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Old 11-01-19, 16:22   #21891
Quebsenuef
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Another one of my cousins that I grew up with is getting married. Iím happy but at the same time Iím feeling stressed about ďI need to get my life together and get married also!Ē

Which I shouldnít feel like that as I have no obligation to. Life is at different speeds for everyone but nonetheless I just feel the pressure. Will I be looked at as failure in the family? My family is quite judgmental so itís a worry of mine but I also try to never listen to what others think so it doesnít dictate my life.

Maybe I just need the weekend to forget about all of this pressure and just be happy for the wedding and two people getting together to spend their lives with each other.

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Old 11-01-19, 16:38   #21892
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Originally Posted by Quebsenuef View Post
Another one of my cousins that I grew up with is getting married. Iím happy but at the same time Iím feeling stressed about ďI need to get my life together and get married also!Ē

Which I shouldnít feel like that as I have no obligation to. Life is at different speeds for everyone but nonetheless I just feel the pressure. Will I be looked at as failure in the family? My family is quite judgmental so itís a worry of mine but I also try to never listen to what others think so it doesnít dictate my life.

Maybe I just need the weekend to forget about all of this pressure and just be happy for the wedding and two people getting together to spend their lives with each other.

Current Mood: The Steve Harvey Meme
Remember that the equation wedding=live happily ever after is true only in fairy tales.
There are many motives why people is getting married and one of this is the family pushing for it.
You need to live your life the way that makes YOU happy not your family, your friends neither your boy/girlfriend.
You have to be happy for them, but do not think that they are in any ways better than you are.
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Old 11-01-19, 17:17   #21893
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ďI need to get my life together and get married also!Ē
Are you religious? Getting married shouldn't be a requirement to become a successful man (or woman for that matter) who's happy with life. Even if you have a partner, there's still no obligation to get married.

My sister is engaged but I honestly don't want to get married. It's overhyped. Just one magical day, which is amazing I won't deny that but you can have all the same things with just living together with a partner. Marriage is commitment though and it comes with some financial advantages (insurance-wise for example). It's just that when marriage doesn't work out that it also becomes a lot of trouble which can follow you around for years! And more and more are getting divorced nowadays.

Sorry if I sound depressing, it's not my intention
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Old 11-01-19, 20:13   #21894
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Are you religious? Getting married shouldn't be a requirement to become a successful man (or woman for that matter) who's happy with life. Even if you have a partner, there's still no obligation to get married.
I think itís still a societal norm or idea that marriage = a happy life. Obviously, though that could be true for some, itís also not at all true for others, so it really depends.

Nonetheless, I encourage you, Queb, not to rush into things. If you find someone, and at that someone who you decide to marry, go for it. But happiness isnít relying on that, necessarily, it can come from something else completely.
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Old 11-01-19, 20:38   #21895
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I think it’s still a societal norm or idea that marriage = a happy life.
I think it does for many people, especially later in life, but then it depends on the person. Although I'm gay I do believe in marriage and some traditional family values, I think it's the best environment to bring a child into (who you should want to give the best start in life) when you are married and a financially stable couple.

I don't think it's something you can rush into though. You've known someone for 4 months? Well you'll probably be married that long.

I think you need 2 years of dating/relationship, minimum, with at least 1 year living together before you can even talk about marriage. I'd get married no sooner than that. I intend to only marry once, I'm not Ross Geller.
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Old 11-01-19, 21:25   #21896
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Originally Posted by the_end90 View Post
Remember that the equation wedding=live happily ever after is true only in fairy tales.
There are many motives why people is getting married and one of this is the family pushing for it.
You need to live your life the way that makes YOU happy not your family, your friends neither your boy/girlfriend.
You have to be happy for them, but do not think that they are in any ways better than you are.
I totally understand and agree with what youíre saying. Thatís usually how I feel but sometimes the wrong sort of mindset creeps into my thinking and I worry about being left behind? Thatís the best I can describe it. Everyone else is getting married and having kids and moving on.. and Iím still just here. Thatís my worry. That maybe Iím not doing something right.

But it all goes back to normal after a few days when I realize that I usually never succeed in getting a normal date that goes well then I revert back to being happy and single and loving life.

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Are you religious? Getting married shouldn't be a requirement to become a successful man (or woman for that matter) who's happy with life. Even if you have a partner, there's still no obligation to get married.

