View Full Version : Office Sarcasm

05-10-06, 19:28
This was sent to me at work. Oddly enough, I thought it best not to forward it to my manager:p

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4pm and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it's a real rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to enquire how it's going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority. I am psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager's hell.

12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so many taxes on the bonus cheque you received for being such a good manager.

13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.

05-10-06, 19:31
Good ones :vlol: :vlol: :tmb:

05-10-06, 19:32

05-10-06, 19:59
I am going to print this out and take it to work where it will end up miraculously on the manager's desk. :cln:

Laras Backpack
05-10-06, 20:08
:tmb: :D

06-10-06, 00:21
:vlol: they're good!!

06-10-06, 00:59
You must work at my office! Unbelievably accurate summation of my place of employment 10/13. I'm putting this up on the wall next to:

I can only please one person per day
Today is NOT your day
And tomorrow doesn't look good either

(I point to this sign regularly)

06-10-06, 07:12
:vlol: LMAO, they are so true it's scary :D

06-10-06, 07:23
Yup, those are sadly true. I see it in my job every day. Like I said before somewhere else, there're only two kinds of work: with bad results and with acceptable results. You never get the job well done, no matter how hard you try to do so.