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andromeda_eats
10-08-05, 03:29
HE COLLEGE THEME PAPER: HE VS. SHE

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?

Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University.

"Today we will experiment with a new form of composition called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.

Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the
story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both
agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:

Rebecca -last name deleted, and Gary- last name deleted.
-------------------------------------------------------------
STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favourite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.
------------------------------------------------------
(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a
hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the ****pit.
----------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
---------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage
of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop
them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his
top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have camomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of ****** TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels." ----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)

******.
----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

*****.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)

******.
----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Slut.
---------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)

Get ****ed.
----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Eat ****.
--------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

**** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Go drink some tea - whore.

**********************************************
(Teacher)

A+ - I really liked this one.

Neteru
10-08-05, 09:27
LMAO, thanks for that AE. Nice to see you around too. http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/smile.gif

spence
10-08-05, 09:58
Priceless. My workfriends are asking me why I'm choking with laughter.

thesmallprint
10-08-05, 10:20
LMAO :D

Draco
10-08-05, 10:30
lol :D

Gabi
10-08-05, 10:38
LOL http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/jumper.gif

crux2
10-08-05, 10:50
Absolutely brilliant, :D

Mona Sax
10-08-05, 14:34
ROFL http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/thumb.gif

Henhead
10-08-05, 14:36
LOL :D http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/thumb.gif

Joseph
10-08-05, 15:30
Excellent, very funny, ROFLMAO, and indeed brilliant, andromeda. :D I'd like to know though, who is the "an English professor at an American University." who deserves the credits?

Gomes
10-08-05, 15:49
http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/vlol.gif

I would like to know credits too.

On a deep thought, it's a shame our culture encourages the difference though as it was innate. If only both sides became more rational.

<< Shh, don't start theories or you'll get blown up.

Mary CF
10-08-05, 16:11
haha... some people just can't get along...

I didn't care for either of their writing styles. The girl seemed self-centered, and the guy was too much like "WOO! Action! Explosions! KA-BLAM!"... they both need to write about something else http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif

Camera Obscura
10-08-05, 19:09
ROFL! http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/vlol.gif Some story that turned out to be!