as long as he's fine with is, that's fine.

so.. what you're saying is... it's okay to free load off of someone you supposenly "care" about? that is what you're saying, isn't it? because if that is what you're saying then you are seriously flawed.

~*~Chloe~*~
23-05-10, 17:59
So what exactly is your dad saying?

Well when he took her back I obviously wanted to know why and he said because he's terrified of being lonely. But he's always moaning about her, like how much she spends and he cant see his friends or do anything. I know him, he's not happy.

Lara's home
23-05-10, 18:04
so.. what you're saying is... it's okay to free load off of someone you supposenly "care" about? that is what you're saying, isn't it? because if that is what you're saying then you are seriously flawed.

If her/his dad is okay with it, I can't say I see the problem.
It's not that unnusual with women who doesn't work.

Alive_and_Funky
23-05-10, 18:06
Well when he took her back I obviously wanted to know why and he said because he's terrified of being lonely. But he's always moaning about her, like how much she spends and he cant see his friends or do anything. I know him, he's not happy.
To be honest, if there is one reason your dad should dump her, it's that.

woody543
23-05-10, 18:07
If he is not happy with her they he should get rid off her. Just tell him that.

Legend 4ever
23-05-10, 18:09
so.. what you're saying is... it's okay to free load off of someone you supposenly "care" about? that is what you're saying, isn't it? because if that is what you're saying then you are seriously flawed.
I just don't see how that makes her "evil".
If her/his dad is okay with it, I can't say I see the problem.
It's not that unnusual that women don't work.

Absolutely. She's like a housewife.

Gregori
23-05-10, 18:14
I've had enough of teetering around edges of this thing......just decapitate the ***** already!!!

~*~Chloe~*~
23-05-10, 18:18
I've had enough of teetering around edges of this thing......just decapitate the ***** already!!!

Excuse me?

Gregori
23-05-10, 18:46
I'm not being serious..... but really... can she be all that bad?

~*~Chloe~*~
23-05-10, 18:54
Yes. Please trust me. I dont wanna list all the things she's done, but I do have many good reasons. I'm not just an angry teenager who hates her dads girlfriend.

Agent 47
23-05-10, 19:05
Chloe, upon reading this thread i've learned that you are apparently

Emotional, Irrational and Emotionally Prejudiced, and all you did was ask for advice :confused:

The advice of a 32 year old is simply this...do what you think is right, do what you believe is the right thing to do for you your dad and your sister. You have the distinct advantage that non of us on this forum do and that is the fact YOU live with this woman. You know her better than anyone on this board.

Personally, i'd suggest you have a talk with your dad and let him know your thoughts, how he chooses to respond is totally up to him. It's better to talk to him and get it off your chest than keep it inside and say/do nothing. :)

CiaKonwerski
23-05-10, 19:05
^Hey Chloe. Oh my God, my dad had the nerve to call me and tell me that his GF was tagging along today. I said I did not want to see him today then. I new it was all leading up to him wanting me to see her again.

Minty Mouth
23-05-10, 19:13
Chloe, upon reading this thread i've learned that you are apparently

Emotional, Irrational and Emotionally Prejudiced, and all you did was ask for advice :confused:

The advice of a 32 year old is simply this...do what you think is right, do what you believe is the right thing to do for you your dad and your sister. You have the distinct advantage that non of us on this forum do and that is the fact YOU live with this woman. You know her better than anyone on this board.

Personally, i'd suggest you have a talk with your dad and let him know your thoughts, how he chooses to respond is totally up to him. It's better to talk to him and get it off your chest than keep it inside and say/do nothing. :)

It really wan't my intention to sound insulting. I mentioned that several times, and I also mentioned that I was in full support of Chloe talking to her dad about this issue, exactly like you said.

Rai
23-05-10, 19:18
Firstly, my condolances about your grandmother :hug:.

Now, I can go only by your posts in this thread with regard to your dad's girlfriend. Your dad and this woman have been together for 12 years? That's a long time for two people to be together, so no matter what problems they may have had over the years, they;ve obviously worked it out. It sounds as if you and your dad have a close relationship and talk often, but even then, it is possible he doesn't tell you everything - like plans to marry his girlfriend that haven't been talked about openly with you before. Now that your dad has inherited this money, it is possible that talks of marriage have finally surfaced. Also, it could be that the GF is just getting a bit excited an ahead of herself here planning holidays and stuff. That in itself is not a problem. You say in the first post that she's always nice and treats you as her own, so forgive my puzzlement when you claim she's some evil thing. It sound a little as if you're being a tad stroppy over this, perhaps led a little by the emotional time of losing your gran. Then again, as you have pointed it, we don't have all the facts. But, whatever goes on between a man and his wife is their business, even their kids aren't going to know everything.

The best thing you can do is talk to your dad a little, but be subtle about it, don't just charge in throwing accusations about his girlfriend around, try to remain calm and adult about it. Then it is up to your dad what, if anything he does. His relationship may not be perfect and has ups and downs and his GF may have her flaws, but then who doesn't have flaws. Maybe you can have a family meeting, try to come up with a plan where the kids are included in a family holiday?

As I said before, 12 years is a long time, there must be something about his GF that appeals to your dad to stay with her.

spikejones
23-05-10, 19:24
There's no way of making a short version of this story, but basically my Dad has been with his girlfriend for 12 years, they got together before my sister was born, or even conceived! Apart from this she's always been nice to us and treated us like her own kids and she actually had her own (2 girls, 4 and 5 months). But now she doesn't really want us around as she wants my dad to herself.

So a few days ago my Grandma passed away (some of you may have seen my thread about brain haemorrages, well she managed to fight it for a week, but went last tuesday :(). My dad has received the will, he's been left over £200,000 from my Grandma (she wasnt a poor woman)

The funeral isn't for another week and a half yet and my dad's girlfriend is already spending it all in her head, she's planning really expensive holiday's for just her and my dad to places like the Maldives and New York....That money's all that my dad has left of my Grandma (who I loved very much!) and she's blowing it! I'm giving him suggestions that I think my Grandma would have wanted eg buy a house, go to university etc and he agree's with me but she always wins! She's even talking about them getting married now, and I'm guessing it's because of the money.

I really wanna talk to my dad about this, there are many other reasons why this woman is a :cen: but I would be here all night talking about them. What should I do?

EDIT: Can I also add that my dad's girlfriend doesnt work? She's a bit of a sponger and a spender
as has been mentioned earlier, they've been together 12 years, which is a lot longer than many people even stay married. Given that much I'm inclined to say your father is most definitely NOT being "taken for a ride". I'm sure your father, being a grown man, knows what he wants. If there was anything that rubbed him the wrong way, I'm absolutely positive he would do something about it.

As for the money...

She wants something, you want something - everyone wants something. so what? If your father wants to take a vacation, for ****s sake let the man take a vacation and stop being so damn selfish.

xXhayleyroxXx
23-05-10, 19:26
//

Agent 47
23-05-10, 19:27
It really wan't my intention to sound insulting. I mentioned that several times, and I also mentioned that I was in full support of Chloe talking to her dad about this issue, exactly like you said.

No harm done Minty, i wasn't having ago at you personally, your comment just stood out more :D

Children of ages need to have a healthy relationship with their parents so that they can feel like they can talk to them when something is on their mind.

Chloe clearly has issues on her plate and as such she should have a talk in confidence with her dad about it and take it from there really :)

igonge
23-05-10, 20:11
Give her a slap. Works with my dad's girlfriends :pi:

You need to voice this ASAP. Maybe she'll understand.

~*~Chloe~*~
24-05-10, 05:57
I said that she DID treat us as her own and used to be nice but since having her own kids she's really not. What bothers me is that this is my dad Grandma's money (who I might add - hasn't even been buried yet) and she's already thinking of herself, and what she wants, and where she wants to go on holiday etc.

Glaçon
24-05-10, 06:12
Simply put, you don't.

Or you'll forever be the ***** that broke them up. Or if they stay together, he'll forever know you disapprove. Speaking from quite a well of experience, best grin and bare it. If they're not meant to be together - they'll eventually split.

Ikas90
24-05-10, 07:30
I'm sure your grandmother's hard-earned money was intended for her kids, so that they could have the money for themselves, and do as they please with it, as long as they respect it and don't blow it all in one go. That's the purpose of a will.

Also, if they've been together for 12 years, I highly doubt that she would be taking your dad for a ride. If she wanted more money, she would have left your dad years ago, and run off with someone else.

Right now, your dad and his girlfriend have the perfect opportunity to enjoy a well deserved break. If I had that money, I'd certainly try to enjoy my life with it, taking vacation after vacation. As long as it's done responsibly. If there's nothing more important to be done with the money, then it should be spent living and enjoying life. You only live once. You don't have much of an opportunity to do things you enjoy.

robm_2007
24-05-10, 07:44
i just hope that he will set aside enough money for his kids: for schooling and maybe a little for fun for the kids; then he can go off on his vaction with his girlfriend.

He needs to think of his kids first, and this GF should be thinking the same thing, and not planning on what vacations and fancy clothes shes going to buy. she shouldnt act like its her money, because unless he marries her or gives her some, it isnt. but she might deserve a vaction with her beau, even if its not with the kids.

but until then, they should first set up what they need to use the money for first (bills, funeral costs, home repairs, kids' education money, etc.) all fun things need to stay at the bottom of the list until they get the important things done first. but, i know first hand that when i got money from my grandpa after he died, i never thought of school (which is what it was supposed to be for), and i wasted a **** load of money buying crap.

but, i felt i deserved to be spoiled rotten for once in my life:p. but i hope that he wont go bananas and waste the money.:)

Dark Lugia 2
24-05-10, 16:12
She doesn't sound selfish to me. Tell her and your dad what you think, but saying that she evil just because she wants a holiday alone (nothing bad about this.. every parent likes to have a break and have some alone time without the kids around) and a nice wedding after 12 years of relationship? Thats not evil...

Imo you just sound like a hormonal teenager. If your dad was unhappy he wouldn't be with this woman.

knightgames
24-05-10, 16:21
I said that she DID treat us as her own and used to be nice but since having her own kids she's really not. What bothers me is that this is my dad Grandma's money (who I might add - hasn't even been buried yet) and she's already thinking of herself, and what she wants, and where she wants to go on holiday etc.

Since having her own kids? You mean your father and hers? or am I missing something?

irjudd
24-05-10, 16:32
A ride? That's... probably what he wants. :confused:

Gregori
24-05-10, 16:37
^ :vlol:

Draco
24-05-10, 18:18
But she has been with him for 12 years before there was any mention of money.....
Seems like a long time to spend with someone if you're a gold digger :)

Having no job and love's to spend money? Yeah, she just wants to be taken care of.

Lara Croft!
24-05-10, 23:57
200.000 is a large sum of money. I think you should talk to both and tell them to spend some on holidays or a small marriage, but save some for you in a separate bank account that will only be yours.

Gregori
25-05-10, 00:04
Having no job and love's to spend money? Yeah, she just wants to be taken care of.

He's not a very rich guy, so its not very lucrative. Spending 12 years with the guy seems bit of a long time for a gold digger. There are far more profitable targets to spend your good time on :)

Rai
25-05-10, 00:10
Ultimately, it is up to the father what he does with his inheritance money. I'd imagine he is sensible enough not to spend all of it on holidays and also to talk to his girlfriend about it some more. Time will tell if she accepts his decisions or not and if she can't, he'll decide if the relationship is worth saving.

Also, I was thinking about the change in attitude Chloe says the GF has had toward Chloe and her sister since having her own children. These children are very young still (am I right, the youngest is a few months old?). It is natural that she would have reverted her attention to her own children a little. Looking after little ones isn't easy either, is it at all possible that perhaps she is suffering from post natal depression? Or simply tired a lot, so maybe doesn't seem as nice and maternal toward her step-children. It isn't fare necessary and she should work on sharing her attention to all the children in the family, but maybe she feels that now you're older you don't need as much? Again, we don't know the circumstances, and I'm making a lot of guess work, but maybe a bit of time and patience, she'll be able to get back into a routine or whatever. Talk to your father about it more and maybe he can help her see she appears to be neglecting (not intentionally perhaps), his older children. Being a parent is not easy, maybe she's struggling a little.

AliMagic
25-05-10, 00:18
True. But maybe it's because she's secure, gold diggers can easily be caught out. If she's being going out if with your dad for 12 years then either she's a safe gold digger and noone knows it or doesn't dare to bring it up except you or she loves your dad very much.

But it can also be a sign of desperation. A common case I've heard is that the wife or husband becomes so desperate they want their love at their side all the time only caring about "their biological kids."

Anyways either way I'm not really qualified at this field, just saying what I think. :) If I were you I'd have a chat with your father and tell him to spend the money wisely. Your grandma obviously didn't say "when I die I want to give you £200k so you can spend it on a big wedding and lots of holidays and getting a big mansion and giving your kids cars." She would've considered you and your dad's future and your dads girlfriends kids future. Basically help you along not let you live the high life and spend the money only on a rainy and well earned day. Like for example say you passed all your exams or your dad got premoted of course then I'd blow my money on something worthwhile and expensive lmao. :vlol:

Of course you said that she just wants time with your dad, does she just want time with her kids as well? Just her, her kids and your dad? If so I'd be careful as that's a sure sign of neglect. Although saying that are you in her face all the time? lol :) It's logical that she would want to go on holiday with just your dad because she and he may need a nice adult break. :)

There's lots of outcomes. Also take into account your age if your pratically an adult 17-over 20 then of course she may not see you all the time but that's only natural as its grown up, ready to venture out by yourself if your 14-16 and maybe in the need of parental guidance I'd really watch out. Of course the kids are very young so she will need to pay extra attention but also find the right balance. Maybe one day when you and her aren't busy you and your step sister or brother(?) and your dads girlfriend can go out together and both look after them together and just have a nice relaxing casual talk.

Draco
25-05-10, 00:47
He's not a very rich guy, so its not very lucrative. Spending 12 years with the guy seems bit of a long time for a gold digger. There are far more profitable targets to spend your good time on :)

Not every gold digger is a con artist. Some are just people who have kids and need someone to take care of them. My mother is a prime example, but in her case she ended up with neither.

Gregori
25-05-10, 00:51
Not every gold digger is a con artist. Some are just people who have kids and need someone to take care of them. My mother is a prime example, but in her case she ended up with neither.

Would you really spend 12 years with someone you don't love or at least have feelings for?

I find that hard to believe

Draco
25-05-10, 00:53
It is far more common than you think. My family has more than a few examples.

Glaçon
25-05-10, 00:54
I'm with Draco.