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Agent Dee
06-05-06, 07:30
Im back again with a 5th in a series of funny stuff from me, ol Agent Dee :D .

Things You Wouldn't Know Without TV.

If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

All beds have special L- shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

People of TV never finish their drinks.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman cleans his wounds.

When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.

Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

Mothers routinely cook egg, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.

Cars and trucks that crash almost always burst into flames.

A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon.

Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.

All single women have a cat.

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once.

Creepy music coming from a graveyard should be closely investigated.

Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has dided in a strange boating accident.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threating manner untill you have knocked out their predecessor.

During a very emotional confrontations, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.


Feel free to add to this list :ton:

wonderboy
06-05-06, 07:33
Lmao

Cochrane
06-05-06, 07:58
If you plan to take out any evil overload, be prepared to visit his secret lair at least twice. The first time, he will imprison you, but you will escape. You are not allowed to kill him until the second time.

Police officers will only work efficiently if their superior has given them 24 hours to solve the case.

Adding more workers to any construction or engineering problem is going to solve it faster. Nobody needs to be trained, everyone will already know all the details.

Computer hackers either use a full screen command line with green text on black background, or a view that involves rotating cubes to get their work done. Some use both, but nobody ever uses a normal operating system.

You can take your time when trying to stop the evil scientist. No matter when you arrive, it will always be only five minutes until he releases his deadly creation that will destroy earth as we know it.

Any cool technology that could easily solve your problem within the first five minutes of the action is guaranteed to fail or be unusuable in this situation.

gazhammer
06-05-06, 08:12
My kind of thread.:tmb:

Lavinder
06-05-06, 08:53
:vlol: I like these.

I'll add one :

If somone is hurt you must hold them close and look up and scream thier name instead of screaming help.

CerebralAssassin
06-05-06, 08:53
During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

lol @ that one:D



During a very emotional confrontations, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.

Yeah,it's been done to death in the soap opera "the young and the restless":rolleyes:

Kamrusepas
06-05-06, 09:07
I've heard most of these before, but they're all awesome :vlol:


If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.


My favorites :tmb:

Lara Lover
06-05-06, 09:15
:vlol:

That's funny. Read them last night but, forgot the post!

:tmb:

scion05
06-05-06, 09:22
Omg lmao!!!! Lavenders was so funny!
Agent Dee Keepem Coming!

Rivendell
06-05-06, 09:38
:vlol: Thanks for these, they're brilliant!

Has anyone else read the "If I was an evil overlord" list? Thats great!

EDiT: actually I'll post the Evil overlord list, because for those that havent read it, its hilarious!

Shark_Blade
06-05-06, 09:57
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman cleans his wounds.

lmao:vlol: