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Old 28-06-20, 15:24   #771
Yeauxleaux
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Originally Posted by Quebsenuef View Post
I have a good friend who over the course of time went from straight to lesbian, to bisexual after a long journey of self discovery and exploration of her sexuality.
See this is why I say, if I was going to date a bisexual man, he needs to be sure of what he wants long-term and have already reached that point.

There's nothing wrong with not knowing what you want, in itself, but I'd only date a bisexual who does. If there's a lot of flip-flopping going on like this than that's when I'd be cautious about getting too deep into anything with one.

Same way that I'd only date a transgender man who is already some way along in his transition. Not just because I'm only attracted to physical male characteristics, but because for me I need to know somewhat where you stand in life, what you want, at least on some things anyway, not everything.
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Old 28-06-20, 16:01   #772
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If someoneís going to leave you they will, it has absolutely nothing to do with their sexuality. It boils down to whether or not a person is loyal. Bisexuals always get this bad stigma that theyíre all players and untrustworthy and itís wrong.
I feel like Vaskito on this. I even opened a thread a few years back trying to talk about this, and for some reason people just assumed I thought they're cheaters, and so I was biphobe, and it's just not the case. I know this is a personal insecurity, an issue with myself, I definitely get why that would be frustrating for bisexuals to be rejected just for being bisexual, but making shortcuts like this one is annoying. Feeling uncomfortable/insecure with the fact that they could be interested in the other sex does not mean thinking bisexuals are cheaters and that I'm a bad person for having those insecurities. It's just insecurities in the end, and yes insecurities are irrational, and it's just not as easy to get rid of as one would like to.
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Old 28-06-20, 16:14   #773
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I feel like Vaskito on this. I even opened a thread a few years back trying to talk about this, and for some reason people just assumed I thought they're cheaters, and so I was biphobe, and it's just not the case. I know this is a personal insecurity, an issue with myself, I definitely get why that would be frustrating for bisexuals to be rejected just for being bisexual, but making shortcuts like this one is annoying. Feeling uncomfortable/insecure with the fact that they could be interested in the other sex does not mean thinking bisexuals are cheaters and that I'm a bad person for having those insecurities. It's just insecurities in the end, and yes insecurities are irrational, and it's just not as easy to get rid of as one would like to.
I donít think youíre biphobic
I do however think that your personal insecurities shouldnít be visited on someone else.

My friend is currently in a relationship where the other one (Sally) is extremely sensitive if my friend hangs out with anyone else bc Sally was cheated on. Itís not my friendís problem that she has friends like me. Itís a self reflection issue with Sally to overcome her insecurities about her past relationship and the problems that brought.

With that being said, if anyone not comfortable dating a bisexual person bc of their own insecurities it should be stated that way as to make it come off that itís the bi personís fault or itís their problem.

I think itís a tricky bridge to cross and meet in the middle on this issue without coming off rude or judgmental
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Old 28-06-20, 16:20   #774
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I completely understand that it's yours, Vasiko's and other peoples insecurities and something that you guys have to work on to try to overcome. However, brushing off a persons sexuality because of your insecurities is a bad excuse, just becomes someone has a sexual attraction to both genders doesn't mean they're going to cheat. You're tarnishing them all with the same brush which can come across as biphobic. I'm not saying you or anyone else is but it's because when these insecurities arises, you think irrational. As I said, if someones going to leave you they will, regardless of sexuality. It boils down to loyalty. There's a bad generalisation surrounding bisexual's and it's so far from the truth.
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Old 28-06-20, 16:50   #775
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No, that's exactly what I was trying to explain: again, those insecurities have nothing to do with thinking they will cheat. This was never implied, at least on my side, that's a shortcut you make, but that's not even something I thought of. Maybe others have made this link though, and then indeed it's a bad stereotype, because as you said, if your partner wants to sleep with or be in a relationship with someone else it's not because of their sexuality at all. But I'm not part of people who think bisexuals are more cheaters than others, and Vaskito didn't seem to imply this either. That's just this shortcut that annoys me, because it's making us feel like bad persons.

And I totally agree with Quebsenuef, people having these insecurities have to realize that's on themselves, not the bisexuals' fault at all.
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Old 28-06-20, 18:07   #776
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If someone’s going to leave you they will, it has absolutely nothing to do with their sexuality. It boils down to whether or not a person is loyal. Bisexuals always get this bad stigma that they’re all players and untrustworthy and it’s wrong.
I understand that, but unfortunately we have some ideas that cement themselves in our heads, and it’s really hard to take them off.

As a gay man, dating a bisexual one, my thinking is: why would he date me, go through the hardships of being on a gay relationship, at the risk of being rejected by their family and society, when they can have a relationship with a woman, not face any backlash about it, being able to have a family, and whatnot? I know this is an unfair thought, but it’s also a normal one for someone who has lived his whole life with low self esteem, and lack of self confidence. All the possible bad scenarios will engrave in your head like a set of rules.

I don’t automatically think: “He’s bi, he’s a cheater”. However I do think “he’s bi, which means there’s double the possibility that he’ll eventually run into someone he will think is better than me” or “he’ll eventually leave me because he’ll have it easier with a woman”. Again, I understand it’s absolutely unfair. Also, I take responsibility for this being a “me” issue. It’s just something that’s really hard to just shrug off.

Add to this the fact that I had a sexual relationship (my very first one, at a really young age) with a bi man. I thought we were exclusives, and we were - when it came to men. He was still doing girls at the same time and I only got to know it farther on
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Old 28-06-20, 18:18   #777
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On the flipside,also, there is always an element of inadequacy or potentially distrust on the non bi partner's side. I have a female friend who dated a bisexual guy and he ended up sleeping with a man. He insisted it was just a fling but she couldnt get past it. I guess she couldnt get past that he may someday leave her for a man.

I completely agree with what Larafan is saying but I think there is something much more damaging in being left for the opposite sex to some people.
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Old 28-06-20, 18:25   #778
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Iím not saying what you and Joey are saying is wrong because these are issues that I donít have personally. At least, not as bad as you two seem to have and Iím sorry youís have these issues and Iím really sorry that someone in your past has given you these issues.

To me though, everyone could always find someone ďbetterĒ. I do get the mentality you two have ďAt least with a gay guy itís just one sex you have to worry about with bisexuality you have two gendersĒ I honestly do get that. I just donít agree with it being a valid reason to not date a bisexual person because that boils down to trust, honesty and loyalty not their sexuality. You could meet someone who could potentially be the love of your life yet youíve turned them away instantly because of your own self-conflict.

Iím actually struggling with this debate because on one hand I donít want to say what youíre feeling is wrong because itís your feelings and itís true to you but then I do also disagree with what youíre feeling. If that makes any sense to you.
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Old 28-06-20, 18:29   #779
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You can freely express yourself how you feel. I wonít take issues with it at all. Iíve already acknowledged this is a ďmeĒ issue and that I take full responsibility for it
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Old 28-06-20, 18:35   #780
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Well unlike some people on the forum, when it’s a conversation like this which is personal I do take other peoples feelings into consideration when I disagree with them because I don’t want to be out of line. it’s different when it’s a trivial debate about what outfit a fictional character should or should not wear.
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