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Old 31-10-19, 12:19   #21
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Shadow of the Tomb Raider: Definitive Edition not so definitive. Fans to expect The Ultimate Definitive Edition exclusive to next gen consoles.

“I can’t dual wield pistols because my arm hurts, duh!” nags Reboot Lara against fan wishes.

The bitter truth: “I’m am not Classic Lara!” - Reboot Lara

Crystal Dynamics return to tank controls, blocky level design and polygonal Lara after fan requests. Why did it backlash?

Who’s grunting ‘hup’s and ‘hah’s all over the city? Is it the same woman who screamed “AAA-aaahh” last night while jumping off from the rooftops?

Paris citizens unsettled. Police helicopter chases a woman who teaches her imaginary friend to how to tuck her legs up.

Police unable to enter the Louvre because they don’t want to.

Resurrected Commander Rourke of Trinity and Lara Croft to marry after a sweet ordeal. “We’re a match made in heaven!” admits the two.

Reboot Lara not to marry after all. Classic Lara busts the wedding ceremony claiming “You stole my painting! Back at the Louvre...”

Sad for Reboot Lara, Kurtis Trent confesses his crime, proving Classic Lara’s wrong claims. The wedding continues.

Barkhang Monastery monks shook after seeing a woman.

Uzis or Mini SMGs? Magnums or Automatic Pistols? Debate to take place in worldwide seminar.
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Old 31-10-19, 23:01   #22
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Five facts about Janice the prostitute, number 4 will shock you

Debat : Chocolate bars do we need to throw them away or eating it ?

Scandal : Trinity/the Cabale/The Fiamma Nera all accuse the same person to threaten them with firearms.

Red on green/red on brown/red on white ? What kind of color does suit you more with blood on it ?

Trouble in the City : "This b... stole my face !" claim an angry woman to cosmetic buisness woman Sophia Legg.
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Old 01-11-19, 09:03   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomb Raidering View Post

“I can’t dual wield pistols because my arm hurts, duh!” nags Reboot Lara against fan wishes.

Crystal Dynamics return to tank controls, blocky level design and polygonal Lara after fan requests. Why did it backlash?

Paris citizens unsettled. Police helicopter chases a woman who teaches her imaginary friend to how to tuck her legs up.

Police unable to enter the Louvre because they don’t want to.
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Five facts about Janice the prostitute, number 4 will shock you

Red on green/red on brown/red on white ? What kind of color does suit you more with blood on it ?
All great, but these in particular killed me!
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Old 03-11-19, 21:38   #24
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Lara Croft to coach “How to get strong enough those not strong enough legs...”

Chocolate bar crisis! Paris government blames Lara Croft. Kids crying...

Parisian Ghetto folks stranded! “We can’t go anywhere because of the road works and the trucks blocking the way. I have a job to finish cherie!” complains Janice the faithful labourer...

Who left the disco on? Le Serpent Rouge owner Louis Bouchard declares electricity bill battle...

“What’s the secret of Lara’s magnetic grapple?” asks folks. “Magnets I guess?” mumbles Lara Croft thoughtfully...

Love triangle: Jonah Maiava jealous of Lara Croft-Commander Rourke couple?

Medipack™ Co. reveals ingredients of secret recipe finally!

Eight DLC mystery solved! No Croft Manor but a side mission reincarnating Commander Rourke as Lara’s butler. Lara needs love too, after all...
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Old 04-11-19, 01:20   #25
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Debat : Chocolate bars do we need to throw them away or eating it
Eat them! Especially when you find one on the ground in a filthy sewer.
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Old 04-11-19, 07:15   #26
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Good Samaritan: Unknown person leaving wads of cash around Paris for wrongly accused fugitives to acquire!

French apothecary training to become professional ventriloquist - "He's so good, he doesn't even open his mouth!"

Mysterious blonde who vanished from Andaman Sea discovered in Nepal with gunshot wound - Authorities baffled!

Croft, Doppelganger team up to outdo Olson twins!

Deleted Underworld scene showcases Lara singing "Papa, Can You Hear Me?"
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Old 04-11-19, 09:30   #27
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New patch for TRLE, enabling support for Windows 2050 Fall Edition

Patch containing bonus content and bug fixes finally released for Angel of Darkness! But, why is everything mostly the same?

The Classic Raider finally has her own tomb! Crystal Dynamics to send flowers to the funeral as condelences. Are they genuine?

“Why does everyone want the dual pistols to return?” questions Reboot Lara while making a comparison: “My dual climbing axes are more sightly and logical!”
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Old 05-11-19, 05:23   #28
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Classic Lara returns at age 51 in 2019! New game to have her seek out magical botox formula in abandoned Sophia Leigh factory. "She's a bit slower but still has it!"

New classic Lara game has her find pots of Activia instead of chocolate bars.

Classic Lara confronts ageism by killing everyone who shames her for still wearing torso-bearing tank top.
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Old 05-11-19, 11:12   #29
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British museum sues Lara Croft for damaging historically relevant relics! Croft Manor confiscated.

Shadow of the Tomb Raider to be downgraded for last gen consoles.

Camilla Luddington to voice Lara in Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Angel Of Darkness remake. Devs found her vocally faithful.

Modern weapons dropped for the next TR game! “The bow is enough...” said a CD rep.

Pajamas in Paititi! 3 reasons to upgrade to the not-so-Definitive Edition of Shadow of the Tomb Raider

Upgrading SOTTR to Definitive Edition not worth it after all. No Croft Manor, outfit restriction intact, new TR1 inspired pajamas...

Lara Croft invited to global warming and environmental concerns conference. How ironic!
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Old 12-11-19, 03:27   #30
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Classic Tomb Raider Remasters headed to XONE, PS4 and PC next year
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