View Full Version : can i post

18-10-05, 15:19
my fanfic on here? its not that long...
thankies http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/wave.gif

18-10-05, 15:32
Yes of course! http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/smile.gif http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/wave.gif (why not?)

18-10-05, 15:41
okay thx apofiss heres the first chapter hope someone likes...

Chapter one- Confusion.
Lara Croft closed her eyes, put her fingers to her lips, and kissed the soft, freshly dug earth.
“Goodbye.” She whispered, a tear sipping from her eye.
“Our love, forbidden as it was… could never have lasted…we were too different-“ the words caught in her throat, causing her to stop suddenly.
She hadn’t wanted to attend the funeral. Instead, she had said goodbye in her own, personal way.
“Lara?” said a familiar voice. “Its late. We should get back.”
“What?” she asked, confused… disorientated… the world was spinning around her… the last thing she saw before she fell unconscious was Winston’s, old, concerned face. Then it swam away.

She awoke in what seemed a different realm. Everything was different. Except there wasn’t an everything. It was a nothing. There was nothing. Colours and shapes rippled in front of her very eyes, refusing to make sense. She stood there for what could have been moments, minutes, hours or even days--time seemed different too. It stood still. It sped up. Nothing was certain to her.
“Like it?” asked someone-and suddenly-focus! Something real at last. She spun around and standing there was the person who had recently, haunted her dreams, dominated her thoughts- and upset her no end. But it couldn’t be- he was dead. Or maybe-just maybe there was a little hope after all. In this strange world of colours and no colours, monsters and yet peace, this world that made no sense- perhaps he could be here.
“Kurtis….” She whispered.

18-10-05, 18:34
OMG , the start was so so so romantic
i hope you are going to update it

18-10-05, 19:05
now that you said that i most certainly am!

Tomb Raider Master
18-10-05, 20:59
That's very nice! http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/thumb.gif

19-10-05, 01:54
Very impressive bigining Softi http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/thumb.gif . Waiting...

19-10-05, 20:40
okay here you go guys. its longer than the last 1 and i dont think its as good. but it brings an old character back...

Let me know what you think guys! if u like compliment, if not dont say anything at all.

well, clearly nobody liked that!
ill try another time maybe. :(

[ 20. October 2005, 20:38: Message edited by: Sofitegan ]

20-10-05, 20:27
awwww... no i didnt even get to read it

lorien elf
21-10-05, 03:11
oh no, me either. I didnt get to read it. do you still have it somewhere? I liked the first part of it. pretty interesting twas. :(

21-10-05, 14:52
same here! :(

22-10-05, 10:36
okay ill post the second part... but i changed it a bit.

Chapter 2: Conversation
He spoke again, thrilling her to her very core.
“No, I don’t like it either.”
“Huh?” Lara didn’t understand what he was talking about. Why wouldn’t he just take her in his arms and… he spoke again, this time to shatter her fantasies.
“Don’t get confused-I’m not alive.”
“What? Then… how can you be here? I don’t understand… What’s going on? Where the hell are we?”
“We’re in the Nephilim world Lara. Or rather, what the Nephilim world will be like if you don’t save the human world. If you don’t kill Karel.”
“How do you know about Karel? I thought you just knew about Eckhardt.”
“Yeah, well, when I… passed I learnt-everything.” Lara lifted her chin defiantly.
“I don’t believe you.” She said.
“Really?” he sounded almost… amused somehow.
“Yeah. Okay, if you know everything now, what’s the meaning of life?” Kurtis laughed.
“I don’t mean… LITERALLY everything, I mean… important stuff. Stuff to do with the Lux Veritatis and the Cabal. And of course, Karel and the Nephilim.”
“Then what’s the problem? I killed Karel, I destroyed the sleeper. Nothing left to do except go home, sleep for a week and have a large cup of cocoa!”
Kurtis frowned.
“Actually…you destroyed the sleeper but you didn’t get Karel.”
“And? What am I supposed to do now? I can’t kill him Kurtis, I’m not a Lux Verita!”
“You must! You are the only one who can save the world now girl!”
“Two things, guy. One, don’t call me girl and two, do you know how many times I have saved the world in my twenty nine years? I’m tired of it, okay? It’s not my problem, it’s your lots, it’s the Lux veritatis’s job!” as soon as she said the words she felt guilty. She knew that Kurtis had been the last Lux Verita. Kurtis looked solemn, and nodded.
“Alright. I understand. Just one more thing Lara? One more favour?
Lara nodded shakily.
“Find this girl. Find Jacqueline Natla. Give her this.”
Lara’s world swayed around her as Kurtis pressed a jewel into her hand.
Then he disappeared and she was back. Back home.

If you liked it then tell me what in particular you liked. if you didnt like it then constructive criticism please.

23-10-05, 18:30
i loved it , wondering where kurtis went update soon

23-10-05, 18:43
So good so far http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/thumb.gif Sofi. i can't say anything that i don't like. http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/smile.gif

27-10-05, 20:27
good! http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/jumper.gif
workin on next chapter...

27-10-05, 21:38
here you go, hope you like it, remember constuctive criticism or praise! (not 2 much tho or ill get bigheaded.

Chapter 3: Research.

Lara opened her eyes shakily and looked around. She was lying on the large sofa in her lounge, in Croft manor. Winston stood in front of her, a frantic look on his face.
“Lara! Are you all right? You just passed out… I didn’t know what to do… I brought you back home. Do you want anything?”
“No thanks.” She smiled, though inside she was shivering. “I… ah, just need to do some research.”
Winston had been working for Lara for at least eight years now, and while this announcement might sound strange to some, Winston knew better than to criticize Lara Croft.

She frowned as she read the information in front of her on the screen. It didn’t make sense. Natla was dead. She had to be. Lara herself had killed her. Yet here she was, on the birth register. And that didn’t make any sense, seeing as Natla wasn’t even human.
“Wait a minute…” She murmured. The birth register showed Natla born in 1995.
1995… that was the year Lara killed her! She explored Natla’s file a little further. It hadn’t been too difficult to hack the birth registrar. Her friend Bryce had shown her how to do it years ago.
The file showed that Natla was ten years old, an orphan and currently living in Jefferson, New York state.
Lara swivelled her chair round and picked the jewel up from her coffee table. It was a blood red sphere. She had at first thought it was a ruby of some kind, or a garnet even, but on close inspection, she had discovered it wasn’t. Lara had no idea how Natla tied in with this, but she intended to find out.
“Okay then miss Natla.” Lara said softly, now facing the computer again. “I’ll be seeing you soon.”



27-10-05, 22:15
heheheh! the last part hehehe!
Well.... 10 year old Natla!!! very interesting Sofie, keep going please http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/thumb.gif

27-10-05, 22:21
Very good, Sofitegan! Wow, Natla at 10, I like that you put this in your fanfic! Post more soon! http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/smile.gif

27-10-05, 23:39
cool these are great, more,more!

28-10-05, 13:06
coming soon...

28-10-05, 17:31
Heres the next part. Its the first part of a two part chapter.

Chapter 4:Natla.

“Hi. Is Jacqueline in?” Lara smiled at the warty, scowling middle aged woman who had opened the door. The woman eyed Lara up and down, and then yelled in a horrible, grating voice:
“Child! Get dawn ere’ naw.” She spoke with a Texas accent, Lara noted. Would Natla be Texan? She wondered.

A pale kid with stringy, greasy mousy brown hair stomped down the stairs covered with stained carpet. Lara stared. This kid looked nothing like what she had been expecting. She had expected… well, Natla.
“Who the hell are you?” The girl scowled.
“I’m ah… I’m Lara Croft.” Lara let her hand rest on the butt of her pistol, which was tucked, as always, into her gun belt on her leg. Then she pulled her hand away. What was she thinking? This girl was ten years old. She couldn’t possibly attack her.
“What do you want?” asked Natla bluntly.
Lara hesitated. What did she want? Why the hell was she here? Because Kurtis had sent her. So she said the only thing she could think of.
“Do you know Kurtis Trent?”
The woman, whom Lara suspected was Natla’s aunt, dropped the mug she had been holding. It smashed, and the contents (a black coffee) spread over the floor.
Natla’s reaction was quite different. She stared at Lara, an expression of confusion on her face.
“Do you?” She gasped.
“Um…yeah. Well I did. He was my partner… sort of. How did… how did you know him?” Lara inquired uncomfortably.
“He was…he was…well…my father.”


sorry. ill stop doing that soon.

28-10-05, 18:10
DUN DUN DAAAAAA! http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/yikes.gif

Nice turn! keep going http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/thumb.gif

(nice Avatar, God damn it Cameron!!!)

28-10-05, 20:34
http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/yikes.gif wow never seen that coming

28-10-05, 21:03
Originally posted by amlai:

(nice Avatar, God damn it Cameron!!!) thx!
Originally posted by focus:

never saw that coming
Thats the point! http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/jumper.gif

28-10-05, 21:18
like i said more,more!!

28-10-05, 21:30
k well im going to my mums 4 the wknd and she doesnt have a computer, then on monday school starts again so im afraid the next chapter probably wont be along until tuesday at the earliest guys.

29-10-05, 16:22
DUN DUN DAAAAAA! i will be here http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/wave.gif

01-11-05, 19:40
here you go!
it less dun dun daa this time.
i think this is about halfway through now. BTW, im sorry, i said that the last chapter would be the first part of a 2 parter- well its not. anyway, here you go.

Chapter 5: History.

Lara stared. Kurtis had never said anything about having a daughter before. Not when they planned what to do about Eckhardt, or when she had sat with him, while he was dying… Jacqueline interrupted her thoughts.
“Do you wanna take a walk?”
“Yeah. Good idea.” Lara glanced at Jacqueline’s aunt, who was standing motionless, staring into space.
“Don’t worry about her.” The girl muttered. “She never worries about me.”

They walked along the beach. (*note from sofitegan: are there any beaches in Jefferson? I looked on a map and there seemed to be a coastline but I couldn’t tell if there was a beach or not. If there aren’t, suspend your imagination!)
“I uh… I thought you were an orphan.” said Lara, instantly regretting it. How did she explain the fact that she knew Jacqueline was an orphan?
“Yeah well… you might not know this but he died a couple weeks back.” Lara swallowed hard.
“I knew.” She said in a voice unlike her own. They walked a little further along the beach in silence. Lara gazed out at the clear blue sparkling water and pretended that her eyes were just watering from the sun. A thought struck her.
“Who was your mother?”
“Jacqueline Natla. I was named after her. She died a month after I was born. Some jerk shot her.”
“I’m sorry.” Said Lara, guiltily.
“That’s okay. It wasn’t your fault.”
Yes it was. Lara thought.
“Where your mother and kur- your dad together?
“No. My aunt told me when I was eight-I was an accident. In fact, my dad and Sheryl-that’s my aunts name-were in a relationship. My mom split the two of them up.
“Why? Did she love him?”
“No. The two women just hated each other. That’s why my aunt hates me.” Typical Natla. Thought Lara. Always ruining lives.
“What are you here for anyway? Were you gonna tell- tell me-about my dad?”
Lara hesitated.
“That’s not what I actually came here for.” She sighed.
Jacqueline, Lara realised, was looking downcast.
“But if you want- I could tell you about him.”
Jacqueline smiled.
“I’d like that.” She grinned. “I’d really like that!”
Lara smiled back.
“Thanks ms. Croft.”
“Call me Lara, Jacqueline.”
“call me Jacki.”

feedback please!

02-11-05, 07:31
Nice, a calmed chapter. Good dialogues, i like it. Lets see the what's next http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/thumb.gif

03-11-05, 17:48
okay thisis off-topic but amlai,(and any others who have read my story so far), judging on the standard of my writing, how old do you think i am?

03-11-05, 18:52
Great update like Amlai said nice and calm

hmmmmm hold old are you
i would say from your writing 16-17
its really hard to guess , lets see what other people say cause i always seem to be wrong , i hope if your older i didnt offend you

03-11-05, 18:58
offended?... i'm flattered...
i'm younger than that!

