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View Full Version : Job Well Done *Joke* [Big One]


PSone
10-12-03, 09:33
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 01, 2003

RE: Christmas Party


I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00 p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 02, 2003

RE: Holiday Party


In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty



FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 03, 2003

RE: Holiday Party


Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: October 04, 2003

RE: Holiday Party


What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party!
Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the
restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F#ck1ng Employees

DATE: October 05, 2003

RE: The F#ck1ng Holiday Party


Vegetarian *****s I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f#ck1ng salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,

The B!tch from HELL!!!!!!!!




FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 06, 2003

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party


I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.


Happy Holidays!


-----Original Message-----
From: Olsen, Peter
Sent: Wednesday, 3 December 2003 12:19 AM
To: Avenia, Rina
Cc: Kimmins, Sandie; Lee, Angela; Mulligan, Angela D; Rosevear, Nichole;
Greig, Andrew
Subject: RE: Job Well Done

Thanks Rina you feedback is very much appreciated. I think our organising committee did a fantastic job.

-----Original Message-----
From: Avenia, Rina
Sent: Tuesday, 2 December 2003 2:54 PM
To: Greig, Andrew; Olsen, Peter
Cc: Kimmins, Sandie; Lee, Angela; Mulligan, Angela D; Rosevear,
Nichole
Subject: Job Well Done

Hi All
I must say it was a brilliant evening on Saturday and the majority of comments from everyone down here at CP1 agree also. Congratulations to the organisers and a million thanks to Andy and Peter for a wonderful evening.

laracroft8290
10-12-03, 15:32
That's so true ;) :D

spence
10-12-03, 18:11
I have organised "Holiday" parties in the past and that hits the nail on the head. http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/yikes.gif

Annacia
10-12-03, 18:25
http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/jumper.gif

http://www.wtv-zone.com/IrishRose/HolidayGifs/Xmasbell.gif

PSone
10-12-03, 21:05
Originally posted by laracroft8290:
That's so true ;) :D VERY true. As spence stated below ;)