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Agent Dee
28-04-06, 07:32
Due to the response of my redneck computer terms, and woman's dictionary comes the 3rd in a series of funny stuff from ol Agent Dee :tea:

RULES OF GOLF

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendancy to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer, and eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls arw water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater attraction to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to buff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfers handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
LAW 7: Every par three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
LAW 8: Topping a 3 iron is the most painfull torture known to man.
LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.
LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?
LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone else in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.
LAW 13: All 3 woods are demon possesed.
LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law three).
LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."

:jmp:

Zip
28-04-06, 07:35
U missed the one where you hit the openent with your club

Maureen Errant
28-04-06, 07:41
Due to the response of my redneck computer terms, and woman's dictionary comes the 3rd in a series of funny stuff from ol Agent Dee :tea:

RULES OF GOLF

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendancy to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer, and eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls arw water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater attraction to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to buff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfers handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
LAW 7: Every par three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
LAW 8: Topping a 3 iron is the most painfull torture known to man.
LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.
LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?
LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone else in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.
LAW 13: All 3 woods are demon possesed.
LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law three).
LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."

:jmp:

As an occasional golfer, I can relate to everything on this list.....esp rule 3......on my course there are a lot of geese, so you have another worry as well........whoops.:cln:

Rule 16: The clubhouse will be out of margarita mix on ladies day.........known as a dry lunch..hehehehaha

gazhammer
28-04-06, 07:43
I love Golf, havent taken it up properly yet, as once i do, theres no going back!.:D

Maureen Errant
28-04-06, 08:50
OH NO..............now we are all going to have to listen to you talk about your balls:tea:

gazhammer
28-04-06, 08:52
OH NO..............now we are all going to have to listen to you talk about your balls:tea:

Yeah, like that'll make a change.:tea:

Maureen Errant
28-04-06, 09:01
For the better.................:ton:

gazhammer
28-04-06, 09:02
For the better.................:ton:

I wont lower the tone and tell you how long my putter is!.;)

Maureen Errant
28-04-06, 09:10
ROFLMAO.......................... how about your wedge....lol

You and I have gone so far off topic in a few threads, I'm really surprised that we haven't been talked at by a MOD



*here comes NETERU'S supulcheral voice of doom................*

If you're reading this Net....sorry:hug:

gazhammer
28-04-06, 09:12
ROFLMAO..........................

You and I have gone so far off topic in a few threads, I'm really surprised that we haven't been talked at by a MOD



*here comes NETERU'S supulcheral voice of doom................*

I you're reading this Net....sorry:hug:

Yeah me too!.:D (Did i mention that i have SENILE DEMENTIA?):cln: :tea: ;)

Maureen Errant
28-04-06, 09:18
Yeah me too!.:D (Did i mention that i have SENILE DEMENTIA?):cln: :tea: ;)

Is that anything like the Kraft disease?:)

Greenkey2
28-04-06, 09:19
LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.

So do pylons :rolleyes: In a famous incident, my mum once hit a simply beautiful shot that sailed through the air like a graceful swan.......until it hit the overhead electrical pylon and dropped like a stone :vlol:

gazhammer
28-04-06, 09:21
Is that anything like the Kraft disease?:)


errrrrrrrrrrrr....... ya got me stumped this time?:confused: ...:D :cln:

gazhammer
28-04-06, 09:23
So do pylons :rolleyes: In a famous incident, my mum once hit a simply beautiful shot that sailed through the air like a graceful swan.......until it hit the overhead electrical pylon and dropped like a stone :vlol:

Playing "Pitch and Putt", with my Brother a few years ago, watched him take a mighty swing............... then woke up 5 mins later, with a golfball sized lump on my forehead!.:(

What a shot:D

Maureen Errant
28-04-06, 09:25
errrrrrrrrrrrr....... ya got me stumped this time?:confused: ...:D :cln:

:yah: yippee!!!

K ant
R emember
A
F ***ing
T hing
:whi:

gazhammer
28-04-06, 09:41
:yah: yippee!!!

K ant
R emember
A
F ***ing
T hing
:whi:


:vlol:

One thing!,........ Why have you spelled "Cant" with a K?.:tea::cln: