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Old 20-07-19, 15:38   #1
Mani_Man
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Default General Relationship Advice/Story thread

Hello and sorry for the thread title and if we already have one and so on.

But i really need help, not personally but because of one of my best friends.
Im myself not good at relationships, how my girlfriend doesnt constantly hit me with something is beyond me...we make it work and are happy.
How that happens with me, i dont know...maybe she is crazy(dont tell her)

Anyway, point is that i need help.
My best friend asked me for advice, something he doesnt do...mostly because he has really low self esteem and thinks bothering anybody with anything important to him is a waste of time(what a idiot...he is my best friend, nothing he thinks is important is unworthy of my time...he is the best)

And its advice in the worst possible way...Relationship advice.

Here is the story:
He was looking through facebook to see what our old classmates have been up to.
And as it happens, he found the girl he liked over the course of our whole school life...and still does as it seems.
He wants to write her, see where this leads etc.

But here is the catch, he lives at home and doesnt make the big money...which means he isnt what you would consider in societys terms "successfull"
He isnt in the age people normally live with their parents, where you dont have much income.
He always just lived through live from day to day without real drive or motivation.
Until he found something that he considers his passion, something that has a goal he wants to reach.
Around 6-7 years ago with the full support of his parents he quit his normal job to fully follow that.
He hasnt made it big yet, he made a bit of money of it, but not enough to move out and all that.
He wants to but its not something he can force, it needs to come while he walks steady forward, learns and becomes better.

As you can see he is somewhat of a social stigmata, stereotype with not having a "real" job and living with his parents.
But its not really like that, not like in the movies or tv shows.
They have a good relationship, they help each other where they can and all...its a bit like having roomates you know.

But still there is this strange feeling we mostly in the west have adapted that you MUST NOT live with your parents, that you need to move out early...in japan or so its common to live and the take over the house of your parents...but i digress.

He is not some basement dweller or so, yeah he has a bit of problems talking to girls...but overall he is not one you would look at and consider someone who lives at home.

Anyway...he is really jittery about that, i have never seen him this nervous but at the same time excited and hopefull.
But me and my girlfriend dont know what advice to give him.
He is our friend and we want him to be happy, but like i said...society can be cruel and i dont want him to put himself out there, to push himself for the first time in such a direction...and then get crushed completely by it.

I really wanna help him and give him enough confidence, he looked so anxious and was ready to cry when he told me that there is this girl, he was stumbling through his words and all just because he looks for advice...he is such a kind and sweet guy...he deserves to be as happy as it is possible and i would do everything to make it happen.

So being completely unsure what to do i ask you guys and girls, should we tell him to not give a damn and just go for it(or something like that) and how important is "success" to you?
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Old 20-07-19, 15:56   #2
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Hey there! Iím a 26 year old male who had to move back in with his parents due to flooding back in the Winter/Spring, lost the house I was in, couldnít find another place to live so Iím here temporarily.

I understand that stigma all too well. It sucks bc a lot of the time I feel like a failure and am guilty about it but I just tell myself that Iím almost out and everything will be fine. I know where heís coming from.

Does your friend do all his own things? Thereís a sort of pride and freedom that I take in even though Iím still living at home at the moment. I do my own laundry, I clean my own dishes, I take care of myself. I buy my own food, I buy my own soap, I cook my own meals, I pay for my own bills and groceries. The only thing my parents help me out with now is just supply the roof over my head and the appliances to live, like a washer/dryer, fridge, shower, etc. I donít know about your friend but thatís something he could do if heís not doing it already to have a sort of independence feeling from his parents while also living under their roof for the time being! Even when I got my first job, I was like this bc I desperately needed some form of ďIím in control of my life and am separated from my parents.Ē

