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View Full Version : Caveman Thawed Alive!; Mauled at Bachelorette Party


wantafanta
27-05-10, 01:30
Below is a picture of me, thawed after 20 years of suspended animation.

http://img229.imageshack.us/img229/5512/mothers0.jpg (http://img229.imageshack.us/i/mothers0.jpg/)
Uploaded with ImageShack.us (http://imageshack.us)

My last visit to Mother's, a nightclub on Division St. in Chicago was in 1990 when Techno Industrial music was making its debut. Mother's is a huge place, downstairs. It has a spacious hard wood dancefloor at the back wall, which is mirrored, so you can dance with your reflection or work on your dance moves. I used to have a favorite barmaid, Liz, who would pop open an MGD when she saw me come in. Sometimes it was free!

http://www.rushanddivision.com/mothers.html

So, I'm walking past Mother's a few months ago, and I see the sign "Dance your Azzoff Every Saturday!" The doorman saw me reading it and was laughing. Well, after losing some weight a few years ago, I could fit back into those hardly worn stone-washed jeans that were hanging in my closet all that time. So let's give Mother's another try, I mused. The thaw had begun.

Saturday night in April was my rebirth. I reached for my ID, but the doorman just grinned and waved me in. Downstairs I went, took a small round table with a basket of fresh popcorn in the center - just like 20 years ago. Everything was the same - except for the flat panel TVs - and I didn't recognize any of the music. The dancefloor opened up at 10PM. There was Lady Gaga on the vid, and some rappers doing the same old thing - borrrrrr-innnng! But no more Billy Idol, Robert Palmer. I used to hear "Push it Real Good" and "I Want your sex" by George Michael. Now, everyone was half my age and texting friends, and no more Liz. I was crushed. I would never be back. My time came and went. Or so I thought. For little did I know, I wasn't totally thawed out. I would indeed be back. Several weeks later. And how different it was to be!!

Part II.

One of the barmaids on only my second visit remembered me and brought over a Budweiser! Suddenly, I had a new barmaid friend ala Liz. And then there would be another, giving free refills on my ginger ales! It pays to be a good tipper, that's the lesson. I took these pictures and gave the prints to my new barmaid friends, and they lit up. So now I'm thawed out, and "Love Shack" by the B52s is playing. You just gotta dance to that. So I was the first out there. Next thing, I have a couple girls dancing with me, and it's 1987 all over again. They're turning their backs to me and looking over their shoulders and bobbing up and down and I'm just laughing. And later there's "Good Vibrations" by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. Aka Mark Wahlberg from the movie Planet of the Apes. A great dance song, too, though not one of my favorites. But pretty decent.


http://img337.imageshack.us/img337/5098/mothers5.jpg (http://img337.imageshack.us/i/mothers5.jpg/)
Uploaded with ImageShack.us (http://imageshack.us)


http://img200.imageshack.us/img200/9015/mothers4.jpg (http://img200.imageshack.us/i/mothers4.jpg/)
Uploaded with ImageShack.us (http://imageshack.us)



There was a bachelorette party one Saturday night, and the bride-soon-to-be came up and bent over and started ramming me with her big, blue mini-skirted bottom. Bam-bam-bam! It was like a wrecking ball. I liked it, but I was mortified. What do you do? Give it back, I guess. I did a little, but mostly I couldn't help laughing.


http://img404.imageshack.us/img404/8532/mothers1.jpg (http://img404.imageshack.us/i/mothers1.jpg/)
Uploaded with ImageShack.us (http://imageshack.us)

Then a week later, another bachelorette pary, and this girl asks if I wear "tighty whities". Those are white underwear briefs, it was explained. I said yes, so they made me pose with a girl while pulling a part of my white Jockey briefs out over my jeans.

http://img99.imageshack.us/img99/4613/mothers2.jpg (http://img99.imageshack.us/i/mothers2.jpg/)
Uploaded with ImageShack.us (http://imageshack.us)

http://img26.imageshack.us/img26/5033/mothers3.jpg (http://img26.imageshack.us/i/mothers3.jpg/)
Uploaded with ImageShack.us (http://imageshack.us)

I survived the mauling of the "wrecking ball" girl. Women on weekends are crazy. I tell people each weekend that "I'm going downtown to make as big a fool of myself as possible." Because if you're not embarrassed the next morning, then you weren't trying hard enough!

http://img19.imageshack.us/img19/4141/mothers6.jpg (http://img19.imageshack.us/i/mothers6.jpg/)
Uploaded with ImageShack.us (http://imageshack.us)

Quasimodo
27-05-10, 01:35
This has to be one of the oddest threads I've ever read.

Mr.Burns
27-05-10, 01:37
This has to be one of the oddest threads I've ever read.