My sister is engaged but I honestly don't want to get married. It's overhyped. Just one magical day, which is amazing I won't deny that but you can have all the same things with just living together with a partner. Marriage is commitment though and it comes with some financial advantages (insurance-wise for example). It's just that when marriage doesn't work out that it also becomes a lot of trouble which can follow you around for years! And more and more are getting divorced nowadays.

Sorry if I sound depressing, it's not my intention
Iím not religious at all but my family is on both sides, my dads side more so with being very catholic. Iíve never subscribed to any religion or religious beliefs much other than when I was a kid and just doing what I was told but thatís a different post for another day haha. I donít think marriage leads to a happy life unless you make the marriage work. I think itís one thing to be in love and another to just get married bc it seems like the right step when itís not. Love is more of an action and not something that is a feeling. It takes a lot of effort to stay in love and itís really crushing to put in the effort and not have it reciprocated. I know that feeling well. I hope one day Iíll be married but not for the sake of being married and the status that comes with it, but for the love and respect of another who loves me back and we want to share the lives we have together.

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Originally Posted by NoahCrofRaider View Post
I think itís still a societal norm or idea that marriage = a happy life. Obviously, though that could be true for some, itís also not at all true for others, so it really depends.

Nonetheless, I encourage you, Queb, not to rush into things. If you find someone, and at that someone who you decide to marry, go for it. But happiness isnít relying on that, necessarily, it can come from something else completely.
Thanks!
I never rush into anything. Iím basically Laraís quote ďI donít actually run everywhere. When I want to be careful I walk.Ē Hahaha! Thatís my life. Walking everywhere and enjoying the time spent that way. As I explained above it just feels like sometimes I feel Iím moving at a much slower speed than everyone else (which I usually am) that Iím missing out on important life milestones and that Iím not ďkeeping up with the JonesĒ so to speak.

As I also stated before, itíll go away. I always sink back into my normal, Ďsingle and happy that wayí mindset. Iíve been single for almost 10 years now and Iím totally fine with staying that way. I guess itís only when I compare myself to others that it seems like the grass is greener on the other side, when in reality my grass is pretty green!
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Old 11-01-19, 22:58   #21897
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Salty lol

I left my house key and no one is home. My main gripe with living secluded from the city.
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Old 12-01-19, 00:14   #21898
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How are you feeling (and why)
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Old 12-01-19, 02:20   #21899
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I can kinda relate, I'm 26 and grew up with my younger brother and 2 younger cousins. One of my younger cousins has been in a long term relationship for about 6 years or so, they were highschool sweethearts and at 21 my cousin already has their first child.

My friend commented to me about how they didn't want to still be 26 and in college.

We'll look at me, 26 in college and without ever being in a relationship and no children of course.

I think about it sometimes, but then I already remember that my life is my own and I live it the best way I can. Everyone's life is surrounded in all kinds of circumstances and mine just happen to place me in the exact position I'm in.

I wouldn't mind finding someone out there for me to be with and one day in the future I would like to have a child of my own, but the truth is I'm just not ready for it and not really in a position to be ready for those things right now.

Especially given everything that is going on in my personal life right now, I have far too many things already on my plate then to juggle a marriage and another family.
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Old 12-01-19, 04:02   #21900
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I can kinda relate, I'm 26 and grew up with my younger brother and 2 younger cousins. One of my younger cousins has been in a long term relationship for about 6 years or so, they were highschool sweethearts and at 21 my cousin already has their first child.

My friend commented to me about how they didn't want to still be 26 and in college.

We'll look at me, 26 in college and without ever being in a relationship and no children of course.

I think about it sometimes, but then I already remember that my life is my own and I live it the best way I can. Everyone's life is surrounded in all kinds of circumstances and mine just happen to place me in the exact position I'm in.

I wouldn't mind finding someone out there for me to be with and one day in the future I would like to have a child of my own, but the truth is I'm just not ready for it and not really in a position to be ready for those things right now.

Especially given everything that is going on in my personal life right now, I have far too many things already on my plate then to juggle a marriage and another family.
At least you recognize that you're not ready instead of committing to a relationship, then marriage, then kids, then a divorce. Honestly, I hate the fact that people tend to get together "just cause" and end up getting to the point where they have a family but then separate. It's a very immature action and leaves irreparable effects on the child(ren).
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