As for the girl thing, take the shot. Just make the leap. Send her a message or talk to her in person and just do it. The worst she can do is say now.
Itís not likely sheíll be a cruel woman and say something like ďoh no hahaha youíre a loser who sucks!Ē. That will most likely NEVER happen. The worst she can do is say no, and with that he can move on. Itís the worst when youíre hung up on someone and you canít ask them and therefore you waste a good amount of time WONDERING when that time could be spent searching for someone else thatís right for him. He should bite the bullet, ask her out, and hope for the best!
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Old 20-07-19, 16:22   #3
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Hey there! Iím a 26 year old male who had to move back in with his parents due to flooding back in the Winter/Spring, lost the house I was in, couldnít find another place to live so Iím here temporarily.
Thats sounds rough, im sorry...but good that you could find a place with your parents, that makes things a bit easier i think.

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Originally Posted by Quebsenuef View Post
I understand that stigma all too well. It sucks bc a lot of the time I feel like a failure and am guilty about it but I just tell myself that Iím almost out and everything will be fine. I know where heís coming from.
Yeah, personally i dont understand it because i dont think its bad to live with his family and so.
I think its nice to get along with his family and be close, but society sees it different...but im happy for everybody who can face this stigmata head on.

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Originally Posted by Quebsenuef View Post
Does your friend do all his own things? Thereís a sort of pride and freedom that I take in even though Iím still living at home at the moment. I do my own laundry, I clean my own dishes, I take care of myself. I buy my own food, I buy my own soap, I cook my own meals, I pay for my own bills and groceries. The only thing my parents help me out with now is just supply the roof over my head and the appliances to live, like a washer/dryer, fridge, shower, etc. I donít know about your friend but thatís something he could do if heís not doing it already to have a sort of independence feeling from his parents while also living under their roof for the time being! Even when I got my first job, I was like this bc I desperately needed some form of ďIím in control of my life and am separated from my parents.Ē
Except buying stuff, he does everything...he has no money except the bit he saved before quitting his job and his parents are awesome...they dont ask for a rent or so.
They saw the same thing we did, when he found his passion we saw for the first time that this great guy who always thought he isnt good enough for anything...reached for something.
That the guy who always gave up because he thought he wasnt worth it...had a dream.
His parents like many others couldnt fullfill their dreams, so they are great parents for fully supporting and trying to helping him reach his.
He does what he can in the house, makes laundry, cleans, cooks...he does that not just for him but for his parents too.
So he is somewhat independent but just not with the money.
He works in the house so to speak to "earn" it, but activly his parents dont want him to spend the saved money.

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As for the girl thing, take the shot. Just make the leap. Send her a message or talk to her in person and just do it. The worst she can do is say now.
Itís not likely sheíll be a cruel woman and say something like ďoh no hahaha youíre a loser who sucks!Ē. That will most likely NEVER happen. The worst she can do is say no, and with that he can move on. Itís the worst when youíre hung up on someone and you canít ask them and therefore you waste a good amount of time WONDERING when that time could be spent searching for someone else thatís right for him. He should bite the bullet, ask her out, and hope for the best!
Thats what he is so scared off, he always assumes the worst...maybe thats why we are such good friends because we both expect the world to end on the smallest things.

Its not easy to open yourself up like that, especially when you deal with low self esteem...its already hard to do so for people who are confident.
I will see if i can be a good example, i put myself out there...and that "live" and not over facebook or so...no i faced the girl face to face, stumbled myself like a fool through a conversation...and now im preparing to ask her to marry me after being with her so long.
So im the living proof that low self esteem can get you the girl and your dream...but its just that bit harder for him due to the living condition.
But i think you are right, he needs to take the risk.

Thank you very much, i just needed a outside view on this...really thank you thousand times.
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Old 20-07-19, 22:16   #4
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Thats sounds rough, im sorry...but good that you could find a place with your parents, that makes things a bit easier i think.



Yeah, personally i dont understand it because i dont think its bad to live with his family and so.
I think its nice to get along with his family and be close, but society sees it different...but im happy for everybody who can face this stigmata head on.



Except buying stuff, he does everything...he has no money except the bit he saved before quitting his job and his parents are awesome...they dont ask for a rent or so.
They saw the same thing we did, when he found his passion we saw for the first time that this great guy who always thought he isnt good enough for anything...reached for something.
That the guy who always gave up because he thought he wasnt worth it...had a dream.
His parents like many others couldnt fullfill their dreams, so they are great parents for fully supporting and trying to helping him reach his.
He does what he can in the house, makes laundry, cleans, cooks...he does that not just for him but for his parents too.
So he is somewhat independent but just not with the money.
He works in the house so to speak to "earn" it, but activly his parents dont want him to spend the saved money.



Thats what he is so scared off, he always assumes the worst...maybe thats why we are such good friends because we both expect the world to end on the smallest things.

Its not easy to open yourself up like that, especially when you deal with low self esteem...its already hard to do so for people who are confident.
I will see if i can be a good example, i put myself out there...and that "live" and not over facebook or so...no i faced the girl face to face, stumbled myself like a fool through a conversation...and now im preparing to ask her to marry me after being with her so long.
So im the living proof that low self esteem can get you the girl and your dream...but its just that bit harder for him due to the living condition.
But i think you are right, he needs to take the risk.

Thank you very much, i just needed a outside view on this...really thank you thousand times.
Most definitely! Iím glad my parents were nice enough to take me in and understand my situation.

Itís quite annoying the stigma thatís attached to living at home when youíre older as thereís many factors that can play into it other than ďlazy, no job, loser.Ē
Generally once you explain the situation many people are forgiving and understand the reasoning behind living at home.

Thatís still way better than as I said before, being lazy and not doing anything with life haha! As long as he has a dream and aspirations of leaving and still managing to get along with family but also take care of himself and the household thatís something that can really shine through if someone is looking at him as a potential partner. Theyíll know heís clean and cooks, takes care of laundry, isnít a slob or anything, etc.

Itís definitely not impossible to have a loving relationship with low self esteem.
Thereís tons of Reddit threads that start with ďmy boyfriend/girlfriend suffers from low self esteem and I want to improve it but donít know how!Ē and many people come to the rescue with good advice and whatnot.
He just needs to take the plunge and ask! Even if she says no, that sucks for the time being but at least he knows! Heíll get over it and next time heís afraid the next girl will say no heíll realize getting turned down isnít all that bad. It sucks, of course, but itís not the end of the world.
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Old 20-07-19, 23:09   #5
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I'm wondering, before he starts looking for a relationship, if there's anything else he could possibly do to make money on the side, while he builds up the career he wants to do?

I'm seeing a lot of stuff online (stuff I'm prepared to give a try myself) about building a passive income to make money. Some of it seems pretty viable and that could help him move quicker towards moving out and getting his own place.

I did move out before when I went to university, but I now live back at home with my Mom and brother (who is younger than me). I have my reasons for it, partly because my Dad died a few years ago and I just haven't dealt with it as well as I maybe should have. However if I am being 100% realistic (not fake-optimistic, not living in Faerie Land where there's constant flowers and rainbows) I know I'm not ready for a relationship and it's partly because I'm still living at home.

I just don't have the space for one and I want my own place before getting into anything serious with someone. That's the first reason, I can't imagine getting to that date 5-y kind of place, you know where it's time to bring them round to your place for a meal (and a bit more than a meal afterwards), with my Mom and brother in the next room to hear it. I just don't want that.

I'm also someone who, to a fault I'll be honest, has certain standards when it comes to dating. I have (not unrealistic, but still) ideas about what I would want in a life partner. However, I feel like if I want to date someone who is really "quality" by my standards, then I need to get my **** together and be that myself before I start pursuing that. I was briefly messaging a guy a while ago who was a similar age to me, really handsome and he was a lawyer, successful already in his 20s, and he also seemed to have similar interests to me as well (running and travel in particular). The conversation kind of dropped off amicably, but I still have him in my phone contacts. I could message him... but cmon... let's take the emotions out of it, that's not going anywhere once he finds out I'm not where I should be yet, so it's futile.

As horrible as it is, you do have to look at things realistically. We can go into how it's ****ed up and unfair that adults living at home are stigmatised, but the fact of the matter is we are however we feel about it.

Now I'm not saying by any means that we should just languish and accept our lot in life. I just think, if you're thinking about a relationship while still living at home, you're doing it backwards. I do think you should first think about moving out, by any necessary means, before you get onto that. So no, I would not encourage your friend to reach out to this girl, who (again, let's be real) likely won't be impressed at his situation. I'd start by encouraging/helping him to find other means of making an income, and going from there. If he really is nervous socially as well, there's help he can also get for that

I'm sorry if this isn't the popular opinion but it's how I feel and I'm not going to paint rainbows.
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Old 21-07-19, 10:56   #6
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I'm wondering, before he starts looking for a relationship, if there's anything else he could possibly do to make money on the side, while he builds up the career he wants to do?
He probably could, but he quit his job to be able to follow his passion, which might make easier if i tell you that he is drawning.
He is really good at drawing and thats where he wants to make a career out of it.
Its what makes him happy and it is something he really pushes forward to make happen.

He made a bit of money so far by doing stuff for a tattoo studio and for a few shops in the city, but most of the money he either puts aside or he uses it for equipment and stuff he needs to get better.

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I'm seeing a lot of stuff online (stuff I'm prepared to give a try myself) about building a passive income to make money. Some of it seems pretty viable and that could help him move quicker towards moving out and getting his own place.
Yeah there are a lot of ways you could make money, to get something aside...especially for him as an artist.
But a lot of it comes down to luck i think.
On paper it seems easy to make money, now more than ever before...but its always a 50/50 chance i think.

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Originally Posted by Yeauxleaux View Post

I did move out before when I went to university, but I now live back at home with my Mom and brother (who is younger than me). I have my reasons for it, partly because my Dad died a few years ago and I just haven't dealt with it as well as I maybe should have. However if I am being 100% realistic (not fake-optimistic, not living in Faerie Land where there's constant flowers and rainbows) I know I'm not ready for a relationship and it's partly because I'm still living at home.
I hope things work out for you.

The more i think about his situation and all, the less sure i am about anything.
Because i get that everybody wants to spread their wings, have their own life and all...but if people have a good relationship with their parents, have their own room to move and all...i dont see why living at home would be a problem.
But like i said, i get that people want to live on their own and not under the same roof as their parents forever.

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I just don't have the space for one and I want my own place before getting into anything serious with someone. That's the first reason, I can't imagine getting to that date 5-y kind of place, you know where it's time to bring them round to your place for a meal (and a bit more than a meal afterwards), with my Mom and brother in the next room to hear it. I just don't want that.
Yeah i totally understand that, it just feels a bit strange.
I could see it go like with my older brother, he was living at home until he met his now wife.
When they started dating, they mostly spent time at her place until they decided that he moves in.
So i could see this working, but my brother had a steady work and could pay for the additional stuff needed.
I see the biggest problem that my friend doesnt have a steady income yet, thats i think the one thing that bothers him the most.

I already thought about telling him to at least get a part time job to get a bit of steady money, but i cant because i was a bit in the same boat as him.
I was younger of course where it was fine and all, but still.
When i started as a writer, i did it a bit like him...focusing all my time on becoming better, learning the craft and writing day in and day out.
I understand that he fears to lose the passion again, that he isnt able to give 100% to that if he works half the day somewhere else.
I know because i did that, i got a job for half the day, came home and wrote...but that didnt work out.
I could feel how it took away from my passion, how i couldnt find the words and the voices...it almost destroyed my dream until my family backed me up.
So i cant give him the advice to get a part time job to save some money or so, as someone in the "same" boat i just have to tell him..."**** what everybody else says and work your ass off on your passion...give all your time and energy to it and you will succeed"

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I'm also someone who, to a fault I'll be honest, has certain standards when it comes to dating. I have (not unrealistic, but still) ideas about what I would want in a life partner. However, I feel like if I want to date someone who is really "quality" by my standards, then I need to get my **** together and be that myself before I start pursuing that. I was briefly messaging a guy a while ago who was a similar age to me, really handsome and he was a lawyer, successful already in his 20s, and he also seemed to have similar interests to me as well (running and travel in particular). The conversation kind of dropped off amicably, but I still have him in my phone contacts. I could message him... but cmon... let's take the emotions out of it, that's not going anywhere once he finds out I'm not where I should be yet, so it's futile.

As horrible as it is, you do have to look at things realistically. We can go into how it's ****ed up and unfair that adults living at home are stigmatised, but the fact of the matter is we are however we feel about it.
I get that yeah, and that is not something awful or so...i totally understand.
But maybe its because all around me there are situations that go a bit against those odds, against the standards that society wise are okay.

I mean my little brother is also not in a "normal" relationship.
The one who married the girl from albania?
He lives with my parents, but has a good job...he doesnt want to move out unless his wife is allowed to live and work in Germany.
For both of them its not a big deal that he lives at home, nobody seems to care about that at all.
He is in the process of looking for a apartment and stuff, but still.

So i want to think it doesnt really matter how or where someone is living, but really about the person itself.
If the person fits the other one.

Thats why im asking for advice, because im in such a weird position that tells me that i understand and support him completely, but i know that the world works a bit different too than in the situations around me.

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Now I'm not saying by any means that we should just languish and accept our lot in life. I just think, if you're thinking about a relationship while still living at home, you're doing it backwards. I do think you should first think about moving out, by any necessary means, before you get onto that. So no, I would not encourage your friend to reach out to this girl, who (again, let's be real) likely won't be impressed at his situation. I'd start by encouraging/helping him to find other means of making an income, and going from there. If he really is nervous socially as well, there's help he can also get for that

I'm sorry if this isn't the popular opinion but it's how I feel and I'm not going to paint rainbows.
I really understand your opinion on that and im thankfull that you are honest enough to tell me.
He thinks about moving out, he thinks about selling his art, study art and so on.
He thinks the whole time about the next step, going forward you know...which i find incredible admireable considering that i have never seen him like this ever before.
Like i said, he doesnt seem like a guy you would consider lives at home.
Just like everybody else he wakes up early in the moring, does his stuff, cleans etc then he goes to his room to draw for hours, research this or that, works on getting better.
He takes breaks, works out, gets fresh air...he does everything you would consider someone who is a valueable member of society does.
Its just that he lives at home and doesnt make a certain amount of money each month.

Im so frustrated because on one hand his situation is similar to mine many years ago and therefore i know that its a way that can give him what he wants in terms of a career...but i also get the problem his situation can bring if he looks for a relationship.
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Old 22-07-19, 01:08   #7
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There's a few things going on that I feel are both separate and tied to each other. He lives with his parents still, yet he maintains a fairly independent lifestyle. I assume he at least pays his way a little depending on what he can afford, contributing to bill paying or whatever? Honestly I don't see a problem with someone still living with their parents this day and age where living expenses are so high. My son lives with me simply because he's not in a position to support himself right now.

He's perusing his dream and trying to earn a living from it. This is admirable. He could get a full time job to earn more money and save in order to move out, but that has it's own risks, like ending up working a job he doesn't enjoy just in order to support himself and then falling in a trap of working to live and not following his dream. He's lucky to be in a position to have supportive parents who understand his need to do what he loves. Perhaps he could get a part time job to earn more money, until he starts to earn more with his art. It's good to have an ambition and success doesn't happen over night. It takes dedication and hard work, which again, is admirable qualities to have. Perhaps he could find a job that allows him to use his creativity, like design or similar?

