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CiaKonwerski
16-09-11, 14:31
Seeing as how there is a LGBT thread, I thought I would create a thread for those who have no sexual feelings at all. Use this thread to discuss certain things about asexuality. I am hoping there are others on this forum who are. Similar to the LGBT thread you can discuss your certain lifestyle or what have you. Have fun. :)

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/2f/Asexual_flag.svg/640px-Asexual_flag.svg.png

I will just start off by saying that I am asexual. :p

CosmoCroft
16-09-11, 14:38
what is asexual? I've heard of it but I don't know can someone explain it to me?

Spong
16-09-11, 14:40
^Never heard of Google?
Generally it means the lack of sexual attraction or desire for sex.

CiaKonwerski
16-09-11, 14:40
what is asexual? I've heard of it but I don't know can someone explain it to me?

Basically it is a lack of sexual attraction, or some would even say a lack of sexual orientation. Asexuals have no interest in sexual activities, etc. And there are different sub-categories of asexuals. Some do not mind getting invloved in purely a romantic relationship, - the sex and what not. And there are some who do not even want anything romantic with others.

I however am interested in relationships with others, but purely mental. I want to date someone for who they are only and not get involved with them physically.

Legend of Lara
16-09-11, 14:46
And there are some who do not even want anything romantic with others.

I think those are aromantics or something.

CiaKonwerski
16-09-11, 14:46
I think those are aromantics or something.

That is correct. :)

cezy rockeru
16-09-11, 15:09
I'm definitely not asexual. I'm the opposite actually XD

And although I couldn't imagine myself being one,I respect asexual people. :3

Weemanply109
16-09-11, 16:41
So, which of the following members that have posted are actually Asexual? :p

I am just interested on how many we have here. I am definitely not one, however, my sexual desire has withered recently... Which I have no idea to explain why that is happening or if it's normal :o (Disclaimer: I am not insinuating I am asexual, definitely not :vlol:)

ozzman
16-09-11, 16:42
this fits me alot more :wve: i don't really care about sex or any of that stuff

jarekhanzelka
16-09-11, 16:44
I think I'm slowly turning into one. Or maybe I'm just lying to myself in order to not admit that the fact I hadn't have sex in nearly a year is actually noone's by my fault. :pi:

Weemanply109
16-09-11, 16:55
I think I'm slowly turning into one. Or maybe I'm just lying to myself in order to not admit that the fact I hadn't have sex in nearly a year is actually noone's by my fault. :pi:

:vlol: Well, I thought I was slowly turning into one a few weeks ago :vlol: but I still have an attraction towards men, but my sex drive is messed up or something.. :o

CosmoCroft
16-09-11, 17:25
^Never heard of Google?
I was hoping for someone that is asexual to tell me not smelly old google :p

Basically it is a lack of sexual attraction, or some would even say a lack of sexual orientation. Asexuals have no interest in sexual activities, etc. And there are different sub-categories of asexuals. Some do not mind getting invloved in purely a romantic relationship, - the sex and what not. And there are some who do not even want anything romantic with others.

I however am interested in relationships with others, but purely mental. I want to date someone for who they are only and not get involved with them physically.

Thank you :3! That's really interesting actually :)

moodydog
16-09-11, 18:34
Does being married to your job mean your asexual?

robm_2007
16-09-11, 19:14
Does being married to your job mean your asexual?

Only if you have a sexless marriage.
---
I have a sexuality, but I don't want to have sex; it's too...personal and stuff :X

HappyShannon
16-09-11, 19:29
I'm pretty sure that, if I wanna be technical about it, even though I identify as lesbian I'm pretty sure I'm actually homoromantic and asexual :p

robm_2007
16-09-11, 19:30
I'm pretty sure that, if I wanna be technical about it, even though I identify as lesbian I'm pretty sure I'm actually homoromantic and asexual :p

What is that?

HappyShannon
16-09-11, 19:32
What is that?

I get emotional feelings for the same sex, but I'm asexual (I think) so I don't have any sexual feelings for anyone.

CiaKonwerski
16-09-11, 19:53
I wonder what the term is for a transgendered asexual. :/

HappyShannon
16-09-11, 19:57
^ I'd assume just asexual.

robm_2007
16-09-11, 20:04
I'm guessing there's not a specific term. It's just transgendered asexual, ATM.

Draco
16-09-11, 20:21
Labels annoy me, people can be or not be whoever they want. :p

CiaKonwerski
16-09-11, 20:25
Labels annoy me, people can be or not be whoever they want. :p

I agree with you on hating labels, however I disagree on people being who they want to be. People can be who they want to be when choosing a career, friends, etc. but when it comes down to the biology of it all people are kind of stuck. However I do not think people should say they are this or that because that only makes other people define them and stereotype them. I believe it is best to just stay yourself and not label yourself the way society has labeled people. I may say I am asexual and transgendered but do I go around saying it to the world, no. Because honestly I do not care. This is what I was born as and I am not going to change that or put a title on myself just so it is easier for others to "define" me. Sure I let a lot of people on here know it but only because I do not want them to get the wrong impression of me otherwise. However by letting people know what you label yourself as, they are most likely going to get the wrong impression anyway so I guess it does not really matter. :p

Los Angeles
16-09-11, 21:30
Just wait till the hormones kick in. :o

larafan25
16-09-11, 21:36
Labels annoy me, people can be or not be whoever they want. :p

I can't be straight though...

Unless....labels...don't count...and I decide that straight means whatever the **** I am.

Anyways, sometimes I wish I were Asexual.

robm_2007
16-09-11, 21:46
Labels annoy me.

Everything is a label, though. Male, female, Chinese, Portuguese, Mormon, Blonde, Lesbian, Teenager, etc.

HappyShannon
16-09-11, 21:56
Everything is a label, though. Male, female, Chinese, Portuguese, Mormon, Blonde, Lesbian, Teenager, etc.

Yeah, that's what I don't get when people say they hate labels. Labels are kind of necessary, as long as people don't use them to define what someone is like (aka stereotype/judge people because of said label).

larafan25
16-09-11, 22:01
Everything is a label, though. Male, female, Chinese, Portuguese, Mormon, Blonde, Lesbian, Teenager, etc.

I agree, equal member of this forum of which discussions pertain to the topic of Tomb Raider.

CiaKonwerski
16-09-11, 22:11
Just wait till the hormones kick in. :o

I hate when people say that. :p I have and will never have an interest in sex. That is like telling you to just wait until you meet the right girl.

StefanJ94
16-09-11, 22:25
There was a time when I felt like it and I thought I was asexual. But it seems it was just a phase or depression or something :o IDK

Miharu
16-09-11, 23:06
It's funny I used to be going through an asexual phase and didn't care about a relationship or sex in general but all of a sudden since last year...Yup, I want a relationship, I'm interested in sex.

Btw I'm not saying being asexual is just a phase! I just genuinely didn't fancy someone sexually not until I was 15, which I think compared to most kids is just a lil old.

CiaKonwerski
16-09-11, 23:29
It's funny I used to be going through an asexual phase and didn't care about a relationship or sex in general but all of a sudden since last year...Yup, I want a relationship, I'm interested in sex.

Btw I'm not saying being asexual is just a phase! I just genuinely didn't fancy someone sexually not until I was 15, which I think compared to most kids is just a lil old.

If that is the case than I am very old compared to others than haha. I am almost 19 and I am interested in a relationship, but no sex...EVER! haha.

Weemanply109
16-09-11, 23:56
Are asexual completely against having sex? What if your partner wanted to have it?

I know some asexuals on Tumblr that have sex, but I'd imagine they don't do it frequently.

robm_2007
17-09-11, 00:02
There's many definitions for asexual. It could be one who finds neither men nor women sexually attractive; or people who aren't interested in sex, but could find a men and/or women sexually attractive, AFAIR.

Weemanply109
17-09-11, 00:04
or people who aren't interested in sex, but could find a men and/or women sexually attractive, AFAIR.

You're just saying that in relation to what you said before, trying to make it seem like you're not getting sum cuz you don't want it.

:vlol: K babe :whi: I'm kidding btw :hug:

CiaKonwerski
17-09-11, 00:46
In my case, I find men and women attractive, but I want a relationship with a man. I never want to have sex. Some asexuals will have sex, but they do not "enjoy" it I giess you would say. But most asexuals do not have sex at all I believe. And I do not think they are sexually attracted, but attracted to people for other reasons. Mostly mental.

Weemanply109
17-09-11, 00:49
^What happened to your iconic font and coloured text? OH NOES! :o

Serious now: Thanks for being a good hoe and telling me this factual information. :)

robm_2007
17-09-11, 00:53
You're just saying that in relation to what you said before, trying to make it seem like you're not getting sum cuz you don't want it.

:vlol: K babe :whi: I'm kidding btw :hug:

In general, I don't want to have sex with anyone. Sure, I've thought (and think) about it, a lot :pi:, but at the end of the day, I don't feel that I actually would have sex with someone right now. I think it would be very awkward. My personality is reserved and shy, in regards to relationships and whatnot, so having sex with someone, it would be very odd to have that connection with someone. I don't even want to date anyone, right now, it's the least of my worries. If I wanted to go have sex so badly, I'd just go to Nevada and get me a prostitute :cool:

Weemanply109
17-09-11, 00:55
In general, I don't want to have sex with anyone. Sure, I've thought (and think) about it, a lot :pi:, but at the end of the day, I don't feel that I actually would have sex with someone right now. I think it would be very awkward. My personality is reserved and shy, in regards to relationships and whatnot, so having sex with someone, it would be very odd to have that connection with someone. I don't even want to date anyone, right now, it's the least of my worries. If I wanted to go have sex so badly, I'd just go to Nevada and get me a prostitute :cool:

:vlol: Prostitutes have no dignity whatsoever. You'll be safe to confine in them for sexual desire. :mis:

P.S. If you couldn't tell, I am trying to become the top poster on this thread, even though I am not asexual :vlol:

CiaKonwerski
17-09-11, 00:59
:vlol: Prostitutes have no dignity whatsoever. You'll be safe to confine in them for sexual desire. :mis:

P.S. If you couldn't tell, I am trying to become the top poster on this thread, even though I am not asexual :vlol:

:O...ugh bitch! Lol. And about my font, I am on my phone and it is hard to change the stuff. :l....I really wished there were purely other asexuals here. It is almost impossible to get into a relationship.

Weemanply109
17-09-11, 01:03
:O...ugh bitch! Lol. And about my font, I am on my phone and it is hard to change the stuff. :l....I really wished there were purely other asexuals here. It is almost impossible to get into a relationship.

Use Tumblr, seriously. Not with intent of finding a relationship but to find someone you can relate to, who knows. Maybe you might end up getting LAID! :yah: (I'm kidding :p) Tumblr, has lots of asexuals and other people there, it's a good place to relate to other people. Just search up some forums aswell ;)

CiaKonwerski
17-09-11, 01:07
Use Tumblr, seriously. Not with intent of finding a relationship but to find someone you can relate to, who knows. Maybe you might end up getting LAID! :yah: (I'm kidding :p) Tumblr, has lots of asexuals and other people there, it's a good place to relate to other people. Just search up some forums aswell ;)

Lmao, awful sense of humor. :p jk. Perhaps, I just idk. I want one but I am very particular.

Weemanply109
17-09-11, 01:09
Lmao, awful sense of humor. :p jk. Perhaps, I just idk. I want one but I am very particular.

One lesson I learned is that people usually say what they truly mean in their jokes by quicky retreat with "kidding" at the end of their sentence. :pi:

I will find you a very nice asexual who has class and packs more swagga than SuBo packs on the pounds :pi: . Guud enuff? ;)

CiaKonwerski
17-09-11, 01:22
One lesson I learned is that people usually say what they truly mean in their jokes by quicky retreat with "kidding" at the end of their sentence. :pi:

I will find you a very nice asexual who has class and packs more swagga than SuBo packs on the pounds :pi: . Guud enuff? ;)

:vlol: So true. :p ;)

And thank you, unlike Kreayshawn however my swag does not pump out of my...non-existing ovaries. :p

Tombraiderx08
17-09-11, 04:02
My sexuality changes, a lot ._. So, Imma say I'm a part time asexual lol :p

Eros5th
17-09-11, 05:54
My sexuality changes, a lot ._. So, Imma say I'm a part time asexual lol :p

This

Weemanply109
17-09-11, 13:12
And thank you, unlike Kreayshawn however my swag does not pump out of my...non-existing ovaries. :p

:vlol: Any other asexuals for CiaKonwrski to relate to? :o

COME OUT AND PREACH!

CiaKonwerski
17-09-11, 13:14
Just because you are occasionally not interested in sex, I do not think that makes you an asexual. Asexual have absolutely no interest whatsoever in sex. Asexuals are not sexually stimulated and do not care about it. You say your sexuality changes, but by that I am assuming you mean that sometimes you are interested in sex with people, and other times you are not. With asexuals that is not the case however.

And I do not think there is really anyone here to truly relate. As I said I also believe I am transgendered (once again, I hate labels but just to make it easier). So yeah, it is almost impossible for me to get into a relationship etc.

the ancient
17-09-11, 13:15
(Serious question)

But do Asexual people mastrubate or have 'wet dreams'?

Weemanply109
17-09-11, 13:17
Just because you are occasionally not interested in sex, I do not think that makes you an asexual. Asexual have absolutely no interest whatsoever in sex. Asexuals are not sexually stimulated and do not care about it. You say your sexuality changes, but by that I am assuming you mean that sometimes you are interested in sex with people, and other times you are not. With asexuals that is not the case however.

:tmb: Some people here are trying to label themselves are part-time Asexual when they aren't :p

(Serious question)

But do Asexual people mastrubate or have 'wet dreams'?

I was wondering this too :vlol:

CiaKonwerski
17-09-11, 13:17
(Serious question)

But do Asexual people mastrubate or have 'wet dreams'?

I do believe asexuals have wet dreams (awkward..but I do). But wet dreams are sort of...inevitable. I think everyone has them, because pretty much everyone goes through puberty etc. unless you have a hormone deficiency I think. I do not masturbate though, never have. Not interested.

the ancient
17-09-11, 13:21
I do believe asexuals have wet dreams (awkward..but I do). But wet dreams are sort of...inevitable. I think everyone has them, because pretty much everyone goes through puberty etc. unless you have a hormone deficiency I think. I do not masturbate though, never have. Not interested.



kinda interesting xD
But mastrubating is also healthy, well according to my teacher.

CiaKonwerski
17-09-11, 13:23
kinda interesting xD
But mastrubating is also healthy, well according to my teacher.

Haha that is one open teacher. :p It is weird though.

the ancient
17-09-11, 13:26
Haha that is one open teacher. :p It is weird though.

Yeah she kinda is :vlol:

lol I sound like I am making some kind of propaganda for mastrubation :p

CiaKonwerski
17-09-11, 13:28
Yeah she kinda is :vlol:

lol I sound like I am making some kind of propaganda for mastrubation :p

:vlol: :p All you need now is a giant poster and perhaps a Facebook page saying "Masturbating is good". :p It is great for people who can and do do it, but eh. I find other ways to pleasure myself (don't be sick. :p) Like running, playing games etc. I just find sex so overrated and not something I am ever interested in doing, there are just no feelings that I have for it.

the ancient
17-09-11, 13:31
:vlol: :p All you need now is a giant poster and perhaps a Facebook page saying "Masturbating is good". :p It is great for people who can and do do it, but eh. I find other ways to pleasure myself (don't be sick. :p) Like running, playing games etc. I just find sex so overrated and not something I am ever interested in doing, there are just no feelings that I have for it.

I don't have facebook :'(
j/k

I respect your vision on the whole sex situation, but having no sex for my entire life is nothing for me. :o

CiaKonwerski
17-09-11, 13:34
I don't have facebook :'(
j/k

I respect your vision on the whole sex situation, but having no sex for my entire life is nothing for me. :o

Haha. :p That is what I and researchers etc. are not sure of. Is it really a "vision" of sexuality that I have. Just not being interested, or is there a reason for me not being interested, something biological you know. I am not sure. :l

erosan
18-09-11, 00:50
Haha. :p That is what I and researchers etc. are not sure of. Is it really a "vision" of sexuality that I have. Just not being interested, or is there a reason for me not being interested, something biological you know. I am not sure. :l

I'm curious when did you realize that you were asexual? And transgendered? Tell me your story.

just*raidin*tomb
18-09-11, 02:21
I like this thread.

I feel I fit in here. :')

CiaKonwerski
18-09-11, 02:49
I'm curious when did you realize that you were asexual? And transgendered? Tell me your story.

Oh gosh haha, okay then. :) This may take up quite a bit of a post. ;)

When I was younger I would always dress up as females you know. I remember that I dressed up as Belle once and ran around the neighborhood, haha. I also loved barbie dolls. Thinking about it now is...crazy. :p I have always seen myself as a lady. The thoughts that I have are more feminine than masculine and always have been. The things I do,...also. It was not really until I reached middle school when I found people to be attractive. I was always drawn to people's personality and sometimes looks. I did not think of it as anything wrong though. I thought "okay, this is normal" because it always had been for me. I did not know the terminology of straight, gay, bi, etc. it was all just natural to me. I was never raised to not be myself. Apparently my mother and father talked about it when I was younger, saying that they would always love me no matter what happened. :( Even now as I write this I am starting to tear up. I hate feeling as if I am not normal. I know you may ask me what "normal" is and honestly I do not know. Anyway, let me dry my eyes. :p When I reached high school I changed. I became more...isolated. I felt this feeling coming through and I did not want to present it to others. I did not want people to get the wrong impression of me, because one of my worst fears is being alone. I knew I would be almost completely alone if I said anything, so I didn't. It was not until my senior year when I started to develop a crush on someone for the first time. He was brilliant. He was so kind, smart, funny, everything really. Unfortunately I knew nothing would ever happen because I am this way. I did not tell him anything of course haha. I had hoped we could be friends, and we were. However after graduation he disappeared, deleted his Facebook and now I will never see him again. I feel alone again. :( I have my family and friends...and I am so grateful. I feel as if I have always known this is what I am. I have never really been interested in sex either. Because I am transgendered, I want a relationship with a straight guy, to connect mentally with him, not physically. That will never happen however because it is impossible. :/ :( People who have met me though and people who know see me as soooo normal. I am just down to earth and living like everyone else. My personality is sheltered but at the same time open. Being told I seemed really normal was the greatest compliment every because I know that I am not. :( I am also the person who will NEVER get an operation, I believe it is wrong. I was put here like this for a reason, I have to overcome my obstacle in my way. I just wish...things were different sometimes. I am afraid I am never going to meet that person I have a crush on ever again, and I am afraid I will eventually be alone. Everyone moving on with families etc. while I am by myself. It hurts...thinking about it. I am grateful for the love I have from my family and all the support...but it does not change anything. I will never have that "normal" life and it kills me. I also think this is one reason I chose the profession that I want to go into. I can isolate myself even further because I know I will never be in a relationship anyway. I might as well do something else useful with my life, even if that means living a lie and. So yeah...that is me in a nutshell. :( :)

remote91
18-09-11, 02:52
Apparently my mother and father talked about it when I was younger, saying that they would always love me no matter what happened.
You lucky son of a bitch.

CiaKonwerski
18-09-11, 02:54
You lucky son of a bitch.

We see luck as two different things then apparently. I am lucky that I have the support yes,...but I am unlucky that I will most likely never be with anyone.

robm_2007
18-09-11, 04:19
You say that you are against getting a sex-change, but are you wanting to live as a woman?

CiaKonwerski
18-09-11, 04:34
You say that you are against getting a sex-change, but are you wanting to live as a woman?

If I could magically change into a woman or something on the outside then yeah sure. But yes I am against sex-changes. I am a woman on the inside, so that is good enough for me. Because really, what is the point of a sex-change? Sure it may make others feel better about themselves in the end, but does it actually change anything? You still have to let your partner know that you had one, and your partner is most likely going to be gay or have a fetish for transsexual people. It is dumb in my opinion. Then all of your friends know and pretty much everyone you communicate with knows and believe it or not, their opinions of you change. Perhaps not on the outside and is not shown, but deep down people do not always act the same towards someone after that.

Draco
18-09-11, 07:23
Maybe this comes off as being insensitive... but what is the point knowing you are a woman on the inside and still being asexual?

robm_2007
18-09-11, 07:47
^That's sort of a specific, yet vague question :pi: I guess he feels like a woman in his mind, but is not interested in sex. To have both is just, I can imagine, quite a conundrum on the mind.
---
Are you fine with living as a man on the exterior, or would you try out dressing in drag to make your inner woman reflect your looks? It would be the closest thing to living as a woman, but not going so far as to getting surgery.

Melonie Tomb Raider
18-09-11, 08:02
Isn't Geck-O-Lizard Asexual too? I wonder where she's been. Haven't seen her post here in ages.

Weemanply109
18-09-11, 13:28
kinda interesting xD
But mastrubating is also healthy, well according to my teacher.

Do you really need your teacher to tell you that masturbating is normal? :p

It's fine.

*life story*

Sorry to hear about that guy you liked disappearing. :o

Things must be difficult for you.. Even though you have your families support, it must have been hard going through life being confused about your gender identity.

but deep down people do not always act the same towards someone after that.

I guess you are right tbh. However, I think it's the same for most LGBT people. Once people find out about their sexuality and their identity. People tend to think differently about them. Even if it's not shown.

BTW, why are you not comfortable being in a relationship with a homosexual man?

Isn't Geck-O-Lizard Asexual too? I wonder where she's been. Haven't seen her post here in ages.

She hasn't logged on since August 2010. :o

We can assume she was KIA. Kidding :vlol:

CiaKonwerski
18-09-11, 16:01
Maybe this comes off as being insensitive... but what is the point knowing you are a woman on the inside and still being asexual?

I do not quite understand the question...

^That's sort of a specific, yet vague question :pi: I guess he feels like a woman in his mind, but is not interested in sex. To have both is just, I can imagine, quite a conundrum on the mind.
---
Are you fine with living as a man on the exterior, or would you try out dressing in drag to make your inner woman reflect your looks? It would be the closest thing to living as a woman, but not going so far as to getting surgery.

Basically this. Mentally I feel like a woman. I do not act all girly or anything like that, but I make my decisions etc. based on how most other women do. It is hard to explain and yes it is quite a conundrum. :p

Am I fine with living as a man on the outside? I guess I kind of have to be right? I would never dress in drag. For one that would change nothing as well. After doing that I would then be looked at as extremely different. As I said...I have to deal with this obstacle in a way that does not change who I am. Surgery, drag etc. I was born in this body, I need to get over the fact that I have this body and just focus on my mind and soul...doing things in life working with that. And just forget about the exterior part of myself.



Sorry to hear about that guy you liked disappearing. :o

Things must be difficult for you.. Even though you have your families support, it must have been hard going through life being confused about your gender identity.



I guess you are right tbh. However, I think it's the same for most LGBT people. Once people find out about their sexuality and their identity. People tend to think differently about them. Even if it's not shown.

BTW, why are you not comfortable being in a relationship with a homosexual man?


It is alright, he was not meant to be with me obviously. I do feel as if I was meant to meet him though, and talk with him. I am still not sure why though.
But that is just it, I am not confused. I know what I am. I have always known what I am. However I am not going to take the easy way out and change myself just to make me feel better. I think about other people's feelings first and I do not want anyone having the burden of being friends with someone who felt that they needed to do this to like themselves.I love myself and even if this is not what I really want, I am going to live with it.

I am not comfortable with being in a relationship with a gay man because that is not what I like. I am attracted to straight men, just as a straight woman is. I want to connect emotionally with a straight male because I feel as if I need that to collide with my female mentality. If that makes sense. :p

the ancient
18-09-11, 16:13
Do you really need your teacher to tell you that masturbating is normal? :p

It's fine.



There is a difference between normal and healthy.
I meant that she said it is also healthy, although there is no real proof of that I think.

e.g. It's normal to like french fries but they are not healthy :p

Legend 4ever
18-09-11, 16:39
Am I fine with living as a man on the outside? I guess I kind of have to be right? I would never dress in drag. For one that would change nothing as well. After doing that I would then be looked at as extremely different. As I said...I have to deal with this obstacle in a way that does not change who I am. Surgery, drag etc. I was born in this body, I need to get over the fact that I have this body and just focus on my mind and soul...doing things in life working with that. And just forget about the exterior part of myself.

I'm sorry, but that's a way to disaster. Statistically, people who do not transition have greater chances of committing a suicide, being depressed and having psychological issues. The urge will never end, you have to understand that. You'll never be OK with being in a male's body and if you are, you're either in deep denial or aren't transsexual at all. IMO, it's better to transition early. There are so many stories of women ignoring who they are only to transition at the age of forty or fifty which I guess it's great because at least they're doing it, but many regret not having done it earlier and living their whole lives as women they are.

Also, the fact that you think that a trans woman wearing woman's clothes is the same as a man wearing woman's clothes i.e. drag or transvestite, is the same thing shows you don't even completely understand the issue itself. Transsexualism is a physical illness, discrepancy of body with the brain, while drag is done just for fun by (mainly) gay men. Transvestism is a fetish basically and also mostly done for fun. People don't need a cure for transvestism or being in drag. Transsexuals do need a cure.

I think you need to talk to a gender therapist or a psychiatrist if you haven't already. They can really help you and give you answers to all the questions you might have. I'm sorry if this sounds condescending, but I feel like you're still really confused. You mention that it's really important to you how others see you, and that they have to see you in a certain way, even though that might stop you from being who you really are, which worries me.

CiaKonwerski
18-09-11, 17:03
I'm sorry, but that's a way to disaster. Statistically, people who do not transition have greater chances of committing a suicide, being depressed and having psychological issues. The urge will never end, you have to understand that. You'll never be OK with being in a male's body and if you are, you're either in deep denial or aren't transsexual at all. IMO, it's better to transition early. There are so many stories of women ignoring who they are only to transition at the age of forty or fifty which I guess it's great because at least they're doing it, but many regret not having done it earlier and living their whole lives as women they are.

Also, the fact that you think that a trans woman wearing woman's clothes is the same as a man wearing woman's clothes i.e. drag or transvestite, is the same thing shows you don't even completely understand the issue itself. Transsexualism is a physical illness, discrepancy of body with the brain, while drag is done just for fun by (mainly) gay men. Transvestism is a fetish basically and also mostly done for fun. People don't need a cure for transvestism or being in drag. Transsexuals do need a cure.

I think you need to talk to a gender therapist or a psychiatrist if you haven't already. They can really help you and give you answers to all the questions you might have. I'm sorry if this sounds condescending, but I feel like you're still really confused. You mention that it's really important to you how others see you, and that they have to see you in a certain way, even though that might stop you from being who you really are, which worries me.

I understand where you are coming from, but.

1. I am not that type of person, trust me. I would never do such a thing. I hardly get depressed over this issue. There is the occasional sad phase when I start thinking about the future but I eventually get over it.

2. Actually this is false. What urge are you talking about exactly? I have no "urge" to be a woman on the outside. Sure, I think things would be better if I was born differently but there is a reason I was born this way. And actually, it all depends on how you PERCEIVE THINGS. I see this as not a curse or an illness. I see this as I was meant to be this way, and I am dealing with it MY way. Not all transgendereds get operations. And no I am not in denial.

3. I do not believe drags are the same as transsexuals/transgendered wearing clothes. I would just personally never do it because I feel no need to.

4.And once again, I understand what you are saying. But trust me, I know myself and my mind a lot better than anyone else. I do not need to talk with anyone and I am not confused. This body is just a vessel and eventually it will die away, there is no need for me to change it just so I can..what...forget about my past, forget what I really am. Have people's opinions of me change...or forget people I knew all together..no thanks. I am comfortable. I am strong.

Legend 4ever
18-09-11, 17:31
OK, this was just me trying to point out some things. Just so you know, if you're a transsexual you have to have the urge not to be in the wrong body i.e. the urge to transition. That's why I said that if you accept the body you have now and don't transition, you're just pushing issues under carpet. I've never in my life spoken to a trans man or a woman who said they were OK with their previous body. I've spoken to quite a few who said they thought they would be, but 90% of those eventually transitioned.

You say "forget what(who) I really am". And what is that exactly? A man? I personally have a problem with transsexual men and women who think that "what they really are" is defined by the body they got at birth. That's exactly what the anti-trans people are telling you. That a penis means a boy and a vagina means a girl. By that analogy a man without a penis is a woman and a woman who can't bare children, or is post-menopause is a man. It's incredibly offensive and completely untrue.

Also, you don't have to tell people about your past issues if you transition. When I meet someone, they don't tell me "Oh, when I was seventeen I had a hysterectomy and almost died and now I don't have a uterus." or "I had my lasik surgery at the age of twenty, before that I was practically blind." That's none of my business and most people wouldn't share that much about themselves, so it's silly to think that you have an obligation to tell anyone that you transitioned. Besides, what does one say? I used to be a man? That would not even be true. Transition is a long process, but it's not that long and once you're done with it, you're done.

Isaac
18-09-11, 17:32
I understand where you are coming from, but.
1. I am not that type of person, trust me. I would never do such a thing. I hardly get depressed over this issue. There is the occasional sad phase when I start thinking about the future but I eventually get over it.


Well.... I know nobody knows you better than you, but you don't know more than anybody what the future holds for you.

You can't say "I will never never never never do a such thing", you don't know what could happen in the future.
You're alright now, I'm sure of it, but what tells you you won't feel depressive in five years? In ten years? You don't know. We already had this discussion before and saddly, it never goes anywhere, you're so extremist in your way of thinking, like 'everything or nothing', it's always 'never', but never 'maybe' or 'it could happen, I should be careful', which transform lot of conversation with you in a one way one. :/

People aren't giving you order here, they are giving you advices. You want to do things your way, then great, do such, but if you end getting issues, don't say nobody warned you lol. But at the very least, don't act like a stubborn guy, show some interest in the advices that people give you other than 'not my type or reaction' 'nope' 'it will never happen'.

CiaKonwerski
18-09-11, 17:48
OK, this was just me trying to point out some things. Just so you know, if you're a transsexual you have to have the urge not to be in the wrong body i.e. the urge to transition. That's why I said that if you accept the body you have now and don't transition, you're just pushing issues under carpet. I've never in my life spoken to a trans man or a woman who said they were OK with their previous body. I've spoken to quite a few who said they thought they would be, but 90% of those eventually transitioned.

You say "forget what(who) I really am". And what is that exactly? A man? I personally have a problem with transsexual men and women who think that "what they really are" is defined by the body they got at birth. That's exactly what the anti-trans people are telling you. That a penis means a boy and a vagina means a girl. By that analogy a man without a penis is a woman and a woman who can't bare children, or is post-menopause is a man. It's incredibly offensive and completely untrue.

Also, you don't have to tell people about your past issues if you transition. When I meet someone, they don't tell me "Oh, when I was seventeen I had a hysterectomy and almost died and now I don't have a uterus." or "I had my lasik surgery at the age of twenty, before that I was practically blind." That's none of my business and most people wouldn't share that much about themselves, so it's silly to think that you have an obligation to tell anyone that you transitioned. Besides, what does one say? I used to be a man? That would not even be true. Transition is a long process, but it's not that long and once you're done with it, you're done.

1. Have you ever thought that I am in that other 10%. I do not have that "urge" to transition because I already feel like a woman. My mind tells me I am a woman, so I think of myself as having a womanly body because my mind is feminine. I do not accept that I have a male body, I see myself as a woman. Mainly because my body is already more feminine than masculine. I have wide hips, curves, and my facial features are already feminine. This is why I do not have that urge you are talking about to "complete" myself, because I am already comfortable with the little feminine parts of myself I already have. I am not saying that I have no desire at all to be a woman. If I could magically change into one overnight than I would in heartbeat, but that is impossible.

2. I do not mean "what I am" as male/female, whatever. I meant I am not going to obstruct the "natural" balance. I am not going to change what I am because I was in fact born this way. I want to live my life the way that it is meant to be lived, naturally. Without getting operations, without anything like that. I do not mean to offend those others, but as I have been saying...this is how I perceive it. Other people feel the need to change themselves, and that is great for them. But I am not that person.

3. It is different with the type of surgery you are talking about. Getting bigger boobs, eye surgery etc. Sure you do not have to tell people about that because those are just little bits and pieces of you. It does not matter. However if you change all of your outside appearance, you are supposed to say nothing? What if you start feeling affections toward people you meet in the future, eventually it HAS to come out.

@Issac-It is not advice, it is trying to define who I am. I know what I am and I know my beliefs. I am not changing. And yes, I can say never. My beliefs will not change on this matter, ever. I am giving interest in what others are saying, and I feel as if it is great advice...for other people. I am different, I am not like those others. And if you want to call me stubborn then so be it. My life has been great so far, and sure I may never get in a relationship like I want, but whatever. If it is meant to happen it will. I honestly do wish my life was as easy as me simply being gay, or simply being straight, but really you do now know how it feels to be this way. Perhaps partially but not fully.

Legend 4ever
18-09-11, 19:07
It is different with the type of surgery you are talking about. Getting bigger boobs, eye surgery etc. Sure you do not have to tell people about that because those are just little bits and pieces of you. It does not matter. However if you change all of your outside appearance, you are supposed to say nothing? What if you start feeling affections toward people you meet in the future, eventually it HAS to come out.


I would think that that other 10% are the people who commit suicide because they can't handle the pressure. Maybe it's just because I've never met anyone who is trans and can take the pressure of staying in the wrong body.

Also, no it does not have to come out. There are thousands of men and women out there who were trans, but after transitioning they're their preferred gender and that's it. You don't think of a man who used to have both legs, but now only has one, as a man who still has both legs. What's done is done, there is no way back.

Also, a lot of trans people function normally within their preferred gender and after they transition, their life is not defined by it at all, they just go on living and having the problems other people have too. I don't feel that a trans person who chooses to be stealth is lying to his or her friends and partners if they never mention the fact that they transitioned because if they do they're actually admitting that transition is something that still affects them and that they are still different. The truth is, post-op trans women are no different from women who can't give birth or have had a hysterectomy. A woman (or a person in general) is not defined by her reproductive organs.

CiaKonwerski
18-09-11, 19:26
I would think that that other 10% are the people who commit suicide because they can't handle the pressure. Maybe it's just because I've never met anyone who is trans and can take the pressure of staying in the wrong body.

Also, no it does not have to come out. There are thousands of men and women out there who were trans, but after transitioning they're their preferred gender and that's it. You don't think of a man who used to have both legs, but now only has one, as a man who still has both legs. What's done is done, there is no way back.

Also, a lot of trans people function normally within their preferred gender and after they transition, their life is not defined by it at all, they just go on living and having the problems other people have too. I don't feel that a trans person who chooses to be stealth is lying to his or her friends and partners if they never mention the fact that they transitioned because if they do they're actually admitting that transition is something that still affects them and that they are still different. The truth is, post-op trans women are no different from women who can't give birth or have had a hysterectomy. A woman (or a person in general) is not defined by her reproductive organs.

The only pressure there is is internally for me. But I am fine with it. I still get by just like everyone else already, I just feel no need to go any further. It might MIGHT make things better, but I do not want to take such a risk. I rather go on living as I have for the past 18 years, everything has worked out fine. As I said, the only problem in my life will be whether or not I can find someone and not be alone. And if I cannot, then oh well. Honestly...I am okay with it. There are people with far more worse problems than me, so i just try to stay happy and I am happy. :) I do thank you for the concern though, and I do not want you to be offended about me not taking your advice.

robm_2007
18-09-11, 19:32
Am I fine with living as a man on the outside? I guess I kind of have to be right? You dont have to be. I mean, you obviously arent "fine" with it, if you wish that you could magically become a woman. I think you are just not making a bad situation out of being a biological male. I would never dress in drag. For one that would change nothing as well. After doing that I would then be looked at as extremely different.So is your unwilling to dress as a woman based on the idea that you will be discriminated against? As I said...I have to deal with this obstacle in a way that does not change who I am. Surgery, drag etc. I was born in this body, I need to get over the fact that I have this body and just focus on my mind and soul...doing things in life working with that. And just forget about the exterior part of myself. I am in no way an expert on the subject, but I can imagine that the way you look not matching the way you feel could become a problem in the future. I don't think that you will ever get over the fact that you are a woman trapped in a man's body. You obviously want to be a woman on the outside, to match the woman in your head. You said that you are fine with your appearance, as you already had feminine features, curves, etc. and that is a good step in truly accepting you body for what it is, and not dwelling on the fact that you can't truly change your sex; however, that's how you feel now. Many a trangendered persons would swear on their life that they are fine with their current body, but even years later, they have their breaking point that makes them ache to be seen as a woman by others. That entails either surgery, hormonal treatments, or changing your appearance by use of makeup or women's clothing. I can understand your belief on sex changes not being natural, but if you are a natural woman in your mind, then wouldn't you dressing like one (I think you could maybe make a passable woman, with the right makeover, as your features aren't overly masculine that would sabotage your attempt to look female) be a natural thing? It's only "unnatural" because of what society tells you. Men aren't supposed to dress as women.

It's like you are saying that your mind is not natural, but your body is.

Mine is bolded.

CiaKonwerski
18-09-11, 19:36
Mine is bolded.

Those are all very very good points...I just...I honestly do not know. I will never have a normal life. I will never have a normal marriage, having kids, etc. so why bother trying to change at all. I have already accepted all of it, I doubt my feelings will change on the matter in the future. Perhaps there is a slight possibility, but I will try my best and do whatever I can to deal with it then as I am dealing with it now. Also as I mentioned to someone else..I am a people pleaser. I just...cannot do this for me. To think of how this will change my parents and friends lives is just..unacceptable to me. I do not want to burden anyone with this.

Nausinous
18-09-11, 19:43
:vlol: Well, I thought I was slowly turning into one a few weeks ago :vlol: but I still have an attraction towards men, but my sex drive is messed up or something.. :o

Yeah my sex drive has died, time for a reboot I think :pi:

Legend 4ever
18-09-11, 19:47
The only pressure there is is internally for me. But I am fine with it. I still get by just like everyone else already, I just feel no need to go any further. It might MIGHT make things better, but I do not want to take such a risk. I rather go on living as I have for the past 18 years, everything has worked out fine. As I said, the only problem in my life will be whether or not I can find someone and not be alone. And if I cannot, then oh well. Honestly...I am okay with it. There are people with far more worse problems than me, so i just try to stay happy and I am happy. :) I do thank you for the concern though, and I do not want you to be offended about me not taking your advice.

I am not offended and I hope you aren't either. I might also come off as extreme but it's just because I believe transitioning is the only cure, physically and psychologically, for a trans person.

One more thing occurred to me. You say you have curves, feminine face and body etc. You're what they define as gender-queer, with the exception that you don't wear makeup. Here's a thought that's unfortunately true in most cases -- you won't be like that forever. Your face will become more harsh as you age, you might gain weight and if you do it will be where a man gains it, around your belly. That will ruin your feminine body proportions. You may or may not have male pattern baldness and lose some or all of your hair. It is one thing to say you're OK with how you look now, but will you still feel like that if all the things I have mentioned happen? I don't know, but I have a feeling you wouldn't feel good about it. Please don't let society and conventions hold you back, you don't have to please anyone other than yourself. You can do whatever you want with your life as long as you're healthy and happy.

Isaac
18-09-11, 19:49
@Issac-It is not advice, it is trying to define who I am. I know what I am and I know my beliefs. I am not changing. And yes, I can say never. My beliefs will not change on this matter, ever. I am giving interest in what others are saying, and I feel as if it is great advice...for other people. I am different, I am not like those others. And if you want to call me stubborn then so be it. My life has been great so far, and sure I may never get in a relationship like I want, but whatever. If it is meant to happen it will. I honestly do wish my life was as easy as me simply being gay, or simply being straight, but really you do now know how it feels to be this way. Perhaps partially but not fully.



I just found it rude from you to say "I will never commit suicide, I am not this type of person", it's like if you implied that every people who killed themselves (or tried to) were 'a certain type of person'. Everybody can become victim of depression, we don't see it coming and I highly doubt that every people who tried to commit suicide had in mind that they were that 'type' of person months before trying. What if I told you I once had thoughts about it? Would you label me to be 'this type of person'? Yeah, right.
Depressions happen to everybody, most of the time we don't see it coming but we can prevent it from being too dangerous.

So nope, sorry, I stand on my point, you can't say 'never' about depressions. I'm not wishing for you to have one, but you should really be careful, especially in your situation.

CiaKonwerski
18-09-11, 19:57
I am not offended and I hope you aren't either. I might also come off as extreme but it's just because I believe transitioning is the only cure, physically and psychologically, for a trans person.

One more thing occurred to me. You say you have curves, feminine face and body etc. You're what they define as gender-queer, with the exception that you don't wear makeup. Here's a thought that's unfortunately true in most cases -- you won't be like that forever. Your face will become more harsh as you age, you might gain weight and if you do it will be where a man gains it, around your belly. That will ruin your feminine body proportions. You may or may not have male pattern baldness and lose some or all of your hair. It is one thing to say you're OK with how you look now, but will you still feel like that if all the things I have mentioned happen? I don't know, but I have a feeling you wouldn't feel good about it. Please don't let society and conventions hold you back, you don't have to please anyone other than yourself. You can do whatever you want with your life as long as you're healthy and happy.

I am not offended. And for most people, perhaps you are right...but for me..I feel like I know myself where I will not have to do that.

You are right...those things very well may happen to everyone, even women lose their hair, get fat, etc. That happens with everyone...and I would like to think that I take extremely good care of myself right now and will most likely remain taking good care of myself for the rest of my life. Once again...I see your point, I really do but I...I don't know. :p And I feel like I cannot please only myself. :/ I do not know why but eh.

@Issac-You know I did not mean it like that. I mean...if I were to ever get into a depression like that, I will seek help, no matter what. Most people who commit suicide or have suicidal thoughts do not get help and that is their own fault, I am sorry that this may sound harsh but from what I have seen that is the case for most people. If you had suicidal thoughts I would hope that you got help, and if you did then good for you. I meant that I will never be one of those people who refuse to let others in to help me with a depression problem, IF I am to ever have them.

Isaac
18-09-11, 20:00
^ Better. :tmb:

CiaKonwerski
18-09-11, 20:01
^ Better. :tmb:

You know I have a hard time wording things Nick. ;) :p

Legend 4ever
18-09-11, 20:02
The thing is, and again, this might be different for you and you may never feel like that, but it's hard for someone who's already deeply troubled and depressed to even get help if they're at their worst. The help has to come immediately, after the early indications of depression.

On a different note, Isaac's name is not Isaac?:eek:

robm_2007
18-09-11, 20:02
Those are all very very good points...I just...I honestly do not know. I will never have a normal life. I will never have a normal marriage, having kids, etc. so why bother trying to change at all. I have already accepted all of it, I doubt my feelings will change on the matter in the future. Perhaps there is a slight possibility, but I will try my best and do whatever I can to deal with it then as I am dealing with it now. Also as I mentioned to someone else..I am a people pleaser. I just...cannot do this for me. To think of how this will change my parents and friends lives is just..unacceptable to me. I do not want to burden anyone with this.

I can understand your thoughts on putting your family over yourself. I don't know your family or friends, but I can imagine that not all of them would accepting of you, pending you decided to dress as a woman or even get surgery. Some will leave, become estranged, or something similar, and to have the ones who you thought truly loved and cared for you to leave, might be a bigger problem than you struggling with your inner gender. You want to at least be optimistic and have people that will be there in your life. If you decide that you will live with your body, and be glad that you are at least somewhat feminine-looking, which is a trade off for your family and friends, then that is a respectable option.

In that way, you are not denying that you are what you are, as you have already come to terms with it, you just arent going to risk losing your loved ones over a matter such as this. Others in favor of you getting surgery or dressing up might say that you aren't being true to yourself and that you should come first, and forget the people who wont accept you. It's not that easy, I can imagine. Family and Friends are very important and to lose them could be a risk that is not worth of taking, if you reveal something to them that they might not like. Do whatever makes you happiest. If it's not being a woman in appearance so that you can have these people you love, then that could be a proper trade-off for you.

But just keep in mind, that as the others above have said, you are still young, how you look now is not what you will look as a grown adult. You might become more masculine and develop rugged features, even, and your body will change, too; which might make the features you have now be nothing but a memory in the future. At this moment, you are fine with your looks, but in 5-10 years, you might have an about-face on the issue: that could cause depression, that the way your family sees you is not the way that you really are --- you are suppressing yourself to some degree in making them love you by acting like you are "normal." That in itself could make you depressed and/or have thoughts of suicide. The mentality of a person can change drastically given the right circumstances. Just make sure that you are truly aware of the changes your mind and body could endure in the future, which will change your outlook on yourself and how you feel about your situation.

CiaKonwerski
18-09-11, 20:06
I just....I just want someone who can fall in love with me right now, for who I am here and now. I want to be loved for the way I think etc. As I said...I am okay with all of this right now. And I will definitely take in what you all are saying...:/ :) And what I do not get is..if I do not need a body to define who I am..then why get surgery? Besides the whole..possibly depression thing. :p If I end up that way...I will seek help. But as for now, I am just happy and going with the flow if everything. :D

@Legend-Nope haha

Legend 4ever
18-09-11, 20:17
I just....I just want someone who can fall in love with me right now, for who I am here and now. I want to be loved for the way I think etc. As I said...I am okay with all of this right now. And I will definitely take in what you all are saying...:/ :) And what I do not get is..if I do not need a body to define who I am..then why get surgery? Besides the whole..possibly depression thing. :p If I end up that way...I will seek help. But as for now, I am just happy and going with the flow if everything. :D

@Legend-Nope haha
THat's a great question. I see a few explanations. First -- trans women do not want to be with gay men, they want to be with straight men. Straight men do not want to be with a man, which most of them define as a person with a penis.

The other reason, and a far more important one, is that all of us still need to function normally in the society. If you're a man who likes to wear women's clothes, that's OK. But if you're a woman, it is still socially confusing to have a penis and identify as a woman. It makes your life harder because you run into people who will not understand you. They will not get why you still have a penis if you're not a gay man/a man who just puts on women's clothes. They will expect that a woman would want female anatomy.

I understand that both of these seem to be based on the fact that others are an important factor in you being accepted as an individual, but the truth is -- they kinda are. Humans are not solitary creatures, we live in groups. Chances are, you will never in your life have the opportunity to live in a city where you're the only resident. The interaction with others is what forces the people who are trans to fully transition. We don't live in a world where people are able to understand what they don't see in front of them (except maybe in the case of a god). Not yet at least.

Edit: Oh, and also, some trans people do feel the need to change their genitalia because they don't feel natural with the one they got i.e. they feel that a penis defines a boy, and a vagina defines a girl. But all of that is actually what we've learned IMO, not what we truly feel. The social gender is much more important than physical sex, because no matter the reproductive organs, people still see you as you by the way you present yourself, dress, act etc.

Aphrodite22
18-09-11, 20:19
If that is the case than I am very old compared to others than haha. I am almost 19 and I am interested in a relationship, but no sex...EVER! haha.

i actually feel the same right now...
But ive never though of myself as asexual, i just think sex is disgusting and unromantic.
I think its a normal phase, maybe im just too immature for that yet.

CiaKonwerski
18-09-11, 20:21
THat's a great question. I see a few explanations. First -- trans women do not want to be with gay men, they want to be with straight men. Straight men do not want to be with a man, which most of them define as a person with a penis.

The other reason, and a far more important one, is that all of us still need to function normally in the society. If you're a man who likes to wear women's clothes, that's OK. But if you're a woman, it is still socially confusing to have a penis and identify as a woman. It makes your life harder because you run into people who will not understand you. They will not get why you still have a penis if you're not a gay man/a man who just puts on women's clothes. They will expect that a woman would want female anatomy.

I understand that both of these seem to be based on the fact that others are an important factor in you being accepted as an individual, but the truth is -- they kinda are. Humans are not solitary creatures, we live in groups. Chances are, you will never in your life have the opportunity to live in a city where you're the only resident. The interaction with others is what forces the people who are trans to fully transition. We don't live in a world where people are able to understand what they don't see in front of them (except maybe in the case of a god). Not yet at least.

What if...I do not want to be in a relationship...and I act like a strong female in my mind, but am still transgendered. Should a person like that still consider and operation if they are okay with their body. I mean...that person does not want a relationship and is not trying to be accepted by anyone right..so should they just stay themselves?

Isaac
18-09-11, 20:26
On a different note, Isaac's name is not Isaac?:eek:

Nope. It's Nick. Glad to meet you. :pi:

Legend 4ever
18-09-11, 20:29
What if...I do not want to be in a relationship...and I act like a strong female in my mind, but am still transgendered. Should a person like that still consider and operation if they are okay with their body. I mean...that person does not want a relationship and is not trying to be accepted by anyone right..so should they just stay themselves?
Yes, by that analogy you wouldn't need to transition. But what I'm trying to say is, and what others are trying to say too I think, is that you don't know that you'll feel the same ten years from now and that statistically, you're in the risk group for depression because you are trans. I read somewhere that 41% or trans people commit suicide, as opposed to under 2% of general population. And I'm also trying to tell you that there is a chance for you to be happy ten years from now if you transition now, whereas it's a bit harder to transition later in life. I am also not sure you will always feel like you don't want to be in a relationship. Someone great might come along and you might have problems with them because you still haven't come to terms with who you are.

Nope. It's Nick. Glad to meet you. :pi:

I'm sorry, please don't be mad at me. I know who you are, I just never saw your name anywhere.

CiaKonwerski
18-09-11, 20:30
Yes, by that analogy you wouldn't need to transition. But what I'm trying to say is, and what others are trying to say too I think, is that you don't know that you'll feel the same ten years from now and that statistically, you're in the risk group for depression because you are trans. I read somewhere that 41% or trans people commit suicide, as opposed to under 2% of general population. And I'm also trying to tell you that there is a chance for you to be happy ten years from now if you transition now, whereas it's a bit harder to transition later in life. I am also not sure you will always feel like you don't want to be in a relationship. Someone great might come along and you might have problems with them because you still haven't come to terms with who you are.

Well if I am still part of this forum in ten years...I will let you know I am okay. ;)

Isaac
18-09-11, 20:33
I'm sorry, please don't be mad at me. I know who you are, I just never saw your name anywhere.

LOL don't worry, Isaac, Nick, Hornick, Mr.Tomatoes, whatever you want. :p

CiaKonwerski
18-09-11, 20:35
Another reason I do not want to get an operation is because...for the career I am going into. I doubt that will be acceptable.

Isaac
18-09-11, 20:51
Another reason I do not want to get an operation is because...for the career I am going into. I doubt that will be acceptable.

No job career is allowed to prevent you from having it because of personnal things such as sexuality or operation like this. The law protect us for this... Well, in Canada at least.

What career are you going into?

Legend 4ever
18-09-11, 20:51
Which career is that? Also, this. ^

Weemanply109
18-09-11, 20:52
Give us details. :pi:

CiaKonwerski
18-09-11, 20:56
Working for the FBI. They would not accept me knowing I had something like that done, what does that say about my character. :O

Isaac
18-09-11, 21:08
Working for the FBI. They would not accept me knowing I had something like that done, what does that say about my character. :O

They would have no choice but to accept it. The law would protect you for this.

And what does it say about your character? That you know what you want, that you're ready to change to feel good and effective. I'm sure they would rather have a transgendered operated than to have a guy not comfortable with his body. If you get operated, you might feel free and it will be something less on your mind, whereas not doing it might add something big on your shoulder while being at work.

My school teacher worked for Ubisoft once, and he told us that his superior was being operated (man > woman) and everybody had to deal with it. Nobody had rights to say anything against it.

Legend 4ever
18-09-11, 21:15
Really? Because if you go to their page, as well as the CIA page, they accept diversity. Also, what do you think it says about your character? Transsexualism is a medically backed up illness. Also a curable one. It's not a mental illness nor does you being trans mean you should not be trusted. A lot of people actually have full coverage offered by their employers when they transition. A friend of mine works at Apple and SRS was under insurance for her.

robm_2007
18-09-11, 21:16
They would have no choice but to accept it. The law would protect you for this.

It's more complicated than that. While I don't know if they can legally say that they won't hire him due to his transsexual status (there could be some clause in it that would deem him ineligible, such as one being color blind can't be a pilot in the Air Force. AFAIR), but surely they would find something else with his resume or qualifications that would be their reason for them not hiring him; they might have normally over looked this one negative detail in his resume or qualifications for the job, had he not have had a sex change, but they can be biased even if they don't blatantly make it obvious that having a sex change is the reason for him not being hired.

As for the person your teacher knew who worked at Ubisoft, the person already had the job. They cant fire him for getting a sex change, that would be obvious.

Isaac
18-09-11, 21:24
It's more complicated than that. While I don't know if they can legally say that they won't hire him due to his transsexual status (there could be some clause in it that would deem him ineligible, such as one being color blind can't be a pilot in the Air Force. AFAIR), but surely they would find something else with his resume or qualifications that would be their reason for them not hiring him; they might have normally over looked this one negative detail in his resume or qualifications for the job, had he not have had a sex change, but they can be biased even if they don't blatantly make it obvious that having a sex change is the reason for him not being hired.

As for the person your teacher knew who worked at Ubisoft, the person already had the job. They cant fire him for getting a sex change, that would be obvious.

It's not complicated. People aren't allowed to not hire someone because of sexual orientation, that also includes transgendered people. If they try anything to avoid hiring him, they are then illegal and the person is allowed to take measure against them.

But I highly doubt something as big as the FBI would start being such hypocrites against someone because she/he is transgendered.

robm_2007
18-09-11, 21:28
It's not complicated. People aren't allowed to not hire because of sexual orientation, that also includes transgendered people. If they try anything to avoid hiring him, they are then illegal and the person is allowed to take measure against them.

But I highly doubt something as big as the FBI would start pissing someone off because of this.

I don't think you are getting my point. They wont say, "Due to your sexual orientation and/or status as a transsexual, I am not going to hire you..."

They'll just point out some other thing in the person's resume or make a point at how they are not qualified for the job, as their reason for not hiring the person.

The person who is LGBT would have to prove that the interviewer was being prejudice in the in the hiring process, which is not an easy task; you would need proof that you were discriminated against for your status as LGBT. Just waving the race card (or in this case, LGBT card) does not suffice in court.

Legend 4ever
18-09-11, 21:30
From the FBI website:

The Sexual Orientation Program was established to address employee diversity issues and concerns of sexual orientation in the FBI workforce. Its primary goals are to ensure equal employment opportunity, promote effective and equitable participation, enhance career development opportunities for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender employees of the FBI, and to better educate all employees on sexual orientation issues as well as other diversity matters affecting the FBI workforce.

http://www.fbijobs.gov/428.asp

Isaac
18-09-11, 21:40
I don't think you are getting my point. They wont say, "Due to your sexual orientation and/or status as a transsexual, I am not going to hire you..."

They'll just point out some other thing in the person's resume or make a point at how they are not qualified for the job, as their reason for not hiring the person.

The person who is LGBT would have to prove that the interviewer was being prejudice in the in the hiring process, which is not an easy task; you would need proof that you were discriminated against for your status as LGBT. Just waving the race card (or in this case, LGBT card) does not suffice in court.

I got your point.

And Legend 4ever answers you correctly.

robm_2007
18-09-11, 21:41
Just because they say that they allow and encourage LGBT people having equal rights in being hired, that doesn't mean that there will be people in the hiring process that aren't biased or prejudice. They just won't make it a habit of mentioning the reason the person isn't being hired because they are LGBT, they might just try to circumvent that rule and use another factor in the person's resume/overall qualifications as the prime reason for said LGBT person not being hired. But I sound like a broken record, I'm sure :pi:

CiaKonwerski
18-09-11, 21:44
From the FBI website:



http://www.fbijobs.gov/428.asp

As happy as I am to hear that..I just would not feel comfortable if I were to had an operation. Plus I do not want them thinking that I could not handle being myself, comfortable in the skin I am in. I want to show that I am stronger than that. I am not saying that people who get operations are weak..I would just prefer to stay this way.

@Rob-That is exactly why I would rather just stay this way. I do not want my goals crushed because of some biased prick. I do not know what I would do if something like that happened. :/ I think it is best just to stay like this.

Legend 4ever
18-09-11, 21:51
Personally, I would consider people who actually do transition much stronger than those who chose to deny themselves, but that's just me. I feel like FBI and CIA actually benefit from having all kinds of people because that way people who work for them don't stand out as much in a crowd. If they were all 5'11' men with short brown hair and blue eyes, it would be a lot easier to notice a Special Agent.

CiaKonwerski
18-09-11, 21:54
Personally, I would consider people who actually do transition much stronger than those who chose to deny themselves, but that's just me. I feel like FBI and CIA actually benefit from having all kinds of people because that way people who work for them don't stand out as much in a crowd. If they were all 5'11' men with short brown hair and blue eyes, it would be a lot easier to notice a Special Agent.

I totally understand. I would think that too. :p Heck, a man who could surpass as a woman undercover. Pretty sneaky. ;)

Edit: Just looked up information about the surgery process...HELL No....

robm_2007
18-09-11, 22:41
Personally, I would consider people who actually do transition much stronger than those who chose to deny themselves, but that's just me. I feel like FBI and CIA actually benefit from having all kinds of people because that way people who work for them don't stand out as much in a crowd. If they were all 5'11' men with short brown hair and blue eyes, it would be a lot easier to notice a Special Agent.

Don't they have wigs, makeup and fashion montages to disguise the agents while on a secret mission?









Has ALIAS lied to me? :(

Mad Tony
18-09-11, 23:21
If they were all 5'11' men with short brown hair and blue eyes, it would be a lot easier to notice a Special Agent.Really? That description there is a very common one, therefore it wouldn't be easy to notice them at all.

Legend 4ever
18-09-11, 23:49
^ So you think that them being male and female, short and tall, blonde and brunette, brown-eyed and blue-eyed and of different ethnicities wouldn't help in them to be less noticeable? I would consider just white men of same height and haircuts dressed in long coats far more prominent than a group of people that's more diverse.

I totally understand. I would think that too. :p Heck, a man who could surpass as a woman undercover. Pretty sneaky. ;)

Edit: Just looked up information about the surgery process...HELL No....

You don't have to know how they perform the surgery to do it. I think a lot of people wouldn't accept any kind of surgery if they actually knew how it's done and what their body parts looked like when opened.

CiaKonwerski
19-09-11, 00:14
^ So you think that them being male and female, short and tall, blonde and brunette, brown-eyed and blue-eyed and of different ethnicities wouldn't help in them to be less noticeable? I would consider just white men of same height and haircuts dressed in long coats far more prominent than a group of people that's more diverse.



You don't have to know how they perform the surgery to do it. I think a lot of people wouldn't accept any kind of surgery if they actually knew how it's done and what their body parts looked like when opened.

I just rather not waste two years of my life undergoing that "change" plus it is way too expensive. Nope nope, not even considering it. I am not chaning my belief about plastic surgery, I have never liked it.

erosan
19-09-11, 01:36
^ you said you don't want to be with a gay man, but have you ever tried it?

CiaKonwerski
19-09-11, 02:45
^ you said you don't want to be with a gay man, but have you ever tried it?

No, I have never been with anyone. I am not interested in being with a gay man. It is just like a straight female is not interested in being with another female. It is a preference, like we all have. I want someone to see me as a woman, deep down. I do not want a relationship based on what appears on the surface, in the case of a gay man he would want me to be another gay man, which I am not.

robm_2007
19-09-11, 02:53
"]No, I have never been with anyone. I am not interested in being with a gay man. It is just like a straight female is not interested in being with another female. It is a preference, like we all have. I want someone to see me as a woman, deep down. I do not want a relationship based on what appears on the surface, in the case of a gay man he would want me to be another gay man, which I am not.

That might be difficult to come by, though. The first thing people notice is the other person's appearance. I don't care what people say about looks not being everything or personality being the most important thing --- it's just that a straight man would generally want a woman in it's physical form. If he is in a relationship with a biological male, then he technically wouldn't be straight. Let's say you meet him online, and you present yourself as a female in your conversations, but you never supply a picture of yourself. He might fall in love with the woman he thought you were; he loves you for your personality, but not for the fact that you are a man in physical form. Not many a straight man will be willing to be involved with another biological man, despite the mental status of that person being a woman.

It would take a great deal of love for someone to look past the exterior of a person who contains the gender that they are not interested in. But I have seen Oprah before, and there have been some cases that happen how you would hope.

Not to sound negative, but if you expect a straight man to love you for who you are, then it's the same expectation that you should give equal attention to a gay man who is willing to love you despite you being transgendered.

CiaKonwerski
19-09-11, 03:22
That might be difficult to come by, though. The first thing people notice is the other person's appearance. I don't care what people say about looks not being everything or personality being the most important thing --- it's just that a straight man would generally want a woman in it's physical form. If he is in a relationship with a biological male, then he technically wouldn't be straight. Let's say you meet him online, and you present yourself as a female in your conversations, but you never supply a picture of yourself. He might fall in love with the woman he thought you were; he loves you for your personality, but not for the fact that you are a man in physical form. Not many a straight man will be willing to be involved with another biological man, despite the mental status of that person being a woman.

It would take a great deal of love for someone to look past the exterior of a person who contains the gender that they are not interested in. But I have seen Oprah before, and there have been some cases that happen how you would hope.

Not to sound negative, but if you expect a straight man to love you for who you are, then it's the same expectation that you should give equal attention to a gay man who is willing to love you despite you being transgendered.

And that my friend is why I may never be in a relationship...and it is okay. I do not expect anyone to love me for my personality alone. Perhaps I just don't have a soulmate. :p But, as I said before...I am not changing myself because of it.

robm_2007
19-09-11, 03:29
And that my friend is why I may never be in a relationship...and it is okay. I do not expect anyone to love me for my personality alone. Perhaps I just don't have a soulmate. :p But, as I said before...I am not changing myself because of it.

You won't change yourself, nor will you allow those who do accept you to be with you? Your standards, while very unusual pertaining to your situation, are very high. Are you using these high standards as a way of ensuring that you end up alone? People often sabotage themselves just so that they feel intelligent for "being right all along."

You can't find your soul mate with all of these rules and clauses that eliminate possible suitors from being in a relationship with you. Start off with a man who is interested in you even if he is gay. The idea that he will accept you for being a woman on the inside is a proper trade off for you being with a man who is gay on the inside (and assuming, the outside as well.) From there, if it doesn't work out or the idea that he is not straight is something you can no longer handle, you can move on and start your trail of broken hearts.

/phony psychiatry

CiaKonwerski
19-09-11, 03:35
You won't change yourself, nor will you allow those who do accept you to be with you? Your standards, while very unusual pertaining to your situation, are very high. Are you using these high standards as a way of ensuring that you end up alone? People often sabotage themselves just so that they feel intelligent for "being right all along."

You can't find your soul mate with all of these rules and clauses that eliminate possible suitors from being in a relationship with you. Start off with a man who is interested in you even if he is gay. The idea that he will accept you for being a woman on the inside is a proper trade off for you being with a man who is gay on the inside (and assuming, the outside as well.) From there, if it doesn't work out or the idea that he is not straight is something you can no longer handle, you can move on and start your trail of broken hearts.

/phony psychiatry

I believe my standards are very high yes haha. But perhaps without me really knowing it. Maybe you are right in saying I am trying to sabotage myself. :( I do not mean to, and I honestly do not want to be right. I pray that there is someone out there for me. But we both know because I feel this way...that there is not someone who handle all of this. I have dealt with heartache before ...someone I cared deeply about vanished out of my life. I am also just...scared to get close to people. I am confused...and I just want things to be normal. :l

Melonie Tomb Raider
19-09-11, 03:35
Mad props, CiaKonwerski. :) Just be yourself, and don't let anyone change you or make you feel bad for it. :hug:

CiaKonwerski
19-09-11, 03:37
Mad props, CiaKonwerski. :) Just be yourself, and don't let anyone change you or make you feel bad for it. :hug:

I wish I were like you Melonie. Pray for me? :) Thank you so much. Edit: Sorry double post.

Romantics Inc.
19-09-11, 03:37
I find asexuality to be fantastic.

It's refreshing to see someone different than everyone else.

Melonie Tomb Raider
19-09-11, 03:47
I wish I were like you Melonie. Pray for me? :) Thank you so much. Edit: Sorry double post.

Aww. :( You should be happy to be you, hun. Trust me. You are wonderful and don't ever forget that. I will definitely pray for you. :hug: Chin up. :)

Saman
19-09-11, 07:50
Dear CiaKonwerski!

For first time I've seen your profile I was thinking you are definitely a good person!

Well, it must be proud of you, you've open a new thread and explain every thing about yourself, may you read strange comments on here (as I seen), but you knows definitely how to mange your life, no worry about it mate!

I'm sure you are on the right way, keep going, and like Melonie said, wish the best for you my friend, you don't know how lovely you are!

Regards - Saman

Liara
19-09-11, 08:45
You gotta hand it to a guy who isn't afraid to write about himself so in-depth, knowing full well someone will eventually judge him nine ways to Sunday. *gives CiaKonwerski a bear hug* As for the thread subject itself... I used to think I was asexual for quite a few years, but that manged to change all of a sudden without me even noticing too well. Life is freakin unpredictable. Anyway, all I have to say is that I wish you good luck and I'm sure you'll find someone similar to your mindset if you just don't lose hope and keep your eyes peeled. Just don't give up, because you never know what can happen. :hug:

Avalon SARL
19-09-11, 09:23
I don't think you can be asexual like forever.

I consider myself asexual, tt happens to me sometimes that I feel really disgusted about sex, for maybe a few weeks, but later that sexual drive and craze comes back and it.. well, sorta drives me crazy it comes back so strong and heavy :D

Sometimes, from my perspective,I think being alone with no soulmate/friend/ having different hobbies and activites causes this...

Maybe I gotta get married soon:p

Isaac
19-09-11, 10:34
@CiaKonwerski: Maybe you need a bisexual? A guy that can both love you for your female personnality and live with your male body?

I know you might don't like the idea of being "seen as a male outside", but let's face it, you want the chicken and the money, you'll have to do compromise.
What about trying? What can you lose for trying to be with a bisexual? Not a lot. You might get surprised too; perhaps you'll like it.

CiaKonwerski
19-09-11, 15:45
Thank you all for the lovely comments. :)
@Issac-Even if I were to do that, I would then have to find someone who is able to accept that I never want to be "intimate" with them. :/

Los Angeles
27-09-11, 06:32
I don't think you can be asexual like forever.

I consider myself asexual, tt happens to me sometimes that I feel really disgusted about sex, for maybe a few weeks, but later that sexual drive and craze comes back and it.. well, sorta drives me crazy it comes back so strong and heavy :D


This! :tmb:

noonbob
27-09-11, 13:27
Basically it is a lack of sexual attraction, or some would even say a lack of sexual orientation. Asexuals have no interest in sexual activities, etc. And there are different sub-categories of asexuals. Some do not mind getting invloved in purely a romantic relationship, - the sex and what not. And there are some who do not even want anything romantic with others.



OH gosh !! :D this is soo wierd :p i didn't think anybody else felt the same :D
i didn't even know about this :cln:
well i guess this is me :)