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SUGARPIE
12-04-06, 12:12
Hi all :wve:

I'd forgotten just how hilarious airport people can be.

For example, in Manchester, Terminal one, they have all but banned smoking so they have a designated room and yet you can hardly see it for the fogged-up windows :D You go in and take a cig from your pack and immediately put the beggar back in the box and head for the exit :vlol: You only need two flat seconds of breathing the air and your lungs start to collapse.

Then there is the embarrassing bit when you walk through the security panel and set off all of the alarms :D It happens to me every single time and I get a quick feel-up from some 4ft bird trying to tickle my fancy! :(

Satisfied that I am uzi-free they then start on my hand luggage. Out come all of the 'feminine hygiene products', yesterday's stale baguette (half-eaten), and of course the ever-present bar of soap that reads 'Property of Hilton Hotel' :D

I'd cry if it wasn't so funny!

Let's hear some of your airport stories!

CerebralAssassin
12-04-06, 13:01
nothing much,but when I was in New York trying to catch a flight to Athens,the airplane delayed to take off for about an hour,and so I missed my other flight to the beautiful island of Rodos. Had to wait 6 more hours to catch the next flight...not particularly funny but nevertheless exhausting..

SUGARPIE
12-04-06, 13:05
Ah ha Assasin so it was you kipping on my suitcase afterall - did you know you snore very tunefully? :D

CerebralAssassin
12-04-06, 13:16
I do?Wow,I didn't notice..

SUGARPIE
12-04-06, 13:21
Tee hee.

I have to say that I was watching a very funny stand-up (British) comedian on the TV recently and his show was largely about holidays and airports.

He was recalling his youth at the time. Here is a snippet:

'Mum, what's that?'

'It's washing powder son, you never know, you might want to wash your smalls out of a night'

'And what's that?'

'Thats coffee-mate, incase we run out of milk'

'Mum, don't you think it will look a bit suspicious walking through customs with all these bags of white powder?' :vlol:

CerebralAssassin
12-04-06, 13:30
:vlol: oh my goodness your cracking me up

SUGARPIE
12-04-06, 13:41
There's more!!!

He maintained that taxis/cabs were a rip-off and when you phone for a cab they say 'I'm just turning your corner now' to which he replies 'Can you at least let me tell you where I live first before you start lying to me?' :D

Then the taxi arrives and your mother starts panicking 'Quick, quick, taxi's here'. The fact that the taxi is 30 minutes late is but a distant memory... 'Hurry up, can't keep the taxi waiting..' :vlol:

ace_85
12-04-06, 14:04
Tee hee.

I have to say that I was watching a very funny stand-up (British) comedian on the TV recently and his show was largely about holidays and airports.

He was recalling his youth at the time. Here is a snippet:

'Mum, what's that?'

'It's washing powder son, you never know, you might want to wash your smalls out of a night'

'And what's that?'

'Thats coffee-mate, incase we run out of milk'

'Mum, don't you think it will look a bit suspicious walking through customs with all these bags of white powder?' :vlol:

:vlol: I might be wrong but is that Peter Kay?

Elysia
12-04-06, 14:09
I think you're right... ahhh, Peter Kay! A very funny man...

I don't have airport stories (I don't fly very well...) but lots and lots of train ones... like the time I was going to Cornwall and got stranded in Westbury - even the Rail Guards didn't know what was going on! In the end, my hubbie and I met up with another family and it ended up with one family on one side of the tracks and us on the other, and when the train actually turned up, we agreed to keep the door open so the other family had time top run under the track (the tunnel)!

Ahh, the British rail system... second to none :tmb:

SUGARPIE
12-04-06, 14:09
Yep it was Peter Kaye and they were showing it on Victoria's Strip one afternoon in Tenerife :vlol: Hilarious!

SUGARPIE
12-04-06, 14:10
I think you're right... ahhh, Peter Kay! A very funny man...

I don't have airport stories (I don't fly very well...) but lots and lots of train ones... like the time I was going to Cornwall and got stranded in Westbury - even the Rail Guards didn't know what was going on! In the end, my hubbie and I met up with another family and it ended up with one family on one side of the tracks and us on the other, and when the train actually turned up, we agreed to keep the door open so the other family had time top run under the track (the tunnel)!

Ahh, the British rail system... second to none :tmb:

OMG LMAO Ely :vlol: How typical is that!!!

CerebralAssassin
12-04-06, 14:13
I think you're right... ahhh, Peter Kay! A very funny man...

I don't have airport stories (I don't fly very well...) but lots and lots of train ones... like the time I was going to Cornwall and got stranded in Westbury - even the Rail Guards didn't know what was going on! In the end, my hubbie and I met up with another family and it ended up with one family on one side of the tracks and us on the other, and when the train actually turned up, we agreed to keep the door open so the other family had time top run under the track (the tunnel)!

Ahh, the British rail system... second to none :tmb:
why weren't both families on one side?

SUGARPIE
12-04-06, 14:15
Because the British Rail system has a habit of being exceptionally non-user friendly Assasin!

Elysia
12-04-06, 14:16
Because the British Rail system has a habit of being exceptionally non-user friendly Assasin!
Indeed!

The reason we were on both sides is that no one, including the guards, actually knew what platform the train we wanted was going to arrive at...

ace_85
12-04-06, 14:19
To be fair to British Rail, they're getting better. Nowadays they get at least three trains a day on time and have hired marginally less rude and unhelpful staff :D

SUGARPIE
12-04-06, 14:21
Mind you, it might and could quite possibly have been Virgin trains :D

They never quite got the hang of it if you know what I mean :vlol:

Elysia
12-04-06, 14:22
To be fair to British Rail, they're getting better. Nowadays they get at least three trains a day on time and have hired marginally less rude and unhelpful staff :D
:vlol: !!!

Like last year, when I went to Cardiff (... ;) ) - it took 45 minutes and 5 guards to decide what to do with a train that had a faulty door...

They decided to stick a sticker on it!!! 5 guards and 45 minutes!

Awww, I LOVE how crap our rail system is :D

SUGARPIE
12-04-06, 14:29
Good grief Ely :vlol:

Actually the ailine staff are not much better. On the 'cattle wagon' that transfers you from the terminal to your plane the doors got stuck in Tenerife and I was on the brink of a serious panic attack :eek:

It was unbelievably hot and I was buried beneath a ton of luggage. You could hear the 'psssh' sound but the doors were simply not opening and I really thought we were going to die on that bus - it was more stiffling than you could possibly imagine and I am a slim creature!

The whole bus was crammed (thus the term 'Cattle wagon') and trust me, other folk were starting to look worried too. :(

CerebralAssassin
12-04-06, 14:32
Good grief Ely :vlol:

Actually the ailine staff are not much better. On the 'cattle wagon' that transfers you from the terminal to your plane the doors got stuck in Tenerife and I was on the brink of a serious panic attack :eek:

It was unbelievably hot and I was buried beneath a ton of luggage. You could hear the 'psssh' sound but the doors were simply not opening and I really thought we were going to die on that bus - it was more stiffling than you could possibly imagine and I am a slim creature!

The whole bus was crammed (thus the term 'Cattle wagon') and trust me, other folk were starting to look worried too. :(
I imagine it was starting to get smelly in there too right?

ace_85
12-04-06, 14:34
:vlol: !!!

Like last year, when I went to Cardiff (... ;) ) - it took 45 minutes and 5 guards to decide what to do with a train that had a faulty door...

They decided to stick a sticker on it!!! 5 guards and 45 minutes!

Awww, I LOVE how crap our rail system is :D

:vlol: Well it's nice to see the staff are still concentrating on the important stuff ;)

Sugarpie, it sounds like you had a nasty experience there. Ah, the joys of underfunded foreign airports...

SUGARPIE
12-04-06, 14:39
I imagine it was starting to get smelly in there too right?

LOL! No the only smell was adrenalin trust me! It was really quite unpleasant bacause they are all laid back in the Canaries and THEY are accustomed to the heat, we aren't. I was sat there thinking 'Oh no, now they will have to call out the engineers and that will take half an hour'.

