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Angel_14
01-11-06, 10:31
Well, I heard many sayings about how perfect our heroine is and she needed some changes in Legend, but they don't know, that undercover, she not better than us, or I dare to say, she's worse! Why? Read this theory and you'll know, why! (Feel free to move this everywhere)

Lara Croft isn’t perfect!

She can’t handle men: Well, this is obvious I think, because every man she meets dies (Larson, Pierre, Karel, Takamoto, Bouchard, Rutland, Kent, Werner and the 10 000 bad guys, who she shoots down) will have a shard in his head (Eckhard) or will transform into a mutant thing (Tony, Willard, Bartoli) Or end up looking like a cheese with holes in it (Kurtis) or in the worst case, ends up being treated awfully and being locked into a freezer all the time (Winston)

She has some backbone problems: Looking at her for the first time makes you think ‘Why? I see no problem with her back!’ BUT, if you look at her closely, you will see the surreal structure of her body. You still don’t see why? Well, it’s because her backbone and her comical narrow waist cannot suffer smoothly the big pressure of her huge boobs, and because of that her backbone hurts (However she doesn’t show it) and plus the fact, that she runs 4 miles at a stretch makes her knees and back hurt like hell.

She can’t aim: She has good weapons, but no skill, how to use them. I mean, since when do you need 10-20 bullets to make somebody die?! She just shoots, shoots, but can’t aim well at her enemies. If she’d learn how to use weapons properly, she wouldn’t need 20 bullets, to kill them, maximum 2 or 5. Money and time would be saved.

She hates animals: You go to a Jungle and see a cute monkey. What’s your first thing?
1. You shoot at it and steal its food to heal yourself
2. You say ‘Aw, look, it’s so cute! *pats cute monkey*
Most of the people would choose the second one, but Lara chooses the first one. Why? Because she hates animals! She kills everything! Rats, bats, monkeys, dogs, mice, everything what’s in her way! What would she do, if she’s in the Zoo and sees a cute monkey? I don’t think that she would pet it! Plus, she kills animals that are almost died out, like tigers, Leopards, bears, sharks, etc... And that proves, that she has a Zoophobia (Fear of animals) and she tries to protect herself in this cruel way...

She’s hallucinating: She has people’s typical hallucinations, such as living statues, T-rexes, ghosts, UFOs and magical things. She also believes that these things are REAL and are in the JUNGLE of India. Well, I don’t know, but I really want to meet a T-Rex, when I’ll travel to South America!

I STILL love Lara croft ;-)

:ton:

Rivendell
01-11-06, 10:40
:D

I love that last paragraph :D

And about saving time and money :tmb: Lol, I can imagine french and saunders doing a sketch about that!!

tha_mattster
01-11-06, 11:00
And what about the crimes she commits?

-Illegal travel without visa

-Murder

-Manslaughter

-destruction of world heritage sites

-cruelty to animals

-driving over the speed limit

-driving without insurance

-driving without the appropriate license

-driving recklessly

-talking on a phone whilst driving

-causing damage to public property

-theft

-breaking and entering

-terrorism

-arson

-espionage

-dropping litter (this is a crime in scotland)

-refusing to stop in police pursuit

-dealing in stolen goods

-flying without permission from the authorities

-killing near extinct animals

-joyriding

-making violent threats to others

-breach of the peace

-noise pollution

-making illegal modifications to listed buildings

-computer hacking

-illegal use of firearms

-aiding others to commit crimes

-breaching employment regulations

-causing public disturbances

-assault

-vandalism

-genocide

-hit and run attacks

-shop lifting


x.x

Rivendell
01-11-06, 11:15
^ .... .. .. . My God, she's brilliant isn't she :D

Autolycus
01-11-06, 11:24
:vlol: Lol, what a gal :D

Apofiss
01-11-06, 11:24
lol good one :D

Shark_Blade
01-11-06, 11:31
-shop lifting

when did that happened?:vlol:

tha_mattster
01-11-06, 11:38
when did that happened?:vlol:

Angel of Darkness Parisian Ghetto.
Tomb Raider Legend: England (stealing from tourist shop)

...are the ones I remember ^.^

george_croft
01-11-06, 13:50
All this is what makes her perfect, otherwise she would be boring.

