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Old 26-09-19, 13:17   #1
Eitr Drinker
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Default Joke "Tomb Raider" News Headlines

The idea here is to come up with joke headlines pertaining to Tomb Raider. They can either be "real-world" headlines about the games themselves, or can take place within the game universes and be about Lara, other characters or locations. Nothing serious and no offense meant, it's all in good fun.

"Bring Back the Boobs" - New petition seeks to restore Lara's original bust for next TR game

"TR: The Cradle of Life" selected for preservation in the National Film Registry by the Library of Congress for being culturally, historically, and aesthetically significant.

Underworld DLC to finally get Wii release

Luddington vows to make voice more breathy, nose more plugged sounding in next sequel

Angelina Jolie to play Amelia Croft in filmic "Legend" prequel

Judith Gibbins signed as new official Lara Croft model

Keanu Reeves to portray Kurtis Trent in mocap origin story
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Old 26-09-19, 13:28   #2
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Nice...
_________

Scandal: CEO of Natla Technologies went missing after shady business!

Armed assault at Croft Manor (Surrey, UK) after estate owner Lara Croft’s ordeal with Italian mafioso gang...

Reboot Lara claims to be better than every Lara. What does Classic Lara and LAU Lara have to say?


Underworld finally gets highly-waited PSP release...

Lara’s whereabouts after Monstrum killings in Paris & Prague?

Museum guards found dead at Louvre. Police investigating security footage.

Dead bodies found at Italian Mafioso boss’ villa hideout in Venice. Tourists warned...


Snow Leopards extinct after an unknown woman slaughtered them for fun in Tibet!

Classic Lara sues LAU Lara because of Lara Croft Tomb Raider: Anniversary’s similarities to Tomb Raider: Featuring Lara Croft.

Ex-Soviet Lab and Military Base in Kazakhstan raided by an unknown white woman.

Atlantis found in ruins! It’s not underwater...

Dead human, raptor and giant T-Rex bodies found in Peru, in a village said to be Vilcabamba. Who killed them?!


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Last edited by Tomb Raidering; 26-09-19 at 13:47.
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Old 26-09-19, 14:09   #3
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Originally Posted by Tomb Raidering View Post
Nice...
_________

Scandal: CEO of Natla Technologies went missing after shady business!

Armed assault at Croft Manor (Surrey, UK) after estate owner Lara Croft’s ordeal with Italian mafioso gang...

Reboot Lara claims to be better than every Lara. What does Classic Lara and LAU Lara have to say?


Underworld finally gets highly-waited PSP release...

Lara’s whereabouts after Monstrum killings in Paris & Prague?

Museum guards found dead at Louvre. Police investigating security footage.

Dead bodies found at Italian Mafioso boss’ villa hideout in Venice. Tourists warned...


Snow Leopards extinct after an unknown woman slaughtered them for fun in Tibet!

Classic Lara sues LAU Lara because of Lara Croft Tomb Raider: Anniversary’s similarities to Tomb Raider: Featuring Lara Croft.

Ex-Soviet Lab and Military Base in Kazakhstan raided by an unknown white woman.

Atlantis found in ruins! It’s not underwater...

Dead human, raptor and giant T-Rex bodies found in Peru, in a village said to be Vilcabamba. Who killed them?!


Excellent! Especially love Classic Lara suing LAU Lara for infringement.
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Old 26-09-19, 15:46   #4
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SHOCKING! CEO of Cosmetic company found dead!

Move along Má Cher! Local prostitute opens information business

We were guinea pigs! Researcher reveals what really happened in Antarctica

Who let the bird out? Tibetan monks are terrified!

Pollution of River ganges at historical high! Who dumps his raft in the river?

Ice cold! Butler found in the meat freezer!
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Old 26-09-19, 16:19   #5
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1A) Move along Má Cher! Local prostitute opens information business

2A) Pollution of River ganges at historical high! Who dumps his raft in the river?

3A) Ice cold! Butler found in the meat freezer!
*can’t breathe*

1B) Don’t do that Janice. You should be tutoring people those valuable information for money. Quick question: What’s the secret of her beauty? Botox? ^.^

2B) People shouldn’t just be wandering off (or take shower ) at the Ganges! Those piranhas! >.<

3B) Lara: None of your business people! This is my private property. He was my forever-grateful butler and we were just playing a... game....... >.>
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Old 26-09-19, 16:51   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TR-Freak View Post
SHOCKING! CEO of Cosmetic company found dead!

Move along Má Cher! Local prostitute opens information business

Ice cold! Butler found in the meat freezer!
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Old 26-09-19, 16:58   #7
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Boaz to star in Pod People remake

Dinosaurs not extinct! New specimens discovered in Peru, China

Dinosaurs extinct after all. Gun-happy Englishwoman questioned.

"My Frozen, Bullet Proof Service Tray" - Croft butler Winston pens damning tell-all book!

Alister Fletcher finishes dissertation via Ouija Board
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Old 30-09-19, 10:39   #8
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Paititi aka El Dorado found in Peruvian Jungles! But it’s not a city of gold

Fans bash Shadow of the Tomb Raider because of no Xbox 360 version

Fashionistas, listen up! Lara Croft reveals her secret of beauty: Tribal outfits and mud...

Another Crazy Croft! Lara Croft indeed goes after the footsteps of her father, Richard Croft.

JP, Tokyo: Who threw a motorcycle from a skyscraper rooftop?

Yakuza leader found dead half-naked.

Lara Croft reveals details about her Area 51 raid from 1998. Aliens, UFOs, and Element 51. Link to Antarctica disaster?

Tomb Raider III: Adventures of Lara Croft finally gets highly-waited iOS/Android release! Fans to expect PC remasters soon!

What kind of apocalypse was this? Nobody felt it...

Maya Gods & Goddesses accuse Lara Croft of theft and misuse.
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Old 30-09-19, 14:46   #9
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Lara Croft was given a new spotlight! The Shadow of the Tomb Raider was cast.
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Old 30-09-19, 14:47   #10
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Croft starts Facebook event to raid Area 51, save whales

Adele to star in Tomb Raider musical

Extended Angel of Darkness ending cutscene reveals Croft, Trent wedding ceremony

Milward novelises Lara Croft GO

Underworld remake to feature even more dark caves, eitr
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