Dumb things people say
 

A former friend of mine used to go around saying that the guy who played Chandler in Friends was dead, while conveniently ignoring the fact that Chandler was in every episode of Friends.

A few years back i was watching the news and there was a report on some guy who had murdered his wife, the news reporter said that their fingerprints were found in the house that they lived in, what an odd thing to say.

I remember a headline that said something like
"POLICE FIND BODY IN CEMETERY"

You

Don't

Say…

:vlol: i think i've heard that one before.

I once heard a 9 year old say where do marshmallows grow i couldn't stop :vlol: when she said that, i'm not sure if marshmallows do grow or not but it was so funny and random, kids really do say the funniest things.

I was watching you've been framed and the priest was going through his usual do you take this person to be your husband/wife and so on when a kid stood up and said say yes :D

:vlol: ^

People say the darnedest thing…

I remember some Yahoo questions were hilarious…
"Did NASA invent thunderstorms to cover up the sound of space battles?"
Hahaha

Well this is a classic:

Someone falls and injures oneself and other person says "Did you hurt yourself?"

My dad said something similar to me when i slipped and fell on our kitchen floor (:cen: tiles) he said to me did you slip and fall i said i no, i decided to lie down here because i was tired.

Haha :D I once fell off of a bike and my friends were "Did you hurt yourself?" and I had bleeding bruises on my arms...

I once said to a guy whose niece was looking for his email address, if she wants it that badly why don't you just give it to her, it was only after i said it that i realised how it sounded.

That reminds me of Silent Hill 4 where Cynthia was covered in her own blood and was badly cut everywhere

And Henry walks in and says "Are you alright?"

DOES IT LOOK LIKE SHES ALRIGHT, HENRY!? HER BLOOD IS EVERYWHERE!

:D that's nowhere near as bad as these

Barry Burton: That was too close. You were almost a Jill sandwich!

Barry Burton: Jill, here's a lockpick. It might come in handy if you, "the master of unlocking", take it with you.

[after defeating Plant 42]

Chris Redfield: Looks like we got to the... ROOT of the problem.

Barry Burton: What is this?

Jill Valentine: What is it?

Barry Burton: Blood! Jill, see if you can find anymore clues. I'll be examining this... I hope this is not CHRIS' blood!

Barry Burton: WHOOOOAAAAAA! This hall is DANGEROUS!

My life is full of people asking stupid questions.

They always sounded like they were high in Resident Evil 1 :vlol: Like, literally, if you were to rip the audio from the gameplay and play it for someone unfamiliar with the series, I feel like there'd be a high chance they'd think they were actual stoners. :pi:

As for stupid things people say? My aunts and uncles literally refer to me as "the gay one". :rolleyes:

I know someone who, just finishing his secondary education, believed that dinosaurs were fantasy creatures in a similar vein to dragons. He had no idea the fossils in museums were real and he was absolutely mindblown when I told him.

A friend of mine decided to re-enact that famous scene from The Empire Strikes Back but instead of saying the line the way that Vader said it, he said Luke you are my father. :vlol:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bv20ZoBcdO8

My friend and his sister were studying for a world history test. He asks, "What's the worlds largest superpower?"

She answers, "Flying."

:vlol:

"How do you know you're gay if you've never tried it with a woman?"

"Who plays as the girl?"

You can overhear some real gems in everyday conversations (and there's been one or two on the forums over the years ;) ). But my favourites - even though they're more silly than stupid - will always be Malapropisms. I'll never forget overhearing an older lady talking about how she was taking her cat to the vets "to get him orchestrated" :D

Oh, thanks for the reminder.

^Interesting how cigarette packs are where you can see this the most :o Somewhat ironic to me xD.

"are you from british?"

'Where are from?'
'Ireland.'
'So you're British!'

I say this all the time :pi:

Ireland gained independence 100 years ago it's like saying Americans are British.

While it's pretty stupid to just assume that anybody who comes from Ireland is British, I can sort of understand why some people may think that due to the fact that part of Ireland (Northern) is British.

For an outsider from the other side of the world Ireland's geographical closeness to Britain and the whole Northern Ireland thingy sort of makes it a far more forgiveable mistake than saying Americans are British I would say. :o

The Aussies and the Kiwis are all British though :pi:

But Irish people were independent from Britain for thousands of years until the Brits felt threatened by Ireland's Catholic roots, so the British monarchs decided that Ireland would need to be converted to Protestantism to prevent alliances forming between Britain's catholic rivals and Ireland.

Yeah but as I said, part of Ireland is British so understandable to an extent (although still no excuse).

This KILLS me. I have relations in American that refer to my family as their "British cousins" and I swear to god I want to disown them. :pi:

Yeah, you're right. I see how the mistake could be made, and I have nothing against anyone who does say this, it just irks me a little bit, especially considering I have learnt Irish history but obviously nowhere else in the world learns about Irish history.

When at work, I get this a lot:

"Do you work here?"

Do they think I mugged a Big Lots employee and stole his uniform?

To be honest, it's probably good that they ask because more than once I've been stopped in shops and asked "do you work here?" when I did not :p

With me, people didn't stop. They just proceeded to ask me about grocery and shopping stuff to which I replied: I. DON'T. WORK. HERE.

That's how stupid people are.

Full trolly load at Tesco. Nothing else on my person. "Do you want a bag?" No mate, I was gonna carry it in my magical invisible kangaroo pouch.

Alternatively, my friend who works in DFS. A customer bought a sofa. "Can I have a bag?" In what universe are you carrying a sofa in a bag.

I've been asked that on multiple occasions at places like Rasputin and Newbury Comics. I guess the metal head look does wonders there. I'd applied to both several times in the past, but only got one interview.

EDIT: I also hate it when I'm discussing movie and/or video game sequels/remakes with people, and I hear them say things like "Times have changed, stop living in the past." As if the veneer of chronological snobbery impresses anyone. Not all changes are for the best. Marry the spirit of the age, and you will soon find yourself a widower.

I sometimes get that one when i'm at Tesco's doing my shopping.

11 years ago when i was working at a hotel for a summer job i overheard one of the staff telling someone else about the annoying things people say over the phone, whenever the phone at reception rings they answer it and say the hotels name and how may i help you and the person at the other end of the phone says back to them what they said for example is this hotels name in such and such a place.

Another time long before i started working there an american checked in and went up to his room half an hour later the phone at reception rang it was the american saying he couldn't get out of his room.

The person at reception was most likely :confused: anyway they told the guest to walk towards the bathroom and just past the bathroom door is the door to your room, he went and checked and said i see the room door there is a do not disturb sign hanging from the door handle :vlol:

:vlol: that's a first, i once heard someone say what does a lightswitch do :vlol:

*dark circles under my eyes and walking like a zombie through the hall*

"Are you tired?"

^That reminds me of when someone asks me if I'm sleepy after seeing me yawning in class at 8 o'clock...

To quote Australian Comedian Carl Barron:

*person points at clock*

"Is that the time?"

"Nah mate, it's a hamburger, have a bite."

:pi:

"I could care less". Dumb because 99% of the time people actually mean "I couldn't care less".

Ugh, THIS!

Even Beytwice gets it wrong in that "Single Ladies" song :hea: