View Full Version : Keep the story going!
Hey Dudes! I know there's quite a lot of these threads going about but hey, this one could be interesting too...just keep the story going. You can write as much as you want in each post, but you MUST start where the last person left. Okay? I'll start...:
Once upon a time there was a boy called Bob. Bob was walking along a narrow woodland path when suddenly he tripped on a giant -
- banana. Bob fell over, and realised he was alone. no one was about, and when he looked into the trees he saw a huge, monstrous -
Boaz looking creature :D
The creature approached and politely -
( http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif )
shook his hand. 'Hello little boy, you look yummy!' Bob looked shocked. Uh-oh....what could he do now?
So he decided to play hide and seek with the creature -
to distract her. Boaz stomped along to a rather small tree. 'He'll never find me here' she giggled, while splurting green goo. As she hid behind the tree (not well) Bob ran forward and noticed a shadowy figure standing before him on the path. My God! http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/yikes.gif It was -
[ 07. May 2005, 17:27: Message edited by: Real Life Lara ]
A Boaz creature twin! :D He thought, Damn! I can't get rid of them, can I? http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif
He charged past the boaz looking creature at full speed, making a certain hand gesture as he did. :rolleyes: He came to an opening of fields, and stopped for a moment, deciding which way to go. North! He continued running and stopped on spot as he noticed a beautiful woman. Ooh la la! The boaz looking creature was hot on his heels, still mucking up the foliage with its goo. http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/yikes.gif Decisions, decisions....
He decided to run past the creature, and continue to the North...
On his way, he fell into a very heavy current river-
and was pulled down a large waterfall.
'Hey! I'm in the new level of tomb raider legend' he thought, smiling at the idea of possibly meeting Lara. 'Hey, wait a minute!' he gasped, looking towards the rocks on the side of the pool. He swam towards the edge as quietly as he could -
He pulled up onto the rocks and walked along quietly as to not alert the Boaz creature. He found a couple of rocks sticking out and decided to climb them. Half way there he...
[ 07. May 2005, 18:39: Message edited by: Camera Obscura ]
- Met a mad eagle. The things the eagle did to him, weren't pleasent :D But he managed to climb to the top. When he reached the top, somehow it all looked -
Smith will Suffice
upside down. he wondered if he were somehow on the wrong side of a parallel universe. but how could he possibly tell that when all that he had left was....
...a toaster oven and a pair of yellow fishing waders. He stumbled forwards and found himself in front of a huge gate. It swung open to reveal...
a naked Kurtis trent! Showering in the sparkling waters of yet another waterfall. He looked absolutely -
Dashing with his long ... Droopy....
Hair in the water !
Feels disgusted :D
And keeps moving. Finds two road signs.. On first it says Enter the Predictable Zone and the 2nd says Enter the Mystery Zone.. Bob chooses to enter the-
Predictable zone and he predicted that he was going to be descusted again... he was ! it was bouchard in a thong!
(LOL Lavinder! :D )
So he decided to returned to the Mystery Zone. But it was too mysterious there, you couldn't possibly know if you stepped in that Zone or not :eek:
He said, there's no place like home.
Suddenly, he was back where he started, to find that the Boaz creature had fallen asleep -
He started doing a silly thrusting dance around her and he turned around and suddenly everyone jumped out and screamed " HAPPY BIRTHDAY " he stopped mdway through a thrust and walked backwards and fell over boaz and she -
- (And him) They rolled down the mountain, Bob grabbed the ledge, and Boaz grabbed his toes :D -
[ 07. May 2005, 21:04: Message edited by: Anubis_AF ]
He kiked her off his toes because they had a risk off falling off and get crawled up the mountain and boaz bounced off the cliffs occationally saying " dude this is hurting but not as much as the plain crash "
[ 07. May 2005, 21:18: Message edited by: Lavinder ]
lol at Lavinder!
Bob thought he was safe but he slipped and started tumbling down with Boaz together. Then...
The both grabbed a Petunia. Unexpectedly, it didn't hold them :D
They fell on blades but stayed alive :D
[ 07. May 2005, 21:31: Message edited by: Anubis_AF ]
They were safe because bob could fly ! he saved him and her they went soaring in the air !
( yay im finally rated!, he he this is fun it reminds me of YARN on gamespy )
[ 07. May 2005, 21:34: Message edited by: Lavinder ]
They fell in love with each other http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif -
Then Lara appeared! :D
(Btw I rated you! :D )
( thanks ... i was sitting here refreshing like a dumbass to realise there was another page lol )
Lara joined in and then the screen went wavy and a glow tinted cornfield appeared and lara, bob and boaz ran thru it holding hands
But then Boaz saw Kurtis still showering and ate him for dinner. Lara and Bob celebrated Kurtis' death by...
doing the chicken dance and shaving Kurtis's Cool hair off and sticking it onto a nearby statue
Then all of a sudden Lara smacked Kurtis upside the head and said -
Dude! i cant belive i Let you rub your hands around my waist ! *poke* thattle be 20.4 mil please !
''I really like you, but you look very demented as a dead guy now so you have no chance of ever seeing me naked' with an evil smile. Bob laughed and they both rejoiced. Suddenly, bobs evil twin jon bon jovi appeared and -
Started reviving kurtis to rule to world!
But was too late because a girl named Clara already ruled the world with a militaristic army called Vectra. http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/jumper.gif -
Lara/Laura entered the scene ( me ) and said in an english accent : "Now what is going on here ! Would you care for a spot of tea! "
And they all said "HELL NO!"
Then Lara/Laura began to...
Cry and throw cups of tea at them !
( I havto go now * runs away because mom and dad are nagging me to go to bed * )
[ 07. May 2005, 23:42: Message edited by: Lavinder ]
Clara, "World Dominator", said Lara can be her Supreme Comander of her army. Then Lara said -
no thanks, i work alone, for myself
Then she's shot.
And her blood turned into stinky flowers :D -
And Bob, confused by the strange goings on exclaimed (just like lara in the monstrum crimescene) 'What the hell is going on round here?!'
That smelt like cow pat and noone loved her anymore
Bob decided to go and see the Shaman-
They began to dance with eachother in a tribal dance
( wow we posted at exactly the same time !!!!!! )
Suddenly Shaman's mom came and said it was past the bedtime :D -
Shaman cursed her mom and carried on dancing and then she started doing the YMCA -
Her mom grabbed her hair and pulled her all the way home, but for some reason, she couldn't take the YMCA song out of her head -
[ 08. May 2005, 15:44: Message edited by: Anubis_AF ]
She had a dream about the YMCA and did the dance in her sleep and broke her hand off her bedpost in her sleep -
Bob went back to the park, to see if he can somehoe get back to the normal world. And surprise-surprise, he saw Boaz playing doctors and nurses with Kurits' body :D -
[ 08. May 2005, 15:44: Message edited by: Anubis_AF ]
he stared watching and boaz noticed him and said in a sweet voice " would you like to join ?" ( gotta go now gotta have my dinner )
Bob fainted by the comment and when he woke up he was on a bed in a big mansion.
( http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v445/Thorny/emo/lol.gif )
Boaz was sitting next to him and he jumpeed up and banged his head on the lamp like on scary movie; He repeated this 3 times untill he let boaz feed him soup... it had some of kurtis's hair in it.
( Ew i wonder what the soups made out of )
He asked Boaz what the soup was and she said it's "Campbell's Kurtis Noodle Soup"
With real pieces of Kurtis and Fabric. It even has a prize inside. [Warning: Side-affects include urges to smoke, increase of poligon count, and having an urge to chop off mutant heads with a Chiragua ]
[ 08. May 2005, 19:17: Message edited by: Camera Obscura ]
(OMG guys, where do you get these ideas? :D )
Even though there were blue eyes, and crunchy body parts, Bob enjoyed the soup.
*scoops around for surprise pulls out kurtis's pants and aks if thats the surprise *
"No." Says Boaz, "I was doing laundry in the same pot." Bob then asked if the eyeball, the boot, the ear, or the toe was the surprise but Boaz still said "No."
After Bob got full he got out of bed and noticed that...
[ 08. May 2005, 19:50: Message edited by: Camera Obscura ]
He was wearing nothing, he had drawings all over his body in wierd letters !
He noticed the only thing in english was pointing down to his groin saying
" ha ha this was small so i put kurtis's here "
( anubis i honestly dont know http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/yikes.gif )
[ 08. May 2005, 20:04: Message edited by: Lavinder ]
Then he screamed and woke up next to Boaz at the bottom of the cliff. "It was all a dream." He said. He moved away from the unconscouis Boaz and ran as fast as he could.
he tripped over and fell into a big pit full of strippers .. he was in heaven .. then they all turned into evil monsters
and stripped for him. In order to not be permanately blind, he screamed bloody murder and the strippers became death and couldn't hear. During their crises, Bob dashed through a door that said "Cabal Members Only".
He walked backwards and saw the cabal members only sign and whispered " oh ****! "
He walked backwards and saw the cabal members only sign and whispered " oh poo! "
He then wondered why Lara/Laura double posted but kept walking anyways. On his way there he saw the obiese Muller munching on a couple of dozen 'Mig Macs' from Mcdonalds.
Bob finds out laura double posted because she said a swear word and it came up " only members can do this" so she went back and changed it to poo and she didnt know it had posted the previous post and while he was thinking about this he fell over
And then Natla showed up...
[ 08. May 2005, 21:28: Message edited by: some_guy ]
Bob wonders who this person is ?
He remembers that she is from some game he has played ( :D )!
He realises and says hii, dont shoot me with fire !
And she says: "I won't, don't worry! I will throw a bomb at you!!!"
" DONT THROW NOTHING ! ... I WILL .. ERM WASH YOUR FEET!? DO ANYTHING ! JUST PLEASE DONT HURT ME " bob screamed
...but then Bob gathers his self up and says: Comon! Why da hell you want to finish me!? What is your problem lady!? :D
[ 08. May 2005, 21:57: Message edited by: Apofiss ]
(hehe...I never realised what a freaky thread I was starting... http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/whistle.gif )
Natla replied in a sympathetic tone ''Because I'm falling in love with you. So much that I will have to kill you.''
Bob was startled. Just as he was leaning forward to kiss her rotton, resurrected back-from-the- dead face, who should appear but.... *duh dum duh!*....his evil twin, john bon jovi?! http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/yikes.gif
His brother ran in and shouted! " no it is me who you love, we went to mcdonalds together and we shared out burgers" ..
Natla replies " oh yeah, opps wrong person, my bad " and she -
- fried Bob's evil twin brother. "Now, that should keep me safe from this sickness called love."-she smiled, then looked at Bob. Bob looked quite pretty when he was so utterly freaked out. "Or...should it?". Bob realized it was a good time to -
[ 08. May 2005, 23:21: Message edited by: Catlantean ]
Smash his face on a brick wall untill he looked ugly, but he changed him mind and decided to run as far as he could and he ran into -
- a wall. A huge tooth-filled mouth appeared on the wall. "Hey, watch where you're going you punk!"-it said, then swallowed Bob. He screamed as he fell though darkness, and then he landed on -
A pile of fluffy candifloss ... no ! he found out it wasnt .. he was on top of an old mans head ! he decided to -
magic all of the old mans hair away...until all was left....was a nice shiny....lid.
Then the man had an itch and scratched his head and in doing so knocked Bob off.
Bob bounced off the beer belly of the now bald man and rolled down a hill till he hit the bottom of -
the bottomless pit. ''Wow...that was so unlikely!'' Bob exclaimed, slightly relieved to be free from the old guys head. He looked behind him, startled to see that -
She was holding the bald head in her ... er hand?... gently carressing it and saying :
'There, there my deary....after that fall, you must be awfully sore. Don't worry though...I'll rub it better!' she cackled...yet again while throwing clumps of green goo at him. Bob -
(LOL, одакле ти та идеја? :D )
So we meet again -
Had enough of this madness and curled up on the floor and began rocking backwards and forwards sobbing
''I wanna go home'
Suddenly, Glenda, the good fairy of the North appeared holding a pair of sparkling ruby red shoes. 'Don't cry child...just click your heels and say there's no place like home three times'
Bob looked slightly freaked. 'Um...dorothy's already in cansas again. I'm bob.'
'Really?,' she replied 'Oh...well, you're screwed then.'
(Јел то питање за мене? Ако јесте, немам пома. Кад смо већ на српском како је у Лесковцу?)
So, Bob decided that the only thing left to do was to end his life. He took a jumf of a very high cliff and everything went dark...
When he woke up, he was laying by the side of a narrow woodland path, with a giant banana just waiting to be tripped over.
"I'm getting a strange sense of deja vu" he thought.
(Да, тебе сам питао http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/smile.gif - Супер, а у Београду?)
The banana came to life, and started talking about its personal life.
(Ма супер, само ја сам у Новом Саду. Овде пада киша цео дан и као да је новембар па те морбидне идеје само падају на памет.)
LOL! :D a bananas personal life!
''I was thinking about acting...everyone's for healthy eating, so I thought this was a good time to get out there' said the Banana in a very dull voice. Bob listened intently, trying to make the Banana feel more confident. ''Yeah, you should' said Bob. Suddenly, it started to rain! Oh no! The Banana mushed up and was left in a little puddle at Bobs feet. ''Maybe another time then. bye bob'
'Bye mr Banana' ....What would he do now? His only friend, a kindly Banana now looked more like a milkshake. That wouldn't do! :(
[ 09. May 2005, 18:34: Message edited by: Real Life Lara ]
(Iako je vreme odvratno, bolje je nego da je vrućina http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/smile.gif Ja više volim sneg, kiše i hladnoće nego sunce i toplotu - Шта ima novo sa tobom?)
He walked miles and miles to get over his banana friend, and reached Cambodia.
[ 09. May 2005, 18:57: Message edited by: Anubis_AF ]
(Ja volim leto :( :( . U stvari volim svako godišnje doba i ne volim kad ja godina kao ova da nema na primer proleča uopšte. Na TV-u kažu da je tamo kod tebe neka poplava?)
The Cambodian border patrole stopped him, and since he had no identification, they arrested him and took him to a Cambodian prison where they put him in a cell with a horrible looking ...
spider which had built a web over his bed...or in other words, the floor.
(Da, Ja sam trenutno van Srbije, vratiću se vrlo uskoro. Kazali su da ima mnogo velika šansa da bude poplava, još nam to treba :( Kao da nije dovoljna beda kod nas :( )
So he dug a hole, and headed towards Angor Wat.
[ 09. May 2005, 20:07: Message edited by: Anubis_AF ]
on his journey...he encountered many odd looking fiends. One of which was a slightly speckled, beasty thing...with a fringe. It suddenly snatched away a tea spoon from Bob's trembling hand. Poor Bob..that spoon was the only thing he had left.
The beast thing...felt sorry for Bob..who was now sobbing and wailing on the floor...like a fish. The beast took Bob in its huge ape like arms, swaying him from side to side like a baby. The beast took Bob to its...
[ 10. May 2005, 00:24: Message edited by: K ]
cave where it gave him a map of this twisted story.
Bob read the map with a look of terror. He certainly didn't understand how he had encountered about 10 Boaz'z along the away and still made it far enough to be here today. More to the point he was a bit freaked that a random monster beast thing had just given him a map. This is a strange world, he thought. :confused:
Still, it beats staying at home.
So he decided to take advantage of the sitation become an adventurer, explore this strange world, and then turn his experiences into an idea for a computer game and sell it for big bucks when he gets home.
So, he started walking, wondering what will be the next monster he meets...
....and who should it be but...*duh dum dah!*...Charlize theron! (Yes, she is a monster...and I don't just mean in the movie sense...she stole Stuart Townsend from me! :( ) She warbled over to him with her shiny blonde haystack hair and then died. Bob was slighly baffled 'oh...well, that was easy.' http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/whistle.gif But then he realised what he said....hey, that's what Kurtis said before he got stabbed...
he gasped in shock horror then realised that kurtis`s spirit had actually left his body and was now in his own body
(I have absolutely no idea what is going on in this story http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif )
So, with the spirit of Kurtis now in his body, Bob suddenly had a huge nicotine craving. He wandered in the desert in search of a Eleven Seven.
In the distance he could see something glinting in the sun's rays. He squinted his eyes... Yes, he could just make it out. It was...
his cousin Angry Bob. Angry Bob was angry. He...
-was very angry. quite possibly the most angry thing you have ever seen. No really, he was truly angry. right! imagine the most angry thing you can, and then imagine it being particularly angry at something that would make even the most calm person angry, ok? done that? well angry bob was angrier than that. You can see now just how angry he was and because of this he...
was red with rage! The angriest being in the history of the angry universe! More so angry than the fans of kurtis when they heard there was almost no chance of his return!!! :eek: THAT angry! http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/yikes.gif :mad: Apart from obviously being angry, regular Bob had no idea why his cousin angry Bob was here. With all this talk of different Bobs, bob was thinking of changing his own name. Nah...Bob had a certain ring to it. http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/whistle.gif :D
[ 10. May 2005, 21:06: Message edited by: Real Life Lara ]
Maybe I will change my name when I am rich and famous. Yes, something more classy, more elegant, more... His line of thought was broken by the sound of the horrible scream of rage that his cousin angry Bob let out while running towards him with armed with a huge banana. This, is it, Bob thought, this is where it ends.