My thoughts exactly. I'm not sure if I should close this or let it die *shrugs*


That's not an excuse to spam this thread folks. Just a reminder.

wantafanta
27-05-10, 01:50
Well, if it were my intent to SPAM, then I wouldn't have spent an hour assembling this diary entry. It was also an attempt to be humourous - for people who have a sense of humor. Also, I think the pictures are quite good and professional - picture taking is a hobby of mine. But there is really a story here, about a getting older, fitting in, cultural change. Maybe some members here have never been to Chicago, or to a nightclub even.
If you want to close it, close it. I wasn't exactly writing for the New England Journal of Medicine.

Quasimodo
27-05-10, 01:55
Oh, then it would've made more sense in the art and writing section. Usually the only fiction people are accustomed to seeing in GC is satire :p

Capt. Murphy
27-05-10, 02:34
I didn't really read it. Just seeing the gals with booze made me lose interest. :rolleyes:

spikejones
27-05-10, 02:55
I enjoyed reading it :) But the illustrations don't seem to flow with the story. Like where's the pic of you with your tighty whities? I agree though that when you go to clubs (which I rarely do) there's not much in the way of real good music anymore. Well.. depending on where you go and what your tastes are.
Well, if it were my intent to SPAM, then I wouldn't have spent an hour assembling this diary entry. It was also an attempt to be humourous - for people who have a sense of humor.

funny how some people can throw together a thread that makes a mockery of the entire community and everyone loves them for it, and the thread becomes stickied - yet when someone else spends a lot of time on making a thread that means something important to them it gets largely ignored, misunderstood, or reported as spam. actually its not funny at all, its sad. although, I do think it would have gone nicely in the "artwork" section :)

Carbonek_0051
27-05-10, 03:01
funny how some people can throw together a thread that makes a mockery of the entire community and everyone loves them for it, and the thread becomes stickied - yet when someone else spends a lot of time on making a thread that means something important to them it gets largely ignored, misunderstood, or reported as spam. actually its not funny at all, its sad. although, I do think it would have gone nicely in the "artwork" section :)

Wow, low blow much?

irjudd
27-05-10, 04:03
Wow, low blow much?

I'd have said the same of you.

Carbonek_0051
27-05-10, 04:06
I love you.

I know, but that's a little off-topic Judd.

Andyroo
27-05-10, 04:10
What a lovely story. :D

Did you go to that nightclub when you were ten years old? :confused:

Lizard of Oz
27-05-10, 04:26
Maybe some members here have never been to Chicago...

ZOMG! I live in Chicago :jmp:

Minty Mouth
27-05-10, 07:19
So . . . is this a true story?

touchthesky
27-05-10, 09:20
I dont get it.

toxicraider
27-05-10, 10:00
I found it quite funny, but the caveman bit at the begining confused me. :p
Especially the bit about the bride :vlol:

LightningRider
27-05-10, 10:14
Heh, nice.

Culture does change.

patriots88888
27-05-10, 12:04
I think it's a really nice story and thank you for sharing it wantafanta. :) It reflects the desire and longing to reclaim a small part of our youth and the nostalgia that goes along with that.

My hunch is that this would have been better received on a forum where the majority of members are more middle aged. You can't expect teens and even those in their early 20's such as the majority of members on this forum to be able to relate to such a story as I have.

Tonyrobinson
27-05-10, 14:01
I really don't understand this...

wantafanta
27-05-10, 19:54
Thanks to everyone who chose to give the compliments. Yes, it is a true story, and I was much older than 10 in 1990.
I didn't even know there was an arts/writing forum on this board. Maybe this should have gone there.
I will say this - the Techno-Industrial music chased me away from the nightclubs. I think the music of the late '80s far and away was better than what is played today. Sometimes I pester the club DJs and bring them some tracks on CD to play for a few bucks. After they play it, they say "Wow! Who was that?" These DJs are usually in their mid-20s and never heard a lot of those club beatz.
One thing I'm hearing in today's pop music is the Autotune. It's that wallowy vocal effect that is being overused. Sometimes it's called the "Cher" effect, because Cher used it in "Believe." It was supposed to be a digital way to correct for errors in a singer's pitch. I hope it falls out of favor soon.
Now I understand that some of you don't get this thread. That's OK. I expected that. Madonna is gone, and Lady Gaga will be gone someday, too. Then you'll know what I'm talkin' about. But take heart. You can still have fun, even if you are in your 40s. Because people will always be people. The music will be different, but go with the flow and you'll do OK.

Keir_Eidos
27-05-10, 20:36
What a bizarre but yet oddly compelling thread. Enjoyable read.

I spent a portion of my younger years in clubs listening to some pretty savage techno.


One thing I'm hearing in today's pop music is the Autotune. It's that wallowy vocal effect that is being overused. Sometimes it's called the "Cher" effect, because Cher used it in "Believe." It was supposed to be a digital way to correct for errors in a singer's pitch. I hope it falls out of favor soon.
Now I understand that some of you don't get this thread. That's OK. I expected that. Madonna is gone, and Lady Gaga will be gone someday, too. Then you'll know what I'm talkin' about. But take heart. You can still have fun, even if you are in your 40s. Because people will always be people. The music will be different, but go with the flow and you'll do OK.

I agree, but I remember in the 80's people were pretty embarrassed by the pop music of the time, in 20 years time Lady GaGa fans will be middle aged and will be saying how great the current music is and going to 'Noughties Nights', etc, etc. The music you grow up with will always be special (even if it is crap).

spikejones
27-05-10, 21:20
The music I listen to now is descended from bands of the 60's and 70's. When I listen to the Beatles, The Cars, and The Ramones, music that most wouldn't consider dancable by todays standards, I hear pure magic. I feel the energy. I still revisit songs such as Penny Lane, Twist and Shout, My Best Friends Girl Friend, Blitzkrieg Bop, and songs from The Damned like Smash it up and White Rabbit.

wantafanta
27-05-10, 21:43
I think 50s and 60s music was probably the best from a creative standpoint. For me, the 70s was a lost decade. Lots of country music and disco music, and some Led Zeppelin immitators.
I think when the 80s came and computers were playing a role in production, music got really interesting. Drum machines, looping, and synthesized sounds added a whole new dimension. I'm thinking of groups like New Order. By 1990, digital production was already a common element in pop music, and there wasn't much left that a producer could do with a track to make it distinctive. It's been pretty bland ever since, IMO. I don't hear much of anything to day that is all that different from 10 years ago.

Ward Dragon
27-05-10, 21:47
I think 50s and 60s music was probably the best from a creative standpoint.

I agree :) I love the music from that time frame. It's much better than most of the crap that gets released today :p

Catracoth
27-05-10, 21:48
I don't know how to respond to this thread...nor do I understand it's relevance.

larafan25
27-05-10, 21:53
I agree :) I love the music from that time frame. It's much better than most of the crap that gets released today :p

This plus what you quoted.

I guess you concider these to be the oldies, but I don't feel at home with todays music.

There are some songs I like, alot of music by beyonce, lady gaga, and some current bands, but the majority of the stuff I like are oldies, I guess thats what was always playing when I was really small. Feels nolstalgic to hear that music.:)

toxicraider
27-05-10, 21:54
I hate how in modern pop music, it seems you don't even need to be able to sing, to be a singer. So many artists are awful live, and rely on autotune to correct their voices. Sometimes, it does sound good, but I still think it's wrong that ordinary people, with little talent other than looks and charisma, can hoist themselves a singing career, and get filthy rich from it.

Ward Dragon
27-05-10, 22:17
This plus what you quoted.

I guess you concider these to be the oldies, but I don't feel at home with todays music.

There are some songs I like, alot of music by beyonce, lady gaga, and some current bands, but the majority of the stuff I like are oldies, I guess thats what was always playing when I was really small. Feels nolstalgic to hear that music.:)

Yes, that's probably true. My dad played a lot of '50's and '60's music while I was growing up so it's what sounds normal to me. I also like a bit of modern stuff (mostly rock and metal) but most of the recent music sounds awful to me.

I hate how in modern pop music, it seems you don't even need to be able to sing, to be a singer. So many artists are awful live, and rely on autotune to correct their voices. Sometimes, it does sound good, but I still think it's wrong that ordinary people, with little talent other than looks and charisma, can hoist themselves a singing career, and get filthy rich from it.


I don't really care how music is made as long as it sounds good. Most of this modern stuff simply doesn't sound good, so that settles it for me :p

spikejones
27-05-10, 23:33
I think 50s and 60s music was probably the best from a creative standpoint. For me, the 70s was a lost decade. Lots of country music and disco music, and some Led Zeppelin immitators.
I think when the 80s came and computers were playing a role in production, music got really interesting. Drum machines, looping, and synthesized sounds added a whole new dimension. I'm thinking of groups like New Order. By 1990, digital production was already a common element in pop music, and there wasn't much left that a producer could do with a track to make it distinctive. It's been pretty bland ever since, IMO. I don't hear much of anything to day that is all that different from 10 years ago.

thats the problem right there! when you listen to electronic beats, theres not much room for variation until someone programs a new sound byte. But even then, its innovativeness will be short lived. Granted electronica is good for dancing to, but I wouldn't base my entire music collection on it when there is soooooo much more out there. I did a quick google of New Order and I didn't even realize that Orgy's Blue Monday (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAt9QTmVc7Q) was a cover of New Order. have you heard the orgy version?

But now lets step away from synth pop et al and take a look at music played on real instruments..
tell me these don't make you want to dance:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVYD1D62VDk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mr-htsAudcM