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jjbennett
18-12-06, 21:20
As above!

Q: Why don´t you see Penguins in Britain?
A: Because they´re afraid of Wales. :whi:

J.

jarhead
18-12-06, 21:21
As above!

Q: Why don´t you see Penguins in Britain?
A: Because they´re afraid of Wales. :whi:

J.

Aren't we all? :D


LMAO, rubbish jokes really are the best

VonCroy360
18-12-06, 21:23
Little Red Riding Hood goes to her grandmother with a basket filled with cookies, fruit and jam. She says "Grandma, look what I brought!" Grandma looks at the basket and says "But Little Red Riding Hood, you brought me an empty basket."

I was like, what the... :confused:

saray
18-12-06, 21:23
i have one!

whats the difference between snowmen and snow women?

A- snowballs :D


i told about 5 people this joke. nobody laughed =(

jjbennett
18-12-06, 21:24
:D :D ^^^

Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

saray
18-12-06, 21:26
:p:p

why was santas helper depressed?

A- he had low elf esteem :D

jarhead
18-12-06, 21:29
i have one!

whats the difference between snowmen and snow women?

A- snowballs :D


i told about 5 people this joke. nobody laughed =(

:D :D ^^^

Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

:p:p

why was santas helper depressed?

A- he had low elf esteem :D

:vlol:

LMFAO

Oh these are really great,

Celephais
18-12-06, 21:29
A favourite "rubbish joke" of mine is a veerrry old one. I found this version on the net, but it's the first time I've seen an Australian version of it.

An Australian travel writer at the beginning of a 6-month tour of Canada was checking out of the Vancouver Hilton. When he paid his bill, he asked the manager, "By the way, what's with the Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He's been there ever since I arrived."
"Oh, that's Big Chief Forget-me Not," said the manager. "The hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the rest of his life. He is known as Big Chief Forget-me Not because of his phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the slightest detail of his life."
The travel writer took this in. When he waited for his cab, he decided to put the chief's memory to the test.
"'ello, mate!" said the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in return. "What did you have for breakfast on your 21st birthday?"
"Eggs," was the chief's instant reply, without even looking up, and indeed the Aussie was impressed.
He went off on his travel writing itinerary, right across to the east coast and back, telling others of Big Chief Forget-me Not's great memory. (One local noted to him that 'How' was a more appropriate greeting for an Indian chief than "'ello mate.") On his return to the Vancouver Hilton six months later, he was surprised to see Big Chief Forget-me Not, still sitting in the lobby, fully occupied with whittling away on a stick.
"How?", said the Aussie to the Chief, who again did not stop to look up.
"Scrambled," said the Chief.

saray
18-12-06, 21:38
what do you call a line of barbie dolls?
A- a barbeque ( barbie - que )


:D :D :D

jjbennett
18-12-06, 21:43
What have i done :pi:

Scottlee
18-12-06, 21:44
Marmite

Hopeful Pa! :p

Celephais
18-12-06, 21:45
This is all your fault Kryten. Your guilt chip is starting to pour smoke, I can see it.

Angelx14
18-12-06, 21:53
i have one!

whats the difference between snowmen and snow women?

A- snowballs :D
Maybe because it's kind of rude.. But I think it's funny.:D:D

Hazzaman
18-12-06, 23:04
how do you make a pool table laugh?? tickle it's balls :p

Pipolinne
18-12-06, 23:14
Both "balls" jokes are quite funny :vlol:!

Actually,I laugh at all these jokes...should I get worried :D?

frostfur452
18-12-06, 23:45
A favourite "rubbish joke" of mine is a veerrry old one. I found this version on the net, but it's the first time I've seen an Australian version of it.

An Australian travel writer at the beginning of a 6-month tour of Canada was checking out of the Vancouver Hilton. When he paid his bill, he asked the manager, "By the way, what's with the Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He's been there ever since I arrived."
"Oh, that's Big Chief Forget-me Not," said the manager. "The hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the rest of his life. He is known as Big Chief Forget-me Not because of his phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the slightest detail of his life."
The travel writer took this in. When he waited for his cab, he decided to put the chief's memory to the test.
"'ello, mate!" said the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in return. "What did you have for breakfast on your 21st birthday?"
"Eggs," was the chief's instant reply, without even looking up, and indeed the Aussie was impressed.
He went off on his travel writing itinerary, right across to the east coast and back, telling others of Big Chief Forget-me Not's great memory. (One local noted to him that 'How' was a more appropriate greeting for an Indian chief than "'ello mate.") On his return to the Vancouver Hilton six months later, he was surprised to see Big Chief Forget-me Not, still sitting in the lobby, fully occupied with whittling away on a stick.
"How?", said the Aussie to the Chief, who again did not stop to look up.
"Scrambled," said the Chief.

lol i actually liked this one :vlol:

Kangaroo poo
19-12-06, 00:31
a man walks in to a doctor and says whatever i eat i spew back up so the doctor gives him pills an says come back next week

he comes in 1 week later and says its still happening so he gives him some pills and comes back next week still happening he says doctor gives him pills and comes in next week and says still happnen so the doctor says ok theres only 1 soloution wat ever u eat u put up ur butt so he coms in the next day walking with his bum swaying the doctor says wat r u doing and the man says im just chewing a toffee:jmp:

DREWY
19-12-06, 00:50
OK, the three worst jokes I know

1/ Man walks into a bar. Obviously needs glasses.
2/ Why did the boy fall off the swing? He had no arms

(Third one is even worse. On second thoughts I won't even use it)

Lara Coft Baby
19-12-06, 00:59
As above!

Q: Why don´t you see Penguins in Britain?
A: Because they´re afraid of Wales. :whi:

J.


i have one!

whats the difference between snowmen and snow women?

A- snowballs :D


i told about 5 people this joke. nobody laughed =(

:D :D ^^^

Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

:vlol: :vlol:

I liked the snow man one "Snowballs" :vlol::vlol::vlol::vlol:

Tomb-Raider
19-12-06, 02:01
Why did the ant cross the street?


To get to the other sidde..






The worst onne yet :).

Ikas90
19-12-06, 03:00
How do you get rid of a boomerang?

Throw it down a one-way street :rolleyes:

Lara Coft Baby
19-12-06, 03:25
How do you get rid of a boomerang?

Throw it down a one-way street :rolleyes:

HAHA


A guy walks into a bar but before he can ask the bartender for a drink hes on the ground uncontentious. Why?

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>

Cause he ran INTO a bar.

Terminatorvs
19-12-06, 06:54
There lived a man, who had an artificial eye. Whenever he went to sleep, he put it in a glass of water by his table. Once he woke up thirsty, so he drank a glass of water along with the eye. The next morning he went to see a doctor.
- Doctor, something's wrong with my butt.
- Well, let's have a look at it. - Observes the naked butt. - Oh my! I've looked upon a lot of butts in my life, but this is the first time the butt looks at me.

Heard the following joke in Bloodrayne:
There was a farmer who had a big bull named Red. The bull was big and strong. The farmer wanted to take him to the fair to earn the first prize, but couldn't - Red's eyes were crossed. And no matter how hard the farmer tried to mend them, even at the vet's, it was pointless.
He also had a farmboy. And this lad saw Red once, so he said:
- Your bull's eyes are crossed.
- I know, - replied the farmer, - and I can't make them right.
- Do you have a lead pipe?
- Sure, hold on a second.
The farmer rushes away and comes back with the pipe, hands it over to the boy, and before he manages to say anything the boy shovels it straight in Red's butt and blows. The miracle happens - Red's eyes are normal. The farmer is happy. He intends to take Red to the fair. But the next morning, when he sees Red, it's eyes are crossed again. He rushes home, takes a pipe, puts it into Red's butt and blows. Nothing happens. He blows harder - no effect. He tryes one last time - his face goes red, the veins on his neck pop out, but again it has no effect. The boy comes out and says:
- You're doing it wrong, let me do it.
He comes to the bull, pulls out the pipe, turns it around, sticks it back in with another end and is about to blow, when the farmer yells:
- What are you doing boy!?
- I don't want to get germs from you.

And a bit of dark humor.
The wife tells her husband to bathe their daughter.
- Okay dear. - Says the husband.
In several minutes the wife hears loud screams of her daughter coming from the bathroom. She rushes there and sees the following: her husband holds their daughter with a pair of tongs by the ears and plunges her in to the tub.
- You monster! What are you doing!
- And how am I supposed to bathe her? The water is boiling.

