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PSone
28-01-04, 11:01
1. Any Man who brings a camera to a buck's night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.

2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Catherine Zeta Jones starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.
Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.

8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel, and it's free.

12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.

13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
much as the other sports watchers.

17. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

18. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

19. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.

20. If you complement a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

21. Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a mate of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

22. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights
a. Yeah, baby, push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

23. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

24. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

25. You cannot grass on a colleague who shows up at work with a massive hangover. You may however, hide the aspirin, smear his chair with cheese,
turn the brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor is broken, and have him paged over the loud speaker every seven minutes.

26. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey s3x, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

27. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

28. Thou shalt not buy a car with an engine capacity of less than 3.8 litres. Thou shall not really buy a car with less than 5 litres.

29. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, limegreen, orange or sky blue.

30. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a Playstation 2.

boazboy
28-01-04, 11:36
The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a Playstation 2.Lucky bast***ess. http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif

BB http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/wave.gif

[ 28. January 2004, 11:37: Message edited by: Boaz's Boyfriend ]

croft28
28-01-04, 13:29
How very true. How very sad.

Dorothy
28-01-04, 13:33
I'll tell a friend about it who is a zoologist... :D

shandroid
28-01-04, 17:39
LOL, PSOne!! These apply to American men too, except the car one, then it would be: Thou shalt not buy a car lesser than a V8, with a V6 being the only acceptable engine for a man who must buy a family car.

And here in Iowa, the measure of man is how monstrous his pick-up and his dog is. "Wussy trucks and pansy poodles" may only be owned by a woman, or you will be razzed until the day of your death. Case in point: when my husband was a firefighter (Man Central), he was constantly berated for owning an Aztec ("your wife must have forced you to buy that!"--actual quote) and GOD FORBID--owning not one but two!! cats and GASP four tiny terriers!!! "Todd, where are your MAN dogs!!!"

8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

This is sooooo true!! When I was a kid, my Dad would NEVER stop at the bathroom on road trips for me. And when I pleaded mercilessly for him to stop or I would pee all over the backseat, he would only do so after nasty comments and much eye rolling. Jerk!!

laracroft8290
28-01-04, 17:51
IMO in the US that whole big truck thing...it just means they are compensating for something else.

PSone
28-01-04, 19:51
Originally posted by shandroid:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr /> 8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

This is sooooo true!! When I was a kid, my Dad would NEVER stop at the bathroom on road trips for me. And when I pleaded mercilessly for him to stop or I would pee all over the backseat, he would only do so after nasty comments and much eye rolling. Jerk!!</font>[/QUOTE]What an ass! At least you messed up his car with pee smell though Good work! :D http://www.tombraiderforums.com/forums/icons/icon14.gif

justin
28-01-04, 20:04
22. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights
a. Yeah, baby, push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

Oh come on it's fun to joke around some times :D

... or i think they were joking...

bubbleblaster
28-01-04, 20:08
lmao :D