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Old 22-07-19, 12:22   #10
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Germany
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Originally Posted by Rai View Post
There's a few things going on that I feel are both separate and tied to each other. He lives with his parents still, yet he maintains a fairly independent lifestyle. I assume he at least pays his way a little depending on what he can afford, contributing to bill paying or whatever? Honestly I don't see a problem with someone still living with their parents this day and age where living expenses are so high. My son lives with me simply because he's not in a position to support himself right now.
They dont want him to pay rent or so, its enough that he helps in the house, cooks, does the laundry, cleans...but they dont want that he pays for anything.
Here and there he buys the groceries or so, but he doesnt pay rent or so to them.
The money he put aside he mostly wants to use once he can make a stable living with his art, but he also puts something aside because later he wants to pay his parents back because he knows that he can be so grateful that they fully support him.

Originally Posted by Rai View Post
He's perusing his dream and trying to earn a living from it. This is admirable. He could get a full time job to earn more money and save in order to move out, but that has it's own risks, like ending up working a job he doesn't enjoy just in order to support himself and then falling in a trap of working to live and not following his dream. He's lucky to be in a position to have supportive parents who understand his need to do what he loves. Perhaps he could get a part time job to earn more money, until he starts to earn more with his art. It's good to have an ambition and success doesn't happen over night. It takes dedication and hard work, which again, is admirable qualities to have. Perhaps he could find a job that allows him to use his creativity, like design or similar?
He looks to kill two birds with one stone yeah, trying to get a job where he can draw, where he can learn more about art and make money.
But its not easy if you havent studied it, and its not cheap or so to study in the first place.
The problem always comes down to the money, but he looks into various a artist you do have more options to try.
The good thing is that he made tiny bits of money so far, which helps boost his confidence since it shows that the hard work pays off.

Originally Posted by Rai View Post

It's such a shame that young people today feel so much pressure to succeed under some imagined time-frame and that they've somehow failed at life if they haven't figured it all out by a certain age. Even to the point where they're holding back on happiness for themselves in terms of career choices or even if they should pursue a relationship. So much pressure just to be 'correct' in their life choices or just don't bother or something else really silly (imo). Or that need to defend themselves if they dared to do something against the norm that society sets out.
Yeah its sad that all our lives we are under pressure to do what society feels needs to be done.
You get nothing handed to you and need to work for, but putting that much pressure on people to the point where they do things that dont make them happy...its the wrong way.
I can not imagine my life if i would have given up on writing and instead would have just gotten a job to earn money and stuff.
I might have never met my girlfriend, might never had this much fun and a chance to met so many different people that help shape me with every day.

Originally Posted by Rai View Post
Your friend has seen this girl he already likes on facebook and is naturally nervous about asking her out. From your description, he seems a tad socially awkward or whatever, but it seems that he has some great qualities too. He should try talking to her online first then after a while just go for asking to meet for coffee, something small, friendly and relaxed. He shouldn't feel ashamed by his situation. he meets her, they chat and go from there. It doesn't need to be a big deal (even if inside it feels like). It's a date he's hoping for not a marriage proposal. If she agrees to the friendly meeting, then that's a plus. If she learns about his living and working situation and uses that as to why she doesn't want to know, then the problem is hers, not his. He's living a life that suits him and trying to make his best life happen. Some people don't have the guts to do that and trudge along day to day just complaining. I don't understand the mindset of someone must be at the top of their game before even dating. Sure, a person shouldn't rely on their happiness through someone else, but a relationship can enhance your life. And no one should be made to feel somehow lesser than others for living the life that brings them joy, like pursing a dream job over financial security. Your friend has plenty of time for all of that. There shouldn't be any pressure to get that. And it certainly should not be a factor in whether he dates someone or not. She could say no, but then he'll know how she feels and move on.
He is a bit awkward yeah, but not in some creepy way or so.
Its mostly that he probably feels like every interaction someone has with him, is the worst for the other person...thats why he thinks too much about everything instead of just going with the flow.
But i know how he is when he doesnt put that pressure on him...and there he is one of the most likeable people i have ever met in my entire life.

He feels like he wasted too much of his time not really living, so he wants to change that now and live life to its fullest.
He wants to reconnect with old classmates, find new friends(but not forgetting the old ones hopefully XD), and he wants to find love while making a life he can be proud he can look back and say that it was a good one.
He doesnt expect anything from the Girl, he hopes of course but he takes what he can...if that is nothing then he moves on.
I get that, he spent a long time in his life on "could be's" but now he wants to focus on "it is".

Originally Posted by Melonie Tomb Raider View Post
My husband was living with his parents and still in college when I met him, I'm 6 years older and was just getting established in my career at the time. Still dated him obviously as we are married now

Honestly my best advice for your friend is just add the girl on facebook and talk to her a bit, if they have good conversation he can ask her out. Try to be casual about it. Worst thing that can happen is her not being interested in him, and in that case he can move on.
Yeah i think that is the best thing he could do i think.
The longer he hangs onto this uncertainty, the longer it takes to move on.

I want to thank you all very much, it really helped me be confident in telling him to go for it.
As his friend my first instinct is to say "yeah do it" but you dont want a friend to get hurt, so you get protective over them.
But its the best if he just take the leap, he did so before and it worked out so far.

My Girlfriend often said to me when i doubt myself: "Own who you are and the world either Bends to it or can go to hell(roughly translated XD)
He is who he is, and that is a good man...someone who deserves to be loved, someone who is the best friend one can have.

It puts my nerves on ease to see that my first instinct might be the one that helps him the best.
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