A little girl walks down the stairs. Suddenly she trips and tumbles down. A woman notices it and says:
- Be careful, little girl. Oh, and don't lose your hat, it might fall off.
- It won't - my dad nailed it to my head.

Andromeda66
19-12-06, 07:41
Hey if there's a BAD jokes thread...where's the GOOD jokes thread at?

Anyways on topic:

A priest and his son were out playing golf and it so happened that the son missed the shot...and so he screamed "S***! I missed" And the priest said, "You shall not swear my son"

The son apologised and the game continued.

At a later time, forgetting the priest's statement, the boy swore again. The priest warned him again. No worries.

Now the THIRD time this happened, the priest was thoroughly annoyed and he cursed the son " NEXT TIME YOU SWEAR, YOU SHALL BE STRUCK BY LIGHTNING" The son apologised profusely and the game continued.

Unfortunately for the lad, giving up on old habits was rather hard and he swore again. This time, however, there was a crack of thunder and a flash of lightining...

And the priest lay dead on the ground.


And god said "S***! I missed"

Ikas90
19-12-06, 08:13
What time is it when an elephant sits on your car?

Time to get a new car :vlol: AAHHAR HARR ARR HARR!!! :vlol:

EscondeR
19-12-06, 08:35
Hey if there's a BAD jokes thread...where's the GOOD jokes thread at?

Anyways on topic:

A priest and his son were out playing golf and it so happened that the son missed the shot...and so he screamed "S***! I missed" And the priest said, "You shall not swear my son"

The son apologised and the game continued.

At a later time, forgetting the priest's statement, the boy swore again. The priest warned him again. No worries.

Now the THIRD time this happened, the priest was thoroughly annoyed and he cursed the son " NEXT TIME YOU SWEAR, YOU SHALL BE STRUCK BY LIGHTNING" The son apologised profusely and the game continued.

Unfortunately for the lad, giving up on old habits was rather hard and he swore again. This time, however, there was a crack of thunder and a flash of lightining...

And the priest lay dead on the ground.


And god said "S***! I missed"

ROTFLMAO :vlol:

frostfur452
19-12-06, 08:51
Heard the following joke in Bloodrayne:
There was a farmer who had a big bull named Red. The bull was big and strong. The farmer wanted to take him to the fair to earn the first prize, but couldn't - Red's eyes were crossed. And no matter how hard the farmer tried to mend them, even at the vet's, it was pointless.
He also had a farmboy. And this lad saw Red once, so he said:
- Your bull's eyes are crossed.
- I know, - replied the farmer, - and I can't make them right.
- Do you have a lead pipe?
- Sure, hold on a second.
The farmer rushes away and comes back with the pipe, hands it over to the boy, and before he manages to say anything the boy shovels it straight in Red's butt and blows. The miracle happens - Red's eyes are normal. The farmer is happy. He intends to take Red to the fair. But the next morning, when he sees Red, it's eyes are crossed again. He rushes home, takes a pipe, puts it into Red's butt and blows. Nothing happens. He blows harder - no effect. He tryes one last time - his face goes red, the veins on his neck pop out, but again it has no effect. The boy comes out and says:
- You're doing it wrong, let me do it.
He comes to the bull, pulls out the pipe, turns it around, sticks it back in with another end and is about to blow, when the farmer yells:
- What are you doing boy!?
- I don't want to get germs from you.



eeeerrrrrrgghhhhhhheeeewwwwww!!!!

Rivendell
19-12-06, 09:22
2/ Why did the boy fall off the swing? He had no arms


I don't know whether to laugh at that or not!!
:vlol: :confused:

rr_carroll
19-12-06, 09:43
Heard the following joke in Bloodrayne:
There was a farmer who had a big bull named Red. The bull was big and strong. The farmer wanted to take him to the fair to earn the first prize, but couldn't - Red's eyes were crossed. And no matter how hard the farmer tried to mend them, even at the vet's, it was pointless.
He also had a farmboy. And this lad saw Red once, so he said:
- Your bull's eyes are crossed.
- I know, - replied the farmer, - and I can't make them right.
- Do you have a lead pipe?
- Sure, hold on a second.
The farmer rushes away and comes back with the pipe, hands it over to the boy, and before he manages to say anything the boy shovels it straight in Red's butt and blows. The miracle happens - Red's eyes are normal. The farmer is happy. He intends to take Red to the fair. But the next morning, when he sees Red, it's eyes are crossed again. He rushes home, takes a pipe, puts it into Red's butt and blows. Nothing happens. He blows harder - no effect. He tryes one last time - his face goes red, the veins on his neck pop out, but again it has no effect. The boy comes out and says:
- You're doing it wrong, let me do it.
He comes to the bull, pulls out the pipe, turns it around, sticks it back in with another end and is about to blow, when the farmer yells:
- What are you doing boy!?
- I don't want to get germs from you.
This joke is older than your grandfather.

t-unit
19-12-06, 13:46
All the children takes their bicycles to shcool, except Helen. Because she had wellingtons. :S :confused:

danitiwa
19-12-06, 13:50
A classic: Why did the chicken cross the road?
to get to the other side.

Or why did the toilet paper roll down the hill
To get to the bottom.

Here's one: Two Grannies are walking on the street arguing about who should be in the middle :D

pinklaralover
19-12-06, 13:57
How do you get rid of a boomerang?

Throw it down a one-way street :rolleyes:

HAHA


A guy walks into a bar but before he can ask the bartender for a drink hes on the ground uncontentious. Why?

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>

Cause he ran INTO a bar.

What time is it when an elephant sits on your car?

Time to get a new car :vlol: AAHHAR HARR ARR HARR!!! :vlol:

A classic: Why did the chicken cross the road?
to get to the other side.

Or why did the toilet paper roll down the hill
To get to the bottom.

Here's one: Two Grannies are walking on the street arguing about who should be in the middle :D

these are great jokes...i dont know if to laugh or not just like what someone else said???

a_pok
19-12-06, 14:47
costumer to waiter:"are you sure this is the apple pie i ordered?"
waiter:"hmmm.what makes you think that its not??"
costumer:"coz it tasts like glue!!!"
waiter:"then im sure its apple oie!"
costumer:"why is that???"
waiter:"our strawberry pie tasts like wood!!!"

PS: noone laughed at this one...

danitiwa
19-12-06, 14:51
costumer to waiter:"are you sure this is the apple pie i ordered?"
waiter:"hmmm.what makes you think that its not??"
costumer:"coz it tasts like glue!!!"
waiter:"then im sure its apple oie!"
costumer:"why is that???"
waiter:"our strawberry pie tasts like wood!!!"

PS: noone laughed at this one...

I don't get it :|:confused:

a_pok
19-12-06, 15:05
I don't get it :|:confused:

the waiter meant that there is two kinds of pie in this restorent apple (which tasts like glue) and strawberry (which tasts like wood)...
so the costumer was just making sure...

danitiwa
19-12-06, 15:41
the waiter meant that there is two kinds of pie in this restorent apple (which tasts like glue) and strawberry (which tasts like wood)...
so the costumer was just making sure...

still that's not very funny...srry

a_pok
19-12-06, 15:46
still that's not very funny...srry

well it is the "BAD JOKE" bulitten isnt it???

danitiwa
19-12-06, 15:48
true, so good post I guess :tmb:

a_pok
19-12-06, 15:52
true, so good post I guess :tmb:

finally...
a satisfied costumer...!

Shauni
19-12-06, 16:46
2/ Why did the boy fall off the swing? He had no arms

:vlol: Oh my goodness! I wasn't expecting that one, that's so weird but it made me laugh. ;P

pinklaralover
19-12-06, 17:03
:vlol: Oh my goodness! I wasn't expecting that one, that's so weird but it made me laugh. ;P

With there joke that people are posting...when i read them..i dont know if to even laugh or to find them stupid...old bad jokes...seem to be the best?

tomblover
19-12-06, 17:12
They're actually funny, everyone of them. :D

Terminatorvs
19-12-06, 17:36
In the army. The soldiers ale learning how to assemble and disassemble a rifle. One of them asks the commander:
- Sir, why can we assemble and disassemble a rifle and can't do the same with a human.
- Let's imagine that we can. We disassemble you. And when we're putting you back together, we accidentally put your butt where your head is supposed to be. The, suddenly, out of nowhere, the enemy attacks. Everyone grabs theyr gear and run towards the enemy screaming "HOOOOORAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", and you, what are you supposed to be doing at that very moment?