But, suddenly, something flew through the air, missed Bob by an inch and hit angry Bob straight in the head. He stopped, lingered for a second and then dropped to the ground like a sack.
Bob carefully approached him and saw that the thing that hit him was a bald head that looked very familiar. Suddenly, he felt a presence behind him. Turning, he saw that Boaz was there. She said : "Bet you didn't think you'll ever be happy to see me. Lucky I had the head with me."
( :eek: Isn't it mad when someone can use the phrase 'lucky i had the head with me' ? XD! Nice work...I can't think of a good reply...)
(I've been meaning to ask : what does XD mean?)
( XD is a laughing smiley thing...The 'X' is the eyes and the 'D' is the laughing mouth...I've been addicted to writing it ever since my friend started. She's also passed on 'o.O' which I also use frequently. Argh....can't control it.... XD! )
-wondering what the deal with all the bananas and boaz in this place was Bob turned his hand to the .44 in his pocket. Emptying the pistol in Boaz general dirction Bob legged it over the horizon and after several weeks of mucking about he continued his perilous journey-
After several mintutes of deep thought, Bob, turned around to face all of the Raiders computer screeens. He scratched his head and looked bewildered.. " XD?? Whats all this mumbo jumbo you're talking about you crazy button hitting people!. Continue with my bloody story now! I've got to be home by 6.00pm because mothers making casserole!"
[ 11. May 2005, 16:47: Message edited by: K ]
Bon was obviously delerious. (spelling?) http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/c-1.gif :confused:
but Bob realised that he had just dreamt everything. it wasnt untill he stood up and realised that infact he hadnt been dreaming but bon had taken him to acompletely different place. ( sorry its probably pants but couldnt think of anything to really say)
(Now I see it. XD. It looks like a mischevous(spelling?) smile.)
He looked around to see where he was. Nothing seemed familiar. He was lost. "Damn! I knew I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque!" he said. "How am I ever going to get to ... er ... if only I could remember where I was going." Looking more carefully, he spotted in the distance something that looked a lot like ...
....Kurtis's...um...hehe...his foot. o.O
(I have to ask again : o.O? It looks like eyes but why different size?)
(O.O ....umm, well it basically just means 'huh...werid.' I've never been sure exactly what it represents...it does look like eyes....I guess kinda freaky eyes. XD....but to sum up, it basically means 'o-kay...strange...' Hope that helped. XD ) http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/whistle.gif
he was a little freaked out so he carried on towards the foot and...
- decided that the foot thing was not where he wanted his life to be going at this moment. Considering his options and available qualifications Bob chose to fall flat on his face and have a brief but very servere nervous breakdown-
whilst having the nervous breakdown he had a vision of....
...soemthing very interesting. Kurtis's....um...(hehe...I wont say what I was gonna...)..his leg. It was infact, not joined to him anymore. Kurtis was no-where to be seen. So Bob picked up his leg and carried it in his pocket for luck...as ya do. o.O :rolleyes: :D
-so carrying the leg of Kurtis for good luck Bob wandered...
And he wandered...
And he wandered...
And he continued to wander.
wander, wander, wander, wander, wander, wander...
After the word wander had started to lose all meaning Bob sat down. He found himself in the middle of a large (fragment missing). He decided to (fragment missing) with his large (fragment missing). When he had finished Bob suddenly realised that he was incredibly (fragment missing). With nothing to eat for miles around his mind (fragment missing) to the (fragment missing) in his pocket. The thought repulsed him at first, but he eventually came round to the idea that he may have to (fragment missing) it.
Several hours later Bob had (fragment missing) the last morsel of the tasty leg....WHOOPS mean uh, (fragment missing).
Falling flat on his face Bob wandered on...
[ 12. May 2005, 17:13: Message edited by: crux2 ]
....wondering why he had turned from being a...well, partly normal guy to a freaky perverted weirdo. o.O XD! 'huh...maybe I have that multiple personality disorder' he said out loud.
'No, that's stupid' said Julia.
'who's Julia?' replied Bob.
'I'm you, dumbo!'
Bob was simply startled. 'Yup, I say yes to the disorder. o.O' he decided. http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/whistle.gif
-Bob made up his mind to visit his old friend Dr Ellow. Dr J. Ellow was a leading psyciatric therapist, he also owned the worlds largest catapult.
Bob figured that if the good Dr couldn't cure him then he could at least kill himself in an interesting fasion-
[ 12. May 2005, 17:53: Message edited by: crux2 ]
-all he had to do was decide what would be the most creative target.
Apart from the fact that he had a lot of trouble pronouncing the good doctor's name, Bob had spent a pleasant few weeks in doctor Ellow's psychiatric hospital.
Compared to the various creatures he had met on his journey, the patients at the hospital were quite a nice little crowd.
But, his multiple personality disorder grew worse. Besides Julia who was the first, there were now...
(Real Life Lara thanks for explaining o.O )
[ 12. May 2005, 21:43: Message edited by: Lady Alexa ]
Bobbelia - his female twin, savage joe the clepto, sabrini the funny looking tweeny and lets not forget the astonishing Brain, who is severely convinced he is dying. They're all great, though. o.O
(Bobbeliia, LOL that's good.)
Since he felt there was no chance of recovery, Bob started to give serious thought to that suicide thing and asked the doctor to show him the catapult. The doctor was thrilled, he loved his old catapult like a classic car, and started explainig : "In the old days,this was used for executions. The prisoner would be placed right here where I'm standing, and the executioner would simply pull the lever that you're holding your hand on, and the prisoner would just FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY..."
Bob was struck with shock! One of his personalities had pulled the lever sending dr. Ellow into a horrible death. But which one?
-Bob spun round to face his other personalities, falling flat on his face in the process. Lining them up against a wall he questioned each of them in turn-
Bobelia - where were you 30 seconds ago?
bobelia replied with
-a blank and glassy stare. Reapeting the question in various rephrasings and different languages Bob realised he was getting no-where fast. The good doctor was a lost cause, he could not re-set the catapult by himself and his alter egos were about as usefull as a one legged man at a bum kicking contest!
With suitably low expectations of success Bob wandered out back into the wilderness in a vain attempt to find a quick and easy solution to his many time and effort requiring problems-
but whi;st searching for an easy solution, bob realised he was missing something very important, he was missing his favourite gun the uzis. He stopped and thought about where it could be and suddenly realsied that
- he left them at the clinic. How could he go back there after what happened? But, then again, how could he leave the uzis behind? It was a tough decision to make, so Bob decided to have a vote on it. Bobelia voted -
-for the Liberal Democrats, but thats another story altogether-
that she would go back and getthe uzis for him. But kurtis didnt like the sound of taht, but after bobelia pleaded he agreed to let her go. So she went off to the clinic to get them, but unaware that kurtis was following her.
On her way back to the clinic, Bobelia suddenly felt very waek and fell into a deep sleep, thus alowing Bob to take control over his mind again. Where am I? was the first thing that then came to his mind. And the second : And who is that guy hiding behind that big rock?
(crux2, i love your new avatar)
[ 14. May 2005, 20:19: Message edited by: Lady Alexa ]
From the trail of smoke leading up from the rock, Bob pretty much guessed it was Kurtis.
'I know you're there.' said Bob
*cough cough* A husky put-on voice replied 'Uhh...no, I'm ...uhh...k-...lurtis.'
'klurtis?' replied Bob in disbelief.
'Uh...yeah.' he coughed.
'Um....well, you can come out from that rock now I know that you're klurtis. You really should stop smoking'
'Dont tell me what to do!' *cough.* His weird blady thing circled Bob then went behind the rock with 'klurtis.' This world gets weirder and weirder, thought Bob.
(Klurtis LMAO! http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif )
Klurtis was staring at Bob.
"What?" Bob asked, suddenly alarmed.
"Nothing," Klurtis replied, "It's just you're on fire."
Bob looked at himself. Oh God! He was on fire!
Bob hopped around and managed to put himself out.
"What the hell else is gonna happen to me today?!" he yelled, "I've been chased by about 10 Boazs, experienced tons of multiple personalities and now I've just spontaneously combusted!"
Klurtis just shrugged and pointed behind Bob.
"Spontaneous combustion is the least of your problems," he said.
(what a name klurtis well done)
bob looked dazzled he thought that nothing else could possibly happen to him.
he asked klurtis " do you know whats going to happen next??"
Klurtis laughed and ran off shouting " yeah of course i know but you`ll have to wait and see but i promise you wont have to wait long" That left bob in a state of shock, he wanted to run but couldnt, so instead he stood and looked around and around until he saw a strange shadow lurking in the distance, he thought to himself **** what now???
-Bob was now starting to lose all faith in the system, he had heard of people descending into madness but he really couldn't appreciate the feeling until now. Bob screamed in frustration and ran arms a' flailing into the distance and over the horizon, falling flat on his face in the process.
Having reached the end of the world Bob stared over the edge into the abbyss (he never believe those "sphericalist" theories anyway). Staring death in the face Bob lost the bottle and almost the control of an essetial organ used for storing waste bodily fluids.
The threat of further embarrasment convinced Bob to find a public conveniance quickly - if he was going to go then he was going to go comfortable.
Here endeth chapter I - "The never ending journeys of Bob."
Here beginneth chapter II - "The never ending search for a clean public toilet"
Bob sighed, this was going to be one long epic...
(thanks Lady Alexa, i've fallen for the Toreador way of life!)
Bob continued back the way he came and averting the 10 Boaz creatures that still lurked around he made his way to the backstreets of Paris. Down an alley he found a street whore and a drunk whino getting it on.
Lucky for Kurtis, Bob still hadn't seen through his geneous costume. (he was a wearing a pair of glasses....not particularly unusual ones, but good enough to fool Bob...what an idiot. ) http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/whistle.gif Suddenly, staring across the vast abbyss, Bob noticed a handy Porta-loo! But how would he get there? ''Klurtis'' giggled from behind his rock.
'You're screwed...hehehe...' :D stated Kurti- nope, sorry...''klurtis.''
Suddenly, a bunch of Greeks popped up and corrected Bob that the world was infact round...and they had a lunar eclipse to prove it. :eek: http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/thumb.gif
'Oh...sorry about that...I didn't realise' replied Bob.
The greeks walked away and left Bob looking like a fool for being proved wrong.
But, after all he's been through lately, looking like a fool didn't worry Bob that much.
What did worry him, was that he realized, having seen his reflection in a small pool of water(that unexplainedly apeeared besides him), that from all the falling flat on his face he had been doing recently, his appearance was completely changed. I wouldn't mind looking like a fool, thought Bob, but now I don't even know who do I look like. Looking more closely, he realized that there was something familiar in his new features. They reminded him of ...
(crux2 i didn't know there was a Toreador way of life. What's it like?)
that dog on the insurance adverts....umm....Churchill!
'Woah...I should try to fall over less' concluded Bob. :eek: http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/whistle.gif
-resolving not to fall over so much (which could be why he is here in the first place in terms of brain damage) Bob promptly fell flat on his face. "aw nuts" he declared. Which incidentally is an exeptionally difficult thing to do with a mouth full of gravel.-
(The rose is the Toreador clan symbol, if you want to know more check out the Vampire Masquerade Bloodlines website. I'll be doing a topic about games which don't get enough attention so stay tuned)
[ 15. May 2005, 19:58: Message edited by: crux2 ]
-err, where were we? Bob had forgotten what the buggery he was meant to be doing. Ah, yes! A clean ****ter. "Right" said Bob, though it should be noted that Bob meant 'right' as in a focussing of thoughts rather than a direction to the side or as in the distinction between good/bad.-
-Bob got lost thinking about all the possible meanings of the word "right" and had to collect his thoughts again. "Ah, yes, I'm looking for something. Something clean. I'll start from there. Well, there doesn't seem to be anything clean here, nor is there anything dirty, actually, there doesn't seem to be anything here at all, so I'll just have to get out of here, and find something, so I can then establish whether it is what I'm looking for or not."
And he set off...
-to count the number of times he had tried to "set off". Realising that false starts were the bane of his life Bob decided to go all out. He flung himself screaming through the C47 doorway. All around him he could see Jerry tracers lighing up the sky. Flak 88's were peppering the night, deafening thumps and cracks could be heard as the paratroopers decended down to earth. Bob braced himself as he hit the ground. Unslinging his water pistol Bob loaded a fresh bottle into the end and screwwed it in tight. It would be the first of many.
Boaz crashed through the bushes to Bob right though it should be noted, ah screw it, to Bobs left. Bob unleashed a devastating volley of water which sent the tin helmeted, Boaz back to meet its maker. Moving swiftly onwards Bob met up with his brother-in-arms Private Property (Prop for short).
"did you hear that?" said Bob. "Moo!" shouted Prop (although this was probably unrelated to the topic at hand). Another figure emerged from Bobs Ri, I mean left. She was what could be described as "fully loaded". And Bobs attention wandered immediately to the two HUGE melons she carried under each arm. Lara looked at Bob, then at Prop, then back at Bob. Wasting no time Bob raised his gun and emptied its contents in the ladys generaly direction.
To say that Lara was 'angry' would be and understatement and to say that she was 'mildly irritated' would be a complete lie.
Bob hit the dirt but Prop (who was new and created solely for the purpose of the 'fallen comrade' role) was hit square in the chest by one of the watermelons. Bob then made the mistake of his life. "you're just a whining nancy girl with all the lovable charm of a soggy rabbit!".
To say that Lara acted rashly and without due thought would be fun but ultimately untrue. With an under-the-breath "this place is nuts" she turned and exited through the magic exit bush.
It was not until many years later when Bob realised that blowing up the exit bush with improvised fertiliser explosives would destroy his only means of permenant escape. But for now Bob still had a strenuous hold on his sanity and his bladder-
It was evident to him that he couldn't hold on to both for a very long time. One or the other will have to go and he still had to decide which. But, all personal problems were forgotten at the sight of the dying 'fallen comrade' Prop.
Even though it was evident that Prop was breathing his last breaths(the sight of his body completely destroyed by the HUGE watermellon almost made Bob loose it), Bob felt that he should say : "Hold on, Prop. It's only a superficial wound."
To which the dying man replied:"Oh, shut up! *cough, cough* You main characters ar(arrrghhh)e so annoying. I've had such a ****py appearance and my one line was "Moo!" for *ghh*God’s sake!. And *cough* I was k*krhhh*illed with a watermellon! How much more *cough* humiliating *cough, cough* can it *cough* ge...”
-Leaving the dying Prop to well, uh... die basically, Bob continued on. Becoming rapidly disorientated by the changing colour scheme and the fact that his bloody wireless connection was giving him a hard time for no reason. Better finish this train of thought quick, before i get thrown off again, he concluded. Remembering the old phrase "there isnt a problem in the world that can't be fixed by liberal ammounts of high explosives" a maddening gleam entered Bobs eye-
interesting....he concluded to attempt at reviving his therapist instead of having to be put in prison for the use of explosives on freaks and whathaveya. He was severely derranged. o.O
(YAY! Im ba-ack. XD )
http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/jumper.gif :D http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/wave.gif
-cackeling maddly Bob realised that the longer he stayed in this wierd alter dimension the further into madness he would descend. It also occured to him that there wasn't actually that much further to fall.
"We stand at a crossroads my friends" he said to no-one inparticular.
Bob continued "either we accept our fate and become just another trapped fly in this web of madness or we go all out to get the smeg out of here, using as many big guns, sharp knives and eccessive violence as is required".
a voice in the darkness coughed
Bob realised that if anyone had heared his dramatic speech, they weren't impressed.
It was time for Bob to make the ultimate descision-
( YAY, i thought Bob might have been dead and buried there for a while :D )
suddenly, out of the darkness from where the cough came, a cigarette was thrown at bobs feet.
'Ah, ****...' said a rough put on voice, still coughing 'I mean...no-one is here.'
'Hello?' answered Bob.
Silence. 'Do you want your cigarette back?'
'Uhh...yeah, plea- ...I mean, gimme it.'
'So...what's your name?' questioned Bob.
'You! Again? I thought you'd gone for good'
''Klurtis'' rushed out, grabbed it and ran back into the darkness, leaving Bob slightly freaked. o.O :confused: http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/privateeye.gif http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/whistle.gif
Bob wondered how each post could end up being so damned indecisive and yet the story was actually moving on.
"Enough messing around!" he declared.
Bob pulled a minigun from his pocket and opened fire. The barrels whirred and the gun screached into life, large calibre fire spouted from the six spinning muzzels tearing fist sized chunks out of reality. White light gushed out of the dazzeling holes in space and time and spilled out into the material realm. A fierce bellow rose in Bobs throat and he screamed his defiance at the madness around him.
The holes interlinked, and where the light pooled it began eating away at the fragile skein of reality.
With the sound of a giant squid breaking wind, the universe began to collapse in on itself.
Bob stood back on a rapidly shrinking island of comparitive sanity. He quickly declared his intentions in a voice that betrayed his undying contempt for cabbage
Bob took solace in the notion that things 'probably' couldn't get any worse.
As usual he was dead wrong-
-because through the chaotic sounds of the world crushing around him, he heard something that sounded a lot like ... "Oh, no!", Bob thought, "it can't be! Not again!" But the sound became more and more distinct : *cough*, *cough* and now he could see the glimpse of a light coming from a cigarette. And there he was, hanging on the edge of Bob's island, Klurtis.
His cigarette was slipping from his lips and he seemed to be ready to let go if he dropped it, so Bob started thinking about whether or not he should help him.
"On one hand, I have no reason to leave him like that except that smokers really annoy me and it's quite obvious that he won't quit the habit. On the other hand, the unuverse is collapsing arround us, so it probably won't make any difference whether I help him or not because..."
The shrinking island shrinked while he was pondering and now he found himself in the same position as the unfortunate Klurtis. Hanging from the edge, staring at the nothingness under, above and all around him thinking "Yup, I knew it wouldn't make any difference. I wonder what will happen after I am left with nothing to hold on to?"...
'All I did was go for a peaceful walk in the woods! Damn giant banana!'' he exclaimed, the veins popping from his head. Poor little Bob. http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/yikes.gif :(
- falling flat on his face for old times sake Bob wondered what load of old codswallop the writers were going to come up with to save him.
"surely this can't be the end" he said "its a bit half a*sed isnt it?"
"cough" added Klurtis.-
suddenly, an army of angry nicotine patches started marching towards kur- ....klurtis!!! OH MY GOD!!! http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/yikes.gif
'Uh-oh..' said klurtis.
'you better get outa here dude' replied bob, pleased that he wasnt on the recieving end for once. http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/jumper.gif 'Yay for once...' he said joyfully, when all of a sudden.... http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/yikes.gif
-the cigarette made a break for it and tumbled away into the empty void, leaving a trail of glittering ashes behind it. "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooo - gasp - oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooo" Klurtis mentioned.
"Its only a bloomin fag" said Bob, "here we are at what would seem to be the end of all things, surrounded by nicotine patches and your griping about a bloody cigarette"
Klurtis let go of the now A3 sized 'island' and folowed his beloved cigarette to the bitter end.
Bob decided to state the bleeding obvious - "things look grim" he said. "well duh" replied a sarcastic safety pin as it plummeted past him into the oblivion-
thinking that with the appearance of a talking safety pin, things couldn't get any weirder, Bob smiled. Finally. http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/smile.gif Just then, Klurtis saw the distant safety pin falling into oblvion and thinking it was his long lost ciggarette, he jabbed it in his lip.
Bob squirmed. 'ouch!' http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/yikes.gif The A3 sized island was rapidly becoming smaller...in fact, it was now about the same size as a small rubber. Just then, a whole herd of giant rubbers trampled towards them and said in an authoritive voice:
'He who dare enter this island, shall PAY!'
Bob was scared. They began dancing and threatening to rub the whole story out. :eek:
-Bob realised that if he was getting scared at a bunch of rubbers, choosing to ignore the whole world dissapearing around him, after all the **** he'd been through was a new low. even for him.
Having survived seven posts of the collapsing universe Bob wondered if the authors might actually get round to saving him any time soon. Bob then hit upon a cunning plan.
"sigh" Bob breathed in deeply and sighed again. He stared at his watch intently and faked an appearance of total boredom.
"OH FINE" Grumbled the aging writer of 17. shuffeling over to his keyboard, his shoulders hunched, he began to type in an effort to save Bobs life and give him the happy ending that was long over due.....
....."wow" said Bob, slapping the wheezing Klurtis on the back and falling flat on his face " i don't know how we managed to get out of that one"
Here endeth chapter II "The never ending search for a clean public toilet"
Here beginneth chapter III "The never ending attempt at a convincing and origional ending"
"Oh what the **** was THAT !"
"Bob quiet, it was the best i could do"
"Like SMEG it was!", "what the BLOODY HELL was that about!"
"quiet Bob, were doing our very best"
"Get lost, what the hell kind of **** poor excuse for a chapter ending was that"
"look i don't tell you how to do your job"
"for two bleedin pins you can HAVE my job, that was pathetic you daft git"
"right i'm cutting of your mic"
"YOU can't silence ME! I AM BOB, the most powerf..................................
[ 27. May 2005, 18:52: Message edited by: crux2 ]
Is Bob dead?! NOOOO! It cant be! :-(
Bob walked through the lush forest, he was still rather irritable after the poor excuse for ditching the collapsing universe idea.
"I mean for gods sake that was just plain bad, it was sheer laziness that was."
"Bob, i'll warn you before you get any further"
"oh, come on! We didn't even get to see what happened, you just gave me a daft line to say and *poof* here we are. Chapter 3. Its just really pathetic, no-one will buy it"
"Alright Bob, shut it. Its been done now, just let it drop"
"fine, but i want you to know how much i hate this place and how much i hate the people who made it!"
Bob fell flat on his face, getting up he made to speak again but some untangible force knocked him back. Falling flat on his face again Bob seemed to concede defeat and with a deflated sigh he continued on his perilous journey to find a convincing ending.
A flickering light in the distance was all that could be seen in the darkness that surrounded him.
"God! That is so unoriginal! I am definetly not heading towards the light!" Bob was saying planting his feet firmly to the ground. "And I'm not even mildly interested about it because I know it's that Klurtis again." And he braced himself, expecting to fall flat on his face again.
Ugh....don't diss' Klurtis! XD He rocks! http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/jumper.gif
*lighning flashes outside of a closed window as a storm rages outside.*
Bob woke up. "what a terrible nightmare i've just had" he said. Bob continued "i dreamed that i was in a wierd wonderland, full of strange people and disturbing and uneccessary plot twists". "I thought that i would never escape". The lump on the other side of the bed rolled over and graoned. "scared me ****less" said Bob, "I'm so glad that I'm back here with you dear".
The lump pulled back the covers and took a long drag from his cigarette, blowing a perfect smoke ring into the air.
Bob looked round.
He took one look at Klurtis's face.
...or is it?
Klurtis had forgotten to take his face mask off! URGH! http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/yikes.gif
Bob continued screaming until...
Lara next to him woke up and said "Are we having a threesome again?"
'Hell yeah!' exclaimed Kur...klurtis. http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/jumper.gif Oww....if he does jump up and down like that it might hurt lara. http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/yikes.gif http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/vlol.gif
and they all lived happily ever after http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/c-2.gif
Until something got stuck.... http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/yikes.gif http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/whistle.gif
-Bob jumped up and ran off. "AAARRRRRGH" he said, in a proud and happy voice. "It's time to end this", "I'm going to end everyone right here, right now". Bob had settled on the plan to blow up everything. Oh, not just some thing but EVERYTHING. The room, the house, the, country, the world and if he could manage it, the universe. "I'll have to go and make some kind of dooms-day device, one that can end all the madness in my life and bring devine wrath on those who would oppose me" he said. That manic gleam had entered Bobs eye again-
-three years later-
-Bob sat back in his big leather chair and stroked the fluffy white armadillo sitting on his lap. Over the years Bob had grown into a tall athletic man, bald, with a monicle on his left eye. He was dressed in a fancy dark-grey suit and had a bionic arm. On his belt he carried a Katana sword with a built in electric generator which he had affectionately named "sparkey-gorechild". His voice had become deeper and he had developed a mild German accent.
"vas ist der situation mit der dooms-day veapon" he said over the intercom. A voice muffeled with interferance replied "We are nearly ready to fire sir, we require only 20 more minuits to bring the reactor up to full power". "Very good Lieutennant, very good"
The huge metal blast doors opened on the far side of the room. A figure dressed in a black Tux carring a tiny, pathetic black pistol in one hand and a beauitful girl on the other. The English secret agent spoke in a strangly Scottish accent. "Bob your totaly mad" he said.
"I vouldn't be saying dat if I vas you" replied Bob. "Your dooms-day plans will never work baldilocks" returned the agent raising his gun towards Bobs head. Bob smiled and pressed the big red button under his desk. A trap door opened about 10 feet away from where the agent stood. "vell damn unt blast" Bob declared-
[ 05. June 2005, 13:03: Message edited by: crux2 ]
- the doomsday device had unfortunately fired at him and missed the rest of the world. Bob began hurtling off into the darkness on a large missile and landed on what appeared to be Pluto. ''Oops'' he declared. ''I can't swim'' Once more he declared 'vell damn unt blast' and started plotting a way to get back to earth. Not only that, but when he looked up, he saw a talking banana floating past him off into the distance....the same one that got him into this mess in the first place. 'He's in a pickle now!' stated the cheesy commentator who seemed to appear from nowhere. Bob was highly frustrated. Not only could he not swim and had no idea how to get out, but there was now an annoying commentator following his every move. :confused: :(
-"well look at that he seems to be thrashing around now, no wait he's got something in his hands, hang on, yep - hes dropped it", "He's stooping now, quite a difficult thing to do when swimming, and yep he's got it again. Whats he doing with, CHRIST" The stone hurtled past the commentator barely missing his mic. "I'll get you yet you fat oaf!" "Just you vait, your for das high jump if i catch you"-
Bob was clearly very upset. :( 'ALL I DID WAS GO FOR A WALK!!! DAMN BANANA!!!' he exclaimed in the angriest voice you could ever imagine! http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/yikes.gif The commentator was shaking with fear for his life. He quietly *coughed* 'anger management' *cough.* Bob was furious....his bald head turning red with rage! ARGH! http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/c-1.gif :mad:
-by now Bob had a sizeable throbbing vein that was visible on his forehead-
Real Life Lara
(I found it, thank moses - is this okay, only after someone posted a new story I started wondering how the other one ended lol) Unless anyone wants to continue it, feel free to close lol http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/wave.gif Wow concidering it started off with the story of a guy tripping up over a banana, it did pretty good. o.O
well real live laa or lara has you wich I open that topic but I didn't new that there was a story going on alredy but i'll sitck with my topic.
YAY YAY, Praise be to the Gods!
Thank the big pink pixie in the sky! :D :D
Bob is back and in full colour!!!
MWHAHAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!&^HA$']':523..';jgh ha h ah ahhha aa haancx cough, splutter wheeze....
"Anyway" said Bob, having lost his German accent back in August, "I think its high-time we got moving"
"say, didn't we once collapse the universe at some stage?"
Real Life Lara
Bob was confused as to who was speaking to him so he assumed that is must be his evil twin Bon...only explanation really. Unless it was infact Klurtis!!! Oh dear moses, he's back! http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/yikes.gif
-"Yeah" said Bob searching for the source of the mysterious voice. "We've done some pretty crazy stuff in the past, say what are we trying to do now anyway, lets re-cap"
"Well" grunted the mysterious voice "We are currently on Pluto, drowning, while you tried to kill a commentator by hurling stuff at him"
"I see, then perhaps we should try to get back to a breathable atmosphere. Its been a good two months since we did anything, and I don't see how we have been holding our breath this long"
"cough" said the voice
Bob fell flat on his face and waited for the writers to continue-
vBulletin® v3.8.9, Copyright ©2000-2015, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.