26-06-18, 02:15 | #11 |
Member
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 904
|
Oh wow hey congratulations!! What an amazing and beautiful first several steps you have taken!!!!
I am sorry to hear some of people close to you aren't fully accepting/understanding of your sexuality. I hope you will gain more confidence in yourself as you continue to explore. Before I give some advice, I will let you know I am gay myself and have been open about it since about 2015. Since then I have grown exponentially. I'd say the most concentrated personal growth occurred within the span of 2015 to the current day for me. Still ongoing. Anyway, I have went through numerous dating apps and sites to inform myself, go on dates with others, and whatnot. I have done research, shared stories in person and online, and have even focused my papers on LGBT topics specifically. I currently have a partner with whom I have a monogamous relationship for nearly two years, and I also work at an LGBTQI2S counselling centre now. Anyway, now that you know a little about me, I would love to give some personal insight! ~~~ Overcoming internalized homophobia is a struggle that you may never completely overcome. It is something that is ingrained through years of historical oppression, epigenetics and layers of systemic barriers and so on. But just because internal oppression/homophobia is so ingrained within us, doesn't mean we can't find ways to handle it. You may reach a point where you can comfortably live without disgust and hatred stemming from internalized oppression, but even then those feelings may arise occasionally. In the end, it is more of a matter of finding ways to deal with it. I just wanted to ask before moving on and helping more, in what ways do you experience and present internalized homophobia? Internalized homophobia isn't something that can be instantly picked out. Rather, it presents itself as a manifestation of different behaviours, thoughts and actions stemming from internal hate and discomfort with the self and one's own sexuality. Common examples include substance abuse, self-esteem issues, generalized shame and depression. Then there are more complex behaviours and attitudes, such as discomfort with other people similar to you regardless of their true gender or sexual identity; "heterophobia"; development of superiority complexes; projection of internalised hate towards particular groups via bullying, harassment, etc. I ask this because in order to overcome any of this, it is important to properly identify how this hatred is projected and is presented on the surface level first. |
26-06-18, 04:13 | #12 | |||||||
Inactive
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 3,888
|
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
And thus, this cycle continues. I told her. This is true for not rallying at parades? I really hope not. That's just. not my thing. Quote:
Another thing I dislike about the community. I see it so much. If I don't look a certain way, I'm on accepted, if I don't do certain things, I'm not accepted. I shouldn't have to do extra just because I'm gay. We all know that, don't we? Quote:
|
|||||||
26-06-18, 05:32 | #13 | |
Member
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 35,493
|
Quote:
It also feeds the stereotype of gay/bi men being cheaters, just like with Brokeback Mountain. Both of the men in BBM had wives they cheated on at some point (and it's arguable if it's a bi or gay movie - not sure if the short story it's based on clarifies that), but the defense is "they are against the world and sharing their forbidden love" which is supposed to make the infidelity better, due to the era and circumstances. |
|
26-06-18, 08:53 | #14 | |
Member
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 18,391
|
Quote:
Not exactly very deep advice, but true nonetheless. |
|
26-06-18, 09:45 | #15 |
Inactive
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 3,888
|
|
26-06-18, 09:50 | #16 |
Member
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 18,391
|
|
26-06-18, 09:55 | #17 | ||
Member
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,741
|
Quote:
Quote:
Most cliches are actually true only for a part of the community. Most LGBT people can't be "distinguished" in anyway. I am gay, people don't even doubt a second I could be gay until I tell them. People usually think my boyfriend and I are just brothers (while we don't necessarily have common features, we just have the same "shape", glasses, short hair, and that's all). I always force myself to talk about it normally (I just do it automatically now), without even coming out, because I just consider I don't have to come out to people when I meet them. Being gay is not something that should require coming out, I hope that won't have to happen anymore in a few years, so I just act like it was already the case, I think it's the best way to make it actually happen. Actually, at the time I came out to myself, I slowly told close friends and wanted to be discrete about that. That was the beginning (about 4-5 years ago), and my family wasn't aware about it, and that was what I was most afraid of. But one friend, who I was close to, just "forgot" to be discrete one day (understand: she never meant to be discrete), she just told people like it was a normal thing, out loud, no matter who was around. When she starting doing that I was confused at first, but I didn't say anything, I saw how people didn't care, and it made me think about it, and I was just like "hey, this is the way it should be after all", and I actually couldn't thank her enough for doing that. This was exactly what I needed to feel confident about myself. My family learned not so long after that, and they don't have any problem with it, so now I don't care anymore whether people know or not. I don't want it to sound like it's a reveal like I used to think it should be. I just act like a normal guy talking about his partner (cause that's what it is really), I just say "boyfriend" instead of "girlfriend" when I have to mention him, even when talking to people I barely know, and that's how people "discover" I'm gay. And they don't even talk about it, because it doesn't sound like a reveal, so they don't feel like reacting like it was a reveal, only like something they didn't know, and the discussion just continues. I've been lucky, I haven't met homophobic people. There was just one guy who had "problems" with homosexuality as a whole, but I don't even see him anymore, and, good riddance. If he doesn't like me for that, then he's the stupid one, not me, I'm gay, I haven't chosen this, but he chose to be stupid. His thought, his problem, not mine. Also, congrats on making this thread. It is very wise of you to reconsider how you used to think, it's a very hard task to do for anyone, and for this your past errors can just be forgiven. Let bygones be bygones. I really hope you'll find a way to be happy with yourself. |
||
27-06-18, 00:27 | #18 | ||
Inactive
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 3,888
|
Quote:
Quote:
|
||
Thread Tools | |
|
|