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Old 12-07-09, 07:00   #1
scremanie
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Intro to my somewhat lame diary.
Yes.. this will most likely be lame. I'm not a very creative person, and after all.. there isn't much justice I can do to this game. But I will try my best.
This wont be an honorable entry, so my diary will be filled with lame pictures and rude jokes (well, rude for some people. Others might have a different sense of humor). You will be able to see where I got my inspiration from.. I have only read ]{eith's AOD diary, and I love his humor. so My diary will be basically the same, but with my own love in it .

The games "revamped" system...
So the game got a revamp after AOD did it? yes.. you can clearly see that. Although its hated by some, and loved by others. I'm most likely in the middle.. I find it enjoying to play, but I hate it for changing the Tomb Raider series. But thats enough of that. This is a diary, not a bashing thread..
Lara's controls seem to be greatly.. smoothened? simplified I would put it. She is now not a tank, and doesn't take 20 minutes to turn around. She has auto grab (ohh fancy!) and can flip over peoples heads..

The games story...
The whole story spans over 3 whole games.. Its about Lara finding her mummy, who got sucked into a portal and was supposably sent to Avalon. That is really ALL its about... except for an addition of Lara's old friend, Amanda, who she thought died in Peru. This game is seriously just about mummy and daddy issues...

I will be rating the levels as I go, with each score being a number out of 5.
So lets just say.. Bolivia. If i loved it, 5/5... if I hated it, 1/5. I will also give more detail on what I thought about the way the level was set out, and the difficulty. (this will be a very short diary...)
enjoy


Bolivia - 3/5
Peru - 4/5
Japan - 3/5

Last edited by scremanie; 29-01-10 at 13:17.
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Old 12-07-09, 07:23   #2
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Ill be sure to keep an eye on this!
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Old 12-07-09, 10:37   #3
scremanie
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Bolivia - Bloody tourists...

[IMG]http://i27.************/5f2a2t.jpg[/IMG]
YAY! linear..

We start with little Lara on a plane with her mummy, drawing yeti in a notebook (the drawings are as **** as the story line). Then all of a sudden BAM! they have a cheesy one liner that causes the game itself to overload, therefor causing the plane to crash. Lara looks terrified and her mum miraculously survives a briefcase to the head. Next thing I know is that Lara is now older and she's climbing up a cliff... We then soon find out that Lara is searching for a giant rock.. I start off at the top of a cliff face (one that Lara just dived onto and then climbed up... it wasn't all that epic) She then starts babbling on about artifacts and old friends. After the text appears telling us what to do (which is lame T_T... I hate being told what to do) it appears that the idiots in the newly added ear piece are never going to shut up. Right now I feel like stabbing anyone who comes near me.
I walk up and jump over a broken down stone bridge... the water below the little bridge is probably filled with STD's, I'm not touching that ****! The obsessive music in ****ing me off. why not just let us have our peace!?!
[IMG]http://i26.************/2w69d94.jpg[/IMG]
I payed someone 90 bucks to do this on a stage last night..

I do a flippy handstand, that seems to be allot faster than I remember... a pool over to the left of me is just screaming "SWIM IN ME *****!" so I do. When I get out I have Lara telling me how lovely her swim was... she was only in there for a few seconds... when I climb up the ledge in front of me, an annoying and uncalled for cutscene appears... than the man on the ear piece, named Zip, makes a lame joke about Lara eating her PDA.. apparently every woman loves to feast upon modern electronics... I move on and see a fat ass boulder in my way. That just wont do. I get Lara to push it off the edge and then quickly hop over to the other ledge in front of me. OH LOOK! a vine! Lara's fat ass just cant contain herself, she quickly jumps onto it and climbs like a monkey up the top.

[IMG]http://i27.************/rmv7de.jpg[/IMG]
like.. ZOMG! my nails!

ANOTHER VINE! give her a banana and she'll fit right in.. when I finally finish monkeying around I see another vine.. oh boy. I quickly make Lara jump and grab it, swinging over to the other side. I go through a waterfall and down a small cave, outside I jump over to another ledge, and then an annoying cutscene shows me where to go... I'M NOT ****ING 5! I know what to do!! any fun of being able to find my way around this level, by myself, has now been diminished. I follow the route that the camera demanded me to go. It leads to the top of the waterfall that I jumped through before.
Up ahead there appears to boulders blocking my way.. any guess of what's going to happen next. Sure enough all the **** around the boulder breaks because of Lara's fat ass footsteps that make the earth shake. I run away. when it passes me, Zip blabbers on about how I nearly died.. I swear, if I could stab that ***** right now I would. I followed the river to a rock which happened to be conveniently placed beneath some tree branches that look perfect for swinging on. Lara swings around the branches like a stripper from the 80's and ends up on a ledge. just as I make her jump over to some other ledge, a cutscene follows.. showing me a man with a gun on the phone talking to someone.. he looks and sounds like a complete douche bag. I climb up and waste no time spraying lead into his chest.

[IMG]http://i31.************/28it9tz.jpg[/IMG]
take THAT! you rapist scum..

The **** tard took a few bullets before hitting the ground. Behind me seems to be some sort of large block that I can climb onto, to push another block onto a fallen tree. This seems so simple my grandmother could do it.
When I push the block onto the tree, it flips up the other side and brings up a branch out of the STD filled water. I make Lara grab onto the branch and swing up to another ledge... the ledges sure have long life spans in this game. But they're so obvious, even Helen Keller could spot them a mile away. I make my way down the river and my path is blocked by some giant wheel thing covering an archway door thing... The text on the screen tells me to throw my rappel hook at it and pull it. Why could I not just figure this out myself? I would have gotten it sooner or later, even if I had stood there and just mashed different buttons on my controller...

[IMG]http://i25.************/ff1sfd.jpg[/IMG]
**** radio active spiders. STD filled water gives me the strength I need.

Lara has no problem ripping out her grapple and pulling the large, heavy looking object. It falls into the water and crumbles away... the water is so full of STD's it burns the remains of it like acid.
A quick jog through the archway and yet again... another cutscene showing me two men that appear to be complete and total noobs. Lara sneaks out behind them (into the water!!) and the gameplay starts up again.. they still stand there and talk about burning monkeys with cigarets. I feel angry that there was no monkeys for me to burn and fill with lead. so I take my anger out on them. they die fast... no competition in this game. I ignore the annoyance of the *****es talking through the mic and move onto a fat white ledge that's screaming "CLIMB ME *****!". I do. A few pole swings later and I swing across a vine, and it appears that another douche bag is trying to kill me. I waste him, and follow the oh so very obvious path. I come to a temple, and a cutscene appears (again..) Lara is overlooking the temple and then a heap of douche bags come in jeep and helicopter. Finally, I get to slaughter some noobs.

[IMG]http://i27.************/wvdfrt.jpg[/IMG]
i iz on a car

I make my way down a slope and slaughter all the rapists below (its easier to think of them as that). Once they're all dead I make my way up the steps of the temple... but I'm soon interrupted by another cutscene, showing me yet again, 2 more noobs that try and shoot at Lara... when will they ever learn. They run into the temple like crying little babies, but I can soon hear them getting smooshed to paste. NEWBS!! Lara goes inside and I quickly jump over a pit of spikes, and up a heap of chains. through a cave and down some more chains. I run down a corridor and swan dive into the water at the end, swimming around the water I find my way to land and hop out. Down a few steps and around the corner there is a jaguar. I show it my wrath and blow it away with my newly acquired assault rifle. Through a few WALLS OF DOOM! death traps and I'm in a room with a giant door and a teeter-totter, with a couple of boxes scattered around. It comes apparent to me that I have to use the teeter-totter to get the boxes that are down a ledge, up to where I am standing... pure genius T_T

[IMG]http://i28.************/24eqd4w.jpg[/IMG]
Boxes arrant the only thing that Lara can make go up...

