View Full Version : Funny jokes/stories thread

18-12-06, 07:17
As for me, I love jokes and funny stories, feel free to post them here. Here is my contribution :p

There was the cartoon showing two people fighting over a cow. One was
pulling the cow by the tail; the other was pulling on the horns.
Underneath was a lawyer milking the cow.


18-12-06, 07:54
O. K. Here I go. Really old ones.

An unshaved guy with red eyes comes into the shop and says:
- Gimme a rope and a stick of soap!
The merchant asks:
- Excuse me, are you going to hang yourself?
- No goddamnit! I'm gonna take a bath and go in for mountain climbing!

A really, really big plane. One guy tells the other:
- Hey, the red light is flashing again. Take your Ducati and drive to sector five to see what's wrong.
The other guy hops on the bike and rides away. He's absent for several hours, then returns and says:
- There's nothing serious - a Boeng-747 flew in through the open window, now he flies around in there and can't fly away.

In the army a warrant-officer explains to the soldier:
- The ****** tank can pull up his cannon by 45 degrees.
One soldier asks:
- Excuse me, but is that in Celsius' or Farenheit's scale?
- Hm? In Farenheit's.
All the soldiers are laughing out loud rolling on the floor.
The warrant officer:
- I was just kidding. Of course it's in Celsius' scale.

18-12-06, 09:44
Lol ^^

18-12-06, 09:55
these are some jokes:

-1.-there were threee cave men...they all were hunting to a cave that everyone had been talking about. they got there and the 1st cave man went in, there was a sandwich on the table, the sandwich said
so he didnt he just walked out as the 2nd cave man walked in. The sandwich said "please do NOT eat me!" so the 2nd cave man didnt either he just walked out as the 3rd last cave man walked in the gave...the sandwich said " PLEASE DO NOT...EAT ME!!" but the 3rd cave man eat him anyway. just a few seconds later there was a big echoing noice...it said "I WARNED YOU ONCE I WARNED YOU TWICE I WIPED MY BUM ON THE BOTTOM SLICE!"

-2.-there was a cat boat race between 2 teams there were 3 cats on each team. one team was name 123...and the other team was named un dun twah (that is french) they had there race but which team do you think won? i................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .............it was 123 because un dun twah cat sank!!!

-3.-there were 3 tomatoes a daddy tomatoe and a mummy tomatoe and a lil baby tomatoe. they all went for a walk across the park the shops and they were crossing the road as the baby tomatoe was being to slow so the daddy goes up to the baby tomatoe and squishes him and says "ketchup".....:)

18-12-06, 14:55
A dock worker screams out:
- Boat 99, return to the shore.
No responce.
- Boat 99, return to the shore.
No responce again.
- Boat 99, return to the shore.
The other worker says:
- We only have 70 boats.
- Boat 66, is everything allright?

In the army. The segreant sais:
- Johnson, pull up the tank.
- Eye-eye, sir. - Runs to the tank, tryes to pull it up - no effect. - It won't budge, sir.
- Peterson, help Johnson.
- Eye-eye, sir. - Runs to the tank, both soldiers try to pull it up - no effect. - It still won't budge, sir.
- Platoon, pull up the tank.
Everybody tryes, but still no go.
- Sir, we can't...
- Of course you can't - it weighs 50 tons!

A hedgehog stands in front of the mirror, looking at his own reflection, repeating:
- I won't fart, I won't fart, I won't fart. - *Farts* - It wasn't me, It wasn't me, It wasn't me!