It's such a shame that young people today feel so much pressure to succeed under some imagined time-frame and that they've somehow failed at life if they haven't figured it all out by a certain age. Even to the point where they're holding back on happiness for themselves in terms of career choices or even if they should pursue a relationship. So much pressure just to be 'correct' in their life choices or just don't bother or something else really silly (imo). Or that need to defend themselves if they dared to do something against the norm that society sets out.

Your friend has seen this girl he already likes on facebook and is naturally nervous about asking her out. From your description, he seems a tad socially awkward or whatever, but it seems that he has some great qualities too. He should try talking to her online first then after a while just go for asking to meet for coffee, something small, friendly and relaxed. He shouldn't feel ashamed by his situation. he meets her, they chat and go from there. It doesn't need to be a big deal (even if inside it feels like). It's a date he's hoping for not a marriage proposal. If she agrees to the friendly meeting, then that's a plus. If she learns about his living and working situation and uses that as to why she doesn't want to know, then the problem is hers, not his. He's living a life that suits him and trying to make his best life happen. Some people don't have the guts to do that and trudge along day to day just complaining. I don't understand the mindset of someone must be at the top of their game before even dating. Sure, a person shouldn't rely on their happiness through someone else, but a relationship can enhance your life. And no one should be made to feel somehow lesser than others for living the life that brings them joy, like pursing a dream job over financial security. Your friend has plenty of time for all of that. There shouldn't be any pressure to get that. And it certainly should not be a factor in whether he dates someone or not. She could say no, but then he'll know how she feels and move on.
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Old 22-07-19, 01:45   #8
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My husband was living with his parents and still in college when I met him, I'm 6 years older and was just getting established in my career at the time. Still dated him obviously as we are married now

Honestly my best advice for your friend is just add the girl on facebook and talk to her a bit, if they have good conversation he can ask her out. Try to be casual about it. Worst thing that can happen is her not being interested in him, and in that case he can move on.
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Old 22-07-19, 02:14   #9
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I really wanna help him and give him enough confidence, he looked so anxious and was ready to cry when he told me that there is this girl, he was stumbling through his words and all just because he looks for advice...he is such a kind and sweet guy...he deserves to be as happy as it is possible and i would do everything to make it happen.
Uh-oh. I smell the i-word.

Help this guy get with the girl, if he's your friend then really put your best foot forward. Or things could get bad, later on...
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Old 22-07-19, 12:22   #10
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There's a few things going on that I feel are both separate and tied to each other. He lives with his parents still, yet he maintains a fairly independent lifestyle. I assume he at least pays his way a little depending on what he can afford, contributing to bill paying or whatever? Honestly I don't see a problem with someone still living with their parents this day and age where living expenses are so high. My son lives with me simply because he's not in a position to support himself right now.
They dont want him to pay rent or so, its enough that he helps in the house, cooks, does the laundry, cleans...but they dont want that he pays for anything.
Here and there he buys the groceries or so, but he doesnt pay rent or so to them.
The money he put aside he mostly wants to use once he can make a stable living with his art, but he also puts something aside because later he wants to pay his parents back because he knows that he can be so grateful that they fully support him.

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Originally Posted by Rai View Post
He's perusing his dream and trying to earn a living from it. This is admirable. He could get a full time job to earn more money and save in order to move out, but that has it's own risks, like ending up working a job he doesn't enjoy just in order to support himself and then falling in a trap of working to live and not following his dream. He's lucky to be in a position to have supportive parents who understand his need to do what he loves. Perhaps he could get a part time job to earn more money, until he starts to earn more with his art. It's good to have an ambition and success doesn't happen over night. It takes dedication and hard work, which again, is admirable qualities to have. Perhaps he could find a job that allows him to use his creativity, like design or similar?
He looks to kill two birds with one stone yeah, trying to get a job where he can draw, where he can learn more about art and make money.
But its not easy if you havent studied it, and its not cheap or so to study in the first place.
The problem always comes down to the money, but he looks into various options...as a artist you do have more options to try.
The good thing is that he made tiny bits of money so far, which helps boost his confidence since it shows that the hard work pays off.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rai View Post

It's such a shame that young people today feel so much pressure to succeed under some imagined time-frame and that they've somehow failed at life if they haven't figured it all out by a certain age. Even to the point where they're holding back on happiness for themselves in terms of career choices or even if they should pursue a relationship. So much pressure just to be 'correct' in their life choices or just don't bother or something else really silly (imo). Or that need to defend themselves if they dared to do something against the norm that society sets out.
Yeah its sad that all our lives we are under pressure to do what society feels needs to be done.
You get nothing handed to you and need to work for, but putting that much pressure on people to the point where they do things that dont make them happy...its the wrong way.
I can not imagine my life if i would have given up on writing and instead would have just gotten a job to earn money and stuff.
I might have never met my girlfriend, might never had this much fun and a chance to met so many different people that help shape me with every day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rai View Post
Your friend has seen this girl he already likes on facebook and is naturally nervous about asking her out. From your description, he seems a tad socially awkward or whatever, but it seems that he has some great qualities too. He should try talking to her online first then after a while just go for asking to meet for coffee, something small, friendly and relaxed. He shouldn't feel ashamed by his situation. he meets her, they chat and go from there. It doesn't need to be a big deal (even if inside it feels like). It's a date he's hoping for not a marriage proposal. If she agrees to the friendly meeting, then that's a plus. If she learns about his living and working situation and uses that as to why she doesn't want to know, then the problem is hers, not his. He's living a life that suits him and trying to make his best life happen. Some people don't have the guts to do that and trudge along day to day just complaining. I don't understand the mindset of someone must be at the top of their game before even dating. Sure, a person shouldn't rely on their happiness through someone else, but a relationship can enhance your life. And no one should be made to feel somehow lesser than others for living the life that brings them joy, like pursing a dream job over financial security. Your friend has plenty of time for all of that. There shouldn't be any pressure to get that. And it certainly should not be a factor in whether he dates someone or not. She could say no, but then he'll know how she feels and move on.
He is a bit awkward yeah, but not in some creepy way or so.
Its mostly that he probably feels like every interaction someone has with him, is the worst for the other person...thats why he thinks too much about everything instead of just going with the flow.
But i know how he is when he doesnt put that pressure on him...and there he is one of the most likeable people i have ever met in my entire life.

He feels like he wasted too much of his time not really living, so he wants to change that now and live life to its fullest.
He wants to reconnect with old classmates, find new friends(but not forgetting the old ones hopefully XD), and he wants to find love while making a life he can be proud of...one he can look back and say that it was a good one.
He doesnt expect anything from the Girl, he hopes of course but he takes what he can...if that is nothing then he moves on.
I get that, he spent a long time in his life on "could be's" but now he wants to focus on "it is".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Melonie Tomb Raider View Post
My husband was living with his parents and still in college when I met him, I'm 6 years older and was just getting established in my career at the time. Still dated him obviously as we are married now

Honestly my best advice for your friend is just add the girl on facebook and talk to her a bit, if they have good conversation he can ask her out. Try to be casual about it. Worst thing that can happen is her not being interested in him, and in that case he can move on.
Yeah i think that is the best thing he could do i think.
The longer he hangs onto this uncertainty, the longer it takes to move on.

I want to thank you all very much, it really helped me be confident in telling him to go for it.
As his friend my first instinct is to say "yeah do it" but you dont want a friend to get hurt, so you get protective over them.
But its the best if he just take the leap, he did so before and it worked out so far.

My Girlfriend often said to me when i doubt myself: "Own who you are and the world either Bends to it or can go to hell(roughly translated XD)
He is who he is, and that is a good man...someone who deserves to be loved, someone who is the best friend one can have.

It puts my nerves on ease to see that my first instinct might be the one that helps him the best.
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