I do that and get the door open, not before disposing of the annoying jaguar below. As I step through the door, an interactive cutscene starts... I hate these. I push the responding button sequence and Lara makes it over a giant hole. Down another corridor and I'm in a room with freaky poles and another annoying jaguar. The first thing that comes to mind when I see the poles is.. imagine the gogo dancers and crack whores that filled this place... I make it across the "strategic" pole puzzle... and up a ledge. Down another small corridor and a cutscene begins as I am about to run outside. The cutscene shows Lara having a little flashback memory of her and her mommy. Lara finds a sword and pokes it (stupid *****) which starts up a portal. Lara's mother starts screaming out to Lara for some fire wood. When she sees what Lara just done she slaps that ***** to the ground (not really) and goes all delusional, talking to random voices that only she can understand... either that or Lara's mum just had a heap of coke. Then all of a sudden she goes crazy and pulls out the sword, and dies

[IMG]http://i29.************/jv6qvq.jpg[/IMG]
PWND!!!!11

Little Lara then realizes how fugly her yeti pictures are and tears them out and throws them on the floor in disgust. But we're soon interrupted by some psycho man that interrupts Lara's flashback. Lara pulls her guns on him and tells him to shut the **** up. He replied, telling her that she was a stupid bimbo. Lara got ****ed and told him to fornicate himself with his gun. He got ****ed and stormed off like a little girl, telling Lara that Amanda hates her. Lara's old age gets the best of her and she gets confused... she tells him Amanda died. Then Lara gets blown off a bridge and I have to run over to some place with giant rocks all over it. I go all Chuck Norris on some noob rapists and clear them all out. A cutscene soon follows and shows Lara feeling up the giant stone in the middle. The cutscene has to end because it gets R rated beyond that. Then the level ends.

[IMG]http://i27.************/21m8f1y.jpg[/IMG]
can YOU do the cancan?


To tell you the truth. The diary entry is longer than the actual level. It was an alright start to the new "revamped" Tomb Raider... It could have been MUCH longer, and more puzzling and the enemies could have been harder to kill, and more variety to the enemies. They all looked the same. Also, allot less linear, it was way too easy to find my way through this level.

I will give it a 3/5 mostly because its Tomb Raider (not really). But it was fun.

This was my first entry hope you enjoyed my lame and boring writing skills... along with the endless amount of pictures and paragraphs. I like to go into detail...

Next is Peru. My favorite Level out of this entire game

(If I made any spelling mistakes or any sentences that don't make any sense. could you please tell me )
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Old 12-07-09, 14:01   #4
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LMAO!!! I'm Gonna Love Your Diary!
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Old 12-07-09, 15:47   #5
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I like your diary screamanie. Funny, rude, imaginative and witty. Looking forward to your next entry.

I do hate Legend and this is gonna be interesting.

Last edited by Shark_Blade; 12-07-09 at 15:48.
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Old 12-07-09, 16:05   #6
scremanie
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shark_Blade View Post
I like your diary screamanie. Funny, rude, imaginative and witty. Looking forward to your next entry.

I do hate Legend and this is gonna be interesting.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LightningRider View Post
LMAO!!! I'm Gonna Love Your Diary!
thank you

I will do the next one tomorrow. Its 2:03am here and I just feel like chilling (is that even cool?...T_T)

Its so exhausting for me.. I don't know why.. maybe because I fail and I'm lazy as hell... But oh well, I will do my best tomorrow

well... today really, but just in a couple of hours, after I sleep.
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Old 12-07-09, 18:18   #7
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I´m gonna love this
I´ll be looking forward for more entries
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Old 12-07-09, 20:41   #8
]{eith
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I ****ing loved it! And I'm especially thankful that you're doing Legend so that I don't have to play it again!
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Old 12-07-09, 23:03   #9
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I ****ing loved it!
I'm not a big fan of Legend and you can make fun of it so easily xD
Can't wait for the rest, it's gonna be soooooooo good
btw, why do we need this smiley?
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Old 12-07-09, 23:18   #10
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Ha, love the captions for each pic
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