Jade Rae
01-11-06, 14:12
Yes, just picture Lara Croft with no bad guys to shoot, no artifacts to steal, and no motorcycle to drive 100 miles over the speed limit! It certianly would be a boring game!:)

Thorir
01-11-06, 15:35
That´s quite a list, Mattster! :D

Wonder how many years she would get. :D

tha_mattster
01-11-06, 15:41
That´s quite a list, Mattster! :D

Wonder how many years she would get. :D

Well, as her case is so unique the british SIS would have her taken out (that is unless another agency got to her first!)

jarhead
01-11-06, 15:41
Shes British, she can do all those things :D

Thorir
01-11-06, 15:45
Shes British, she can do all those things :D

Manslaughter? :p
Well, I suppose it has happend throughout history... But Vikings owned you Brits. :ton:

wantafanta
01-11-06, 15:50
i always thought she had kind of a bad attitude. Kind of cold and confrontational even when there is no immediate threat. On a date with her, I'd probably excuse myself at the restaurant and sneak out through the restroom window. I'd be afraid to kiss her good night. She'd probably Karate chop me to the ground!

Thorir
01-11-06, 15:57
I´ve always imagined Lara very polite and nice when not on job, not a tough ***** like she kinda seemed in the films. :D

I mean, at the end of TR3 she even blows kisses to a guy...
Before shooting him and stealing his helicopter... :D

Edit: Hold on. Where hell did I get that idea? Totally wrong! :o
She only smiles flirtingly to him... Er... Not sure where my mind was...

Dazzy
01-11-06, 16:22
Wow, Lara is one bad girl, all those things.

evanescence69
01-11-06, 16:27
:eek: LARA'S CRIMINAL! :yik:

da tomb raider!
01-11-06, 16:27
Lol, who said she was ever perfect? :D

Angel_14
01-11-06, 16:42
Lol, who said she was ever perfect? :D

Someone, who stated that Lara was always perfect and she needed some background trouble and emotions in Legend, just to make her more human :D It was a really long time ago...

Rivendell
01-11-06, 17:32
More human eh?

What's so 'not human' about that list of crimes I wonder. Never heard of a shoplifting horse ;)

viper456
01-11-06, 17:35
lmao! when i grow up i want to be juuuust like lara... but not female...lmao

Angelx14
01-11-06, 17:36
Lol, that's a good one.:D

StarCroft:AOD
01-11-06, 17:43
Urmm she's perfect anyways. :ton:

Hehe, nice!. :tmb:

BlackGrey
01-11-06, 18:15
You'd never know it, from looking at her!

Ada the Mental
01-11-06, 18:32
:vlol:That's why we all love her!Because she's not perfect at all!:mis:
Try do all these things without ending up behind bars or in a padded room wearing that very nice white jacket with the sleeves that tie behind your back...:p

Mytly
01-11-06, 18:59
And what about the crimes she commits?

-terrorism

-refusing to stop in police pursuit

-breaching employment regulations

-genocide

x.x

When? :confused:

Terrorism? :yik:

Lara Croft!
01-11-06, 20:40
Nice one Angel!!!!

Tomb Raider Master
01-11-06, 22:28
A nice read, Angel. :whi: :D

lita212
01-11-06, 23:11
hmmm maybe she isnt perfect for the simple fact that shes not real lol. this is such a crazy world and thread lol

PARANOIA
01-11-06, 23:14
She's a rogue archaeologist, emp. "rogue". Lara doesn't have to, or doesn't want to, follow the law. However, in a way, the world can't live without her.

Suzan
12-11-06, 13:30
^ .... .. .. . My God, she's brilliant isn't she :D
LMAO yep!!!:jmp:

Suzan
12-11-06, 13:34
i always thought she had kind of a bad attitude. Kind of cold and confrontational even when there is no immediate threat. On a date with her, I'd probably excuse myself at the restaurant and sneak out through the restroom window. I'd be afraid to kiss her good night. She'd probably Karate chop me to the ground!
HAHAHAHAHHA :D

no but really, if I'd come across a tiger I'd totally shoot it before it would eat me. of course it would be hard to do that, but.. I guess I had no choice. and about killing monkeys etc. that do no harm, well, no one forces you to kill them :p but in TRs I kill EVERYTHING that moves and isn't useful for me :mis: i just can't leave any monkeys running around...

CuteKittenlol
12-11-06, 13:35
Shes British, she can do all those things :D
That means I can do all those things too :mis: