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PSone
14-02-05, 09:20
Little Johnny was in the classroom on a Friday afternoon, and the teacher had a game for the kids.
"Okay class. Now I'm going to say a famous quote, and the first person to tell me who said that quote,can have Monday off" said the teacher.

To be, or not to be. That is the question," spoke the teacher.
Little Din Don Chow at the front of the class Called out, "Shakespeare!"

"Well done!" said the teacher. "You can have Monday off"
"No thank you miss. I am of Vietnamese origin and it is in our culture to study as hard as we can, so I will be here on Monday studying had " said little Din Don Chow.

"Okay," said the teacher. The next quote is - "I HAD A DREAM!".
Little Fri Som Kat also at the front yelled out "Martin Luther King!"
"Well done!" said the teacher. "You can have Monday off" No thank you miss.
I am of Chinese origin and we also don't take time off school.
Education is everything to us, so I will be in on Monday studying hard too," said little
Fri Som Kat.

"Okay," said the teacher. Then she heard a voice from the back of the classroom, "F&*^%g Asians!"
"Who said that?" yelled the teacher in an angry tone.
"Pauline Hanson!" yelled little Johnny. "See ya Tuesday"!

andromeda_eats
14-02-05, 12:59
LMFAO!

Cato
14-02-05, 18:48
Brilliant! ^_^

Sin
14-02-05, 19:09
Cool!

Anubis_AF
14-02-05, 19:40
LOL :D

Werner Von Croy
14-02-05, 20:32
Here`s a quick joke for ya

To the citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and
thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of
your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen
Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states,
commonwealths and other territories (excepting Kansas, which she does
not fancy). Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor
for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the
Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to
determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U'
will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise,
you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters,
and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise." You will
learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may elect to
respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with
correct pronunciation.

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable
levels. (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words
interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an
unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take
account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",
but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will
be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will
be called "Come-Uppance Day."

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers
or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists
shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only
be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out
without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown
up enough to handle a gun. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to
own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit
will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All American cars are hereby banned. They are **** and this is for
your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
mean. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you
will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of
conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you
understand the British sense of humour.

7. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling "gasoline")-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips
are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal
fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with
customers.

10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to
as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be
referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as
"Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of
further confusion.

11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to
play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English
dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to
having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

12. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind
of proper football; you call it "soccer." Those of you brave enough
will,in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to
American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every
twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of
nancies).

Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an
event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside
of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world
beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
monies due (backdated to 1776).

http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/c-2.gif http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/c-2.gif http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/hug.gif

croft28
14-02-05, 23:18
LOL :D

Neteru
15-02-05, 05:08
LMAO! Um, wonder what our American friends will make of that one.

Olvidarse
15-02-05, 05:39
Nothing, because it's all you stale British people have against Americans (I've seen that list so many times). http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/mischievous.gif

EDIT: The names Din Don Chow and Fri Som Kat aren't remotely related to the Chinese/Vietnamese language. It's like saying "Ching-chong-Chinaman." Ugh, gaddang imperialists (shakes fist). But of course the joke reeks of social stigmas...

[ 15. February 2005, 05:44: Message edited by: Olvidarse ]

PSone
15-02-05, 08:09
Originally posted by Olvidarse:
Nothing, because it's all you stale British people have against Americans (I've seen that list so many times). http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/mischievous.gif

EDIT: The names Din Don Chow and Fri Som Kat aren't remotely related to the Chinese/Vietnamese language. It's like saying "Ching-chong-Chinaman." Ugh, gaddang imperialists (shakes fist). But of course the joke reeks of social stigmas... As part of the joke the names are SUPPOSED to sound ridiculous... ffs, this world is far too politically correct, no wonder I love Australia. Care Free is the way to go :eek: