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Old 09-02-20, 11:09   #11
Tomb Raidering
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Originally Posted by New Dwight View Post
@tomb raidering
u assumed money problems came from not having a job.
Yes, I guessed I admit. Honestly, your OP is a bit vague. If you wanted to discuss your problems, you could have detailed it a little more. What is the reason you want to die? Do you just hate money?

Anyway, working cools off the mind. It’s helpful for your mental and spiritual health. You can also work in voluntary jobs to help people.
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Old 09-02-20, 17:19   #12
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Yes, I guessed I admit. Honestly, your OP is a bit vague. If you wanted to discuss your problems, you could have detailed it a little more. What is the reason you want to die? Do you just hate money?

Anyway, working cools off the mind. It’s helpful for your mental and spiritual health. You can also work in voluntary jobs to help people.
I'm just gonna smash this myth right now, but work does not correlate to happiness and over all better mental health. Work can actually contribute to struggling with maintaining control over ones mental health, especially given the fact that many jobs can cause unnecessary stress that can been harmful in the long term.

Work is not the be all end all, people don't end up the way they do just because they don't work. Work has nothing to do with it. If your having problems concentrating and focusing your thoughts on a task work is not going to do anything about that. Work isn't going to help when someone is having panic attacks or when they have restless nights of sleep because they mind is stuck on something awful like an event or an idea that the mind just cannot shake. Some people struggle to just find a reason to get out of bed or to continue going on when they feel their live lacks purpose or direction.

What some do find helpful at times are things like hobbies that they may enjoy from time to time, although I said sometimes because depression especially can be a real bitch. It can and does get in the way of even being able to do hobbies.

If work correlated with mental health and well being then even successful people in the film or music industry who work all the time wouldn't have problems trying to get by from day to day.

Mental health is something that has multiple components and usually are not linked to a singular cause or forum of pathology.

Especially in cases like depression there are usually several components at work. The physiological which is the bodies biologically and neurological processes, and then you have the psychological components which encase the psyche or the mind. Usually it's multiple of these things that make things like depression for example a real struggle for those who suffer through it.

Work or material things don't usually have impact on these components when it comes to addressing and treating mental health. Especially when the condition is being caused by physiological components.

Last edited by charmedangelin; 09-02-20 at 17:21.
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Old 09-02-20, 21:38   #13
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plz dont ever say that to me
u no nothing of the anguish it causes everyday. this type of forced living is wrong.
only Legends know why im still here today. but even then, its hard fathom going on after anohter surgery is needed.

ok thats kinda a rude reply, since all he was doing was trying to cheer you up!

and I repeat what he said: suicide is NOT the solution! things will eventually get better despite all the current suffering

take care!
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Old 09-02-20, 22:13   #14
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Well, working and helping people helped me overcome my problems. It made feel better at hard times. I’m sorry if it didn’t work out for you.

You don’t just work for money. No, it’d be torture if you think like that. You also work to distract your mind and be useful to yourself. It even gets better if you love what you’re doing, because it’ll feel like an hobby.

Not doing anything will only make it worse, believe me. It makes the person think things like “I’m not useful,” and etc., hence the suicidal thoughts.
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@SrDanielPonces I agree with you 100%
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Old 10-02-20, 04:12   #15
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how is being told my problems are temporary when they're not rude?

working is not the solution to all one's problems. may be for u, but everyone's different. i can volunteer everyday and still want to die.
i dont hate money, in fact the contrary. we need it to live. and when u have so many barriers and problem physically and mentally and have no money and no close to u no family to help u each day
maybe i am misberle i didnt choose to come into this world and fated development so many problems that make exisitng so agonizing.

im not a normal person and society ****s on ppl like me.
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Old 13-02-20, 01:40   #16
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I couldn't read the thread without replying...

Okay, so I know I don't know your situation and there isn't much I can do to help it without knowing. However, I myself am wading through some issues of my own. I'm not at 100%, but I am miles ahead of where I was

There are lots of things that helped me get to where I am today, and hopefully if I share some of them they might be able to bring you relief, too.

I have had CBT and talk therapy and there are many other therapies/medications out there, so I'll try and not lean on anything too clinical, as I'm not trained, only having benefitted from them.

Early on in my personal struggle I found relief in positive imagery, which is kind of a **** name for it, because when you're suffering it's pretty much impossible to "think positively". I guess it would be better off calling it, rephrasing negative thoughts.

- Just focus on getting through the day. You have a 100% track record of getting through each day in your life. There's no reason to stop now, no matter how tough it feels.
- No one in the whole world with any kind of ill mental health is beyond help. Every person can receive and benefit from treatment. I'm not being overly positive, this is empirically proven. Some people don't get any better, no. But that is only because they didn't seek help, or weren't open to the help when they are given it. It's really difficult to open yourself up to help from others, to learn to trust them, to feel secure enough to be truly honest about how you're feeling to medical professionals. I totally get that it's scary and that you might have some distrust. But I can promise you that they aren't out to exploit you. They study for years and years, they dedicate their life to helping others out of dark places, and many of them have suffered themselves at times and are able to understand how you're feeling, and they find it extremely rewarding to be able to help. You'd have to, in that industry, hearing people's most difficult and troubling stories. Sometimes it's going to seem like they're against you. They have to be firm and seemingly uncaring for you sometimes, because it's their job to push you to go on the journey of recovery. Sometimes we all need a bit of a push to get going on that road, and to stay on it.
- One thing that's very important, is to take ownership of your state of mind. What do you want from recovery? It's very important to decide this, and to tell anyone and everyone who is helping you get through your suffering.
- Don't rate each day on how you feel. Rate maybe each month, because mental health journeys are very up and down. I've had some really happy, normal, fulfilling days but I've also had some really low ones. It's important to remember for me though, that this month has been better than last month.
- Recovery isn't about an instant fix, or taking a magic pill to be better in a week. It is a journey. It feels scary and long at the start, but even a couple of months into it you start to feel like there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and one day you suddenly realise that you aren't struggling like you were before. If you have a really awful day, and you feel say, 9/10 on a scale of 1 being great and 10 being worst, your aim isn't to make that a 0 again by the time you go to bed. It's about finding things that could take that down to an 8/10 or maybe even a 7 if you're really feeling up to it. Doing this every day means that the next month you might feel at worst 7/10 on most days, but when you're feeling that, you know how to take it down a couple of notches. Over the course of a long time you're floating around the 3/4 at your worst days, like most people. And you're also much more able to swing that to a 1/2 than you were before. It's about perspective and there's nothing that will take you from a 9/10 to a 0/10, apart from the journey of acceptance and recovery.

Like I said I won't talk about clinical models/therapies as it's best coming from those who know you and your situation. But here's some things you can do with all mental suffering, that genuinely do help.

Sleep
They treat insomnia not anymore with pills, but with therapy, called CBT-I. It's simple scientifically proven techniques that with practice make everyone sleep better.
- Sleep is so important for mental health. It can be really hard to get to grips with it if you're really struggling with sleep, but there's some simple things you can do to make it easier. If you can't sleep, get up and go and read your favourite book on the sofa. Or do some ironing that needs doing. Or take a walk around the block. Go and find that thing you keep meaning to, or play a video game. As soon as you feel tired, head back to bed. If you don't sleep, do the same process.
- Remember that even if you're not sleeping, you're resting, and that's important too. Don't worry about how many hours, just hold on to the fact that you managed to have a good few hours rest and maybe a couple hours of sleep too.
- Write anything seriously bothering you quickly down for you to worry about in the morning.
- Don't worry about when you go to bed, just go when you're tired. Stay up late if you fancy it or crash really early if you are exhausted. However, you should get up at the same time every day. This resets your circadian rhythm to feel tired at more normal times.
- Watch the TV if you absolutely must, but seriously do not go on your phone at bedtime, and don't go on any screens. Avoid caffeine, sugar and heavy meals more than 5hrs before the time you usually start to feel tired. Not all of these things keep every person awake, and you don't have to ban them from your evenings, but you should try and start reducing them a little bit and see how it helps.
- Make sure you're not just mentally tired, but physically tired. Even a 10 minute walk during the day can build up this physical tiredness.
- Have the hottest shower you can stand late in the evening at some point. When you go into sleep phases, your body temperature lowers. So when you're super hot from a hot shower, and when your body naturally employs all its tactics to cool you down i.e. sweating a little, expanding your capillaries, it also releases sleep hormones because it thinks it's time your body should be in bed. If you do one thing on this sleep list, do this. It's not a magic fix, but it is THE most powerful thing out of all of them for me.

Outlook on Life
- Do things you used to do- pick up an old hobby, read a book you once read and liked, start researching/planning a practical DIY project or your next holiday, look at some photo albums *unless they're reminding you of difficult periods of your life, probably best leave them for now*, go on days out.
- Always have something to look forward to in your diary. I try to have at least two things because then there's never nothing. Even if you don't write it down or plan when it will happen, just have a general idea in your head about what exciting XYZ you will do in a month or two.
-Remove stressors. Once you start feeling a bit more human, you can then look at gently removing some of the stressors from your life. Try and make peace with them if there's nothing overtly toxic about them. Like if you were leaving a stressful job, then maybe write a letter to the people you liked to thank them for the things they taught you. Or if you decide to quit a sports club, make a shelf for all your trinkets from it, etc. Basically say thank you to it as it leaves your life.
- Express gratitude. Write down 10 things a day every day of things you are most grateful for. Try and relate it to your day. You won't believe how many things you actually are grateful for. It'll feel weird at first, but if you carry on you'll get the swing of it. Here's my most recent entry:
* I am grateful for Carol's support (this is my colleague)
* I am grateful for tomato juice
* I am grateful for Captain Cook's diaries (the book I'm currently reading)
* I am grateful for snow when it comes
* I am grateful for seagulls in the morning that sound like the Isle of Wight
* I am grateful for the peace of a really early morning at work
* I am grateful for Alicia Keys
* I am grateful for my full head of hair
* I am grateful for the love Princess showed me (my poor adopted rabbit that sadly passed away)
* I am grateful Matt has finished placement (my partner who is studying to be a nurse)
* I am grateful for being a passenger on a car journey (lol )
People who are more able to express gratitude are proven to be able to better cope with stress, anxiety, trauma and other situations. They have more friends and do better in life in general statistically. Some people are more capable by birth, but it is very possible to make yourself feel more grateful for things, but practicing it actively.

