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larasfrend
03-09-06, 09:39
Hi guys, I just kind of felt lonely and I wanted to know what to do to get over a break-up. My boyfriend dumped me about a week ago and I just can't get over it.
I'm totally hung up on him even though he had quite a few problems. All my friends think that it's for the best, saying that I deserve someone way better than him and that we had a lot of problems during our relationship, which I guess is true.
I don't know why, but this doesn't make me love him any less. I really care so much for him still and miss being in that place where I had someone to hug. I also to this day don't quite understand exactly why he dumped me, using the reason that: he wasn't in love with me anymore.
I'm not IN LOVE with him either, but those feelings evolved into caring feelings and just loving him. He refuses to acknowledge this and says he wants to be in love with someone during his entire relationship, which I believe to be impossible.
I guess the fact that he seems to be relieved and happy now makes me most upset, as egoistic as that sounds.
I realise people must be thinking: why should this interest me and to be honest I don't know why I'm typing this, but I think I just need to get it out of me and need to just have someone to listen (or read!).
What should I do?

BlackGrey
03-09-06, 09:53
Well bieng through one or two break ups, the only really way to get over some one, in my case, is to find some one new. Really that isn't going to help you so I'll offer you a hug as you are in great need of them :hug:

Greenkey2
03-09-06, 09:55
You're doing one of the best things to do after an upsetting event, which is to talk about it :wve: It's too easy to let these bad feelings stay locked up inside of us, especially when it involves our feelings towards someone we care about.


I can tell you that time is the best healer, closely followed by avoiding awkward encounters with your ex. I know from having broken up with my boyfriend of two and half years last February. We parted on amicable terms - we both realised our relationship was hopelessly one-sided and it was unfair to both of us to continue - but it still hurt like hell though.

My best advice would be to put aside some 'you' time. Rediscover your own company and learn to be kind to yourself. The thought of those lost hugs and comforting moments are still sore (will they ever not be?) but if you try and tell yourself that you are still worth loving just for being you - and not because you're going out with someone special - then slowly the pain will start to ease :hug:

The worst thing you could do right now is to latch onto the first person who shows you comfort as your new romantic attachment. Spend some time in your own company, or the company of friends you KNOW aren't going to keep going on about your break-up. Give it time; you will feel better :hug:

jarhead
03-09-06, 09:59
greenkeys post really says everything, give it a few days or weeks and you might start to think clearly, you loved him so much that this is porbaly tonnes of shock running through your body. given time it'll soon dissapera and you'll start to feel a bit better. and yes, spend time with your mates, have a laugh with them and do stuff which you find enjoyable. hope you feel better soon :hug:

larasfrend
03-09-06, 10:13
Thank you so much guys. This is really helping me. :) I decided I'm going to try and keep myself occupied. I realise one of the reasons this has been hard for me is because I've literally being doing nothing so I've constantly been caught up in my thoughts. I'm going to take some time to finish the Last Revelation. :D That should distract me. ;)

Greenkey2
03-09-06, 10:14
:hug: Go shoot some mummies :hug:

tr_mitch
03-09-06, 10:14
Sounds like an ex of mine, We were more Friends than Girlfriend and so push came to shove and i ended 'On boxing day, but thats a different story' , Does this guy still wanna be friends with you? Or just end all communication.

larasfrend
03-09-06, 10:28
He wants to still be friends with me, if I want it. He told my friends he feels guilty.
I'm just not sure yet if I can be around him just as a friend. Imagine if he starts talking about someone he's interested in... that would totally freak me out.
My friends are friends with him as well and they asked me if I minded them still hanging out with him. I said that it's fine, partly because I know they'd still hang out with him anyway and partly because I didn't want to seem that pathetic... That's why I feel restricted when talking to my friends, knowing that they still talk to him kind of puts me off.
I've been feeling rather bottled up recently and miss having someone to talk to, so this is quite a relief for me, I must say.

Greenkey2
03-09-06, 10:33
I'm the same. We agreed to stay friends, but we haven't spoken since February. I've sent him a few letters, a birthday card etc, but in a way I'm relieved not to have spoken to him 'just as a friend'. It isn't that easy.

larasfrend
03-09-06, 10:36
Well I see him about 3 times a day because he goes to my school too. :rolleyes:

Greenkey2
03-09-06, 10:48
Maybe you could take some photographs of him, cut the outline out of black paper and stick them to the inside of some glasses...that way everytime you see him he'll be blanked out ;)

Lavinder
03-09-06, 11:11
I agreed to stay friends with someone and he has not spoken a word to me in ... months.

I'm still not over it, mostly because of the ignoring thing. I think the best thing for you is just to try and have fun, when your having fun you forget about things; I'm sure it will be easier for you as time goes by. :hug:

I'm no advice giver, but I feel your pain.

larasfrend
03-09-06, 11:53
Aww thanks. :)

Uh Greenkey- The glasses thing is hilarious! :D

psychokitten
03-09-06, 14:45
Breaking up is poo, but Greenkey's advice is the best I think. My last relationship ended after almost three years, we were engaged, and it ended when he told me he wasn't in love with - I totally understand how you feel.

I think my friends and family helped me more than anything else, talking about how you feel helps, and get to know yourself as a happenin' single girl again :) Also shooting things does wonders hehe

Jonnipants
03-09-06, 14:55
I found it hard to get over this one guy... I tell you what really helped? I deleted all means of being reminded of him, phone number. myspace, msn, pics etc etc...and it realls helps.

Jacob x5
03-09-06, 15:02
I agreed to stay friends with someone and he has not spoken a word to me in ... months.

Why can't you do it? I put the kettle on.

larasfrend
03-09-06, 15:27
and get to know yourself as a happenin' single girl again
Oh by the way, I'm a guy.;)
But I can get to know myself as a happenin' single guy!:D

xMiSsCrOfTx
03-09-06, 15:42
Maybe you could take some photographs of him, cut the outline out of black paper and stick them to the inside of some glasses...that way everytime you see him he'll be blanked out ;)

Lol, that's creative. :D

lita212
03-09-06, 15:54
Well I see him about 3 times a day because he goes to my school too. :rolleyes:

ya will find someone else. theres plenty of guys out there. its not good trying to get over him because thats not going to help. you HAVE to get over him other wise ya will regret wasting time by thinking bout him. your in school just enjoy ya time being a teenager and stop worrying about bfs etc ya have pleanty of time for them.

larasfrend
03-09-06, 16:01
Thanks. I made myself decide I'm going to spend more time now on other things. I was wasting too much time during the holidays doing nothing anyway.

rika2
03-09-06, 16:03
The only good way to get better is that you break up before he/she does... makes you feel manly.

Assassino
03-09-06, 16:14
I've never had a break-up...probably due to never being in a relationship.

Greenkey2
03-09-06, 16:50
:o I didn't realise you were a guy larasfriend. Sorry!

But the advice is the same whatever your gender :D

I was wasting too much time during the holidays doing nothing anyway.

Surely that's what holidays are for? :D :p I do know what you mean though; I go crazy if I don't keep myself busy with something.

(hang on, I'm crazy anyway...oh well...)

Kamrusepas
03-09-06, 17:54
Well bieng through one or two break ups, the only really way to get over some one, in my case, is to find some one new.

That never helped me, I just ended up hurting more people.

The only way to cope with it is with time.

Real Life Lara
03-09-06, 18:01
Know how you feel. Mine used the same reason 'he didnt love me anymore, his feelings had changed' ...I really didnt get it, only a day before he'd been rambling on about how much he cared about me and couldnt bare to go on living if he lost me :rolleyes: It does get better, seems like the end of the world for a while, but it does. When he dumped me, for like 2 months everything sucked... then he started going out with my best friend which made it even worse. But I moved on and life did go on too, and so will yours. Just try not to think about it... sometimes it helps to think of the things your relieved to be missing rather than what you might have lost... now youre free, you can do what you want without him and he obviously couldnt be that worth it if he's just gonna shrug it off and act so ignorant like that. You'll be fine, it just takes some time to heal :hug:

Legend of Lara
03-09-06, 18:15
Listen to all the Sonic X theme songs. The only thing you'll thing about then is laughing your @$$ off. :D

Melonie Tomb Raider
03-09-06, 18:19
I'm sorry to hear that LF. :(

You're just going to have to do your best to move on. If you dwell so much on thinking about him, you're not going to get over him. Just do your best to move on and get involved with some new hobbies or something to keep you occupied, that way your mind can be somewhere else. Many different people find different releases, but often praying can sooth one's saddened spirits. When I go through hard times I get past them through prayer, because God is always there. God is my motivation, and my purpose for living. If my whole world falls apart around me, I know I can keeo going because I have the Lord who loves me more than I can even imagine.

