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Old 18-09-07, 21:15   #1
RAID
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Default Funny Court Questions

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding me?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
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Last edited by RAID; 18-09-07 at 21:23.
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Old 18-09-07, 21:18   #2
Geck-o-Lizard
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Loved it.
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Old 18-09-07, 21:58   #3
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Loved the last one, oh the back-handed comment to the attorny. anyway great humour
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Old 18-09-07, 21:58   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RAID View Post

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

this was my fav part, though the whole text is hilarious
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Old 18-09-07, 22:03   #5
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Amazing
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Old 18-09-07, 22:04   #6
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No matter how many times I read these I always LMAO .
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Old 18-09-07, 22:05   #7
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Awesome
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Old 18-09-07, 22:07   #8
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Thanks for the laugh.
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Old 18-09-07, 23:31   #9
Rivendell
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RAID View Post
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?

-

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

-

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
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Old 18-09-07, 23:49   #10
Little-Lara
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That last one LMFAO
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