View Full Version : Not sure what im meant to feel !!!

12-05-11, 06:32
Hi guys

A while back some of you know that my friend had died in a weird way but it was all hush hush.

Well ive read the paper today and he is in there !!!

Apparently he wrote 7 suicide notes to his family then put a rucksack with a 5kg dumbell on his back and jumped in the Thames. Post mortem showed no drugs or alcohol were in his system so it was all planned and though out

Last time i saw him he said he was going on holiday and gave me a hug and said thanks !!!

Why didnt i pick up on that !!!!! Im sad and confused

12-05-11, 06:45
God that was shocking. :(

Did he ever tell you his problems?

12-05-11, 07:06
It's very sad :(

Though strange... nobody has noticed that he had "reasons" and was in that state of mind (before literally saying "good-bye") :confused:

Be strong :hug:

Ward Dragon
12-05-11, 08:01
Last time i saw him he said he was going on holiday and gave me a hug and said thanks !!!

Why didnt i pick up on that !!!!! Im sad and confused

He probably seemed happy and didn't want you to worry, which would explain why you thought everything was alright. You shouldn't blame yourself for taking his words at face value. You'll probably always wonder if there was anything you could have done to talk him out of it, but it sounds like he didn't give you the chance. It was his decision not to tell you about his problems or what he was planning, so it's not your fault that you didn't realize it. I'm sure you were a good friend to him and he wouldn't want you to feel guilty about this :o

12-05-11, 08:23
I'm sorry you had to live that experience, because sadly, always remember that you met someone who ended his life.
Perhaps that experience will serve you in the future. (for some reason)
I can not tell you more.

12-05-11, 08:24
Hi guys

Why didnt i pick up on that !!!!! Im sad and confused

Sounds like you're blaming yourself which is never the right thing to do, it's not your fault, you could have done nothing to stop it. A person who is trully sad and planning to take their own life never seems as if they will, because they don't want someone to stop them. He would have deliberately hidden these feelings from you because he wouldn't have wanted you to worry and /or try to dissuade him or tell his family etc. Like you said it was all planned out, and th efact that he told you he was going on holiday makes me think he was of the attitute where this wouldn't have shown. If a friend tells you they're going on holiday it's usually a good thing and you don't associate it with something as terrible as this.

At the end of the day it's very, very sad that your friend felt the onyl way out of whatever trouble he was having, was to take his own life. But that does not mea you were responsible. Get angry at him, feel sad for him, mourn him, celebrate the good parts of his life you celebrated together, but never blame yourself :hug:

12-05-11, 16:11
Aww hunni :( Thats awfully sad but don't blame yourself for not realising xxxx

12-05-11, 16:30
Oh. My. God. :eek:

May he rest in peace.
And I go with Hayley, you couldn't know :hug: Nobody couldn't.

13-05-11, 02:03
I was in a similar situation Lara_Zoz back when I was a teen. I had grown quite close to my friend's mother and she took her life. The day she did it, something told me to stop by to say hi, but I didn't because I had to work flipping burgers. I even made the mistake of going to work two hours early and still had the nagging feeling of going to see her or call. Instead I ignored it and had lunch before my shift started.

Twenty minutes later my friend called sick into work. She and I worked at the same Friendlys Restaurant. I remember the shocked expression on the shift manager's face and knew something was not right.

I finished my shift and stopped by the house only to find out she committed suicide. I was devastated with thinking I could have prevented it should I have called or stopped by........

I was very friendly with this woman. Heck, we decorated X Mas cookies a few months before. I knew she had her ups and downs, but she seemed happy.

From reading about suicide, many are happy or seem normal and on the right track., It's only that they made the decision to end their life, and knowing the release of their pain is immanent they are relieved and a bit happy. Hence the "holiday comment" from your friend - for example.

It took a while but I came to the conclusion that no matter if I had called or visited, she would have done the same thing at another time if she wasn't able to get the help she needed. It's very rare that someone who is suicidal can see past their pain and live because someone else stops them or intervenes. The pain a suicidal person feels goes beyond a hug or knowing someone would miss them should they be gone.

Suicide is often the only release for someone who can't see past TRANSIENT pain. Often times we don't recognize the pain because it's hidden deep in the sufferer's head and heart.