I'm not even sure if you are religious or not, but I thought I would share the way I felt and what I would do if I were in your situation. I hope you can get through this difficult time quickly and easily. I'm sorry you had to go through this. :(

tampi
03-09-06, 18:26
http://img258.imageshack.us/img258/749/1dx7.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

azumi_mm
03-09-06, 19:00
I've never had a break-up...probably due to never being in a relationship.

Thats also a solution. Just avoid any relationship and you won't get hurt.


@ larasfrend

I would kick his ass. ;) *just kidding*

I would just ignore him.

CerebralAssassin
03-09-06, 19:21
The only good way to get better is that you break up before he/she does... makes you feel manly.

nope...it doesn't matter who takes the initiative to call it quits...it still hurts..:p

Assassino
03-09-06, 19:31
Thats also a solution. Just avoid any relationship and you won't get hurt.

That's exactly what I plan to do;)
I think i'm too cautious...but what the hell:D

Shark_Blade
03-09-06, 21:20
Thats also a solution. Just avoid any relationship and you won't get hurt.


@ larasfrend

I would kick his ass. ;) *just kidding*

I would just ignore him.
well, relationships are unavoideable. Even if you look people in the eyes, theres a relationship bond instantly:)

StarCroft:AOD
03-09-06, 21:32
I've never had a break-up...probably due to never being in a relationship.

The same. It seems no one likes me. <.<

Shark_Blade
03-09-06, 21:38
aww come on nico.you're quite a charming person I must say.Maybe you just need to go for a relationship yourself if you want to.

Anyway I break-up with my girlfriend months ago. She got married with another guy:mad: leaving me in pieces. I got over it by now btw.

Real Life Lara
03-09-06, 21:43
well, relationships are unavoideable. Even if you look people in the eyes, theres a relationship bond instantly:)

True... itd be a lot easier if they were avoidable, but sadly thats not the case. Love at first sight as it goes... o_O *goes back to being mopey and deppressed* That sucks.

K.J
03-09-06, 21:48
Womble advice of the day: Stay singel.

Shark_Blade
03-09-06, 21:51
Stay single until you're old and rot alone??!
I rather die, I can't stand loneliness.:(

Real Life Lara
03-09-06, 21:55
Stay single until you're old and rot alone??!
I rather die, I can't stand loneliness.:(

Im gonna die alone... in a house of cats is the plan... so not totally alone, but still not the best :p Im gonna be one of those crazy cat women. Actually scratch the plan bit, its more of a guarantee considering no-one within 5000 miles would ever go out with me :p *is in a lonely and deppressing mood* Excuse me... lol

K.J
03-09-06, 21:55
http://love.ivillage.com/snd/singleloveit/0,,112s,00.html

Shark_Blade
03-09-06, 21:58
Im gonna die alone... in a house of cats is the plan... so not totally alone, but still not the best :p Im gonna be one of those crazy cat women. Actually scratch the plan bit, its more of a guarantee considering no-one within 5000 miles would ever go out with me :p *is in a lonely and deppressing mood* Excuse me... lol
I love cats too, but come on RLL, we need human touch too.In my case, a woman's touch:(

Real Life Lara
03-09-06, 21:58
http://love.ivillage.com/snd/singleloveit/0,,112s,00.html

Waheeeey :p *raises flag and waves it unenthusiastically* :whi:


P.s You must have understood. Its worse than that. I dont like cats :p

StarCroft:AOD
03-09-06, 22:00
aww come on nico.you're quite a charming person I must say.Maybe you just need to go for a relationship yourself if you want to.


Thanks.:) But I'm a very shy person. <.< Even though nobody notices me; Or I scare them away. >.>

Shark_Blade
03-09-06, 22:04
Some time I scare people away too. I feel scared of them too sometime. When we meet,we smile and wave but our eyes won't lie.(Theres a strike of fear and uncomfortable in it) I see people look at me as though they saw a ghost sometime:(Whats their problem??Because of their reaction like that I got scared too.

Real Life Lara
03-09-06, 22:07
Some time I scare people away too. I feel scared of them too sometime. When we meet,we smile and wave but our eyes won't lie.(Theres a strike of fear and uncomfortable in it) I see people look at me as though they saw a ghost sometime:(Whats their problem??Because of their reaction like that I got scared too.

Meh... its horrible when stuff like that happens... =[

Id be okay if I didnt have such bad choice. I always fall for the people I cant have, theres always something in the way. Im totally screwed at the moment for that exact reason. Guess its a sign that I should just settle for the cats huh :p

tr_mitch
03-09-06, 22:10
Meh... its horrible when stuff like that happens... =[

Id be okay if I didnt have such bad choice. I always fall for the people I cant have, theres always something in the way. Im totally screwed at the moment for that exact reason. Guess its a sign that I should just settle for the cats huh :p

Everybody does that, Your not alone. ;)

Shark_Blade
03-09-06, 22:13
lol I know you like cats. Surely theres a boy who likes cats that you can relate to:whi::D
(omg, my smileys are like kissing each other)

tr_mitch
03-09-06, 22:15
LMAO... Lara's trying to find a guy who has a keen interest in cats? :confused:

Shark_Blade
03-09-06, 22:17
well it wont hurt if they have same interest don't they. I mean that's what relationships about right? talk about something they've similarity and can relate to,laugh together,express,etc etc :rolleyes::D

tr_mitch
03-09-06, 22:21
Well i am totally not right for Lara. *Throws dead cat*

Shark_Blade
03-09-06, 22:33
^lmao :vlol:

azumi_mm
03-09-06, 22:47
well, relationships are unavoidable. Even if you look people in the eyes, theres a relationship bond instantly:)

I don't feel that. Maybe you are sensing that there is some bond. But it depends on the other person, does he/she really sense the same as you?

So, if you really want to avoid a relationship just ignore everybody.

Shark_Blade
04-09-06, 05:10
^It's really hard just to ignore everybody.Then you'll have that hard feelings in your chest,which is like a pain you have to endure all the time.

Real Life Lara
04-09-06, 07:05
How many times do I have to say it - I HATE CATS :p That's why the theory that Im gonna live in a house of cats is so sad - it'd be like my hell :p

Shark_Blade
04-09-06, 08:04
We heard you Lara.
Next time me and mitch are going to send you loads of cats for your birthday that needs your loving tender care

Real Life Lara
04-09-06, 14:37
We heard you Lara.
Next time me and mitch are going to send you loads of cats for your birthday that needs your loving tender care

God no, having Rosie, my own cat, is bad enough :p She just sleeps and eats all day - do something already! :p That's why I love my dog so much, at least she's interesting :whi: But something tells me this is a tad OT xD

azumi_mm
04-09-06, 18:13
^It's really hard just to ignore everybody.Then you'll have that hard feelings in your chest,which is like a pain you have to endure all the time.

Just imagine your are alone, everybody is ignoring you. What would you do?

Shark_Blade
04-09-06, 20:27
^I'll just jump onto a table and begin singing my favorite song. :D

or I'll sing related songs like Avril Lavigne:
Whyyyy should I caree..

And later on maybe I'll start a food fight.Thats what they get for ignoring me:mis:

azumi_mm
04-09-06, 20:42
^I'll just jump onto a table and begin singing my favorite song. :D

or I'll sing related songs like Avril Lavigne:
Whyyyy should I caree..


Seriously? You are sounding like a funny guy. I would like to see that!



And later on maybe I'll start a food fight.Thats what they get for ignoring me:mis:

food fight? You mean, you would throw food on them?

Shark_Blade
04-09-06, 20:47
yes!

I'll throw a fit myself too if I have to.

Atlantean-Squid
04-09-06, 20:47
How many times do I have to say it - I HATE CATS :p That's why the theory that Im gonna live in a house of cats is so sad - it'd be like my hell :p

Explain the avatar, then. :p

Shark_Blade
04-09-06, 20:50
yeah, kitty girl:mis:

azumi_mm
04-09-06, 21:15
yes!

I'll throw a fit myself too if I have to.

Prove it to me.

Real Life Lara
04-09-06, 21:32
Explain the avatar, then. :p

I was a cat in a past life :p I hated myself too :p

tr_mitch
04-09-06, 22:01
I was a cat in a past life :p I hated myself too :p

I hated you too. :p

larasfrend
05-09-06, 16:34
Thanks guys! The cat discussion is weird!:D hahah And Mel: I'm not very religious but I do believe in a god. I will try praying. Can you help me with what to do :confused:? This may seem like such a weird question but I don't really know how I can pray best.

Melonie Tomb Raider
05-09-06, 16:40
Aww. Well LF, I'd be happy to help you. :) I'll send you a PM.

Peep Toe Heels
14-05-08, 09:29
I was dumped by my Botfriend on monday and I'm so sad I couldn't be bother to go to school to day (i'm in high). I don't know what to do......

rickybazire
14-05-08, 10:25
You're doing one of the best things to do after an upsetting event, which is to talk about it :wve:

Lol, that was going to be my advice.

But Greenkey is right, maybe talking to your friends more, hanging around with them. Try to take your mind off him.

Really sorry to hear it, all the best for the future.

iamlaracroft
14-05-08, 10:32
You're doing one of the best things to do after an upsetting event, which is to talk about it :wve: It's too easy to let these bad feelings stay locked up inside of us, especially when it involves our feelings towards someone we care about.


I can tell you that time is the best healer, closely followed by avoiding awkward encounters with your ex. I know from having broken up with my boyfriend of two and half years last February. We parted on amicable terms - we both realised our relationship was hopelessly one-sided and it was unfair to both of us to continue - but it still hurt like hell though.

My best advice would be to put aside some 'you' time. Rediscover your own company and learn to be kind to yourself. The thought of those lost hugs and comforting moments are still sore (will they ever not be?) but if you try and tell yourself that you are still worth loving just for being you - and not because you're going out with someone special - then slowly the pain will start to ease :hug:

The worst thing you could do right now is to latch onto the first person who shows you comfort as your new romantic attachment. Spend some time in your own company, or the company of friends you KNOW aren't going to keep going on about your break-up. Give it time; you will feel better :hug:

couldn't have possibly put it better.

...but perhaps I'll give it a go ;)

Start over.
Take a totally different path.
Try a different color lipstick.
Walk somewhere you normally drive.
This time, you're dating you.
Being single is the, well, singlemost liberating thing you can be.
You may be quite surprised to discover that you are more than capable of being your own (and best!) lover--and it more ways than one ;)

Life is this strange screenplay that keeps being written as we live it, and everyone has re-writable roles that play interchangeable parts in our lives. We decide to assign varying degrees of emotional value to those we know and love, and that is in itself extraordinarily powerful and important to learning about one's self...
In this assignment (that is life long) we are inevitably let down, disappointed, broken hearted and depressed by those we have trusted and loved--and that's where the learning begins!
We can heal by simply learning to re-assign that emotional value:
What once was a boyfriend who was the 'love of your life', is now someone who you simply loved...and eventually that "love" will turn into fond memories that don't require definitions in such limited terms.

It's almost like the whole "glass half empty/half full" theory--
either the people in your life (either past, present or future) represent good or bad feelings..fond or repugnant memories...happy or sad thoughts--whatever it may be, it's all up to you.
You hold the power.
You get to make the decision.
The choice is yours!
You choose to cast who plays what role in the screenplay that is your life...
Afterall...

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts
-Shakespeare

rowanlim
14-05-08, 11:06
Take some time to reflect on what happened, learn from this experience. Try to move on ;) :hug:

Rexie
14-05-08, 12:23
Peep Toe Heels: this thread...is two years old O.o

remote91
14-05-08, 12:32
Peep Toe Heels: this thread...is two years old O.o
Wow I just realised that! Its agaisnt the rules to bump old threads Peep.