[ 21. November 2005, 17:01: Message edited by: Sofitegan ]

21-11-05, 17:02
I'm so so so sorry that its taken so long guys, anyway here it is.

Chapter 6: Jewel.

“What about his hair? What colour was it?” Asked the excited girl, biting into her second corndog.
“Black. With a kind of, ah, brown tint.” Replied Lara, licking her raspberry ripple flavoured ice cream. For the last half hour the two of them had been walking along the beach, eating snacks, and talking about, well, Kurtis. And Jacki loved it. She would talk of nothing else but him. Or maybe not…
“Why are you here?” Asked Jacki.
“What?” Asked Lara, confused.
“When I asked you if you would tell me about my dad you said that wasn’t why you were here.”
“Oh…” suddenly Lara remembered her strange “meeting” with Kurtis. And the jewel he had given to her.
“Your dad gave me something… to give to you.”
“You mean before he died?”
Lara wasn’t quite sure how to answer that. It had certainly happened after he died, but wouldn’t that make her sound like a crazy person? She decided to just dodge the question.
“Here.” She murmured, digging into her jeans pocket and pulling out the jewel, then holding it out to Jacqueline. “It’s yours.”
She took the jewel from Lara, gazing at it as if it was the Holy Grail. “It’s beautiful.” She whispered, in utter awe.
“I don’t know why he wanted you to have it…” Lara murmured, not knowing quite what to say.
“I do.” Whispered Jacqueline, almost as if she were possessed.
Suddenly the jewel lit up, and then shot out light, which then curved to form a sort of bubble around the girl. Lara stared. In all her life she had never seen something quite like this. Well, there had been one time, when Lara was on an expedition to save the world from Pandora’s box, with her ex, Terry Sheridan. But still, that hadn’t been as spectacular as this. The light bathed them both in its golden glow, especially Jacki, who seemed to be watching the light. There was more, too. There were kind of… figures inside the light. Murky and senseless, the made no sense to Lara. But Jacki was watching them, listening to them, as if she could hear and understand their every word. After a few minutes the light retracted and disappeared inside the jewel again.
“What was that…” Lara began, confused. Jacki cut her off.
“Do you have it?” Jacki demanded.
“Have what?” Asked Lara, both confused and irritated.
“The Chirugai.” Said Jacki, as if it was obvious.

21-11-05, 17:24
oh and btw, at the moment i really need some criticism, so fire away.

22-11-05, 15:49
nice http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/thumb.gif

[ 22. November 2005, 15:50: Message edited by: Raid ]

22-11-05, 20:49

25-11-05, 21:42
isn't anyone else going to read it...

26-11-05, 15:21
*sobbing heart out*
Please read it and post, telling me if it was a) ****, b) okay or c)good

28-11-05, 19:08
EDIT:Sorry for sounding like a spoilt brat in previous and this post, i now think i was very out of order.

[ 05. December 2005, 18:10: Message edited by: Sofitegan ]

28-11-05, 23:01
Well it takes time to read all the chapters! :D Generally I think it's okay (maybe some parts were a bit outstreched... some are really good!)

29-11-05, 20:25
okay thanks apofiss and raid can you tell me which parts you liked/disliked and why?
thankyou all very much!!!!!!!!!!!!!

29-11-05, 22:54
Umm... I could tell, but it would be only a one person opinion (we all have our own). It's like you can't please everyone, so I think it's ok as it is. (but if ya really want me to, no problemo then^^)

http://www.tombraiderforums.com/images/smilies/giant_kiss.gif (lol, lovin' this smiley!)

30-11-05, 21:05
yes, really i understand what you mean but i would like to know what you think!
i love that smiley too, unfortunately my computers being funny(NOT ha-ha funny) and i cant use graemlins!

08-12-05, 19:07
Actually I don't think i'm going to continue with this story... i've written it in a dumb way, writing it and making it up as i go along so...
it was my 1st fanfic after all. least i know for next time.
For now, i'm going to be doing some more drawing!