Some of the techniques above are quite airy fairy. They're gentle and non invasive techniques to manage your mood, but when you are really in a bad way, and need to manage symptoms, then there are still loads of thins you can do.
1. Action plan
Make an action plan. Mine is put the kettle on, roll a cigarette, make a cup of tea, go outside, phone in this order until someone answers: mum, sister, partner, aunt, friend, manager, 111 (non-emergency medical helpline). Since I made it, I hardly ever used it. But having it there helps so much knowing that it's there and it works. I have never really got to the suicidal stage thank God, but I have still saved numbers into my phone and wrote them on paper in my bedside table in case I lost my phone. Because it's really important to have the resource available if that feeling ever strikes suddenly.
2. Breathing exercises / applied muscle relaxation, I can't go into too much detail as it's so much available on youtube and google.
3. Grounding techniques. 5 4 3 2 1. 5 things I can see, 4 things I can hear, 3 things I can feel, 2 things I can touch, 1 thing I can taste. (Don't lick lampposts though. If you don't have any sweets or gum then imagine the taste of a meal you had last week).

I hope some of these things will give you some ideas of things you could try yourself.

I promise you that you will never ever EVER run out of things to try and help you feel better. Ever. I could write for hours and hours about all the things I have tried. Some of them didn't work at all, some of them helped a little, some of them I felt stupid doing, but some helped more than I ever thought. And I'm willing to bet there's a few more things out there that will help me that I don't know about yet.

There's no harm in keeping on trying.
If you try, eventually you'll hit the nail on the head, and as soon as that "aha" moment comes, it's like the keystone to recovery.

Keep strong, and if you ever feel like not one single person cares, then remember that I spent an hour digging up all my troubling experiences in order to try and help And so have plenty others on this thread.

EDIT: Without being too negative, I would very strongly disagree with the assertion that work's bad for your mental health. It can be bad, but you should leave/change jobs if it is. There's a lot of crap places to work but also a lot of great ones. When you find a good place to work, people will believe in you and give you opportunities you didn't even know you deserved or thought anyone would ever give you. It's also important because it gives structure in your life, even if it's volunteering or zero-hours, etc. It's important to have some purpose in your life. It doesn't mean if you end up working in ASDA for instance that your purpose in life is to stock shelves, but it means you are earning money you can put aside to achieve your goals, no matter how small, and those goals give you purpose.

Last edited by Niveus; 13-02-20 at 02:02.
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Old 13-02-20, 02:03   #17
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What sustains me is יהוה, the Heavenly Father. Him and His reign/kingdom, knowing He cares about me and is taking care of me, as His child, gives me purpose and joy... also peace.

The ultimate reason I can rest through and through and have peace today, in the here and now, is this: “In the day I am afraid, I trust in You. In Elohim, whose Word I praise, In Elohim I have trusted; I do not fear; What could flesh do to me?”
**Tehillim (Psalms)‬ *56:3-4‬ *TS2009‬‬
https://www.bible.com/316/psa.56.3-4.ts2009

“Cast your burden on יהוה, And let Him sustain you; He never allows the righteous to be shaken.”
**Tehillim (Psalms)‬ *55:22‬ *TS2009‬‬
https://www.bible.com/316/psa.55.22.ts2009


I pray you find Him too. He is worthy and He is good. He takes care of those who seek Him. Virtual hugs towards you.
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Old 13-02-20, 03:00   #18
New Dwight
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Originally Posted by Niveus View Post
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wheres the money in this? without it, its useless. u cant live and be happy without money. its not easy to find work in this country when ur an immigrant
now legend knows why i contemplate going into gay porn. the only way for me to good earn money.
edit: must missed that edited part. my purpose was ok before i fell hard. i dont why but i still havent canceled my trilogy project, probably coz its that and someone else keeping me alive.

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Originally Posted by NoahCrofRaider View Post
What sustains me is יהוה, the Heavenly Father. Him and His reign/kingdom, knowing He cares about me and is taking care of me, as His child, gives me purpose and joy... also peace.

The ultimate reason I can rest through and through and have peace today, in the here and now, is this: “In the day I am afraid, I trust in You. In Elohim, whose Word I praise, In Elohim I have trusted; I do not fear; What could flesh do to me?”
**Tehillim (Psalms)‬ *56:3-4‬ *TS2009‬‬
https://www.bible.com/316/psa.56.3-4.ts2009

“Cast your burden on יהוה, And let Him sustain you; He never allows the righteous to be shaken.”
**Tehillim (Psalms)‬ *55:22‬ *TS2009‬‬
https://www.bible.com/316/psa.55.22.ts2009


I pray you find Him too. He is worthy and He is good. He takes care of those who seek Him. Virtual hugs towards you.
im not religious.
thanks for hug

Last edited by New Dwight; 13-02-20 at 03:51.
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