I never EVER want to be in that situation again. Trust me, you can't imagine how bad it felt, the oxygen was scant due to the airtight rubber seals on the doors. It was possibly one of the worst experiences where travel is concerned in that I genuinely thought we were doomed.

SUGARPIE
12-04-06, 14:40
No kidding Ace! :D

Angel666
12-04-06, 16:14
I have a bajillion horror traveling stories! If you are on a plane, train, grocery store line, or the interstate with my mom I hope you brought some reading material because you will be there a while. Last June I flew to California with my mom. We get to the airport and there were storms the night before so our plane is going to be SIX HOURS behind schedule and then we would miss our connecting flight. So he got us new tickets for a different flight in an hour. There were two lines. One full of people and another with noone in it. The guy told us to get into this line where he checked our shoes and our bags and we went through the metal detector to this lady with the wand thing. I had a metal stud on my pants w/ the designer name on it and an underwire bra. Not a good idea. She keeps going over those to places and asks what they are. About four times! She patted me down which took forever and then searched my mom which took about three minutes. People were going past us staring at us and laughing. We get on our flight and land in Texas to get our connecting flight in THREE HOURS. We got lost, nearly missed it, wasted 6 bucks on a stale cinimon bun and then my relatives go to the wrong gate to pick us up so we are standing there for about another hour.

jarhead
12-04-06, 16:44
unlucky angel, $6 for a stale cinnimon bun, no sorry to hear you wasted most of june waiting for planes.

ive never been on a plane, my mum doesnt particulary like the idea :rolleyes: , so we drive everywhere. we went to germany and my mum and me was at a gas station,(trier) and a station nearby and this english man was being really cocky and saying he could speak german. i thought he sounded good but he ended up making an utter fool of himself. saying the wrong words to a 'buxum' women isnt a good idea.

Angel666
12-04-06, 18:22
lol Jarhead. I have plenty more stories. We were taking a train in Chatsworth CA to San Louis Obispo (I think) and the train was behind because of brush fires over the tracks and there was some crazy guy who started YELLING AT A TRASH CAN. Then, when we finally got on a train a different crazy person caused a big scene and turns out he was on the wrong train so that made him even madder and the security had to arrest him and someone peed on the restroom floor.

SUGARPIE
12-04-06, 18:25
OMG Angel, what a nightmare!!

JACOBryanBURNS
12-04-06, 18:54
You don't know embarassment until you have a little metal medallion decoration on your underwear. Seriously, i took off all my clothes except my underwear, walked through the detector, and put them all back on. I think the older woman behind me had three strokes... i knew it was the most action she'd gotten in decades.

deepbluesea
12-04-06, 18:55
I've only been on a plane twice when I was in the Army, once on the way to Iraq and Once on the way back, pretty scary too, but the funniest thing was while we were waiting to come back and sitting in the departure lounge they put Final Destination on the TV, who says the Army don't have a sense of humour.:D

SUGARPIE
12-04-06, 18:56
You don't know embarassment until you have a little metal medallion decoration on your underwear. Seriously, i took off all my clothes except my underwear, walked through the detector, and put them all back on. I think the older woman behind me had three strokes... i knew it was the most action she'd gotten in decades.

LMFAO Jacob :vlol:

SUGARPIE
12-04-06, 18:57
Deepbluesea what corps? :wve:

deepbluesea
12-04-06, 18:59
signals

JACOBryanBURNS
12-04-06, 19:03
It was the worst airport experience of my life. They were harassing me so bad about empty my pockets and could i take my jacket off and then they got all ****y and so i just stripped right there in the terminal. the little woman was FREAKING out telling me to put my clothes back on and i was like 'HUSH :cen:, you want this thing to quit squaling quite like i want YOU to....'

SUGARPIE
12-04-06, 19:05
Thanks deepbluesea :tmb:

Jacob too funny :vlol:

Angel666
12-04-06, 19:08
Jacob, why did you have a little medalion on your underwear? Nevermind, I don't wanna know. :) I was practically stripping in the airport because I had an underwire bra on. I think the guy kept pushing it b/c he just wanted me to flash him. My cousin is actually on her way to Chicago right now and she has like 12 peircings so I wonder how that went. She is also allergic to wheat so she has her little wheat free snacks to take but they were all in foil bags so she had to take them out and put them in plastic baggies. She wasn't happy. It was pretty funny though.

JACOBryanBURNS
12-04-06, 19:12
Angel666, it was actually flyin back from a fashion show and it was like holding the sides together. Fashion undies? I don't know, i stole them off the runway HEE HEE! And yeah, I have a few peircings of my own. Something I've never had a problem with except once and it was my tongue ring. But that was easily bypassed.

Angel666
12-04-06, 19:18
So your a model? Cool. Wish I was pretty enough to be a model and don't they get ****ed when you steal their high fashion undies? :D I don't have any peircings so it's never been a problem except for my underwire. My shoes did go off once and everyone freaked. And they were Chucks so it took forever to get them on and off.

JACOBryanBURNS
12-04-06, 19:38
oh they get so mad. it's great. but pshh, i wasn't getting paid enough for that job anyway. and chucks are such a pain to get on and off. I have a red pair i'm quite fond of. <3

CerebralAssassin
12-04-06, 19:43
LOL @ both of you,that's pretty embarrasing!

SUGARPIE
12-04-06, 19:45
LMAO at Angel's cousin with the foil :vlol:

Greenkey2
12-04-06, 20:39
I don't think the mods will allow me to post the original recordings, but this might give you some idea...

A friend of my dad's once (for a joke) gave a list of names to an assitant in Arrivals whenever a plane from the Middle east came in. The names were (supposedly) people the friend wanted to find at the airport, and could the assistant please read them out over the PA system? He then secretly went and taped the announcements........

(you have to read this aloud)

"Could Mr Mha Quolleg as-Pharted, and Ahs-Lepht Daroom da-Phasted, please come to the information desk".

:vlol: :whi:

Angel666
12-04-06, 20:49
:vlol: :vlol: That's hilarious!

SUGARPIE
13-04-06, 00:09
LMFAO :vlol: :vlol:

Maureen Errant
13-04-06, 00:32
LMAO:vlol: :vlol: :vlol: :vlol: :vlol: More.........MOre................I want MORE:tea:

Geck-o-Lizard
13-04-06, 00:39
hahaha! :vlol:

What's annoying about being a shorthaired tomboy in a big airport is that the people manning the metal detector bit are so busy they don't bother checking to find out whether you're male or female before frisking you. I usually get the male frisk. :rolleyes:

Angel666
13-04-06, 01:09
Ooooh, that sucks. I hate getting frisked. I am flying in August so expect horror stories of stale baked goods and delays. I only got mistaken by a dude once. I was wearing my PJ's (anyone else do that? go to the airport in your pjs?) and a baggy hooded sweater with the hood up. I didn't get the male frisk but the frisking guy with the little wand was trying to get my attention to go over there and he kept saying: Sir. Sir, if you would please come over here. And he grabbed my arm and got a big surprise when I turned around.

CerebralAssassin
13-04-06, 01:47
Oh,just remembered another story(this happened on the same trip)I was flying from St.Louis to catch a connecting flight at Atlanta.I only had like 45 minutes between the time I arrived at Atlanta and the time I was departing.So,as I was waiting to to get my luggages(I was switching airlines),I notice like 20 minutes had passed and I'm like "I got to go find my gate" I go ask at a desk where my gate is and they tell me.But when I went to the gate they pionted out,I notice it was the wrong gate!so I had to go as k 2 or three times,going back and forth between gates,as I was running out of time!Literally I found my gate like 5 minutes before boarding time,almost had a heart attack,because If I had lost that flight,I would have been screwed,as I had to catch 2 more flights to get to my destination!ufff...

Greenkey2
13-04-06, 09:10
You asked for it....:mis:

"Would Mr Ahneeda Pizzquic and Milexa Krost please come to the Information desk."

"Could a Mr Yhu-Khal dis-Caffay and Dhonoot Ah-Khalit Khraap please go to the Lugagge area."


The others were far too rude for an all-age forum. It's amazing it took the airport staff so long to catch on :whi:

SUGARPIE
13-04-06, 11:40
:vlol: Terrific stories folks! More!! More I say!! :D